1. Which book do you wish you could rewrite?

Chiltons Chrysler outboard repair manual.

2. Have you ever gone by another name?

No.

3. Would you rather live on the Equator or the Arctic Circle?

Arctic Circle

4. When do you feel most like yourself?

Usually in dreams. I'm one of those guys that dream of falling, only I hit the ground, dispelling the myth.

5. What current cable TV show do you wish you could host?

Any show on the History Channel. I think I could make World War II entertaining and funny.

6. Where do you go when you go to your "happy place?"

When I'm being followed by any police officer.

7. What is your most valuable possession?

My 1959 Larsen All American speed boat.

8. What phrase do you try to work into conversations?

"The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man as he lives." It's a tough one to work into a conversation

9. In the "It Occurred Onstage Category" what Dave Mordal story is most often retold by you or others?

At a show in International Falls, Minnesota, a group of women gave the feature act such a hard time that he never was able to finish one bit. After he was done, they introduced me, I went up, called the women cunts, and then left the stage. The problem was, the feature act later told the booker that the women weren't being that bad. So what's the lesson? Never, never stick up for the feature act, they'll screw you every time.

10. In the "It Occurred Offstage Category" what Dave Mordal story is most often retold by you or others?

I made a parade float and had a guy act as grand Marshall. Myself and a couple of friends drug him around on the float acting like we couldn't find the parade, when there really wasn't one.

11. Who made you laugh hardest when you were ten years old?

My brother getting hurt.

12. What 3 songs would be on the soundtrack of your life?

"Shine On You Crazy Diamond" Pink Floyd. "Bat Outta Hell" Meatloaf. "Joey" Concrete Blonde

13. What invention do you wish you had invented?

The electric generator. It's the greatest invention of the modern world and always overlooked. Without it we'd have no phones, cars, computers.

14. On what magazine cover would you like to appear?

Sports illustrated, with a Camel Light hanging from my lip.

15. Is there a talent that is overrated?

Animal trainers. Come on, how dangerous could a tiger really be?

16. What animal in your life meant the most to you?

Our cat, Clyde.

17. What do you like to clean?

Ashtrays, oddly enough. It gives you a warm feeling when they're clean.

18. What don't you like to clean?

My office.

19. What shouldn't be funny but is?

Burning your tongue. always hysterical.

20. How often is too often?

When you start wondering if it's too often, it's too often.

Here's where we turn the interview over to the interviewee:

21. What question would you like SHECKYmagazine.com ask you?

Why does everyone say you're the sexiest man alive?