Modified On May 16, 2007
She should’ve written to us instead.
DEAR DR. BROTHERS: I’ve always been glad that people think of me as being a very funny chick. In fact, recently I’ve been able to make some money apart from my day job by actually working in comedy clubs. A couple of weeks ago, I met a guy I fell for; it was something that hadn’t happened before. I think I’m in love, and when we’re alone at his place or mine, we have a great time. He says he loves me — a new thing for him. But, for some crazy reason, he seems to resent my working as a comic. I keep telling him they’re not laughing AT me, they like me, but he can’t seem to get it straight. What is this? I love my job and him, but do I have to choose? — A.J.
DEAR A.J.: You shouldn’t have to, and if you did give up your love for this job and quit, you’d resent it later. Should this happen, it would be destructive to your relationship and would probably eventually destroy it.
His strange reaction might be more complicated, and he might not be aware of the reasons for his attitude himself. One reason female comics have a harder time than males is because stand-up comedy is really a kind of power play between the audience and the performer. Many men are uncomfortable when women are assertive enough to take charge. This is actually one of the problems many American men have with voting for a woman for president. The more insecure the man, the more threatening he finds a female boss. Talk with your friend about all this. He may appreciate it and be able to change.
If she had written to us, we would have told her:
Dear A.J.: Dump the loser. There are plenty of guy comics you could date who would be far more understanding than this goofball. The guy probably fancies himself a real card– so make him go up at the local open mike. After sputtering in the hot lights for three minutes and fifteen seconds, he’ll change his tune.
You say you’ve never met a guy and fallen for him before. Are you twelve years old? If not, you might consider that you may be a lesbian. If you are, there are plenty of female comics you could date that would be far more understanding than this goofball.
Skip all that pop psychology that Joyce just spun out. If you “talk to your friend about all this,” as she suggests, he’ll be out the door and dating a Hooters waitress so fast, it’ll make your head spin.
The letter appeared on the Seattle PI website. Thanks to Tommy James.