L.C.S. UPDATE: Some little insect is full of himself!

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on February 28th, 2007

What’s going on out there?

In an email from FOS Peter Berman:

At the audition you are instructed to enter, go on stage and say your name and where you live. You are then supposed to direct you material at the “talent scouts” Alonzo (Bodden), Kathleen (Madigan), and Ant. I went in and said, “Hi, I am Peter Berman and I live in Los Angeles.” I then said to the “scouts” what I thought might be cute/funny, “”Randy, Paula, Simon…” and then Ant immediately says “Next! I have heard enough.”

I was stunned. He was serious.

I then asked if he was serious and he said yes he was. I then mumbled something to the effect of “Well, you really are playing the part.” A few moments passed and Alonzo said to Ant, “Come on, man.” They were then willing to listen to my two minutes.

I should not have even bothered as it was most definitely over at this point, but I guess the needy comedian in me took over and I tried to proceed. I did my first little joke (that always works in the clubs) and got zip. I should have stopped here, but I didn’t. I do another little bit and then finish. Kathleen says to Ant, “You look exhausted.” He replies “Well, I haven’t changed my mind.” Alonzo then says, “Thanks, Pete.” And that was that.

And this from the MySpace blog of FOS Dan Rosenberg:

I was lucky to have established myself enough to not have wait in line for 24 hours like some people did Monday at the Improv. I know a few people and I had a 12:45 audition spot. I didn’t get to go in until 2pm and I almost had the balls to complain…but when the guy sitting next to me tells me he got there at 5 o’clock YESTERDAY, how can I complain about walking right in and only having to wait an hour and fifteen minutes?

Anyway, as each comic was exiting the room, one common thing came out of their mouth…”That ANT can kiss my ass” or “F*CK ANT!” So I knew ahead of time that Ant was trying his hardest to be the Simon Cowell (or in his case Bowel) of this show. I have been doing this crap long enough to know that A) Reality shows aren’t real, and 2) They are looking for drama…and there aren’t too many queens more dramatic than “Tony” aka ANT.

I was ready…I go in, do my first joke and NOTHING! All three of them (oh, I forgot to mention, the other judges were Alonzo Bodden and Kathleen Madigan, who were also previous contestants on the show) they just stared at me like the sound was off and they had no idea what I was saying…here is the joke and the way the rest of the audition went:

DAN: My idol, Rodney Dangerfield died the day after I
finished reading his book. It made me go on a search…not a soul
search, per se, I want to Barnes and Noble to see if Carrott Top had a
book.

ALONZO, KATHLEEN, ANT stare into space as if I just said something very quietly in an alien language.

DAN: Nothin? Really? You see, if I read HIS book, maybe Carrott Top would die the next day…or lose his props…still nothin?

ANT: Ok, I’ve seen enough, THANK YOU!

DAN: Great. Thanks! (Exit stage left)

We’re beginning to detect a pattern here. Hmmm… We know the producers feel like they need some tension, some conflict, etc., but this makes everybody look bad.

We’re at a loss to explain the hostility. Was not Ant one of the luckiest little insects on the face of the earth when he emerged from Season 2004 with the remnants of a career… as a standup comic… sorta. So where is all this hostility coming from? Why isn’t he one of the jolliest, back-slappingest, most benevolent member of the Family Formicidae to ever touch a microphone? (And, if memory serves us correctly, Ant said the “n-word” on network television! Or he said it just off camera and caught hell from fellow LCS inmate Corey Holcomb. And he lives to tell about it! What a difference 21 months makes! That right there makes him the luckiest comic on the planet right now. Just ask Michael Richards. You know, Kramer.)

We were skeptical of the show’s concept when we first heard about it before the launch of Season 1. Then we relented and covered Season 2 pretty comprehensively. We were appalled at the hose job they dealt Bodden on Season 3. Season 4 was reality television from Hell. We’re fearful of Season 5. Now that Ant has his antennae all twisted, we’re certain the whole season will be a hellish nightmare.

Of course, we’ll be blogging about it. Stay tuned.

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