(Dear Readers: Before you read tonight’s analysis of Last Comic Standing, you are required to read the post below entitled “And then they came for the comedians…”)

Tonight’s analysis of Last Comic Standing is brought to you by the members of the Canadian Human Rights Commission. We will view tonight’s episode of Last Comic Standing very carefully. We will be looking for any material “that is likely to expose a person or persons to hatred or contempt, based on 11 specific grounds such as race, gender or religion,” in accordance with the Canadian Human Rights Act, Section 13, Chapter 1.

Bill Bellamy in his tin-foil suit did about 30 seconds of material to get the show started. His topic of discussion mainly focused on the advanced age of many of the headliners in Las Vegas. He held such performers as Tom Jones, Barry Manilow and Joan Rivers in contempt. He subjected them to embarrasment and no doubt offended them and offended anyone of advanced age. We shall review a transcript of Mr. Bellamy’s routine before we make a determination of the relative offensiveness of tonight’s opening performance.

Adam Hunter focused on Asians, Muslims and gay people. He was offensive. It was a sickening display. We have ordered Commission interns to begin paperwork, as Mr. Hunter will definitely face a tribunal.

After his set, in front of the other contestants, Hunter said to Fearne Cotton, “If everything’s fair, I’ll win.” Rather insensitive! How dare he invoke fairness? The winner will be determined based on a number of criteria. But Mr. Hunter can rest assured that whichever outcome eventuates, it will be the best for all concerned and will promote, not so much fairness, as harmony, diversity and high self-esteem for all participants. Mr. Hunter, a white male, has some nerve to be expecting fairness.

Phil Palisoul did little else besides self-deprecating humor. We view this as a positive thing– the correct tack to take for any white male oppressor who attempts to win our favor in an attempt to garner laughs. He could only have done a better job had he made more fun of other white males!

Jeff Dye will be doing $100,000 of college gigs next year. That’s our prediction. Members of the commission were thankful that Mr. Palisoul allowed us some respite from the hate speech. But, Mr. Dye, in his bit about how attractive womyn dress at the gym, was, in effect, blaming the victim. This is unacceptable. Again, a review of the video might be required. (Mr. Dye can take heart that he will be able to use some of that college money to defend himself against the tribunal. We are secure in the knowledge that none of that revenue will come from any Canadian colleges!)

We commend Erin Foley! Her material was delightfully inoffensive! She touched on such safe topics as baby showers, orange juice and dictionaries. We were somewhat dismayed when she made light of a possible lack of preparedness on the part of female sports reporters. But, as Ms. Foley is also part of the aggrieved group in this case, we must regard her remarks with a certain tolerance.

Dan Naturman‘s set was blessedly free of any language or concepts that might have caused any individuals or groups consternation. And it was funny as well! (Although, we had to depend on non-commission members to make that determination, as we here at the CHRC lack anything that resembles a sense of humor.)

Jacob Sirof competed for Last Comic Driving. He was clever and clean and inoffensive. However, some of our operatives have brought to our attention a video clip of Mr. Sirof’s routine about racism. Although Mr. Sirof seems to be making a very valid point about racism, in the course of making said point, he says that one would have just as much chance of finding an African-American at a NASCAR event as one might find “a Mexican at a Crate & Barrell.” This is hate speech, plain and simple. We direct your attention to the evidence here.

The Israeli (excuse us, the Zionist) named Lioz Shem Tov with the French accent (we simply must look into that!) did some clever, but somewhat risqué material with his props. But we couldn’t focus… the plight of millions of Palestinians nagged at us the entire time. We shall review the tape and make a determination at a later date!

Dale Jones made fun of sex workers. The plight of sex workers is not something that is appropriate fodder for humor. And, while Mr. Jones’ performances was not offensive enough to warrant further investigation, we are going to tag him and his appearances for further examination.

African-American woman Erin Jackson was delightful, in command and presented a set that was packed with several jokes on a variety of topics that were strung together nicely. We were somewhat concerned that she came disturbingly close to reinforcing negative stereotypes, particularly as regards African-American males. However, as she is a member of two groups which have historically experienced discrimination (or worse!), we are willing to accept that she meant her jibes to be constructive rather than destructive. We are certain that even the objects of her humor were well aware of Ms. Jackson’s benign intent. As such, we will not consider any action against Ms. Jackson.

Mr. Bellamy implied that those who are forced to use semi-portable motorized vehicles to ambulate are not in fact in need of such assistance and are instead simply, to use his hateful term, “lazy.” This is unacceptable. We will wait until the end of the episode to make a determination on whether or not Mr. Bellamy’s intent is malignant.

God’s Pottery are perfect! They seem to limit their satiric (and rather sharp!) barbs to religon and those who practice it. We’ve got an inquiry into the producers of the show, as we want to book them for the annual Canadian Human Rights Commission Picnic and Fundraiser!

Young, intelligent, atractive African-American monologist Ron G. delivered a cohesive spoken essay about getting terminated. Child abuse, however is not funny, nor will it ever be. His brief joke in which he depicts his mother striking him could very well convey the very dangerous idea that is it permissible to discipline children with physical violence. The commission is torn as to how to approach Mr. G.

Drennon Davis, through his “rap bit” held African-Americans up to ridicule. (A commission member who has done a handful of open mikes up here in Vancouver told us that he should have moved the mike stand. He also described his mike technique as “annoying.” We are not familiar with the conventions of performance, so we can make no determination on those matters. Nor do we pretend to be able to do so.) However, we are prepared to say that Mr. Drennon, the white male oppressor, will be warned that his offensive comedy could result in action. Beyond that, we are not at liberty to comment.

Winston Spear as all good Canadians should, said nothing offensive! We applaud him! However, we are uneasy about his first name, Winston. As this is the name of one of the most popular brand of cigarettes (both here and in America), we might strongly suggest to Mr. Spear that he change his first name. Promoting the use of tobacco, in any way, no matter how subtly, is unacceptable.

What a conundrum strong, authoritative Muslim womyn Shazia Murza presents us. She is female and she is Muslim, yet she makes several awful, biting remarks about Muslims. She makes no distinctions, either, leading the audience to believe that all Muslims behave in the manner she describes. She allows for absolutely no variations among the planet’s one billion Muslims, instead regarding them as a monolith. This, to the Commission, is the very essence of bigotry. We condemn her in the strongest possible language and we are sorely disappointed that, while she had the opportunity to educate and unite, she instead perpetuated divisive stereotypes and quite possibly made the planet that much more hate-filled.

Paul Foot performed next and, to most observers, offended no one. However, he did imply that people with vaginas walk slowly. Sexism has become so second-nature to us that we oftimes don’t recognize it when it is staring us in the face! While Mr. Foot’s transgression was not so egregious as to warrant immediate action, we will make a note in his file. And, since he is British, we shall also alert our colleagues at Citizenship and Immigration.

Andi Smith, though a woman, seemed unsympathetic to the uneducated, the disabled and those sisters who find themselves in the heartbreaking position of bearing an unwanted child. These people deserve not our scorn, but our compassion.

The Meehan Brothers evoked imagery of Nazis with their “Goosestepping for Gout” crack. Their entire set seemed designed to make light of those who devote their lives to the charity industry. And their humor seemed to play on a shameful tendency to laugh at hideous diseases (many that often strike children and other innocents).

As the members of the commission are avid and regular readers of SHECKYmagazine.com, we are well aware of who the five acts are who go onto Hollywood

Adam Hunter
God’s Pottery
Paul Foot
Ron G.
Jeff Dye