"I don't do nervous."

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on November 26th, 2007

Back on July 11, we posted the following, in a posting about a U.K. outfit that teaches standup to kids:

Can we stop putting children on legitimate comedy club stages? Please?

You’re setting the kid up with unrealistic expectations. Kids have too much self-esteem these days as it is without putting them into a situation where they’re going to get charity laughs (and nobody would dare heckle them). And it’s embarassing for the real, adult comics who have to mount the stage after them.

Little did we know at the time, but there was kid, Trevor Hattabaugh, doing standup in Boise. The title of this posting is a quote from him in a profile in the Salt Lake Tribune (“He’s only 12, but Trevor is as stand-up guy”).

Trevor is so fearless that he can’t wait until he gets his first heckler. He’s come up with some comeback lines and he’s salivating over the thought of using them.

Pardon us while we hurl onto the keyboard.

The article goes on to quote the tweener comic as wanting to do political humor. “I like politics,” Trevor said. “I don’t want to talk about boogers.” Great. Not only is he arrogant, but he is pretentious as well. Now comedy clubs are going to subject their patrons to a 30-minute lecture from a 12-year-old on meaningful subjects. Is there anyone on the planet (besides a child psychologist or another 12-year-old) who can bear to listen to a 12-year-old for more than three minutes? We would wager that not even a parent could take more than five minutes… even if it were his own child’s yammering he was forced to endure.

Please… stop. Please… we beg of you. Teach the kid to play the bassoon. Anything… just don’t let him do standup. We’re begging here. We mean it.

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