Comedy Notebook
Volume I, No. 4

I usually like to take my time on these articles and make sure everything makes sense. Last night (Thursday, August 22) I taped my second appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman. The show airs in three hours so I want to get this article off to the SHECKYmagazine.com editors in time to coincide with the airing of the show. And since I only have a few hours here, and since the name of the article is Comedy Notebook I'll just recount the events chronologically and let it rip.

I taped the first one back in December and I thought it went well and I was hopeful for another appearance but who ever knows with these kinds of things. So when I found out that I'd be on again, it was a obviously a great piece of news. And I had plenty of material to choose from. The only concern was whether or not the material would be right for the show. Did I have another good five minutes in me? So I made a five minute video tape down at the Irvine Improv of what I thought was the best stuff available from my act and I sent it in to Eddie Brill, the Comedy Segment Producer for the Letterman Show. Word came back through my manager, Colleen McGarr, that Eddie liked the tape and, with a few minor exceptions, he thought the set was just about ready to go.

So, taking into account the few minor adjustments, I made another tape when I was at the Comedy Works in Denver back in early July. This time Eddie called me directly and told me that yes, he was definitely going to put me on the show again and that I would be appearing on July 26th.

I had about three weeks to polish the set at this point. And I found out that the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach were going to be doing their Anniversary Shows for the entire month of July. The Club opened 24 years ago so they were doing special shows all month where they would put 24 comics on every show and each comic would do five minutes. I called Richard at the club and asked him if I could get some of these primo five-minute spots at his club. Richard not only said yes, but for the two weeks leading up to the final week of July, he gave me a spot on every single show. So I had 14 shows over a two week period where I could go down to a packed club and work on my five minutes before flying out to New York. What could be more perfect? So that's what I did. I went down to the Comedy and Magic Club every night for two straight weeks and did my five minutes. It's a great club with great crowds. And it was a lot of fun to hang out with all the other comedians on the bill. I would say on half of those shows, Gary Shandling stopped in and went up and did about fifteen minutes. I think he's reached the level where he can go over the five-minute limit on the anniversary shows. And he did very well. It was pretty cool to be standing in the back hallway area and see Gary Shandling moseying around. I met him briefly and he seemed like a very nice guy.

I added a couple of new lines into my five minutes as the shows progressed over the two-week period. And the lines were working very well. My basic set outline was to open with a short bit about being in debt and then segue right into a long bit about the fact that on most of these phone menus, they still ask you if you are calling from a rotary phone. The rotary phone bit is almost four minutes long. Basically, they are looking to fill about 4-1/2 to 5 minutes when you tape the show. My set was coming in about fifteen seconds short. But I figured that eventually, I would add fifteen to twenty more seconds. There were some additional tags on existing lines that I could add in if needed.

Those shows at the Comedy and Magic club turned out to be a godsend. It really gave me a chance to polish up the set and trim the fat and try out some new lines and see if they worked or not. One of the lines I added was a line right before the closing line and it made the closing line work so much better. So I was all geared up and ready to go. I had my airfare to New York and my bags were practically packed. Then I got a call from Colleen. She had run into Eddie Brill at the Montreal Comedy Festival. He had just found out that Bill Cosby wanted to go on the show and do some actual standup. Something that he doesn't do much anymore. Well, I got bumped. It was a little bit of a jolt at first because I was really building up to an emotional peak as the date got closer. And at that point, it was pretty close. So, okay, no big deal, just regroup and use the extra time to polish up the five minutes even more.

About a week later I found out that I'd been rescheduled for August 22nd. And then Eddie asked if I wanted to come in a couple days early and work with him at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York. Eddie would headline the shows and I would go in the middle slot and do about twenty minutes per show. Again, a perfect situation. It would give Eddie a chance to see the set live and make possible suggestions. As it turned out, he basically said that the set was ready. We trimmed a line or two. But they were extraneous type lines that were only there as habitual filler. A lot of times, you don't even see that you have some lines in there that serve no purpose in moving the bit along. So why not just snip them out. The week at Caroline's went well. And then I had a few days before the taping.

During these few days I went to a few different clubs and just went up and did the five minutes. I was starting to get a little nervous about the opening bit at this point. The debt bit is usually something I do in the middle of my act. I've been doing it for about eight years, believe it or not, and it's always done well. Now I was asking it to be the leadoff hitter in a pressure situation. And slowly slowly slowly, without even realizing it, this bit had deserted me and was mired in a heavy slump. Don't abandon me now you little sonofabitch debt bit. Not now! I kept seeing the bit dying on national TV and wondered how I would handle it. In most of the scenarios that I painted up in my head, I did not handle it well at all.

I kept trying to deny that there were any problems with this opening bit but it just wasn't doing all that well. On the night before the taping, I was going to run through the set once at Caroline's and then once at Standup New York. At Caroline's I opened with the debt bit and it died a miserable death. And it had an effect on the rest of the set. That's it! You're outta here! I had one more trial run to go and it was time to find a new leadoff hitter. So I reached way back to about 8 years ago for a quick bit about how I was dressed and the state of fashion in general. It was a quick throwaway opener and I thought it would take the pressure off of the debt bit. Eddie was telling me not to worry that the set was ready and the opener would do just fine. He was probably right, but I was not about to find out. I think he's a lot more comfortable with the prospect of doing TV than I am. I haven't done as much.

We took a cab up to Standup New York and tried out the new set. This was the last run through. The opening bit worked nicely and low and behold, so did the debt bit. Who knows why? I was using the same words and the same inflection. Maybe I had psyched myself out too much but at this point I felt so much better. After spending weeks polishing the same set over and over again, I made a last minute decision to open with a line I hadn't used all that much in the past five years. (And for the record, I've been doing the bit about rotary phones for about three years and have been expanding it steadily since it was up and running).

Okay, the day of the show arrives and the whole nerve thing is in high gear. It had been building for a couple of weeks. The prospect of doing TV puts me in an odd worried state but in retrospect I think it's a good thing because it causes your mind to really review every little detail over and over again. Worry really puts the fire under your butt.

So just like last time I felt very nervous during the day of the taping but as soon as the car came to pick me up, I felt a lot better.

I drive to the Ed Sullivan Theater. I'm greeted by a few different very friendly people who made me feel so at ease. I go up to the dressing room. Had some time to kill so I went out and sat in the theater and watched Paul Shaffer and the band rehearse with Beach Boy founder and musical legend Brian Wilson. There were only about ten people sitting in the Theater at this point. And for some reason the music really took the edge off. It sounded so good. It really put me in a nice mood. The worry seemed to be lifting. Now it's back up to the dressing room. The show starts on the monitor. I hear David Letterman s ay my name as a guest. Major butterflies. But by this point, I'm starting to have faith in whatever that mechanism is that kicks in during the really high pressure situations. I had the same amount of nerves the first time and it worked out fine. So just have faith and you'll be fine.

I get my suit pressed by the wardrobe department. I start getting dressed and HOLY SHIT, I forgot my belt. No way. Not to worry, they have an entire wardrobe department. "What size belt do you wear? We'll send someone down with a few selections." Oh that's right, I forgot, they have everything covered. Calm down. The show was now about half way over and it's time to go into makeup. It always makes me a little nervous about how nonchalant everyone seems about the timing of it all. I'm on in twenty minutes and I'm just now getting into makeup. They're all relaxed in makeup and having fun. We spend most of the time talking about (comedian) Mitch Hedberg and going back and forth with some of his lines. He's been on the show nine times now and they really love the guy. I can do a little bit of a Mitch Hedberg impression so I do some of his lines in his voice and it loosens me up. All this time Elizabeth Hurley, who is the other guest is up on the monitor. I'm listening but trying to keep my mind off the show and just relax and hang out and have fun with the makeup people.

Now Tara from the show comes and gets me and says, "okay, we're going to bring you down now." She is very friendly. It's almost like the nurse that comes to get you before surgery. There's very much of a "okay this is it" feeling in the air.

I walk to the elevator, down to the first floor and get led into the wings just as Elizabeth Hurley is getting done. She walks right past me. Yes, she is THAT beautiful. I didn't even want to introduce myself to her and say, "hey Elizabeth Hurley, my names Tom Ryan and I'm the other guest." That's probably what I would have said and then I would have felt stupid. I didn't want to be standing back there with five minutes to go and feeling really stupid. I just kind of nodded to her and smiled. And she did the same to me (but I could tell - she really wanted me - Bing Bong).

Anyway, two people are backstage with their usual clipboards and headphones. One of the guys name is Corky and the other is a nice blonde woman who was very personable. They were both very friendly. And Brian Wilson and the band are in high gear on a great Beach Boys song. Once again this music really made me calm down and feel great. I honestly felt ready to go. I knew all I needed was to take my usual four deep breaths and I'd be just fine. So next thing you know, Dave is introducing me. I hear my name. I take my usual four deep breaths and out I go.

I look to the left and see Dave. I look to the right and see and hear the band. I fill the time of the walk out to my spot by just kind of looking at the band and nodding to them as if I'm seeing them pass me by in the street. I look for the blue spot on the stage and I nod to the audience and ask everyone how they're doing? They applaud as if to say "we're doing just fine." I do the opening line, which by now I had rehearsed about thirty times up in my head and from the sound of things, I feel like it got a nice leadoff single. I go into the debt bit and it does very well - even gets an applause break. In fact, two nights prior to the taping, Eddie Brill noticed something about the bit. I had a line to end the bit that was just out there dangling. Eddie suggested to take that line and move it up earlier in the joke and make the new ending of the joke what used to be the second to last line. Worked like a charm.

I was nervous but was feeling good out there. I went into the rotary bit and it got a laugh everywhere it was supposed to. I think the whole thing went well. I'm going to watch it in about an hour and my opinion might change.

But when I was done it felt great. Dave came over to shake my hand and said thanks a lot for coming on the show. Then I went over and sat on the couch during the commercial break. Dave leaned over and thanked me for coming on the show and said he liked the material and said nice job. It was pretty cool. Back from commercial. Another quick handshake and that was it. Five minutes on the air and it was about a month in the preparation using lines that were years old.

The one thing I think I learned this time is to just trust that you'll be fine once you get out there. Anyway, that's the report. And now I'm going to go watch the show and see how I did.