John Heffron, in his own words, in the August 30, 2004, issue (#498) of US Weekly, on the rapid re-start of the L.C.S. treadmill:

I really got hosed! …I could get booted out the first week of the new season. When I tell people I won Last Comic, they’ll say, “Oh, this last one?” And I’ll be like, “No, the one before that!” Already I should be signing autographs at an RV Camper show.

There’s an item on the Fox News website about how it’s okay to be a comedian who comes from the right. It’s an interesting article if you ignore the hot air from the psychologist dude.

The comics whose names begin with “K” are gone. We’re having trouble with Blogger, so our previous post didn’t make it… the one where Traci predicted that Vos and Heffron didn’t make it and the one where Brian said that Kirson and Tess were gone. Mind you, our predictions were not based on the relative merits or talents of the comics, but on the quirks and capricious nature of the American public.

Stay tuned.

What was that? Or, as the kids say, (or, as Ralphie May might say) What’s up wid dat?! We’re referring to the announcement that May made shortly before he launched into his set on the first episode of Season III. Something about his father dying the day before (We don’t have TiVo!). Now, don’t get us wrong. (DO NOT GET US WRONG.) We sympathize. We’ve gone on stage, in the clothes we wore to the funeral that day, and done our thing mere hours after putting a loved one in the ground, so we’re not unsympathetic when a comic loses a loved one and is required to perform. But May did his thing on national television, in a contest, where tons of money and notoriety were at stake. And he told old jokes! With tears streaming down his face. We felt bad for him. But we also felt bad for Todd Glass who had to follow him. And we felt bad for Tammy Pescatelli who was up against him, sort of (We think…remember– we don’t have TiVo). Now, everybody has a different way of dealing with a contest. And everybody has a different way of dealing with grief. But, if Mr. May was too distraught to perform his usual set, maybe he should have consulted with the LCS Officials and maybe begged off for this week’s competition. Maybe? Are we being too hard on Mr. May? Perhaps.

Hmmm… We’re watching Episode II and they’ve just read the results. It seems that Team Two won. Perhaps all this is tears under the bridge. We’ll see how it shapes up and see who get exiled, who gets booted. Stay tuned.

Rabbi Bob Alper dropped us a line to let us know that he’s qvelling (Yiddish for “exceptionally proud”) to hear the news that Ahmed Ahmed is the winner of the first Richard Pryor Award at the Edinburgh Fringe. (Read all about it here and here.) Alper, you may recall, was comedy partners with Ahmed Ahmed, when the two toured America together shortly after 9-11, garnering plenty of ink and acclaim. Richard Pryor is quoted of saying that Ahmed, “makes people confront their racism and small minds. I see genius in this man.” Oh, I think he’ll be able to find room for that somewhere in the ol’ press kit!

Ever wondered where the gigs are in France? Pretty dopey question, we know. Anyway, there’s a gig in Paris… at the Hotel du Nord… and they book American comics… and you don’t hafta speak French to work the gig. Laughing Matters is the outfit that books it. Coming up in September is Jimeoin, who is, according to the Laughing Matters website, “acclaimed as one of the hottest stand-up comics on Australia’s live and television circuits.” We can attest to this statement, as when we visited Australia in 1991, we ran into Jimoein on the streets of Sydney, in the Kings Cross section of town. (Small bloody world, yeah?) We recognized him because we had seen him on a TV talk show the night before. Turns out he’s Irish and he lives in Sydney… and next month, he’ll be gigging in Paris.

Courtesy of Mediaweek.com, one of the cooler websites out there:

On this first evening minus The 2004 Summer Olympics, although the 90-minute, fifth-season premiere of NBC’s Fear Factor was third in the overnights (7.4/11), the now veteran reality series was first in both total viewers (10.90 million) and adults 18-49 (4.5/13) from 8-9:30 p.m. As I mentioned yesterday, Fear Factor remains the show to beat Monday at 8 p.m. next season. At 9:30 p.m., the third-season premiere of Last Comic Standing was third in the overnights (5.3/ and total viewers (7.78 million), but second among adults 18-49 (3.8/10) from 9:30-11 p.m. Retention for Last Comic Standing out of Fear Factor was a respectable 84 percent among adults 18-49.

It took them 11 minutes and 40 seconds to mention Bonnie McFarlane‘s absence. They hadda. When Screaming Jay Mohr did eventually address the situation, they used it as an opportunity to welcome the substitute, Jessica Kirson, the hyperactive New Yorker. The confusing melange of rules and regs for the Season III format is headache-inducing and not important. It will result in the winning team splitting $50,000. I think. Or maybe $50,000 each week. It’s all very sad. Couldn’t they have foreseen that America would want to see a new set of 10? Couldn’t they have planned for a third season?

It’s taking on many of the characteristics of pro wrestling now. And not nearly as entertaining and without all the fake blood. (That would be your sarcasm.) Huh? The rest are performing tomorrow night? Did Jay Mohr just say that? (Please don’t post at the end of this with an explanation of the rules. We’re not interested in understanding them.) We’re sure the rules will lose their mystery as the eight-week run goes on.

Did they intentionally choose a sub for Bonnie that was the polar opposite of Bonnie? Did they employ some sort of formula? And couldn’t they have found someone who can tell time? Like someone who knows how long two minutes is? They turn off the mike after two minutes… literally turn it off! It’s all such a sorry spectacle. Maybe it will improve. Stay tuned. Maybe we’re just tired.

Does he hafta call it “the battle of the best?” We’re cranky. I’m sure we’ll happy up in subsequent episodes.

Friend of SHECKYmagazine Dan Rosenberg writes:

We are very excited to let you know that THE COMEDY DISTRICT is opening Wednesday September 1, 2004. We are not doing a huge “grand opening” until November (don’t worry, you’ll be invited!) but we will start our regular weekly schedule as of Wednesday.

Here is the schedule:

WED: OPEN MIKE 8:15pm NO COVER (Comics wanting to perform, sign ups are from 7:45pm until 8:15pm.) A true open mike and a lot of fun!

THURS: PRO/AM Showcase. 8:15pm $10.

FRI and SAT: National Headliners. 10:15pm $15.

Please come by and say hi this weekend. Oh yeah, NO DRINK MINIMUM and FREE PARKING!!!

Comedians looking for bookings, please stop by, say hi and drop off a tape at one of the shows, or even better, come do a spot at the Wednesday open mike.

The club is located in Culver City at 9543 Culver Blvd (inside San Gennaro Cafe) The room has been remodeled and is a great intimate space.

We would love to have you come join us for a FREE show this weekend. Please visit www.thecomedydistrict.com/viptix.htm to order your free tickets.

Thanks!

Dan Rosenberg and Burt Teplitzky
The Comedy District
www.thecomedydistrict.com

Obviously, this is a press release. When Mr. Rosenberg writes to us, his style is usually much more…breezy. In fact, when we hit town (L.A., that is) last Tuesday, we hunted him down at Marv & Mary’s (a funky open mike at a Mexican restaurant in West L.A.) and he took us over to Culver City to see the progress on the club. The District will be a welcome addition to the scene in L.A.!

Hit lasvegassun.com then hit “Accent” then hit “Columnists” then seek out the column by Lisa Ferguson. Her Laugh Lines column appears every Friday. It’s always about comedy. In her most recent column, on August 27, she wrote this:

Traci Skene celebrates her 39th birthday today. The comedian — who, along with her stand-up comic husband, Brian McKim, is the co-founder, co-editor and co-publisher of online comedy Web site SHECKYmagazine (www.sheckymagazine.com) — guested for several weeks earlier this month in “Divas of Comedy” at Sahara. The couple, who call Haddon Heights, N.J., home, update their magazine daily and continue to perform stand-up about 200 nights per year.

She also wrote about Shelly McCarty, who runs a comedy night off the strip. She’s a great source of info about standup in the Vegas!