Dying is easy…

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on March 13th, 2006

…and, as the saying goes, comedy is hard.

Just got the following email from comedian Chrissy Burns:

Thought you might enjoy a funny road story:

I was doing this corporate show for a Feed & Seed company. Every year they invite all their customers– farmers and their wives– to come out to the VFW hall, have dinner and see a little comedy show. They also take the opportunity to promote new products, grain hauling services, etc. It was way out in northwestern Iowa in the middle of nowhere– the nearest hotel they could get me was 25 miles away. They told me to come early so I could eat, meet people, etc.

So I go and there’s about 200 people there– two-thirds of them in their 60’s & 70’s. They have me get food and show me to a seat they’ve saved for me at a table of old people. One guy beside me says, “So you’re the pretty lady comedian they’ve been saving this seat for. I’m one lucky guy.” I said, “Well, that just proves you’re more of a comedian than I am!” He laughed and said, “Oh, no, Sweetie, I love buxom redheads!” I laughed, he laughed, the table laughed. Then I started talking to the people across from me.

While involved in this conversation, the man next to me, the one who likes buxom redheads, falls face down into his plate of food. And me, startled, stupidly asks him, “Sir, are you okay?” Well, of course he’s not okay! He’s face down in his au gratin potatoes!

He was dead. He simply dropped dead. So they called an ambulance. The ambulance refused to take him saying “There’s nothing we can do for him.” So they had to call the coroner– who instructed them not to move him. So the dead guy sat there while we waited for the coroner to come out from the big city. The coroner arrived and well, you know when you die you lose control of your functions so they took him out with potatoes and corn on his face and his pants soiled on both sides. Death is not pretty.

While they were getting him on the gurney, they were also cleaning up the mess he had made at the table– bowels, urine, etc. They get it all cleaned up just as the body covered with a sheet is headed out the door. They load it into the black station wagon, the door closes and over the speaker, I hear… “Well, we have a comedian tonight. This lady has appeared… blah blah blah… Please welcome, Miss Chrissy Burns!”

They hated me.

Chrissy
http://www.chrissyburns.com

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