It’s Sunday evening, 9:38 PM, we’re heading south on I-87. We’re still two hours from home. How did that happen? We left at 1 PM! Well, there was that two-hour delay crossing the border… And a stop at the duty free for a couple of bottles of Sapphire Bombay Gin and a twelvepack of Belle Gueule.

John Caponera (Wise Guys) conversing with Andy Kindler at the Delta Saturday evening

The stackup at the border crossing was from two to four. The Male Half of the Staff figured on walking the half-mile or so from the all too stationary car to the duty free to get the ball rolling on the liquor and tax rebate process (That’s right kids: save the receipts from your hotel room and they give you back your GST!), but was met at the edge of the parking lot by a polite but firm border guard who said the little scheme was prohibited by arcane border regulations! Damn! At least he had a pleasant walk in the Canadian sun.

On the way back I saw Tony Camacho crawl by at about 2 kilometers per hour (in his car, we hasten to add). Tony waved. A little farther up the road I chatted briefly with Dave Rath, also stuck in traffic, and gave him a brief update on the congestion ahead. Two hours later I spotted Camacho again, this time in the parking lot of a Thruway rest area. I spoke to Tony more on I-87 than I did during the previous four days of the Fest!

The bad thing about being stuck in a car this long, after being exhausted from four days of Festication, aside from the risk of fiery crashes of course is that we get… punchy! In addition to composting the conversations and incidents of the past 96 hours, we intermittently amuse ourselves by coming up with ridiculous ideas. And we came up with an innovative new day program for next year’s JFL: Just For Stripping! It keeps all the successful exec types from leaving the Delta in pursuit of all their lapdance needs and (Double Bonus!) HBO could use it as a casting session for three-quarters of their programming! (Is it just us, or does HBO feature an inordinate number of shows featuring strippers and ho’s?!?) Of course, the winning stripper will receive the coveted Hairy Palm d’Whore!

When last we uploaded, we were headed to the Artist vs. Industry Basketball game. This year’s scrimmage was well-attended but past shirt provider (and
sponsor) Roots had been replaced by American Apparel, who provided the industry with retro-style (70’s vintage) kelly green shirts with white trim. Hmmm… Somewhat Village People-ish, a little nerdish. While we appreciate a free T, this one is destined to become a shoe polish rag in record time! The game? Oh! The game!

Well, once again, some not-so-wiseguy signed the signup sheet in the Delta Lobby as “Mike Hunt.” Ah, yes– That gag never gets old.

This year, however, more folks signed up on the Industry side! And– get this– unlike in years past, many of them were well under the age of dead! They had springy flesh and clear eyes! (Much like the fish at your finer seafood outlets!) And they could hoop! And they were aggressive! Which was one reason that the Male Half of the Staff played only for a brief time. “Hey… I think we’re in danger of winning… which is why I’m
limiting my minutes!” is how he put it to the alpha male on the team who doubled as coach and spiritual leader.

The ratio of aggressive play to health insurance was far too high! People from both sides were hitting the hardwood– and rolling! I mosied on down to the opposing teams shootaround and made my traditional pre-game announcement: All right, people: I’ve got no health insurance, so no elbows! And then, speaking directly to Alonzo Bodden: It’s only a rebound! To which Bodden responded, under his breath, “Yeah… but we need those rebounds.” Hmmm… ominous. Not a good sign.

I got my stat (an assist on a basket by straight.com’s Guy McPherson) and
took a permanent seat on the sidelines. That stat, btw, was a perfect pass– off my knee. Hey, a stat’s a stat.

Standouts? That John Caponera can hoop! Cleveland native (and L.A. resident) David Arnold lit up the Industry for several points in the second half of the game. (He was shut down for several minutes early on by the Male Half of the Staff’s superb defense. “Actually, I got lucky… and I used psychological warfare– I dubbed him “Hot Air Jordan” so distracting him that he was taken off his game.”)

The aforementioned McPherson racked up impressive numbers for the Industry in their losing effort. We didn’t catch the final score, but we understand the Artists triumphed by a measly three points. Last year’s gap was four points, so that means that Industry should eventually triumph in the year 2009.

Enss Mitchell (Comedy Union, L.A.), David Arnold, Ben Bailey at the Delta

After the ballgame, there was a super-secret party, hosted somewhere by Comedy Network. And it seems that the only people who knew about it were Canadian! Hey, what gives? We desperately tried to start an international incident, but to no avail. We briefly considered crashing it, but we hit the Delta bar and lost all incentive, stopping to quaff a Rickard’s Red or two with the likes of Joe Starr (and wife Francine), George Sarris (N.Y.U.C.F impresario) and Ed Byrne. Stopping by briefly were Gary Gulman, Jeremy Hotz and Marc Ryan. Who needs a super secret party?

There was a not-so-secret party the night before at the cavernous upstairs
space at the JFL HQ on St. Laurent. Dubbed “Montreal @ Midnight,”
there was a live band and plenty of Labatt’s in the house… and on the house. Fortunately, for those of us who enjoy the company of others– and the art of conversation– there was a somewhat quieter wing off to the side, where shouting wasn’t necessary. All the while, a small army of attractive, young Montrealers stopped by on regular intervals offering us bruschetta, egg rolls and General Tso’s chicken! All of it well prepared and beautifully presented! That’s a party!

Jeffery Ross stopped by, thanking us for saying such nice things about his
movie. We thanked him for making it. 24 hours later Ross would learn that his film was the recipient of the Comedia Award, a sort of a Palme d’Or handed to that film ajudged to stand out among the rest. The award, we were
told this morning was to be officially presented earlier this evening at a ceremony at 7:30. We suspect (and certainly hope) that this honor will pave the way for Ross to obtain assistance in distributing his movie and reaching a wider audience. Note: This award is not to be confused with the aforementioned Hairy Palm d’Or.

Sharilyn Johnson (Winnipeg journo) and Rick Bronson

This year, the Masters featured Kitty Flanagan, Jeff Caldwell, Robert Hawkins, Ben Bailey, David Arnold, Michael Loftus, Keith Robinson and Jake Johannsen doing two shows Friday night at Kola Note.

SHECKYmagazine.com is keepin’ it reel, yo!

That’s not a typo. It’s what we privately dubbed our strategy here at this year’s fest. We decided to eschew live comedy performances (not that there’s anything wrong with that!) in favor of sampling some of the healthy crop of fine standup comedy related (or standup comic-produced) movies and short films.

For the past three or four years, when we’ve applied for our JFL press creds, we’ve been asked to fill out a request form that names our top three choices for events that we’d like to get tickets to. Trouble is the application process (and the ticket request process) takes place weeks before the festival, in May! By the time the actual fest rolls around, and we find ourselves actually at the Delta perusing all the handouts and press materials, placards, cards and posters, we’ve totally forgotten what we’ve “put in for” and, to be quite honest, in some cases, we’ve lost all incentive (for reasons many and varied) to attend some event or another which, weeks earlier, seemed like a good idea! Make no mistake, the fine folks at JFL have been more than accomodating; and we’ve gotten a surprising number of the tix we’ve requested– and therein lies part of the problem! This year, for instance, we used not one of the tickets that JFL graciously supplied to us. And we felt bad about that. In years past, the system was looser– Folks would amble by the press office, inquire as to the possibility of getting into this event or that, and fest officials would make a decision based on some sort of yield management voodoo. Apparently, that system was inferior and the new one was instituted. Compounding the problem is the fact that the new system (to a greater extent than the old one) depends in part on a phone call… and we are incommunicado the entire time we’re in Montreal! (The Royal Vic doesn’t have phones and our cell phone doesn’t work in Canada!)

So, next year, we’ve decided not to put in for any tickets in advance and take our chances. We’ll use any connections we might have, scramble to get on guest lists, use our charm, our juice (such as it may be) and craft our attendance and coverage on the fly. BTW: We’d like to thank Emery Emery, Robert Hawkes and the fine folks at ThinkFilm for getting us tickets to The Aristocrats!

And we’d like to express our regret at never getting on over to the Eat My Twisted Shorts program on Friday afternoon. We had every intention of seeing Texan Tom Hester‘s “Fistful of Pills,” which was on the bill with a host of other shorts. The pre- and post-screening talk on the movie was positive. (Perhaps we’ll bug Hester to send us a DVD!)

Keith Robinson (left) and SHECKYmagazine editor Brian McKim started out in the Philly comedy scene

We caught “The Comedians of Comedy” movie Saturday night at the
Monument Nationale. It was a filmed account of a mini-tour by a group of alternative comics of “unconventional venues.” The tour (and, we assume, the film) was arranged in part by comic Patton Oswalt and featured Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford and Zach Galafiniakis. Spooky or what: The movie starts out with Oswalt describing an incident that occured at the Comedy Factory Outlet in Baltimore which was owned at the time of the incident by Clay Heery, who was, at one time, the Female Half of the Staff’s brother-in-law! (Cue Paul Harvey: “Now you know… the rest of the story!”)

The movie was, to use a favorite alternative comic phrase, “soul crushing.” It is ironic that a movie about comics could be so downbeat. Nearly everything that seemed to motivate Oswalt was negative– Comedy clubs suck; comedy club audiences suck; his target audience (18-24 year olds) don’t make any money; everything sucks, sucks, sucks. Four funny comics, to be sure. But the frame, the underlying themes, the entire raison d’etre of this celluloid exercise was to combat the mediocrity that Oswalt sees in every nook and cranny of the planet… except perhaps when he looks in the mirror. How utterly un-SHECKYlike. To quote our new favorite TV executive and spiritual guru, the Eeyore-esque Moses Znaimer: “Such talented people; such ho-hum ideas.” On the positive side, we applaud anyone who, like Oswalt, assesses his current situation, deems it unacceptable and then takes giant, innovative steps to change it and takes trusted and talented colleagues along for the ride. Very SHECKYlike.

Buzz? You want to know about buzz? Although we here feel that the concept of buzz is against everything we stand for, here you go: Scottish comic Danny Bhoy. Everybody was talking about Danny Bhoy. And Three Blonde Moms, starring Mary Ellen Hooper, Joan Fagan and Helen Keaney. Sounds like a sitcom waiting to happen.

Gotta pack it in. Exit 29 is coming up. The site uses a blog format, so, if we have anything more to add as we digest the experiences of the past 96 hours and as we plow through the pile of stuff we picked up or if we get worked up over something, we’ll post it. So check back. But, then, we don’t have to tell you to do that, do we? Thanks.

That was fun… let’s do it again! Take me back to THE FIRST posting!