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"Hi, I'm Sarah. Hook me up."

Thus begins the blog of 29-year-old virgin Sarah DiMuro, self-described “comic/girl Friday,” who, through the kindness of Jane magazine, will finally realize her goal of getting banged by a near-total stranger before her 30th birthday.

Crass? Don’t blame us. According to Sarah, she…

…had this idea that I would try to lose my virginity by the time I turn 30 this November. That is, I’d like to try and meet a man who I might actually have a connection with and thus want to consummate our union. I haven’t dated much or practically at all and thought I’d really like to conquer this goal by or within my 30th year!

Sarah allegedly “writes autobiographical humor pieces and does stand-up comedy when she is not fashioning enticing come-ons for an online bakery,” according to the Lloyd Grove profile in the NYDN. “Me, I haven’t done so much with my life in terms of social stuff. So this is my adventure– with a kind of scientific method,” she gurgles. Scientific method? What science might this be? Alchemy, perhaps? For a comic, her quotes and her blog seem curiously… un-humorous. Perhaps she’s nervous about the impending demise of her hymen.

The folks at Jane are managing to wring absolutely no humor out of this affair and are presenting the entire mess with the desperate, breathless chirpiness of people who know they’re doing something that is horribly wrong on many levels, but who also know that it’s good for circulation.

For those of you not on the Jane train, their parent company, Conde Nast describes it thusly:

JANE is a magazine built for the 20-something woman who is the ultimate front-row influencer. JANE is always gutsy, cool, fun—with lots of attitude, just like our reader. We reach her with our five editorial pillars: humor, fashion, beauty, music and a peer-to-peer tone. She’s the girl with the great music collection, her own blog and a killer wardrobe. And she’ll give you her last lipstick… if you ask nicely.

Hello, I’m Sarah! Have you met my pimp, Jane?

Uh… she’s a female standup comic. She hangs out with (we assume, male) standup comics… and she can’t get laid?!