News Of The Weird From TV Guide

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on September 23rd, 2004

On page 15 of their Fall Preview edition Charo is quoted as saying

“Buddy Hackett taught me how to speak English. Well, really he just taught me dirty words.”

And on page 17, under the heading “Psychics Pick The Hits Of Fall,” comes this gem from “celebrity medium” Kenny Kingston on the new NBC series Joey:

Milton Berle [who died in 2002] tells me this will be short-lived depending on the guest stars they can get.

And on page 11, under “TV News,” Ray Romano explains (sort of) how he tinkered with the script of his recent guest-starring role on The Simpsons:

“I was originally a figment of (Homer’s) imagination, explains the funnyman, “but I said, no, no. Let’s make [my character] be real, because I want to come back and do it again.”

We’re puzzled on two things: First of all, it’s rather odd that someone would insist that his cartoon character be real. Secondly, we’re certain that any character, regardless of whether or not he’s “real” is perfectly capable of being a recurring character. Think Kazoo– that obnoxious little Fred Flintstone Mini-Me with the atrocious British accent. Scholars still debate whether Kazoo was an alien or merely a figment of Mr. Flintstone’s rather fertile imagination.

And, this bit of dangerous talk from Wanda Sykes, holding forth on how she got the idea for her new “partly scripted” reality series Wanda Does It after watching the tech guys on the set of her old series Wanda At Large:

“We’d be waiting hours for them just to light something. I was like, ‘What the hell is taking them so long? It’s just lights! I can do that!'”

Wanda, why, oh why, would you ever think of pissing off the tech guys like that?! They’ll be calling the show Wanda Does It… Silently… In The Dark… Wearing No Makeup!

And, if you can’t find anything to watch on the telly, try this offering from Pax Network, as described by the folks at TV Guide:

World Cup Comedy… From executive producer Kelsey Grammer comes this comedy competition that pits two teams of improvisational comics against each other as a behind-the-scenes crew tries to sabotage their bits with weird sound effects, shaky camera work and strange props.

To which we reply:

World Cup Extreme Makeover… From executive producers Brian McKim & Traci Skene comes this makeover competition that pits two teams of plastic surgeons against each other as a behind-the-scenes crew tries to sabotage their operations with weird sound effects, inadequate anethesia and dull scalpels.

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