We got an email in which a readers asks: “Can an amateur ‘sell out’?” We always thought that the concept of selling out was an artificial construct. Something contrived by folks who can’t sell out but dearly wish to. But it’s far, far less than that. Anyway, our emailer was in a contest… let’s let him tell it:

This weekend I participated in the first round of the All Comedy Radio
Comedy Competition in Kansas City held at a local cocktail lounge. I had my set all planned out. It was the perfect balance of dick and fart jokes that do well at our local comedy club. Five minutes before the competition was to start, we were informed that there was some guy’s 50th birthday party going on in the lounge. There would be kids and grandparents in the crowd and the owners of the club wanted us to keep it clean. Spotless. Dickless. The contestants all got together to discuss our strategy and we decided to do the jokes we planned.

The batting order was handed out and I was to be the first on stage. As ‘Roger’ the 80 year-old magician (hired by the birthday boy) finished his act, I panicked. In my head I quicky erased questionable jokes from my set list. I went on a fumbled through a weak, 5-minute PG-13ish set.

The rest of the comics did the jokes they planned. F-Bombs, dicks, you name it. As I watched my friend go through his NC-17 set, a overheard a lady complaining to the owners, “How much longer will this go on?”

After the show, the audience applauded for who they thought should progress to the next round. I made through. But, did I ‘sell out’? Should I have done my jokes as planned?

Congratulations! You achieved what you set out to achieve. Sure, you did it by accident, but you did it. As for this notion of “selling out,” this is ridiculous. I am not sure that the phrase or the concept has any real meaning. We suspect that the only reason you are having any qualms about your choice is that you have been branded as some sort of weasel by your colleagues for making the choice you made. This, of course, would make them weasels and not you. Think back– were they up there on the stage with you? Were they committed to going through the crowd during your filthy set for the purpose of minimizing any disharmony caused by your dick jokes? I didn’t think so. It was you up there and you had to consider yourself first.

Sell out? We’ll ask you this: Did you get into standup to make people laugh or to make money? Before you answer this, be advised that you don’t have to make the choice. And know that making money at making people laugh doesn’t make you less of a comic. And know also that doing comedy for free doesn’t make you more of a comic.

We can argue whether or not the owner or the contest organizers were thoughtless or unprofessional in planning a contest so poorly that it coincided with a 50th birthday party, but that isn’t the issue here. Someone made a not-too-unreasonable request that you all clean it up and you did it.

The contestants all had four choices: Clean it up, Keep it dirty, Back out, Surrender their autonomy and do whatever it is that the mob decides is best for them. You did Number 1. They all did Number 4. (At least, that’s what it sounds like from the email. If that wasn’t the case, please– no angry emails. Trust us, though, we’ve seen that kind of pack mentality take over in other, similar situations.)

Keep this in mind: You were in a contest. Contests are notoriously unpredictable. Anyone who enters a contest expecting logic, order and justice is a fool. Yet we enter them anyway. We also buy lottery tickets, play the occasional hand of blackjack or go for the girl who is “way out of our league.” Sometimes, things actually go your way.

You inadvertently found that you have a talent for switching gears. You sized up the situation, assessed the possible impact of any of four or five choices and you cleaned it up and advanced to the next round. Seems to me that you exhibited good judgement in a situation that, in abstract terms, may not be all that different from any one of a number of situations that you might encounter in the not-too-distant future, should you decide to do comedy for money (and, in so doing, choose to make that money, in part or in total, by doing one-nighters, private parties, corporate gigs, colleges or cruises).

We were told that the semi-finals would be at a later time and our material could be more adult oriented. Some of my best jokes have an adult theme. But, do I stick with ‘clean’ and appeal to everyone knowing the material may be average? How do I go for the win? Surely, you’ve been in this situation.

Congratulations, Grasshopper– You have asked the unanswerable question. We believe it’s what the ZB’s call a “koan!”

Seriously, though, logic is handy here: Do what you do best. Unless, of course. there are restrictions (reasonable or unreasonable). Only appeal to everyone if “everyone” is determining your fate at the moment (Are they judging by applause?) If not, is the local DJ determining the winner? If it’s the DJ, find out if he digs dirty stuff. If he’s the DJ at the local Christian rock station, use caution. See how this works? The more knowledge you have, the more informed decision you can make. One thing you really shouldn’t do is base your decision solely on a consensus arrived at by the other contestants. You can certainly solicit their opinions, but give them the proper weight.

Is any of this making sense? We hope so. We’ve been in a few contests. We’ve also turned down many. We’ve been pretty consistent with our stand on entering contests. Until now, though, we haven’t talked much about what to do in the heat of one. Quite often, because of the high pressure of the situation, folks make bad decisions or decisions based on emotion. It’s best to remain calm, empathize with everyone who has an effect on the outcome and take it from there.

Anyone else?