On the drive up to Easton, PA, we speculated on the order. Who would close? Who would open? And where do you put Prof. Irwin Corey?! When guessing the order of a bill containing this many comedy legends, there’s a lot to consider. One thing is clear, however: a show presenting Bill Dana, Dick Gregory, Prof. Irwin Corey, Shelley Berman and Mort Sahl, and hosted by Dick Cavett, is noteworthy just for the sheer spectacle. The average age of the performers was 79! Sure, Corey is 91, but it’s still a remarkable assemblage of comedy experience and talent.

The drive took two hours– mainly because we crawled up along the Delaware to avoid Philadelphia metro traffic and because the deer are rutting– so we had plenty of time to speculate. (We nailed it. The above title to this post has them in order.)

The State Theatre was part of the Keith vaudeville circuit in the ’20s and ’30s. It was totally restored to its original grandeur in 1990. It is a spectacular old theater and the people who book it have placed a tremendous emphasis on comedy. In her welcome essay on the first page of the program, Executive Director Shelley Brown recounts how the first act they booked in the new era was Bill Cosby. And the ensuing pages trumpet upcoming ’04 and ’05 season shows headlined by Drew Carey, Larry The Cable Guy, Ron White, Tim Conway & Harvey Korman, Pat Hazell and Cosby (again!). It’s gratifying to see that this splendid venue, in a river town 40 miles north of Philadelphia, places a heavy emphasis on standup. And, from all appearances, it works. Friday’s show saw a 75 per cent sellout crowd of mostly baby boomers (the older end, probably folks who listened to these comics when they were children, teens or in college).

Host Dick Cavett strolled onstage to a warm and lengthy round of applause. He was just as witty, just as calm, just as entertaining as he has always been, no matter what the situation. (He was even a bit edgy– “I’ll bitchslap you all the way to the curb!” was how he threatened an excited female audience member. Twice!) When he brought on Dana, he acted as his straight man, feeding lines to– who else?– Jose Jimenez, the politically incorrect but nonetheless well-loved character that earned Dana a career that is in its fifth decade. Cavett departed and Dana finished up by telling about a dozen “street jokes.” Although, considering that Dana’s been around for so long, we can’t say for sure that they weren’t originally authored by Dana himself. (Dana factoid, from the program: He wrote the script for the Emmy-winnning All In The Family episode “Sammy Davis Visits Archie Bunker.”)

Next up was Dick Gregory. When you see legendary (and, let’s face it, old) comedians, the tendency is to hover above the whole spectacle and try to assess in terms of how it might fly in a contemporary comedy club– Is the material fresh? Is the delivery sharp? Is the crowd cutting him a break? These questions evaporate within seconds when watching Gregory. And the same held true for all the evening’s acts. They may well have been awarded a few points before they even opened their mouths– legendary status will do that. But none of them needed any kind of cushion. They were all tremendous. It should be noted that, even though these five are “legendary,” it shouldn’t obscure the fact that, at least in the case of Sahl, Gregory and Berman, they all still gig on a regular basis.

Most startling was Corey. When you watch him, you can’t shake the fact that he’s 91 years old! So, practically everything he does will inspire a curious mixture of awe, admiration, etc. But he came out and did his act in almost exactly the same way he did it in 1967! Dressed in the black high-top Chuck Taylors, with the rumple tails, Corey’s timing was dead-on. His mixture of the physical humor, the double talk, the setup/punchline jokes, the political humor, added up to what was arguably the best set of the night, audience response-wise. (Which is not to say that the others didn’t kill. They all killed. And each comic did at least one thing better than did any of the others. But Corey had the best time out there, if you consider laughs per minute and sustained laughs.) And he was the first one to say “fuck.”

What can you say about Shelley Berman that hasn’t already been said? He’s amazingly consistent, a technician. We’ve seen him perform four times now, in a variety of situations. (His one-man show at the Chicago Festival, in a sweatshirt and jeans at a Yarmy’s Army gathering in the room upstairs at Jerry’s Deli in Westwood, in a function room at the Las Vegas Festival last year and in Easton.) He’s the most theatrical of the group. His sets, no matter how short, are like miniature one-man shows.

We don’t think it goes too far to say that Mort Sahl is what any political comic should strive to be. It’s a well-known fact that Sahl’s political sympathies lie somewhat to the left of center, but here in Easton, addressing what was clearly a conservative crowd, he got big laughs regardless of which side he was hammering. His demeanor was bemused, not bitter. Sahl proved that there is such a thing as a nuanced cheap shot. Clutching his trademark newspaper (ostensibly, in this case, the New York Times), he joked about the recent campaign and only three-day old election results, but also managed to touch on the ongoing Disney/Eisner/Ovitz lawsuit– “Ovitz called Eisner a fascist in a Delaware courtroom. He may be a fascist, but he least he got the Monorail to run on time.”

After a brief intermission, the legends were assembled onstage in a semi-circle for an all-too-brief session that was supposed to be a Q & A, but there were no Q’s! There was, however, 25 minutes of smart, witty, back-and-forth (B & F?) among six of the greatest comic geniuses of our time. We’ll take it. At one point, the conversation turned to the proper use of the word “fuck!” We have a suggestion for the show’s producers: Solicit questions from the audience, in the lobby, before the show (or during intermission)– or totally fabricate some questions!– so that the Q & A appears to be a bit more interactive. We were told that this was the first such show on the tour, so maybe they’ll tweak it as they go. Look for a Vanity Fair piece on the tour– publicists with the State Theatre told us that VF was there on Friday night to shoot these gentlemen. Apparently there has never been such an aggregation of comic genius in history. We don’t dispute that for one minute. And, in case you’re wondering, Dana is 80, Berman is 78, Gregory is 73, Sahl is 77. Add Corey’s 91 and divide by five and you have an average just a hair under 80. It’s a comfort to know that, three decades from now, we might all be doing smart, fresh and snappy comedy before a wildly appreciative crowd of theater-goers.

We want to thank the folks at the State for playing ball with us. (And, we note that, prior to the show’s start, a SHECKYmagazine reader, no doubt one of perhaps dozens motivated to attend by the glowing words on the pages of this very magazine, buttonholed SHECKYmagazine Editor Brian McKim in the lobby to heap praise on our humble publication and express his excitement at the upcoming show!)