EXECS ON NOTICE: "YOU'VE BEEN KINDLERED!"

MONTREAL SAT July 24--The much-anticipated State of The Industry Address was standing room only. For the fourth year in a row, Andy Kindler and his well-vented spleen took to the Delta Hotel Ballroom podium to deliver a biting and consistently hilarious screed on the current pathetic state of the entertainment industry.

"Remember: The pets are guests, too." --Quote from a cable exec

With hundreds of Festivalistas packed into a sweltering ballroom, Festival Winner Paul F. Tompkins introduced Industry Curmudgeon Andy Kindler to wild applause. Tompkins used the opportunity to do some self-effacing humor ("My name is Paul F. Tompkins. You may know me from my four appearances on Make Me Laugh") and instantly won the crowd over.

The bulk of Kindler's presentation was devoted to a wickedly funny recounting of the eventual demise of his Animal Planet show Pet Shop, which he hosted . Other targets included Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, Jay Leno, Adam Sandler and the WB. Particularly sharp comments were directed toward Comedy Central, the employer of more than a few of the audience members.

Top: Elaine Boosler (L) at the CBC party with Steve Mittleman and Wendy Kamenoff...Center: CKUT's John Custodio with comics Heidi Foss and Martha E. Chaves partying on CBC's tab...Dave Rath, Arj Barker and Mark Kaplan flash winning smiles.

And while it may have been hilarious, and, at times, harsh, it was always logical, truthful and insightful. It's clear when you hear Kindler deliver his address that he truly loves being a comedian, he truly loves being a part of show business and he sincerely wishes that everyone in the business of show would strive to excel. His frustration is evident. His bile makes it wildly entertaining. "Is it too much to ask that a project be judged solely on its merit?" Kindler asked, plaintively. "Apparently it is!" he yelled, asnwering his own question and simultaneously admonishing any execs who were present. He bemoaned a laundry list of Hollywood practices and got two of his biggest responses with "First of all: No more pitch meetings without a deposit," and "I've gotta chew my own arm off just to get my parking validated!"

Vic Henley and Larry The Cable Guy (a.k.a. Dan Whitney) both attempting to look grizzled. SHECKY! Managing Editor Traci Skene basks in the reflected glory of Greg Giraldo while clutching Polaroid of Vic Henley and Larry The Cable Guy.

David Hyde-Pierce at Gala # 9!

Departing only slightly from his Niles Crane persona, David Hyde-Pierce was the consensus "best gala host" at what was generally agreed was the best Gala of the Festival. His "Livin' La Vida Loca" parody, focusing on his impossibly tight leather pants, was a howlingly funny spectacle/production number. That kicked off an evening of solid comedy.

Arj Barker, Mike McDonald, Elaine Boosler (Amazingly, her first Festival appearance.), Jack Coen, Christopher Titus, German juggling team Strahleman & Sohne Festival Winner Paul F. Tompkins, Jeremy Hotz and Ireland's Ed Byrne.

The Gala was followed by a Canadian Broadcasting Company soiree in the big tent across from Theatre St. Denis. We bugged out to hit the Alternative Show.

Alternative to what?!

The buzz drove us to the Alternative Show. The buzz delivered. A two-hour show whizzed by and was screamingly funny. Net Bile Exporter and Alternative Grand Poobah Andy Kindler welcomed the packed Montreal Art Interculturels house and brought out a succession of clever comedians who seemed to be having a wildly good time on stage. Doug Benson, Ron Lynch, Audrey Rapoport, Frank Conniff, Harland Williams and Festival Winner Paul F. Tompkins were the alternators this evening.

At one point, early in the show, Kindler brought Comedy Legend Fred Willard up from the crowd. Willard was brief but tremendous as he delivered the polar opposite of Kindler's Industry address, sympathizing with the industry execs in the audience and shamelessly sucking up.

Conniff prefaced his set by delivering the unforgetTABLE line at the top of this dispatch and coining a term ("Kindlered") which will live on forever if the editors here at SHECKY! have anything to say about it.

Across Town: Best of the Uptown Comics Raw Data!

Over at Club Soda was the Uptown Comics Show, hosted by Cedric the Entertainer and featuring Mike Estime, Gavin Stevens, Ian Edwards, Sheryl Underwood, Guy Torry and the extremely busy Alonzo Bodden.

A Final Word at the Delta Bar

One more round of rounds at the Delta Bar on Saturday night gave us all a chance for reflecting. Festival Winner Paul F. Tompkins proclaimed that copping the coveted Festival Winner title is undoubtedly a career highlight. "I won't be changed by it," Tompkins said. "There'll always be a little touch of evil in me."