Restrictions on cable? Maybe in Alaska

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on March 2nd, 2005

Of course, this will never even get anywhere near a vote:

WASHINGTON (Reuters)– Senate Commerce Committee Chairman Ted Stevens said on Tuesday he would push for applying broadcast decency standards to cable television and subscription satellite TV and radio.

“Cable is a much greater violator in the indecency area,” the Alaska Republican told the National Association of Broadcasters, which represents most local television and radio affiliates. “I think we have the same power to deal with cable as over-the-air” broadcasters.

“There has to be some standard of decency,” he said. But he also cautioned that “No one wants censorship.”

We’re not familiar with Stevens. But we’ve always been of the opinion that cable and other pay broadcast services should, by their very nature, be unfettered. And, trust us, they’ll remain so. No word on whether Stevens wants to restrict satellite transmissions.

If this ridiculous notion had any chance of becoming some sort of law, we’d be worried. As it is, we’re calm. (Exactly what does Ted Stevens think this is going to do for his career? The folks back in Alaska are going to be very peeved.) Here’s what would happen if Stevens waved a magic wand and made HBO and XM and Sirius subject to FCC regs: Everything would go backwards– and slide back to a time before Eisenhower. And no one in this hemisphere would stand still for that. Hell, the FCC wouldn’t even want that hornet’s nest!

What does any of this have to do with standup comedy? You’re here and you ask that question?

Rest assured, it ain’t happening. Go back to your homes. Nothing to see here.