Triumph The Insult Comic is one of the most popular features of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. The video pieces are uniquely Triumph: His recent trip to Hollywood ended with a hilarious bus ride with his old show biz pal John Tesh and bootlegged videotaped copies of his appearance at the Westminster Dog Show are traded on the internet. His popularity grows with each appearance on the NBC late night talker. He remains a mystery to most viewers. SHECKYmagazine.com tried to solve that mystery.

SHECKY!:During a recent taping of Late Night, you and Don Rickles had some unpleasant things to say to each other. Has this turned into an ongoing feud, or are you and Mr. Rickles friends?

TRIUMPH: I don't know what the hump you're talking about. Rickles is the king. I worship the ground Rickles poops on.

SHECKY!:At the Westminster Dog Show, how were you treated by the other less famous canines? Are they jealous of your new found success?

TRIUMPH: They don't respect the Triumph, even though he's huge. A lot of those purebred bitches are snobs. Until, of course, I whip out my pink thing.

SHECKY!:What celebrity's leg would you most like to hump?

TRIUMPH: Sam Donaldson has incredibly hot shins.

SHECKY!:It is obvious to anyone who has seen your act, that you speak with an accent. Is that an authentic accent? If so, where were you born?

TRIUMPH: It's called a dog accent, moron. That's how all dogs talk! Pull your face out of Scooby Doo's butt and get real.

SHECKY!:Have you always been an insult comic or did your style evolve over time?

TRIUMPH: From the time was I suckling my mom's boobies, I wanted to insult. I used to ride some of the nipples something good. "Hey nipple! If your hole was any smaller, I'd need CPR!"

"You call that milk? Why don't you just give me a lemon to suck on?"

What did evolve was the catch phrase. In the early days of television, you see, you couldn't say "poop." For years, I used, "...for me to relieve myself on." It didn't have the same kick. Of course, if NBC ever lets me use the term "take a big fat shit," I'll be hotter than Jim Carrey.

SHECKY!:We can't think of many other animal/comics. What do you think of Fozzie Bear?

TRIUMPH: Queer.

SHECKY!:Now that Andy Richter is leaving Late Night might the producers of the show considering you for the sidekick job?

TRIUMPH: Triumph ain't nobody's sidekick, baby! I'd be happy to guest host if Conan wants to slide his bony ass over to the couch for some desk-training. I'd have him deskbroken in two weeks.

SHECKY!:What celebrity would you most like to poop on?

TRIUMPH: Because of certain leash regulations, I would most like to poop on Mayor Giuliani. After eating a burrito.

SHECKY!:Has any celebrity ever complained about your insults?

TRIUMPH: Tom Arnold was kind of a baby. Until I whipped out my pink thing....

SHECKY!:What is your latest project?

TRIUMPH: I'm trying to bang all the surviving Benji's.

SHECKY!:You're known for being very negative. Is there anything that Triumph actually likes?

TRIUMPH: What kind of question is this? We live in a crazy, wonderful, magical world for me to--well, you know.

SHECKY!:What advice would you give to an up-and-coming canine insult comic?

TRIUMPH: I'll fucking ruin you.

SHECKY!:Do you have a message for the readers of SHECKYmagazine.com?

TRIUMPH: Yes. Too bad it's not paper or I'd have some use for it.

Editor's Note: Our thanks go to Robert Smigel of NBC's Saturday Night Live and Late Night for arranging this interview with Triumph and using his opposable thumbs in the typing of the manuscript.

SHECKY! NEWS BULLETIN

Pets.com SUES SMIGEL/TRIUMPH!

Pets.com, the online pet supply e-tailer has sued Robert Smigel, former head writer for Saturday Night Live and creater of Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog!, according to reports on CNN, ABC.com and Wired.com. The lawsuit says that Triumph makes people look funny at the sock puppet dog they use in their commercials. A spokesman for NBC said that Triumph predates

Pets.com held a press conference in which he did "schtick" that was lame to say the least. NBC also maintains that Triumph's first appearance predates that of the pets.com puppet by several months.

Emails to Mr. Smigel have gone unanswered so far.