"In October 1849, the Montreal Gazette published an infamous and short-lived Annexation Manifesto, urging Canada to offer itself to the U.S.A."

--From Canadian History for Dummies, Will Ferguson, 2000 CDG BOOKs

Enough history for today--On to the update!

In an effort to mix things up and present new and interesting programs at Just For Laughs, Festival organizers presented an interesting 2-hour spectacle called Just For Pitching. Described as "a platform for comedy ideas and proposals to be pitched to a panel of broadcasters," JFP was presented by JFL in conjunction Banff Television. It was held in one of those function rooms at the Delta (which was SRO!) and set up with the "panel of broadcasters" at one end, and a platform with a podium and a big-screen TV at the other. In between the two was a wide swath of nothing and the spectators sat five deep on either side.

The moderator, a diminutive, bearded fellow from Banff Television, prowled the middle area, clipboard in hand, and explained things to the crowd-- Each pitching entity gets exactly five minutes to do their tapdance, after which the panel would offer their opinions or pose their questions. Brent Haynes of Canada's Comedy Network, Lou Wallach of America's Comedy Central, Lisa Leingang of NBC, Ann Maney of 20th Television, George Anthony of CBC, William Burdett-Coutts of British telly producer Riverside Studios and Tony Orisco of UK Paramount (England's Comedy Channel) were the pitchees.

French (Dan, that is) tells us that this kind of thing is standard fare at film fests, but we certainly have never seen anything like it. It was fascinating! Television pitches are a necessary evil in the biz and they're usually private affairs. We're told there's people who make their living teaching others how to pitch. But we're fairly sure that television pitches usually take place in private, in the plush offices of network execs, usually around a bowl of fruit. It was quite something to witness eight (radically different) proposals in front of a crowd of well over 100 people from the industry.

The eight "finalists" were chosen from a much larger field and ran the gamut from a 30-minute gay soap opera parody series to a 60-minute dramedy about temp workers to a variety show starring a mentalist. Presenters used various means to get their points across-- slickly produced videos, simple sketch pads, mere verbal presentations-- and the comments from the panelists were measured, void of emotion and pragmatic. No exalted shouts of "I LOVE IT!" or inane comments or smarmy promotion of false hope. It was unlike any of the broad, zany pitch sessions we've seen depicted in films or satirical sketches.

There was little enthusiasm (but lots of constructive criticism) for pitches 1, 2 and 3. Pitch 4 (Jason Kordelos' "Christian Wright" gay soap) excited some panelists, particlularly the Brits. The seventh presentation, for Russell Hamilton and John Kenower's "Genesis, Inc.," was immediately coveted by CBC's Anthony. Mentalist Marc Salem made the final pitch of the day. The project, titled "Marc Salem's Out of his Mind," may be doomed due to a (mental?) error by Salem: During his pitch, he did a standard audience participation mentalist stunt (#37 in The Mentalist Handbook) and chose perhaps the worst person on the planet to "pick a number and pick a color after I snap my fingers"-- that's right, he chose SHECKYmagazine.com Editor Brian McKim. (Says Skene, "If he was such a spectacular mentalist, how come he couldn't read Brian's mind when he was thinking, 'I fucking hate mentalists...!'" Says McKim, through clenched teeth, "He was, in my estimation, a bronze mentalist.")

Comedian TODD GLASS' project, "Todd's Coma," was an offbeat 30-minute sitcom built around Todd...in a coma! Worth commenting on because it may have been the only pitch to elicit anything that came close to the stereotypical obtuseness we've come to expect (rightly or wrongly) from net execs. "We like it, Todd...but is necessary that your character be... in a coma?" This is tantamount to "We like the idea of That 70's Show... but does it absolutely have to be set it in the 70's?" Todd betrayed his frustration in his earnest pleading before the panel. He seemed to sense the absurdity of removing the "Coma" part of "Todd's Coma." It could have been worse, Todd-- they might have suggested removing the "Todd" part, leaving in the coma!

Say-- This pitching thing would be a great reality show in itself! Note to potential pitchers: If you gotta pitch to anyone in Hollwood, try to get in front of Ann Maney at 20th-- she seems to have a personality and a genuine sense of humor(!). Note to self: Pitch Maney on the idea of "The Ann Maney Show"

The UK Paramount folks threw a nice (if somewhat hard to find) party after the pitch session-- which is how we happened to find our selves swigging free Labatt's with the two people who raised JIM SHUBERT. (NO...they are not wolves, they are real, live people!) Thirsty comics, stung by the lousy exchange rate, are anxious to locate any source of free booze this year! (And the hors d'ouvres were nicer than the usual giant platter of sweating cheeses.)

Earlier in the day, we finally made face-to-face contact with a fellow US Magazine Fashion Police-r CECILY KNOBLER! She's up here showcasing and we bonded over our FashPo experiences in the mezzanine at the Delta.

And, for the fifth straight year, we heard few glowing commentaries on the New Faces shows. The consensus seems to be that some of the Faces Nouveau seem to be the victims of bad advice (or no advice at all) from experienced managers and/or agents, many of whom have the respect of the industry. As the King of Siam would say, "This is a puzzlement!" We're hearing tales of acts here or there who are kinda, sorta, maybe doing material that is far too similar to that of established comics... and acts that are saying "fuck" within 30 seconds of hitting the stage... and acts that are dressing in a manner not fitting that of a performer who devoutly wishes to "catch the eye of the bigwigs!" We attribute this to rookie mistakery and not any sort of malice. But it all seems like the kind of stuff that's highly avoidable. There's a lot of New Faces acts (More than 20!). We're not saying that all of them are boo-boo prone. But the overall impression of the New Faces shows, when taken as a Festival phenomenon, is negative. We repeat: Not all of them are being viewed unfavorably, but glowing reports seem to be the exception rather than the rule...and should that not be the other way round?

Confessing It at the Music Cabaret featured five comics (LOUIS CK, JACKIE KASHIAN, DREW HASTINGS, JIM NORTON and COLIN QUINN) divulging to a packed house one (or two) of their of deepest, darkest secrets. Hosted by COLLETTE HAWLEY, who kicked in two or three of her own secrets, the show was by turns disturbing, fascinating, outrageous and wildly funny. Aside from the prurient interest and/or the shock value, this format presents comics doing something that they seem to have a tremendous facility for-- storytelling. It's pretty darn entertaining to see some of North America's finest standup comics simply telling stories. Hmmm... let's go down the list of acts: Getting busted buying drugs, having sex with a senior citizen, having sex with a priest, unprotected anal sex with a male prostitute near a dumpster in a Jersey City housing project, having sex with a senior citizen (again!), pimping, making out with your uncle. They were not the kind of stories that comics might be swapping at the local diner-- if anyone overheard any of these tales, they'd call the cops and a hazmat team! Let's put it this way: We are haunted by the image of COLLETTE HAWLEY blowing Spin City's Richard Kind. (Talk about catching the eye of the bigwig!) This about sums it up.