This email recently arrived from a reader who noted that our upcoming trip to Montreal (July 21-25!) will coincide with that of his favorite comedian:

I am just hoping that you get a chance to talk to/see Jim Gaffigan while you are there. He is going to have some appearances there this year. I know you have interviewed him before so I hope you can get some more stuff from him. Thanks for a great website!

Stuart McCallister MSW/CSW
Therapist

Thanks for writing, Stuart! At the very least, we’ll snap a picture of Mr. Gaffigan! As for “getting more stuff from him,” there’s little chance of that happening– in fact, Mr. Gaffigan will probably request more stuff from us, as the SHECKYmagazine T-shirt that we gave him was immediately stolen from him by his brother! (Or so he claims!)

Above is the title of a page from the National Civil Engineering Education Resource Library which concludes that a 150-lb. person can indeed cause damage to “soft flooring” materials. The formula goes like this: Presssure on the floor = weight of the person divided by the area of the heel. To put it another way: A 150-lb. person, wearing heels that are 1/4-inch X 1/4-inch (or 0.000434 square foot), would exert 345,622 lbs per square foot of pressure on whatever surface is unfortunate enough to be underneath that heel! Read the rest here.

We only bring this up because Tommy James has forwarded an item about how John Pinette is hitting the stage (“Comedian John Pinette Straps on Edna’s Pumps for Hairspray Tour Starting Sept. 7”). Or how, as they put it in Playbill, “Girthy comedian John Pinette will join the national tour of Hairspray playing plus-size matron Edna Turnblad starting in September, according to his official website.” Now, we wouldn’t mention his weight (or, as Playbill might so poetically put it, his “girthiness”), but Pinette himself is not shy about exploiting his statospheric weight percentile for personal or professional gain. Indeed, Playbill (again!) ended the entire article by adding that Pinette “recorded a comedy CD, “Show Me the Buffet,” and often exploits his overweight state for his comedy.”

Read the rest here.

Well, now that Ant is gone, the most devious, the most interesting, the most volatile House dwellers have been eliminated. Among the seven who still reside in that ghastly castle, there are some splendid comics, to be sure. But where does that leave the reality part of the show? No more clashes between Corey Holcomb and his gay roomie. No more feline fireworks between Bonnie McFarlane and what the chat room denizens refer to as “The Sicilian Witch.” No more Todd Glass singing “The Attention Song” and generally distracting everyone from their scheming and dreaming!

It is a crucial flaw in this show that the folks who lose the head-to-head competition are summarily dismissed from the house… banished forever, never to interact with their old compadres. Which Larry Lightbulb came up with that feature? This is why they should toss everybody back in The House! (With minor adjustments, of course!)

If you know anything about standup comics, you know that there is nothing funnier (or potentially funnier) and there is nothing more unpredictable, than a comic who has nothing to lose. And, conversely, there is nothing more boring than six or seven comics who have learned to adapt. Which is what is going on in The House right now. (Recall Heffron‘s proclamation that “from now on, I am a lone wolf!” Good strategy, perhaps, but not what we all had in mind when we all signed on to watch Reality TV!) We’re headed toward a snoozer of a final four weeks! Jay Mohr talks about twists and turns, but we fear that there’s almost nothing that could remedy the potential for torpor! Except returning the losers back to the house to wreak havoc.

We comics pride ourselves on our ability to adapt… to figure out how to deal with unpleasant situations and make adjustments. Ah, but a comic with nothing to lose, that’s a whole different ballgame! Just ask any club owner– This is why you never tell a comic before the second show Saturday that he’s never coming back. (If you do, he’ll make sure that second show Saturday is legendary… and not legendary in a good way.)

Which is why they should toss the banished comics back in The House! Oh, sure, they could jigger the rules a bit so that it’s still fair (or at the very least a TV version of fair), but they still need the chemistry and the hoopla that such a reversal would undoubtedly bring.

How could they make it fair? Who knows. Just have them all re-instated with nothing to lose… and maybe nothing to gain– You lost the head-to-head, you can’t win the Big Prize, but you can have input, you can influence who the Big Prize Winner might be. Or, maybe you lose your right to vote, which makes you a constant and vulnerable target, susceptible to permanent banishment. Or, maybe you must compete against a Wild Card comic who never made it into The House in the first place! (There is a rumor that Pablo Francisco is going to be rammed into The House!) And the re-instated ones get tons of Network Television Face Time! We haven’t figured out all the details, but, hey– we don’t make as much money as Jay Mohr or Peter Engel. Let them figure it out! Besides, nobody listens to us anyway!

Think of how much fun last year’s competition might have been if Dave Mordal had been able to come back! Imagine the mayhem that the team of Mordal and Vos would have caused!

Toss the losers back in! We envision Ant and Todd Glass singing “The Attention Song” in two-part harmony at four in the morning!

We’d like to congratulate the winners of the Corey Holcomb DVD and thank them for playing!

David Nusair
Kris Bernard
Jim Fleming
Jackie Mauriello
Tommy Fusco

We suppose it’s better than being a tour guide. Mohr said that doing a roast is a way to demonstrate one’s writing and performing ability. Which it is. But, as Kathleen Madigan readily admitted (and amply demonstrated), it ain’t for her. Richard Lewis, in “A Hundred Years, A Million Laughs” (Buy it HERE), said, “The one type of event which is most famous for the Friars, which are the roasts, is the event that I purposefully (sic) have a problem doing. There’s a real reason for it. My whole thing as a standup comic is talking about me… I’m the same person onstage as I am off. And I just never figured out a way to affectionately berate anyone else but me.”

Gary Gulman adhered most closely to what a roast should be. Alonzo Bodden did the best out of all of the contestants. Norm Crosby was way off when he criticized Gulman’s material as being too crude. Crosby himself said (once again in the book pictured at left), “You’re not going to do your act, because it’s a totally different environment. It’s learning a little bit about the guest of honor. You can take the oldest joke in the world, but if it fits that person, it works. And you can be risque, you can be dirty, it just has to belong. It has to fit. And that’s the secret.” Rich Little‘s criticism was also out of touch with reality– his ridiculous admonition of Gulman for roasting the others (and not just London) was insipid. We get rather peeved when someone who should know better (in this case, Crosby and Little), says something that they absolutely must know is wrong. What gives? Gulman nailed his portion of the roast. He did it exactly how it should have been done. His frustration must have been nearly unbearable. Regardless of whether you thought his portion was funny, it was textbook Friars Roast. If they wanted to find something to pick at, they were entirely entitled, but they really shouldn’t have said the things they said. Hell, even Ed Sullivan– a man who was notable for his nearly fanatical avoidance of profanity– was heard to say “Fuck you!&quot to an audience member at a Friars Roast. It’s a tradition!

Of course, any roast is much more entertaining (and easier to write for) if we are more than passingly familiar with the roastee. Jay London is (as even he would proabably tell you) rather obscure.

Impressions (prior to the judging): Gulman did a nice set… they cut out his better tag lines on the opening bit (is it asking too much to have the person who is editing the sets on L.C.S. to actually know something about standup comedy?— like when the end of a bit is?)… Ant’s set was rambling and largely dependent on energy…

Well, whaddya know: Gulman wins with 73 per cent! Not too far off of the results of our poll. Our readers are the savvy ones, yes?

What is with the producers of Last Comic Standing? Why do they think it’s funny to haul the comics around in a short yellow school bus? What is the implied message here? The short yellow school bus is a hackneyed staple of 80s standup. A favorite heckler line among the creatively challenged– “Sir, did you get here on that short yellow school bus?” The implication is that only the retarded or the special education kids are transported via the stubby bus. We all know it. Would it have killed the producers to haul the comics around in some sort of zany limo? A stretch Pacer, maybe (Yeah, sure, we saw it in “Wayne’s World II”)?

Tom Hays, writing for Associated Press:

Oscar-winning actor Kirk Douglas’ youngest son, who battled drug and alcohol problems for years, was found dead Tuesday inside an apartment building, police said.

Eric Douglas, 46, was discovered after someone flagged down a passing police car. There were no signs of foul play, police said. An autopsy was planned.

Eric Douglas was an aspiring actor and comedian, but he never found the success of his father or of his Academy Award-winning sibling, Michael Douglas (news). He had a short-lived acting career in the 1980s and early ’90s, playing supporting roles in movies such as “Delta Force 3: The Killing Game.”

He also appeared in an episode of the HBO program “Tales From the Crypt” opposite his father, who earned an Emmy nomination for his role on the show.

In recent years, the youngest of Kirk Douglas’ four sons drew attention more for his problems than for any performances. In a 2000 interview, he said he spent eight days in a coma after a pill overdose a year earlier.

For years before that, Eric Douglas struggled with drug and alcohol addictions while repeatedly clashing with the law. He spent time behind bars and in rehabilitation clinics.

We recall being at the Improv on Melrose just before we moved back east, in late-1993, and Eric would emcee at the club on the occasional evening. He aspired to be a standup comic. But then again, it was 1993– a startling number of managers and agents advised their clients to do standup… we’re not exactly clear as to what they envisioned for their clients.

We don’t know how savvy our readership is when it comes to blogs. We here at SHECKYmagazine HQ check out three or four of them every day, so we know that the whole idea is to scroll down until you see something you’ve already seen before! In other words, when we post something new, the old stuff automatically drops down. So, if you hop on after having been away from us for a day or two (or an hour or two!), there might be somethings down there that you haven’t yet read. We only tell you this because under this post there is: A post on where to send tapes for the Chicago Comedy Festival, a post on Jim Mendrinos’ new book, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Comedy Writing,” a post on Mac King‘s new comic strip, a post exhorting our readership to participate in the SHECKYmagazine L.C.S. Readers Poll and a post on our exciting Corey Holcomb DVD/CD giveaway! So scroll down, people!

Also: For those of you who wish to get in on that DVD GIVEAWAY, it’s stupifyingly easy to paraticipate! All you need to do is HIT THE COMMENT BUTTON! If you haven’t left a comment on any of our posts, it’s pretty easy AND it’s a great way to let everyone know your opinion! We’ve had a few comments here and there (mostly anonymous!?), but we’d like to see that cranked up a little! And we’d like to see people attach their name to their posts! Have some sack, people! It won’t hurt! (We don’t require folks to “register” like most respectable blogs do… we trust you! But, still, it would be nice if you folks would have a little pride of ownership when it comes to opinions!)

See you all tonight at about 10:20 PM EDT after the end of L.C.S.!!!

Chicago Comedy Festival operative Julie Powers sent us an email:

Dan Carlson is now accepting tape submissions for the Festival. Please have folks send video tapes and promotional materials to:

Chicago Comedy Festival
P.O. Box 158
Barrington, IL 60011

The deadline for submissions is 8/21/04. No showcases are currently scheduled, although that may change in the near future. The festival is slated for 10/21 – 10/24.

ADDENDUM: Powers says that, as far as she knows, Carlson is not charging a fee to view submissions. She adds that Mr. Carlson has never done so in the past and that there is no reason to believe that he is doing so this year.

Seven hours remain before we take down this week’s L.C.S. poll! We’ll take her down at 8PM EDT, just before NBC airs Episode #206 and run the percentages! If you haven’t taken the poll, it’s over there—> and down! It only takes a second and we don’t require registration or a blood sample or anything! We’re just trying to find out how savvy our readers are when it comes to predicting who will be kicked out of The House!

We’re going to give away FIVE copies of Cory Holcomb’s beautifully packaged DVD/CD package, “The Problem is You.” The folks at Shout! Factory and Ad Lib Records have put together the Breakout Comedy Series and this is the first one.

But how do we give them away? A contest! According to the listings on Yahoo, NBC is running two episodes of Last Comic Standing tonight. At 8PM EDT, they’re running Episode #206 (“Tensions between two comics prompt one to consider leaving; alliances continue to form as another comic is eliminated.”), then, at 9PM EDT, they’re running Episode #207 (“The plotting continues among the remaining seven comics”). Let’s do this: At 10:01 PM EDT tonight, the first five people to hit the “comments” button at the bottom of this post and correctly identify who was eliminated on tonight’s L.C.S. episodes in a posted comment and who also leave a name and email address will win a copy of The Problem Is You! (Don’t worry, we won’t use your address for nefarious purposes AND it will come down as soon as we determine five legitimate winners!) We reserve the right to eliminate anyone, to determine the ultimate winners, to settle any disputes, etc. (It’s the standard disclaimer to head off any whining by sore losers or litigious goofballs!)

IGNORE THE ABOVE…It’s 10:16 PM EDT and they’re all gone! Thanks for particpating!

Today is July 6, 2004, the release date for “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Comedy Writing” by our own Jim Mendrinos. (We say “our own” because his IN NY column, a regular report on the Big Apple comedy scene, just started in the pages of this magazine last week.

In addition to “expert advice on developing your comedy instincts,” the book also contains “insider tips on writing jokes, cartoons, film scripts, sitcom treatments and more.” With a foreword by Colin Quinn. BUY IT HERE.

Over the cybertransom comes a press release with this lead paragraph:

Mac King, headlining comedian and magician on the Las Vegas Strip, launched his comic strip “Mac King’s Magic in a Minute,” a weekly comic being syndicated by Tribune Media Services (TMS). The comic first appeared in Las Vegas Review-Journal on July 4.

Brilliant, yes? A nice comic strip, you know… for kids! What with all the edginess on the comics page these days (Boondocks, Doonesbury, etc.), editors are no doubt itching to include more comic strips that are actually for kids. When Jim Davis, the creator of the benign strip Garfield, got heat for creating an even benigner (if that’s not a word, try “dumber”) strip called US Acres, he defended it by saying (and we’re paraphrasing here), “even the simpletons need a comic strip.” Not to say that Mr. King’s strip is for simpletons. It’s for, you know… kids. However, in the rush to appear hip, even Nancy started getting complicated once in a while! There’s a lot of cash to be made by syndicating a strip that is innocent, simple and non-offensive. (Let’s just hope that King doesn’t get reamed by his colleagues for revealing too many secrets like that guy on Fox with the satin bag on his head!)

Proof that we’ve known Todd Glass for 20 years. This Polaroid was snapped in late 1983 or early 1984 at the dear departed Comedy Works in Philadelphia. Says SHECKYmagazine Editor Brian McKim, “I carried at least one Polaroid camera with me at all times during that period. Then I’d take the photos home and type a caption on them using an old Remington typewriter.” This caption says, “TODD GLASS AND TWO UNIDENTIFIED BUT OBVIOUSLY SUFFER YOUNG LADIES”

Question 21 is back! This time, the interogatee is Last Comic Standing finalist Gary Gulman! The Boston-based comic (pictured at left) handles the Q21 with aplomb! Read it here!

Can you handle another columnist? Of course you can! We’re proud to announce the launch of Jim Mendrinos IN NY, a column by writer/comic Jim Mendrinos on the sprawling comedy hotbed that is New York City, a territory that was up until recently covered nicely by Joe Dixon and before that by Rusty Ward.

Back when I started, there was Catch, The Improv and the Strip. Now, two decades later, the Strip is still going strong, Catch has closed twice, with both locations becoming dance clubs, and the original location of the Improv is now an Italian restaurant. However, on June 22, the Improv officially re-launched here in NYC.

Mendrinos’ first column is heavy on the name-dropping and also has a fairly detailed rundown on the clubs that make the NY scene the monster that it is. Informative and entertaining, handy and inside– How very SHECKYmagazine!

We’re pleased to introduce a new Big Move– Paul Ogata will be occupying the chair most recently occupied by Tommy James (who will continue contributing to SHECKYmagazine in an “at-large” capacity). Paul has been living in… Well, let’s just let him tell you:

Presently, I’m a comic-slash-DJ living in Hawaii. That in itself is ironic since The Little Pond known as Hawaii is stuck in the middle of an actual Big Pond
called the Pacific Ocean. We don’t have a very large comedy scene here, which may be the reason it has taken me a long time to stop sucking at comedy. At least, that’s my excuse.

Paul is carrying on the fine SHECKYmagazine Big Move tradition, previously written by Rich Williams, Tom Ryan and, of course, Tommy James. Read the rest of it to find out if/when Paul makes The Big Move!

New columns from our regular contributors Adam Gropman and Kid Dave Miller are up and ready for your perusal! Each one takes a wildly different look at his “real job,” as you’ll notice from these excerpts, first from Miller’s Office in the Sky:

Hey! I think
I just made a breakthrough! When you realize that your
life is your life, and you’ll do as you damn well please,
and don’t care what your so-called peers think, you
have transcended to a higher plane.

And, from Gropman’s Day Job:

In the meantime, however, I work the nine to five, Monday through Friday. And every week I sink further into the soft, anesthetic complacency of the pleasant corporate environment. My day job offers many things to make me keep coming back every day, such as a tidy office with a view of Universal City, industrial-strength air conditioning, a sweet multi-line console phone with unlimited long distance, T1 Internet connection and all the free coffee with white chemical non-food “creamer” I could ever ingest.

Read the rest of Kid Dave here and read the rest of Adam here

In yesterday’s Philadelphia Inquirer, a profile of Todd Glass ends with this quote:

“I’ll be around for a while,” he promises with a wink. “If you’re watching and at one point, something happens and you’re bummed, keep watching. There’s twists and turns. That’s all I can say.”

But our favorite part is this:

Glass saw Last Comic Standing as a chance to goof around with nine of his peers. So he was a little shocked when he watched last week’s show, the first taped in the house, to discover that other people were taking the contest far more seriously. Tammy Pescatelli, the mad Sicilian, and Ant, the even madder gay comic, spent most of the hour secretly conspiring.

Pescatelli hated everyone. Ant reserved his enmity for Glass, a vendetta that strikes its target as ridiculous.

“Ant’s seen too many episodes of Real World and Survivor,” Glass says. “He’s doing an impersonation of someone he saw on a reality show… . He had nothing against me”

Read the rest here. (Registration required)

Tommy sent us a heads up concerning this article about T

After gently mocking Elayne Boosler in a previous post (see “Comedian/Writer/Animal Activist,” June 10, below), we received the following email:

Dear Stuffed Animal Activist,

Cool magazine.

Comedian/Writer/Animal Activist Elayne Boosler
www.tailsofjoy.net

Tails of Joy is Boosler’s “funny and informative rescue organization for dogs, cats, companion animals and the people they own.” Click the URL to be taken there immediately.

From his first joke, it was clear that Todd Glass was going back to the house. Tammy Pescatelli did a controlled set, even and smooth, but nowhere near the energy of Todd’s set. But, this is reality television. And that was a real crowd. About as real as any. And Tammy won, 55 per cent to 45 per cent. The closest result yet, said Mohr. And the show has lost what could ironically be called it’s “comic relief”. Is it us, or was Todd the only one who was exhibiting a sense of humor?

Kathleen Madigan is displaying a sense of humor, but much more subtly (and, probably, more often than the camera catches– Todd’s antics were much more telegenic, let’s face it).

What is with this crying thing? The episode started out with Heffron crying. (It’s nice to know that someone felt bad enough about Bonnie McFarlane‘s banishment, but weeping?) And then Ant is reduced to tears by an over-the-top Corey Holcomb! What gives?

And how did it get to that point in Ant vs. Holcomb? Comics rarely fight. We usually use this thing called “wit.” We don’t have the energy for confrontation. We save up for the stage. For the nitwit in the back row on second show Friday. We can’t bring ourselves to get worked up over another comic. After all, it’s us (we comics) against them (the audience). How did these two almost come to blows? Ant says that Corey is the most homophobic person he’s ever encountered. Now Corey thinks that Ant is racist. Puh-leeze! Can’t we just reduce this to a purely personal level: You don’t like him and he don’t like you. It’s got nothing to do with whatever groups you belong to! Can’t we all just not get along? Madigan summed up the whole thing nicely: “I didn’t sign up for The Real World– Whatever happened to comedians? And Holcomb should have let Ant go for using “the N-word.” We’re comics. We like to think that we can say the most vile, the most outrageous things around our compatriots.

And as long as we’re talking about groups vs. individuals, what is all this nonsense from Tammy about “I wanna prove that female comics don’t just do jokes about their boyfriends, etc., etc.” In her buildup to the battle vs. Todd, she spewed this nonsense and said she was going to shatter some stereotypes– something about people picking on her because they perceived her as weak because she was merely a female comic. Hello? Did anyone challenge Kathleen? No. We’ll be shocked if anyone looks into that lens in the photo booth and says, “I think I’m funnier than Kathleen Madigan.” What is Tammy talking about? What is this victim thing? She was singled out for challenge because, as she stated herself earlier in the episode, she was buddies with Ant. She had cast her lot with Ant. Once Ant gained immunity, she was the next logical target. Nothing to do with gender, or bitchiness or anything. Comics don’t think of other comics as black or female or gay… that’s how other people view us. Todd was ever more honest when he said he challenged Tammy because he, “followed this person once and he found her easy to follow.” No mention of gender, no mention of anything but relative power onstage. If any challengers consider race or gender, it’s because they are considering what the audience might think— their own personal feelings take a back seat.

Humiliation factor: 4, for making professional standup comics waste their time as tour guides. No offense to tour guides, but putting them through this is like having a thoroughbred racehorse do pony rides at a 6-year-old’s birthday bash. Exactly what did Ant demonstrate by being a good tour guide? He demonstrated that he would make a good tour guide. We’re sure the phone is ringing off the hook. Okay, he demonstrated that he was good at improv. But improv isn’t standup. And why isn’t he that funny in the house? Why doesn’t he yock it up in the house instead of being pissy all the time?

Mohr teased next week by saying that “two enemies go head-to-head.” It’s gotta be Corey vs. Ant. Stay tuned.

The WWW is buzzing with all manner of Last Comic Standing gossip and innuendo. The latest rumor (which we believe to be true, just don’t ask us why!) has Pablo Francisco placed in The House as a “wildcard!” You’ll recall that Pablo was eliminated early on in the proceedings. (Early on, when we found out that he was among the hopefuls trying out for L.C.S., we here at SHECKYmagazine predicted that he would be the winner of the whole megilla. We may look like geniuses yet!) Of course, if you’ve been swapping invective with the rabid L.C.S. freaks on NBC’s L.C.S. chat room, you’d already know this. However, for those of you with a life (a life that, thankfully, includes checking into SHECKYmagazine.com on a regular basis!) you are finding it out here and now! See you back here tonight at about 10:30 PM EDT when we upload our L.C.S. Episode #6 analysis!

We’ve been getting positive buzz about Steve Mazan’s Iraq Journal. This email is typical:

Just wanted to send a compliment about Steve Mazan’s Iraq journal. I really enjoyed it! Steve’s a great comic and guy who I’ve worked with on the road and it was cool to read his detailed journal about entertaining the troops in the war zone. Great stuff! Thanks.

Joshua Sankey

You can click on the title above to get to it, or, starting today, you’ll be able to click on the link to it in the upper left. Hereafter, all new, or near-new content will be linked from that spot! We’re always trying to make the SHECKYmagazine experience a good one!

Last week, we told you about USAToday’s Reality Check, which appears in the McPaper weekly (and, for the most part, weakly!) (It’s online, too, if you click here.) Well, this week’s check is mercifully brief, but mercilessly catty (we note that the top of most recent R.C. is graced with a pic of the dreamy Gary Gulman! And we also note that the copy says that Bonnie “makes enemies of just about everyone in the house before she even unpacks.” Which perhaps overstates things just a tad. Clip the claws, Reality Check gals!

Instead of challenging a housemate she knew she could beat (and telling them so to their faces), Bonnie went with someone she wasn’t sure about: Jon Heffron.

Hmmm… they’re getting into strategy now, are they? Stay tuned for our comments on tomorrow’s L.C.S.! We plan to have our analysis up within minutes of the conclusion!

US Magazine mentions three L.C.S.ers in their This Minute section, providing a pic and a coupla quotes from their “favorites” Madigan, London and Gulman.

And, in the TV Week in Sunday’s Indianapolis Star, the back cover was occupied by a profile of L.C.S. ’03 finalist Dave Mordal. The piece (complete with a strange color photo), which was syndicated through all the Knight Ridder papers, is lengthy and contains many details on the Elk River, Minnesota native we weren’t aware of.

Mordal has never been part of standup comedy’s social scene. To this day, his favorite way to spend time is heading to Wal-Mart with his son, now 15, to buy a CD or fish for the aquarium. He says he needs only enough money to keep him and Nick boating during the summers.

Exactly what is “standup comedy’s social scene,” anyway? Lunching with Jerry Seinfeld then planting tulip bulbs with Margaret Cho before a few sets of tennis with John Pinette? Deadlines do strange things to newspaper writers.

From the Sacramento Bee (by way of Tommy James):

Dave Chappelle got so angry with the crowd Tuesday night at Sacramento’s Memorial Auditorium that the stand-up comic walked off the stage for nearly two minutes. Upon his return, he told the audience, “You people are stupid.”

What got the comic so riled up? According to Chappelle, it was audience members who wouldn’t “shut up and listen – like you’re supposed to.”

Chappelle is the creator and star of the No. 1-rated show on Comedy Central. It’s that fame that helped the comic sell out the nearly 4,000-seat Memorial Auditorium weeks in advance of the show. And that popularity also caused the frustration for the performer, as audience members continually shouted a character’s catchphrase from “Chappelle’s Show” – it starts, “I’m Rick James …” and ends with the b-word.

“The show is ruining my life,” Chappelle told the crowd. Besides requiring him to work “20 hours a day,” he said, it has made him a “star,” which has resulted in the inability of fans to treat him as an individual.

“This (stand-up) is the most important thing I do, and because I’m on TV, you make it hard for me to do it,” he said.

“People can’t distinguish between what’s real and fake. This ain’t a TV show. You’re not watching Comedy Central. I’m real up here talking.”

Read the whole thing here.

Chillin’ in the Big O: SHECKYmagazine.com editors Traci Skene and Brian McKim flank Jesters Comedy Club House Emcee Cold Funk in a pic taken Thursday night at the Omaha club. Jesters occupies the spot formerly occupied by the Funny Bone. According to the Bone’s website, they’ll re-open in mid-summer, in a location further west of the city, but unconfirmed rumors say that that date may be pushed to the fall. If/When that happens, Omaha may be a rare market with three full-time comedy clubs, with Jokers downtown, Jesters on 114th St. and the Bone on 168th!

From the website, Reality News Online, “Last Comic Standing 2: Eyewitness to Controversy” is an eyewitness, blow-by-blow account of the Las Vegas finals show by Dale Sherman. This excerpt, a description of Todd Glass‘s set, clarifies the mystery of just who Jay Mohr was talking about when he mentioned “a 20-year veteran who wet his pants onstage in Vegas”:

There was serious dead air going on while he tried to regroup after completely forgetting a punchline to a joke. His uterus joke also absolutely died. Could have heard crickets, and the clips of the audience shown had them mostly sitting in silence with a few clappers. Notice they didn’t show a Q&A? The judges came at him a bit for forgetting his joke, and Jay had to jump in to mention how great Todd was in New York.

Read the whole thing here.

Bonnie says, “Todd is trying to have a good time and Ant is trying to win a contest.” No truer words were ever spoken. Now, we know that these reality shows are edited for maximum effect. (We’ve stomached a Real World here and there and then watched the Real World Retrospective or whatever it was called.) But Bonnie pretty much knows what’s going on in The House. Except that we might add that Todd is also trying to win a contest… and, failing that, he’s trying to make a huge impact while he’s got the cameras within reach. USAToday called him this show’s Puck. Can anyone name any of the other people on any of the Real World‘s? Chew on that for a while.

Ant is the classic yenta, which is why they train the camera on him so often. (I just realized I learned most of my Yiddish from reading Mad Magazine! Do they still pepper their content with Yiddish?)

Where’s the immunity thing this year? We figured that Corey Holcombe would be immune to any challenge after having won a trip to Aspen to perform at the Fest (after doing so well in the laudromat gig), but somebody challenged him (was it Bonnie?) in the photo booth.

“I can beat Ant, that’s not even a challenge,” says Bonnie, then she picks Heffron! It seems that this year’s contestants have learned a little strategy between last year and this year! Predictions: Traci says Bonnie wins. Brian says Bonnie wins. (It’s 9:37 PM as we type this…you’ll have to trust us!) Sure, we’re biased since Bonnie writes for SHECKYmagazine, but consider this: Heffron and SHECKYmagzine Editor Brian McKim share a birthday (“And pretty blue eyes,” says Traci!), so there’s equal bias in either direction! DISCLAIMER: None of our predictions are based on who we might think is funnier… It’s all based on the fuzzy rules of Reality Television.

Has there been a change in the challenge rules this year? This year, it seems that if you are the person who is most challenged, you can, in turn, only challenge somebody who called you out. Correct us if we’re wrong, but this is different from last year. This changes the strategy somewhat… but, if you have half a brain, you can make the adjustment.

Stategy? Let’s address that. If you have any confidence in your ability to just go up and smoke the crowd for a few minutes, should you really be worried about anything? Then again, comedy is comedy. So many variables. Avoiding having to smoke a room is preferable, we suppose. There are no guarantees in life. And standup is real life.

It’s official: Bonnie loses to Heffron. The house will less interesting now that Bonnie is gone.

Tonight’s humiliation rating: 3 out of 5, for having them perform in a hell gig (with apologies to Christy–see below)!

From Zap2it.com:

Both comedians made their feelings public after the show taped in March, saying they believed NBC chose finalists who would make for better television when they’re thrown together in a house, rather than simply the 10 funniest people.

Not true, Mohr says now: “The judges’ wishes are the first, second and third thing we respect when we go into the room to pick who gets on the show. The first thing we do is say ‘Who’s on all four cards’ … and those people automatically go,” he says.

The four judges — Carey, Butler, “Yes, Dear” star Anthony Clark and former “LCS” finalist Tess — were told to pick 10 comics each to advance to the finals. Clark wrote down only four names; his picks matched with those of the other judges, so those four comics moved on (Mohr and NBC both decline to reveal who the unanimous picks are). Carey, Butler and Tess also agreed on three more contestants, bringing the number of finalists to seven.

Mohr says the judges split their remaining votes among 11 comics, which forced the producers to step in and fill the remaining three slots.

“So how do you rectify that?” Mohr asks. “You have to choose behind closed doors who was the funniest the entire way through. Who’s given you nothing in interviews and testimonials and just had the best set of their lives that one night in Las Vegas, and who’s been funny the whole way through, in all the interviews and during their stand-up.

“The judges’ wishes were respected a lot more than they’d like the public to believe.”
Mohr had no hand in choosing the finalists; instead, executive producers Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz, along with some NBC executives, made the final call. Their choices incorporated the judges’ opinions along with what they had seen for the duration of the early rounds, including time spent offstage.

“[Carey and Butler] didn’t see the people being funny throughout the audition process,” he says. “There are people who may have been on their cards because they had the best set of their entire journey, and maybe of their entire careers, that night in Las Vegas.”

Mohr doesn’t know why the judges weren’t fully briefed on the selection process, and in hindsight, he thinks he might have taken more time to explain the procedure better (“Last Comic Standing” used the same selection process last year with no controversy).

“Maybe I’ll shoulder some of that blame,” he says. “Maybe I should have explained to them that in the even you only pick seven of the 10 unanimously, we’ll, as they say in boxing, have to go to the cards.”

Thanks to Tommy James for the tip!

From USA Today, Monday, June 21, 2004, in a feature entitled, “Reality Check,” which purports to be a compendium of “Highlights and lowlights from last week’s reality series,” comes the following commentary on Last Comic Standing:

(Under the heading of “Worst Behavior”):Nothing completely outrageous yet (by reality-TV standards), but Philly comic Todd Glass is the Puck of this outfit– willing to act like a child to get more screen time.

(Under the heading of “Snarkiest comment”):DC Benny, when he gets the news that Todd Glass is his roommate: “Great. Will there be sedatives in the room?”

(Under the heading of “What were they thinking?”):Bonnie MacFarlane, bleeped often amid an unremarkable routine about breast implants, gets chosen for the finals. It doesn’t matter how good she wasn’t-she’ll provide conflict at the house.

(Under the heading of “Best decision”):Producers invite semifinalist Jim Wiggins to the Vegas finals at the last minute to fill a vacancy. He delivers a great set, despite having no prep time. (Too bad he doesn’t make the finals.)

USAToday lists Jayme Deerwester, Bethany Deitemeyer, Korina Lopez, Whitney Matheson, Alison Maxwell as the “contributors” to this piece. They all seem to be handicapped when it comes to identifying irony. Todd’s Puck act is a parody of how one is supposed to act in order to get face time on a reality show. The fact that it is working (and working quite well!) is the supreme irony here. None of the Contributors seem to grasp this.

Do they really think DC Benny was actually, honestly being “snarky” when he made his comment? Hell, no. He’s just like any other professional comic– he hates sharing a room with anybody!

Bonnie was bleeped exactly once by our count. We have one thing to say about their Bonnie McFarlane commentary: Meeeeoow!

Jim Wiggins had no prep time? Trust us: Jim Wiggins has had 25 years of prep time! And a nice 2-1/2 hour plane ride from Topeka to Vegas. Trust us– he was more than prepared.

Oh, great. Now we’re going to be compelled to purchase USAToday every Monday. (Fortunately I didn’t have to buy this one… It was lying on the table at the post office and I grabbed the entertainment section just to have something to read while I waited in line to mail off a press kit… For more on that, read the posting below, “Can’t sing, can’t act, can dance a little”)

In an item entitled “The Gay Lifestyle,” on his Daily Dish blog, gay conservative author Andrew Sullivan ran a lengthy “list of the occupations of the gay applicants for civil marriage licenses in Massachusetts in the first week.” Right there, between “speech pathologist” and “state trooper” was, you guessed it: standup comic! We wondered who it was. Hey: Who are you? Got a photo of the nuptials? Send one in! We immediately concluded that the parents of the person who married the standup comic probably aren’t so much disappointed that their kid is gay, but more disturbed that he/she married a standup comic! What?! You couldn’t have married a doctor or something?

Triana Gamaza, the Venezuelan-born “exotic dancer,” whose website describes her as an “up and coming stand-up comic, writer, and television personality” (and whose midsection appears in the photo at left), took time out from her busy schedule (which included a recent appearance– panel only– on The Tonight Show starring Jay Leno) writes in an email:

Hi, Shecky,

So me and Buck Star in the same category, huh? I gotta say, I’m honored. Thanks Shecky, you guys RULE!

Triana
The Stripper Comic from LCS

We send out dozens of press kits in the course of a typical month in the hopes of securing work. The typical kit has a video, some headshots and some glowing articles. The response ranges from “This is the best tape we’ve seen in months!” to sheer indifference. Every once in a while (maybe it’s happened twice in 20 years!), the guy/gal on the other end takes the opportunity of the press kit to send back a critique! Below is the most recent unsolicited critique and, in this case, it’s hilarious!

Brian,
We viewed yours and Tracy’s videos. I am the one writing to you. We could all see that you in particular are very professional and have a very well crafted act.

And while I’m unsure whether certain routines (which would be inappropriate to our venues) can be lifted out, without the structure of your act crumbling (like your closer…”Vagina manhole cover” which would require Tracy also being on the bill, which frankly, ain’t gonna happen), there is a bigger obstacle.

You are entitled to project any attitude or energy you wish on a stage. As we are entitled to have our own preferences.

You appear to be rather road weary and that kind of joyless approach to performing and/or contempt for audiences is not what I wish to project onto our stages. I write of posture, attitude and cadence. Not only material.

While I believe your on-stage attitude has absolute validity. We just don’t want it on our shows.

We posted this ad in case there were comics we didn’t know about, who were doing powerful yet surprising work. It’s purpose was not to pad our list of guys who could do the job successfully (which you certainly can). Picking a few random states and dismissing the intelligence of people who reside in them is not very surprising. Nor are barrages of dick jokes.

I know it’s easy to read such remarks and dismiss them as being from someone who has no idea what they’re talking about. I hope you won’t make that mistake. You’re too veteran for that (and you’d be wrong to boot). Either way, keep up the good work you do. You are a very good joke flesh-outer.

Now the only choice we must make is which of these lines do we excerpt to include in our bio? Let’s see… for Traci (whose name is, we guarantee you, spelled correctly in her press kit, but repeatedly misspelled in the above letter!), the choice is easy:

“…which would require Tracy also being on the bill, which frankly, ain’t gonna happen!”

For Brian, the choice is harder:

“…Rather road weary…a joyless approach to performing and a contempt for audiences!”

or

“Absolute validity! We just don’t want it on our shows!”

Regardless of which we choose, you know I’ll be selling BRIAN McKIM: “A very good joke flesh-outer!” T-shirts after each and every show!

An examination of the Just For Laughs website reveals that at least three comics from L.C.S. are to be featured in this year’s festival, Tammy Pescatelli and Bonnie McFarlane. What can we conclude from this with regard to the eventual outcome of L.C.S.? Last year’s festival was peopled by Rich Vos, Dave Mordal and Corey Kahaney, and Dat Phan was nowhere in sight.

Hopped onto a weird site that was a compendium of companies that claim to be places where you can buy tickets to see Last Comic Standing being taped. Buy tickets? Wasn’t there some sort of FCC law passed a few decades ago that said you couldn’t charge people to see a TV show being taped? We were particularly amused by one outfit, Barry’s Tickets, who claim to have been “selling Last Comic Standing tickets for over 20 years.” Hmmm…

Earlier in the evening:

This gives us a chance to revise our predictions. Not entirely fair, but, hey–it’s our website! We both choose Naturman as the choice to replace Norton among our choices of who goes to The House.

They lose Jim Norton due to “contractual obligations” that conflicted with taping dates of L.C.S. But they never say what it is that Norton’s contracted to tape. Sure, it’s on another network, but can’t they plug it anyway?

Previously discarded Jim Wiggins is the luckiest man in show business. Most contests have alternates… what’s wrong with the people at Peter Engel Productions? Why not fly Wiggins into Vegas just in case somebody get sick or arrested… or contracted by another network? But it made for some reality show drama. (Golly! Do you think there’s any of them there aeroplanes flying between Topeka and Vegas?) How cruel is that? One second Wiggins is doing Bullfrog’s in Topeka, the next minute, he’s flying to Nevada to appear in a network television taping!

The big mystery: Why did Mohr go on a talk show (while promoting his book) and say that “a twenty-year veteran wet his pants onstage in Vegas?” Are they sweetening the audience response? DC Benny did the worst of all the contestants tonight (and the only reason we mention it is that he said so himself), but we’re fairly certain that he isn’t the 20-year vet that Mohr referred to. Todd Glass certainly didn’t have a strong set, but he didn’t wet his pants, figuratively or literally.

Making it into The House from tonight’s episode:

Alonzo Bodden
Tammy Pescatelli
Todd Glass
John Heffron
Jay London

Final tallies: Traci correctly predicted 8 of 10 going to The House, Brian got 5 of 10.

Good for Drew Carey for expressing his true thoughts while the cameras were rolling, but the producers goofed up by not making it plain that the celebrity judges’ input was largely ceremonial.

Looks like Dan Naturman has never been in a contest before. He should know that merely killing is no guarantee of anything. Sure, express a little disappointment, but if you make fun of NBC’s little TV show, the suits from the other networks who are undoubtedly watching will be loath to contact you for their little projects, funny or not.

It’s a contest. Some folks get into the house and some of those folks are unquestionably, hysterically. But it’s coincidence. Why? Because it’s a contest; worse yet, it’s a contest within the framework of a reality television show. The voiceover at the top of the show tonight described the contestants as “the 20 funniest comics in America.” Of course, this is sheer puffery. If you believe that, you believe that Dat Phan is America’s funniest comedian. Our point is that Mr. Naturman, funny though he may be, lost perspective. Consider this kids: If, after last week’s show, Jim Wiggins had behaved in a manner similar to the way Mr. Naturman behaved in this evening’s episode, Mr. Wiggins would have been onstage at Bullfrog’s in Topeka, instead of flying into McCarran with 40 minutes to showtime. And, if for any reason one of the ten Houseguests should be bounced prematurely from the show, and hypothetically, Naturman was to be next in line of succession, his hissy fit would have given the producers pause and quite possibly resulted in going over his hot head to the next good sport in line.

We’d bet money that portions of Wiggins’ performance were re-shot. His voice got magically better 3/4 of the way through his set. Hmmm… And the alternate lost his voice–reason to have an alternate to the alternate in our book!

Tonight’s winner: Jim Norton, of course. He got face time on a network show, he never did “lose” to the other contestants, and he got bounced off the show because he was too busy taping other shows to be included in this one! Pretty nice, if you can pull it off!

We’ll be monitoring the broadcast, of course!

Addendum to last night’s posting: From now on, we’ll be rating each episode according to its Humiliation Factor. How does the episode rate when it comes to asking professional standup comics to do things that you just shouldn’t ask a professional standup comic to do. On a scale of 1 to 5, with a 5 being absolutely humiliating, Episode 3 rated a 3, for asking the comics to share a room. If we had gotten to the front desk and were told that we’d be sharing a room with another comic, we would have put a single room on the credit card (after, of course, checking with the producers to see if being forced to share was stipulated in the contract).

Correction on last night’s posting: When Jay Mohr asked Dan Adhoot how long he’d been doing it (and Adhoot replied quot;three years,quot;), Mohr indicated that, to him at least, Adhoot’s inexperience wasn’t obvious. We were of the opposite opinion.

Make plans to attend The SHECKYmagazine.com Comedy Showcase, part of the New York City Underground Comedy Festival on WEDNESDAY, October 6, 2004 at the Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker at Sullivan, in the heart of the village.

(Click here for a map!) Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker, (212)260-7993

Who made it into the house from the first ten:

Kathleen Madigan
Gary Gulman
Corey Holcomb
Bonnie McFarlane
Ant

Who didn’t make it in:

Kerry Louise
Monte Hoffman
Jessica Kirson
Tim Young
Dan Adhoot

Did we say that Todd Glass knows how to work the medium like no other? We’ve known Todd for over 20 years. His antics dominated the opening montage of this evening’s episode. This may be the first time he’s actually had our respect. (Hey, we’ve known him for 20 years, we can say things like that! Hell, we’ve known Todd since he was actually the age he claims to be now! That’s how long we’ve known Todd.)

Our hearts swell with pride upon seeing Bonnie McFarlane comandeer the camera with only her personality during the opening. And we must thank her for staring straight into the camera and saying, “Women aren’t funny,” which also happens to be the title of her latest column!

Who died and left Ant boss? His assessment of Bonnie’s first joke (and its possible effect on her career) demonstrates an appalling ignorance of how television (and comedy!) works. Using the C-word wasn’t all that risky. Her justification for using it (when Mohr asked her why she did it) was priceless. It was gutsy but not as gutsy as if say, Phyllis Diller had been on the judge’s panel instead of Brett Butler.

What is with this “comedically challenged” nonsense as applied to Gary Gulman? (See the NY Post gossip posting below.) So far, he’s kicked ass and he’s been slobbered over by the panelists, both male and female. He’s third in the media manipulation derby so far.

Sure, the sets are heavily edited, and we really don’t see an entire uninterrupted set, but Kathleen Madigan is coming off as an accomplished comic and she’s making the most of this opportunity. She doesn’t seem to be constantly cooking up strategy. Instead, she’s doing comedy and doing it well.

Tess is a waste of everybody’s time. What is with those lame questions?

Traci is unhappy that Kerry Louise said that husband Tom Cotter wrote half her act. (“Now everyone’s going to think that Brian wrote half of my act!” says Skene, already a little testy that Cotter and Louise said, in last week’s episode that they would throw each other under a train to advance. “They give comedy couples a bad name!” Maybe it’s the editing.)

Very smart on the part of Gulman, McFarlane and Madigan to do different material each time they’ve been called upon to perform (at least it appears that way). Those who didn’t made it appear that they only had three minutes of material.

The prediction tally: Traci went 4 for 5… Brian went 2 for 5.

Why didn’t some of tonight’s contestants get in? Hoffman might have struck out because Sean Kent, a house guest on last year’s L.C.S. was a cancer survivor. (We can hear a TV exec saying, “We already ‘did cancer’ last year!”) Kirson might have gotten in had her offstage personality matched her onstage personality in terms of energy and quirkiness. Adhoot was hurt by his inexperience. Mohr noticed it; he asked him how long he had been doing it. “Three years,” was the reply. We called that one. The “motherless twins” factor may have done in Kerry Louise. Nobody, not even a TV exec wants to leave a pair of toddler twins without a mom for a month. And then there’s Tim Young. He gambled with the Buddhism thing and lost.

Tomorrow’s ten:

John Heffron
Tammy Pescatelli
Todd Glass
Jim Norton
Alonzo Bodden
Marina Franklin
Sue Costello
DC Benny
Jay London
Dan Naturman

An email from San Francisco:

How to Enter the 29th Annual San Francisco International Stand-Up Comedy Competition

Comedy Competition co-producer Anne Fox is currently viewing tapes submitted by omedians who want to enter this year’s event. She is looking for youthful, professional talent with outstanding ability and determination.

Only 30 performers will be accepted. They will be split into two groups, one of which will compete in preliminary round one September 15-19 and the other of which will compete in preliminary round two September 22-26. In the preliminary rounds, contestants perform five to seven minute sets and travel from San Francisco to venues in such cities as San Rafael, Napa, Livermore and Santa Cruz.

The top five acts from each preliminary round will advance to the semi-final round, September 28 to October 3. By making the semis, each performer will be guaranteed of making a minimum of $1,000 for two weeks work. In all, $20,000 in prize money will be distributed with $5,000 going to the eventual winner. Semi-finalists will perform ten to twelve minute sets at such venues as Villa Montalvo, Sacramento State, Luther Burbank Center and the Bach Dancing and Dynamite Society.

The top five semi-finalists will advance to the final round, October 5-10, where they will perform 15-20 minute sets.

Applicants should send a 20-minute tape along with a picture and bio to:

Anne Fox
Comedy Scene
60 Waterside Circle
San Rafael, CA 94941

Any questions can be submitted to co-producer Jon Fox via email at Jon Fox.

From a reader:

I went with my husband and friends to see his stand up show. We were all having a good time until he brought up going to see a Lakers’ basketball game. I along, with maybe 2,500 other fans booed his mention of the Lakers. It was NOT that big of a deal – this is Colorado and one of the TOP sports towns! We are passionate about ALL our Colorado teams and the booing was just a friendly reminder to George that he was in DENVER. George took it WAY to personally and ended up insulting the people of Denver, and cutting his act short!

He is a professional comedian and quite honestly, I expected MORE from him. He should have been able to joke his way out of the situation without insulting HIS fans and then leaving prematurely! Apparently there were fans that had backstage passes to meet him and of course, George did not grace them with his presence. This too is very unprofessional.

George, if you can’t take a joke, maybe you shouldn’t be up there telling jokes!

Gina Alvarado
Longmont, Colorado

Yipe! We’ve never performed for a crowd of 2,500 people, let alone had 2,500 boo us! Nevertheless, Lopez seems to have horribly misjudged the reaction of the audience! The Magness Arena seats approximately 7,200 people, so there were still approximately 5,000 people who weren’t booing!