Pictured above is Seymour. He’s the official mascot of one of the dozens of retail chains hooked up with the petroleum companies. (Seymour Benefits is his name…get it? See…more…benefits? Something like that.) Anyway, he speaks to you via a speaker mounted to the gas pump, exhorting you to sign up– if you already haven’t! The message starts abruptly with a scratchy, but LOUD, recording of Sly and the Family Stone’s “Hot Fun In The Summertime” and goes on to tell us how this chain is “helping the community” by “not selling any pornography or rolling papers!” (That’ll wake you up!)

We wonder how much Seymour the Fish is helping the community by forcing the members of the community to drive around seeking stores that will eventually sell them pornography and rolling papers. Sounds like a vast right rightfin conspiracy to us!

We did a private show in Shreveport. Right off the downtown. At a club (a private club, not a comedy club) called, appropriately enough, The Shreveport Club. Shreveport was built on cotton, but switched to a diet rich in oil and gas. Its streets, in 2005, on Saturday nights at least, are now jammed with casino patrons. A handful of casinos (built in just the last few years since gambling was legalized in Louisiana) lines the Red River.

We finished our show early and we found our way over to the Funny Bone, opened within the last year or so, adjacent to the Hollywood Casino and nestled, with an entire “entertainment district,” amid the behemoth concrete pillars that support the elevated highway that snakes through downtown Shreveport along the Red River.

The bushy-tailed personnel at the ticket booth had enough sense to buy our story about how we were comics and we run a magazine about standup and blah, blah, blah (we forgot to bring business cards), and, within seconds we were in the holding tank of the Bone. Seconds after that, Gary Bell, the weekend’s feature, burst through the double doors of the showroom and, using his Comedy Radar, immediately knew that we were the comedians. We were joined eventually by Cedric (alias “Cedman”), in town to do a guest spot or two.

Bell (on Traci’s left) is out of Beaumont TX. Cedric, the one dwarfing Traci on her right (She was wearing 5-in. heels!), is out of Dallas, TX, and goes by the name of “Cedman.” We shot the comic breeze, while waiting for headliner Kelly Moran to return (he never did).

The room is gorgeous. Holds 250 or so. By the time we departed there was a healthy crowd of about 180 in there. Not bad for a second show Saturday.

We hadda make it an early night, as we had plans to rise early, hit the road and make it to Albuquerque by nightfall on Sunday. (Our ultimate goal being Vegas– Traci’s doing the Sahara on Monday night.)

We actually held to our plan pretty well, setting out toward the Big D at about half past eight. We made it as far as Canton, TX, a small speed bump 50 miles east of The Big D, before we came face-to-face with the state of the art in standup comedy merchandising: The Larry The Cable Guy Freestanding Officially Licensed Product Kiosk at the Kicks66 store, just off I-20. Kicks66 is another of the aforementioned petroleum-linked retail outlets.

There, just to the left of the cash register, to the right of the trucker maps and used-car pennysaver mags, was the most glorious display of geegaws and knickknacks devoted to the glorification of Larry the Cable Guy– shot glasses, bumper stickers, T-shirts, even (gasp!) belly button jewelry!

It was enough to bring a tear to the eye.

And, later on, when we finally reached Albuquerque, we saw yet another of the kiosks, hundreds of miles west, in a convenience store down the road from our Days Inn. Do the math, people: Larry The Cable Guy is spinning off millions in many directions! He is a cultural phenomenon!

Helpful suggestioin to Larry The Cable Guy: Help the community by offering Official Larry The Cable Guy Rolling Papers and Pornography! Sure there’d be a bit of negotiation and palm-greasing, but it could be done!

We’re up and running on broadband at the Days Inn here in Albuquerque! We’re west of town– Be forewarned: The Alb’s highways are chewed up with construction! The city fathers (and probably the Feds) decided to tear up all of this town’s roads at once! We figured if we were going to get out of here in time tomorrow, we’d do well to settle down on the west side of town.

No trouble on the cyber highway, though. This Days Inn promises wireless broadband and they deliver. It’s been hit or miss on this trip. Night numbe one, in Staunton, VA, we didn’t even bother to hook up. Night two, in Cookeville, TN, we connected, via our Cat5E cable to a lightning port in the wall of our EconoLodge. Night three, we had a slick, trouble free connection via the wireless in our Hampton Inn room (always trouble free!) and a frustrating experience at the Microtel in Bossier City yesterday– Our Belkin 80211b card was blinking and connecting and cathing packets, but, for some odd reason, we were unable to surf or get our email! (The front desk did direct us across the parking lot to their “sister hotel” where we were able to take care of some business, however.)

Stay tuned. We plan on pulling into the Sahara tomorrow at four or so.
Always a pleasure to be in VEGAS, BABY!