“How are you doing?” We were asked Wednesday night. After a moment of reflection, we replied, “Placid.” That’s right. This year, we’re placid, the root of which is Latin placidus, from placEre to please. We are, in the dictionary’s first sense of the word, “serenely free of interruption or disturbance.”

Kerri Louise Cotter gamely attempts to dine while Tom Cotter wrangles the twin Cotter tots. All while being filmed by a camera crew in the restaurant at the Delta.

“Yeah…a monster…with no lines and a sweater vest.”

What do the following people/entities have in common?

Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, Killer Beaz, Andy Kindler, Larry David, Still Standing, Mark Addy, Jamie Gertz, Jay Leno, Ed Hall, Jamie Masada, George W. Bush, The Laugh Factory, George Lopez, Pauly Shore, Don Rickles, Kathy Griffin, John Leguizamo, Law & Order S.V.U., Carlos Mencia, The Mind of Mencia w/Carlos Mencia, American Idol, The William Morris Agency, ringtones, Zeppo Marx, Tom Cruise, Fox Television, Committed, Mork & Mindy (the telemovie), Robin Williams, Robert Blake, Jimmy Fallon, Entourage, Jeremy Piven, Rock Star INXS, According to Jim, Jim Belushi, Fat Actress, Jeff Zucker, Tina Fey, Adam Sandler, the Wayans Brothers, Rosie O’Donnell

Time’s up. They were all used or abused by Andy Kindler in his tenth State of the Industry address.

Emery Emery (who edited The Aristocrats) and Tommy James (former Big Mover) at the S.O.T.I.A.

A packed Delta ballroom buzzed with anticipation as comic Eddie Pepitone took the podium and, in character as the head of “ASSHACK” (an acronym for an association of all the show business people harmed in one way or another by Andy Kindler), he delivered a fiery (and side-splitting) “speech” denouncing Kindler and his smug show business pronouncements. (Of course, the speech was written by Kindler himself!) It was an appropriate kickoff for this, the Tin Anniversary of the S.O.T.I.A. (That’s not a typo. You’re supposed to give gifts made of tin.)

This was a different SOTIA, not just because of the care with which the intro was crafted, but because on the other end, it was capped off with a film clip. (It is worth noting that there were no adjectives preceding the words “film clip.” It is a tribute to Kindler that we are running out of ways to say “wildly funny.”) It was eight minutes long and it amply demonstrated Kindler’s understanding of the business of television and his deep sorrow that the medium has failed miserably to live up not only to his standards but to even the barest minimum of standards. It was a demo reel for Kindler that might finally answer the question, “What can we do with Andy Kindler?” (The short answer should be, “Anything he wants!”) In a perfect world, it would bring to a screeching halt every reality show currently in production. In this imperfect world, it evokes tears of laughter.

Priceless moments: Kindler actually watching paint dry. (Ya hadda be there.) A beautiful, (and lengthy! And gloriously tedious!) documentation of Kindler tying first one shoe… and then the other.

Joe Starr’s wife Francine, Joe Starr and Joe Starr’s friend Ed Byrne. (It’s all about Joe Starr… go ahead, ask him, he’ll tell ya.)

In a “breakdown” conversation about the film clip afterward, with Kindler and Eddie Brill (after the Hollywood Reporter party was chased indoors by rain), Kindler lamented a “laugh line that didn’t get a laugh,” to which, Brill replied, “Andy, if it didn’t get a laugh… it’s not a laugh line.” (Delivered, of course, with Brill’s grin. It’s in the running for line of the Fest.)

We understand the HR party gained strength and vigor after it was moved. We, however, were stricken by an intense desire to get horizontal. (Editors note: It has come to our attention that the phrase “get horizontal” may be interpreted as a euphemism for sexual intercourse. Ew. How creepy! Sorry. All we did was take a nap!) We trekked back, in the rain, to our accomodations and rested up. Friday night, we would be heading to the Imperial Theater to see “The Aristocrats,” the Paul Provenza-directed and Penn Jillette-produced documentary about the filthiest joke ever.

Melane Hotz, Jeremy Hotz, Marcus Hotz (Mother, Son, Father) at the Studio du Musee Juste Pour Rire for the Montreal at Midnight soiree. Note: Several of the above e’s require at small grave above them, as does the e in grave. The one above Melane, the second one in Musee and possibly the second one in soiree. HTML’s a bitch.

As the lights went down at the packed Imperial, and the film began, we felt mildly bad about ourselves for having been in the comedy business for 20+ years and having never heard the joke that formed the nucleus of the film we were about to see. In the Q & A afterward, we were greatly relieved to hear Jake Johannsen and Doug Stanhope admit that they, too, were ignorant of the gag. They sat on high studio chairs on the giant Imperial stage, post-screening, along with Jillette, Provenza, Judy Gold, Jeffery Ross and Greg Rogell, and fielded questions from the crowd.

The Ft. Worth Star-Telegram called it “a pointed and raucous celebration of free spech in America.” They miss the point entirely. The point is made at least twice in the movie that the joke is rarely told in public. Speech isn’t so much the star here as language. A not so subtle distinction. Language and style and the mechanics of a simple joke. And how comics amuse themselves. How indeed!

We haven’t enjoyed watching a movie that is so totally about enjoying being a standup comic since we saw a screening of “Let Me In I Hear Laughter, ” the documentary about the history of the Friars Club. Like “Let Me In…” Aristocrats features a who’s who of standup comics who are beside themselves with joy over the fact that they are comics. Discussing and analyzing, in the minutest detail, a facet of their craft makes them… ecstatic. Why is that? Because, really, no one ever really asks. On the rare occsions when someone does ask, it’s usually someone who expects (and consequently gets) a routine answer. Not so with this flick. All who participated (and there were many!) had that twinkle in their eye. In fact, the closing credits featured nothing but each interviewee cackling wildly!

The movie should put to rest the insidious myth that comics sit around and top each other because they’re insecure, competitive and bitter. They do it because, quite often, they can. And it’s a blast! The Aristocrats is not unlike the Home Run Contest at the annual MLB All-Star Game. We all know what a home run looks like. And all the players know what it feels like to hit one. But the hitters take great joy and pride in participating. And the fans can’t get enough of it.

Is it filthy? Well… sure! But that’s not the point, either.

Here’s a conversation that has taken place many times, between two comics:

Hey, I saw Otto & George for the first time last week.

What did you think?

They were FILTHY! It was hilarious! It was really FILHTY!

Here’s a conversation you’ll never hear:

Hey, I saw Otto & George for the first time last week.

What did you think?

Well, I personally was not offended, but it was filthy!

The idea of being offended doesn’t even enter into it. We are over the offensive/not offensive thing. We are unshockable. But we love the attempt.

Trying to figure out what might make a comic laugh is somewhat analogous to figuring out what arouses a porn star on his or her day off. To an average person, that might be very shocking. To the porn star? Not so much.

Stay tuned. We gotta break up today’s update into two hunks. We are off to the Artist vs. Industry Basketball game.

Simon Rakoff and Mike McDonald (the symbol for which is Fe, if we remember our Periodic Table of Comedy Elements correctly)

Take me to SATURDAY’s Update!