It was the eleventh State of the Industry address starring Andy Kindler. (Hard to believe we’ve only missed the first three!) It remains the “must attend” event of the festival. Maria Bamford kicked off the proceedings in front of a packed (of course!) ballroom, at twelve minutes past the hour.

“I don’t think you realize just how much has to wrong for me to be up here every year.”

Comedy classes, Red Skelton, Last Comic Standing, Bob Reade, Ross Mark, Jay Leno, Carlos Mencia, Big Brother, Dennis Miller, Aaron Spelling, Peter Bart, Peter Guber, Michael Eisner, Jill Carroll, acting workshops, Big Love, Blue Collar Comedy, improvisation, Tourgasm, Hitler, Dane Cook, Billy Bush, broadband, Deal Or No Deal, Howie Mandel, America’s Got Talent, Regis Philbin, Anthony Clark, Bravo, Kathy Griffin, OK! Magazine, Mariah Carey, Entourage, Jeremy Piven, Comedy Central, Lisa Lampinelli, Jenna Elfman, Heather Graham, MySpace.com, Jason Stuart, Shalom In The Home, David Brenner, Jamie Masada were just some of the people, shows, entities, etc. that had “gone wrong”” in the 360 or so days since Kindler’s last S.O.T.I.A.

Kindler was particularly hard on standup comics this year. And not just on his usual targets– monster comics Robin Williams, Whoopie Goldberg and the like– but Kathy Griffin (“The only comic I know who went to Iraq as a career move!”), David Brenner (“…doing material ripped from last decade’s headlines”) and Dane Cook (“He’s worse than Hitler, because at least Hitler had a point of view.”)

Kindler is wildly funny. He is at his best when he is self-deprecating (“I was in Europe for my Mixed Reaction Tour.”). But we question his decision to devote nearly 25 per cent of yesterday’s presentation to slamming Dane Cook. The impression was riotous, dead-on, devastating. But round about minute 12 or 13 of the 18-minute Cook roasting, the squirm factor kicked in. Perhaps there was a misjudgement on Kindler’s part– an overestimation of the amount of anti-Cook sentiment in the room. As far as this publication is concerned, we’re on record as admiring Cook’s generosity– as evidenced by the fact that he brought three other comics on board in his first major project for HBO. Similar in a way to Kindler’s generosity when he asks another comic to open the S.O.T.I.A. every year. The impression segment came dangerously close to crossing that microscopic line between cantankerous and bitter. We love the cranky, concise Kindler, not the broad, bitter one.

On the sad spectacle of British TV lionizing a minority woman for being in the running to win the Brit version of Big Brother:

“I believe it was Rosa Parks who was the winner of the reality show “Who Wants To Sit In The Front Of The Bus.”

On HBO’s dull trainwreck Big Love:

“Who would’ve thought that a television show where a guy gets to sleep with three woman would be so boring?”

On the laziness of TV suits and Shalom In The Home:

“Is that all we hafta do? Just come up with a title for a TV show that rhymes? How about Plumber For The Summer? I got one: Teach At The Beach! Maybe Lawyer In The Foyer!”

His bit on the Hitler’s bunker series being pitched to American movie executives was Kindler at his best, a priceless indictment of the moral relativism that permeates Hollywood.

From left: Brian McKim, Drew Carey (Photo credit: Dan Rosenberg)

Drew Carey was hanging out at the Delta with a contingent that also included his Whose Line compadre Colin Mochrie. (Note the casual way in which we truncate the name of the television show, cooking it down to the bare essentials! Suitspeak, it’s not just for TV executives any more!)

Left to right: Paul Provenza (Aristocrats) and Dean Cameron, Victor Isaac(Nigerian Spam Scam Scam)

The big buzz show last night was The Masters at Kola Note which featured Joe Starr, Greer Barnes, Nick Griffin, Todd Barry, Laurie Kilmartin, Vinnie Brand and Katt Williams. The show was hosted by Mark Curry. Folks were talking about the strong performance of all of the comics on board, but were particularly enthusiastic about the show turned in by Brand. And, oddly, there enthusiasm was tinged with… surprise. As if Brand, who is also a comedy club owner, couldn’t possibly be expert or competent at both. At least that’s our theory. We often experience a similar phenomenon– upon learning that we are both comedians and internet magazine editors/writers, folks sometimes opine that we are somehow not talented enough or fortunate enough to be able to do both with any degree of excellence. It’s a curious thing. “If you were any good as comics, you wouldn’t need a magazine,” is how it is expressed. Or, conversely, “You’re comedians– what gives you the idea that anyone would want to hear your opinion or read your prose?” It seems that, only after someone is well-known, is he/she afforded the luxury of being viewed as versatile.

Left to right: Vinnie Brand (Masters), Mark Curry (Masters, host), Marshall Chiles (Funny Farm, Atlanta)

Whilst chilling in the Delta at ground level, we saw John Cleese glide by, back from his Q & A at the Theatre Maisonneuve. He was dignified, distinguished, cool. (We do admit, however, to being mildly disappointed that he didn’t break into a Minister of Funny Walks walk midway through the lobby. We were too intimidated to talk to him, we fully admit it. If we did muster up the nerve, though, we would ask him if he ever tires of the Python fans– does he ever “go Shatner” on them, like in that classic SNL skit where “Capt. Kirk” implores the Trekkies to “get a life?”)

Left to right: Mike Birbiglia, Joe Birbiglia (brother)

There were two Galas Friday night, both hosted by Jason Alexander, that guy from that sitcom… the one set in New York… It’ll eventually come to us. Anyway, Alexander brought out Butch Bradley, Fred MacAulay, Phil Nichols, Craig Shoemaker, Maria Bamford, John Caparulo, Patrice O’Neal and Angelo Tsarouchas. In the second Gala, he introduced Pete Zedlacher, Kristeen von Hagen, Mike Britt, Willie Barcena, Laughlin Patterson, Dov Davidoff and Tim Minchin.

Speaking of Patrice O’Neal, the Female Half of the Staff spoke to the big man and jogged his memory regarding the recent O & A debacle that Skene experienced while opening for O’Neal. “Oh… right! Helium,” O’Neal said, then, in a low, sweet, concerned tone, “Are you okay?” All is well.

Left to right: Demetri Martin, Wayne Federman at the Just for Laughs Museum Burlesque At Midnight party

Burlesque at Midnight was the name of the party being held at Just For Laughs Museum on St. Laurent. Thumping music… strobing, seizure-inducing lights, tidbits impaled on fancy toothpicks squired around by solicitous servers… and plenty of free liquor. The motif of this one was somewhat amorphous– not quite sure if burlesque was the correct label, but the elevator operators on this occasion were gorgeous (says the Female Half), smokin’ hot (says the Male Half) gals in tiny dresses, with cleavage to spare. (This is a far sight better than the theme a few years back that called for hunky, shirtless, male-model types to be pushing the buttons on the lift. Rather… disconcerting, to say the least.)

Many arrived late to the party– an inevitable result of the fact that Dating It was simultaneously going on at Kola Note (with Colette Hawley, Pete Lee, Sugar Sammy, Lizzie Cooperman, Hyla Matthews, Lauglin Patterson and KT Tatara) and the Alternative Comedy Showl was also going on (in the same building, just downstairs with Andy Kindler, Stewart Lee, Howard Kremer, Nick Kroll, Reggie Watts, Maria Bamford, David O’Doherty, Matt Boylan and Morgan Murphy).

Well-attended was the party. So much so that the Delta was quiet and host to not more than about two dozen people (at least when we swung through at 3 or so). The party was the place to go. And did we mention that one of the more bizarre features of the Burlesque soiree was a woman circulating throughout the throng offering party-goers a tray of thongs. Hmmm… butlered thong panties for the taking! The Female Half declares that, as proof that she has been married for a long, long time, she initially thought that the thongs were… cloth napkins!! An elegant touch? No… underwear… for free! FOS Dan Rosenberg wore his free panties on his head— “A Thomulke” is how he described it– a tongue-twisting combo of thong and yarmulke. A visual gag not soon forgotten. We noticed that there was nothing written on them– No “Hahaha.com,” No “Just For Laughs,” not even something wacky like “Entree, sil vous plait”– which kinda makes it…sorta… creepy. Kathe Nelson of Comedy Boulevard summed it up nicely: “It’s like I’m just holding someone else’s underwear!” Indeed!

We just got an email from Vancouver journo Guy MacPherson answering our plea for I.D. in a photo we ran (see posting from yesterday):

Hey, Brian & Traci,

The gentleman to the right of Dwight Slade is Vancouver comic Todd Allen, who took part in the Homegrown Competition.

There you go.

Guy

Thanks, Guy!

Gotta hustle on over to the Industry vs. Artists Basketball game. Like Mr. Provenza, we’ll do anything for a free hat and a T-shirt… only we kinda mean it.