Before you hop onto a newsgroup (NG) and ask a dumbass question (DAQ), you're supposed to read the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ). The theory being that it eliminates wasted time and energy. That's what Steve Silberberg thought.

January 1995. The last three years of my life had been spent desperately begging for stage time from control-happy people who enjoyed power more than they enjoyed comedy. I had deliberately abdicated my high-powered software consulting job to pursue the dream. I took almost every crappy gig I could find for free because that's what you do. At this level of your comedy career, politics and going out drinking with people you hate is far more important than being funny.

My self worth was in a race against the clock.

Things were different now. During my first foray into comedy in the early '80s in Boston, audiences actually looked forward to experiencing stand-up. Now they came grudgingly, expecting an incredibly hip, blue version of Comedy Central. I didn't care. My self worth was in a race against the clock. I needed to taste success before I became a rotund, insecure, balding 40-ish white guy, like every other comic you run into.

Many people I knew in the '80s had experienced tremendous success. It's difficult not to beat yourself up when someone you performed with over 10 years earlier has their own sitcom and you are performing 15th on a Wednesday night in a bowling alley, desperately hoping someone will think your latest brilliant insight about NAFTA deserves a guffaw.

As a computer weenie, I was already familiar with the newsgroup hierarchies.

Then came the Internet. Now I'm not a silicon Nostradamus or anything, but it was clear to me that if I had any future in comedy, it would be in Cyberspace. Once I was connected, I started converting my tapes to QuickTime with the goal of posting 1 minute videos of my act (10 Megs each) on my web site (at the low, low price of $5/meg per month).

As a computer weenie, I was already familiar with the newsgroup hierarchies. It wasn't hard to find alt.comedy.standup, whose charter had been approved by alt.config just a few months earlier.

The traffic in the group was pretty low in early 1995, but it still seemed like every day or so, someone would post one of two questions:

"How do I become a standup comedian?"

"Is Bill Hicks Dead?"

The Internet was a lot more techy back then, which was perfect for me...

Even at that benign level, the questions became tiresome. A Frequently Asked Questions list (FAQ) seemed like it would be pretty useful. I posted a message about starting one. People seemed supportive of it (so I knew they weren't comics). The Internet was a lot more techy back then, which was perfect for me, so after some brief correspondence with other group members, I decided to take the initiative.

Now it's not like I'm hugely benevolent. On some level I realized that being a FAQ maintainer would make me an authority in some peoples' eyes. I kind of liked the idea that I could influence an ever-expanding group of comics and simultaneously make somewhat of a name for myself. It seemed like getting in on the ground floor would provide the unlimited opportunity that Open Mikes had not and give me the chance to shape the face of comedy in the new Millennium. I decided to take the ride and see where it went.

So I spent some time researching the logistics and formalities of being a maintainer and applied for the proper dispensation. Then I wrote a short FAQ and posted it. You can probably find an archive somewhere that houses the first FAQ and verify that indeed, Bill Hicks is dead.

The FAQ met with instantaneous indifference. That was OK, I just kept doing it every month. It was pretty fun for a while because people would often come to you when they first entered the group and introduce themselves. Plus, I could be pretty creative with it if I wanted. If I got the light too early while performing, I could write "Comedy Club Managers Are Evil" in the FAQ whether it was true or not (it's true).

The best part about the FAQ was the press.

There are certain perks to being a FAQ maintainer. Primarily, it's great for getting gigs. Unfortunately, these tended to be in Rahway, NJ and Ely, NV rather than Caesar's Palace. Still, it was nice. Plus, I was occasionally commissioned to do roasts or comedy writing, which I much prefer to performance.

The best part about the FAQ was the press. Publications, both electronic and print, often seek out FAQ maintainers as if they're some kind of expert or something. Journalists seem to gravitate to fun newsgroups like alt.comedy.standup instead of comp.databases.xbase so they can bask in wake of the utter excitement and hilarity that is the comedy community's hallmark. Whoo, I sure feel it.

But almost 5 years of adding, restructuring, and changing the document took away time and energy from promoting myself on the Internet. I never did get around to posting my videos on the net. And I got very weary of summarizing newsgroup wisdom and incorporating it into the FAQ.

Furthermore, I found that most of the information in the FAQ was being duplicated more accurately on well-funded, commercial comedy sites that had much better visibility. For example, I got tired of trying to keep up with listing every Open Mike in the world because hey, guess what? Pizza joints go out of business a lot. Now some might assert that listing Open Mikes is outside the scope of the FAQ, but I felt it was mandatory since every day there are posts about "Where can I perform in City X?"

At the same time I was burning out on the Newsgroup. As the person who had continuously been on the group longest, I was really drained by flames, trolls, fake screen names, and "so and so isn't funny." Just when things would settle down, another pinhead would discover the group and post, "I am the funniest person in the world," "This group isn't funny," or various inflammatory rhetoric to goad people into a reaction.

I preferred talking about abortion, not sex. Audiences disagreed.

To top it off, I wasn't performing much anymore. I hated performing. I looked at audiences with disdain, rather than "let's have a good time." I wanted people to laugh at why I think God is jerk, not at my highly astute observations about Friends. I preferred talking about abortion, not sex. Audiences disagreed.

Plus I felt completely disingenuous every time I did any bit that wasn't new. I'd think, "Gee, wasn't I clever when I thought that up 2 years ago?" In fact, I used to do a joke about Kung Fu that still got laughs 26 years after the show first aired.

Comedy clubs came and went. With each one, you still faced dwindling crowds and managers that hated you because you're one of a thousand unfunny people begging for the privilege of entertaining their 17 customers that you didn't bring in for them.

Then came Wired For Laughs. It was unbelievable in so many ways. Unfortunately, I had been fallow in the group for the few months leading up to the event, so I was out of touch with everybody and the pulse of the newsgroup. It was a little like missing the entire regular season and playoffs and then just showing up for the Super Bowl.

Being out of touch greatly dismayed me because the Internet has a short memory. So for me anyway, the event became somewhat anti-climactic. But make no mistake. The festival was the high point of my comedy career (next to the time I performed in front of a really loud waterfall near a trailer park in Oklahoma).

After performing at the LA Improv, where do you go from there? I'm a mediocre performer at best. Any comedic writing talent I may have is completely negated by a lousy delivery and the fact that I never do the same set twice. The LA Improv was a great venue for my final stand-up performance. I had almost thrown in the towel recently, after bombing horribly at a Holiday Inn in Randolph, MA. Thank God I waited to bomb horribly at WFL before giving it all up.

Steve Gelder seemed like the perfect yutz to take it over.

Although filled with tinges of regret for letting go, abandoning the FAQ was a lot easier after WFL. I wasn't really a comedian anymore, so I had no business maintaining the FAQ. I didn't want to turn it over to just any yutz however. I already liked Steve Gelder from the newsgroup and he impressed me when I met him in LA. He seemed like the perfect yutz to take it over.

After several go rounds, I just kind of dumped it on him. Maintaining the FAQ is like being in a marriage gone bad. One day, you just realize that if you spend even one more minute with this person, you're going to go crazy. I don't regret any time I spent with the FAQ, nor do I regret turning it over to Mr. Gelder. I don't even miss comedy. I'm just glad I didn't give up masturbation.