“One comic leaves; the final three perform,” says the official, terse description. The opening features Roz’s farewell speech from last week, and her “A star is born” boast is edited out.

We’re expecting to hear about Anthony Clark any day now. Not sure what we’re expecting to hear, but that tuning fork impression he’s doing is rather disconcerting.

The show is sponsored in part by Ask.com… how appropriate.

Jay London appears. A blast from the Season II past! If he’s wearing a jacket, why is he wearing a sleeveless shirt? Don’t worry, ma’am, it’ll be over soon.

Predictions: The Female Half says Chris Porter. The Male Half says Michele Balan. (See later on in the post who is wrong/right!)

Caroline Rhea comes out after the first commercial break (and does a set that’s funnier than her entire HBO special was).

We’re beginning to suspect that Anthony Clark’s entire family has been taken hostage and their release depends upon his successful hosting of tonight’s show. This may account for his near inability to hold it together. His performance tonight is edging dangerously close to Chevy Chase territory. (We were one of the few people who actually witnessed Chase’s debut as a late-night talk show host. It was astonishing. Clark is making Chase the talk show host look like Ghandi.)

Clark pulls a Ryan Seacrest and strings us along until after the commercial break. Who didn’t see that coming?!

The Powerball is up to $178 million!

The Male Half triumphs, prediction-wise. Balan is history. (We hasten to note that, combined, we predicted the bottom two. Statistically, not a huge accomplishment, but we’ll take some credit.)

All that remains is for the other three to try to knock each other’s brains out.

Are we supposed to believe that Hasslehoff is spontaneously goaded into performing by a fellow judge on America’s Got Talent?

Not sure what they bleeped out of Josh Blue‘s set. The crowd loved it. We thought maybe a thunderstorm warning was coming.

Why do the networks always feel it is necessary to make their star talent dance during promos? We just witnessed the commercial for Twenty Good Years, starring Jeffrey Tambor and John Lithgow. And, don’t you know, at the tail end of the spot, there they are, in the corner of the screen, dancing like fools.

Theo Von, Josh Wolf will perform next week. They’re the winners of the online portion of this sorry competition.

Chris “Perhaps they didn’t see the standing ovation” Porter is up next. And he gets bleeped, too. (And, embarassingly enough, he believes the standing O was genuine. Yipe! He’s on television… doesn’t he notice all those PA’s with their hats on backwards scuttling around on the floor, just out of camera range, exhorting the audience members to applaud… and stand? Has he not heard of an applause sign? Does he think the audience members brought their own homemade banners?)

The exact quote from Porter, during the setup piece:

When I first started doing comedy, there were a lot of people that said I shouldn’t be doing it. Even after last week, there were people on the message board, blasting my set. Perhaps they didn’t see the standing ovation.

Ty Barnett gets bleeped, too. Hey, waitaminute… I think Ty Barnett got a standing ovation, too! Whoa! This oughta be a barnburner!

Hey… waitaminute… Michele Balan got a standing ovation last week… and now she’s been kicked off the show! How did that happen?!?!

How did all three performers get bleeped? We’re amazed at the material that got through! What the hell did they hafta say to get bleeped?!

That was Emery Emery in the house at the end of the show, while the credits rolled, shaking Porter’s hand. )Did he genuflect? We rewound the tape. Yes, he genuflected.) We rewound yet again and there he is again, screaming like a banshee, centered perfectly in the shot, just after Porter’s set. Network exposure to the max! Major face time!

(What is a banshee, anyway? The Banshee, according to Irelandseye.com is “an ancestral spirit appointed to forewarn members of certain ancient Irish families of their time of death. The banshee can only cry for five major Irish families: the O’Neills, the O’Briens, the O’Connors, the O’Gradys and the Kavanaghs.

The promos for next week heavily feature “A special performance by the top two online comics! (Josh Wolf and Theo Von)” What a hose job! They wash out early, but NBC, in a lame attempt to demonstrate their ultra-hipness and their internet savvy, will demolish the rules (and shit all over any concept of fairness) to give internet voters a chance to allow two of the losers to buck the line and get on one of the more important, most-watched episodes. It matters not that they have no chance of winning. It’s the exposure, stupid!

From Josh Wolf’s myspace:

Josh has been doing comedy for 12 years. In that time he has had three deals to star in his own show (2 at ABC, 1 at NBC) and done two one man shows at the HBO Workspace that earned him national acclaim. Recently, he will be seen on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing 4”. The past four years Josh has jumped into writing and has been staffed on sitcoms such as “Yes, Dear”, “All of Us” and “Cuts”.

Yes, Dear? Wasn’t that the show that starred Anthony Clark? What a coincidence! I wonder if they ever met while Wolf was working on the show! If not, they’ll get a chance to meet for the first time when they tape that show!! (The last name of Josh Wolf was left off this portion in the original posting, leading to a bit of confusion.)