It’s always disheartening to see a journalist, while spilling ink on standup comedy, simultaneously promote standup comedy while administering a backhanded compliment or two.

And we always marvel at the journalists who, while berating comics for being derivative or relying too heavily on cliches, will do the exact same thing he/she is so dead set against– being derivative and using plenty of cliches! And so it is with A.D. Amorosi, the author of a recent article on the opening of a new comedy club in Philadelphia, Helium Comedy Club.

Exhibit A– Amorosi’s lede from a recent article that appeared in the local alterna-rag, The City Paper:

Tell a Philadelphia comic– heck, any layman of live laughs– that a venue for comedy is open and they’ll probably think of the hackneyed inclusion of the letter “z” onto every word, brick stages, too many 8x10s of too-many men with frizzy, thinning hair and exaggerated coked-up smiles, and the difficulty of comfortable communal seating at what amounts to picnic tables.

Could he/she have squeezed any more hackneyed, discredited cliches into that graf?

It is a disease that is rampant throughout the MSM and ever more virulent among the alterna-rags: Editors and writers who have a woefully outdated idea of what goes on in the world of standup. They write their pieces to fit this template, thereby reinforcing their own prejudices and those of any readers who might also be as out of touch as they are.

Even more depressing, however, is when said authors manage to find the one comic in the market who will dutifully say what the reporter might want to hear.

Which brings us to Exhibit B, a quote from one “local comedian” Russell Brand. Get a load of this cloud of hot air (and keep in mind that it is the last paragraph of the entire story):

“If they give young locals the chance to play an A-room without bending them over,” says Brand, looking forward to what Helium will offer. “Get locals on stage. Instead of just three acts, have a sketch night. Do gay comedy. Just be different. People today have TiVo and the Internet. Watching one person for 40 minutes, no matter how funny, is a tough thing to sit through.“

What might the problem with this guy? Hemhorroids? OCD? Benign Prostate Hyperplasia? Narcolepsy? Let’s get this straight: With all the scurrilous accusations floating around out there about standup, now we must add to the list that the comics are going on too long?

We chose this one for the Dumbass Quote of the Year because it stood out, like a shining chunk of gargantuan stupidity. It also stood out because it wasn’t the press betraying its ignorance or prejudice this time– it was a comic!

And, even though the folks at Helium found it advantageous to link to the article off the front page of their website, we can’t imagine that they dig this kind of coverage. It kicks off with a drab, horrible portrayal of live standup and it ends with a dreary picture of the live standup experience as being static, boring, unwatchable. (Editors note: Don’t try clicking on the Helium site’s link, it currently goes to a different article. Use the one above instead– at least until the Helium Web Monkey updates the link.)

And we are certain this week’s headliner, Tom Cotter, will be doing at least a 40-minute set. He won’t exactly be ecstatic about Mr. Brand’s characterization of his work as being “tough to sit through.” Priceless. Note to Mr. Brand: How about you let Mr. Grossman run his room the way he sees fit?

Don’t misunderstand us. We are well aware that Mr. Grossman and Helium are doing things right, going above and beyond and offering the Delaware Valley a top-notch standup experience. What we take issue with is the writer’s (and the comic’s) inability to convey that without taking nearly every opportunity to demean standup comics and portray the experience as one that’s less than satisfying. Doubly and triply frustrating when you consider that 99 per cent of the people we encounter at live standup venues find the outing to be one of the more entertaining live experiences they’ve ever encountered.