We can hear the thunder, faintly at first, as the front approaches from the west. And WCAU, the NBC affiliate in Philadelphia, is running the weather alerts every so often, preceded by the beeps.

We sit down to watch Last Comic Standing at 9 PM EDT and, every few minutes or so, that weather thingie, the band that crawls across the screen, comes on and blocks out the names of some of the comedians! So, if we get a couple names wrong, or if we can’t give the name, that’s why! It happened in Minneapolis, but we knew the comics. When it happened in London, though, we were stumped once or twice.

Onto the update!

Joke One: Where does the general keep his armies?
Punchline Number One: In his sleevies!

Too easy.

We were going to make another crude joke about Ant. But he’s obviously stressed out, so we’re not going to pile on. He was weeping in his video blog the other day. Something about a breakup. Today or yesterday, in his most recent vidblog, he’s shirtless. SOMEONE TAKE AWAY ANT’S VIDEO BLOGGING PRIVELEGES! How much tsuris can the Ant Colony be expected to bear?!?!?

We’re going to do some video blogging where The Female Half goes topless and the Male Half cries. Or will we do it the other way around?

Tonight it was London, then Minneapolis. It’s the last installment for two whole weeks. And don’t forget (of course, we’ll remind you) that the next episode starts at 10 PM, July 11, so that NBC can kickstart that atrocious Singing Bee at 9 PM. (How many times can one laugh at someone singing, “‘Scuse me, while I kiss this guy?” Is that so Morning Zoo, or what? We predict one and done for Singing Bee.)

Speaking of singing, this viewing of LCS was made bearable (and future episodes will be made bearable) simply by singing (to the tune of “The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill” It’s from The White Album. Google it.):

Hey, Bellamy Bill
Where did you kill?
Bellamy Bill!

Hey, Bellamy Bill
Where did you kill?
Bellamy Bill!

Every time Bill Bellamy appears on the screen. Kinda like a drinking game without any alcohol.

And speaking of Bellamy Bill, where was he when the crew descended upon Minneapolis? Nowhere to be found, that’s where! Cherry picking his cities, he is! Disgraceful!

What did the producers of the show have against Buddy? The one-named eccentric comic who addressed Ant as “Francis?” We weren’t big Buddy fans, but did you see the package they lashed together to show Buddy bombing horribly during the evening’s show?

Sure, we know that other comics have bombed on those nighttime showcases. We’ve heard it from our various sources. But the producers never show it. Or if they do, it’s inferred, rather than shown. But this was explicit! This was worthy of Scorcese. Quick cuts showing audience reaction, tight shots of chagrined faces and at least three well-framed shots of Buddy himself as he spun ineffective joke after ineffective joke. Why did they take such pains to convey that nuclear bomb that was Buddy’s set? Puzzling to say the least. Could it have been because Ant was against Buddy, but the other judges overruled him? How much input/power does the Antmeister have over the producers?

Buddy wasn’t particularly arrogant. Sure he was totally full of crap when he said he wasn’t taking the audition seriously, but why did they take it out on Buddy?

Moving onto Los Angeles from London are:

Matt Kirshen (but you already knew that!)
Ava Vidal
Spencer Brown

That Spencer Brown was channeling Steve Martin. Is “Let’s Get Small” just hitting the shelves in the U.K.? Or hitting it again? (Hey, it wouldn’t surprise us. When we were in Sydney, in 1992, the country was all atwitter about The Village People and Abba. And the halftime show at the huge rugby championship was Grease-themed– for some reason, the Aussies were weak in the knees for Grease and all things Grease-related some years after that play/movie had faded from our consciousness.)

Also getting major mugtime from London on:

Josh Howie
Bennie Root (?)
Rick Kiesewetter
Tiffany Something (?)

The names with the question marks were the ones whose names were obcured by the weather ticker. Please, if you know their names, leave them on the comments!

FYI: Kiesewetter is a Japanese-American. We just thought we’d point that out. His website, which is under construction, offers no more info than that. Go instead to his MySpace site.

Onto Minneapolis.

One can garner tons of facetime without advancing to the next round. Bob Zany and John Evans are two examples. They were used heavily in the promos for the week leading up to this week’s show, yet, as we learned tonight, they didn’t advance. (Evans was the one who did the immigration joke, in case you don’t know. And Zany, well, if you don’t know Bob Zany, there’s little we can do for you. All right– he’s the one who did the airport security/prostate joke.)

During his daytime audition, when faced with just the three judges, Zany opened with, “Last time I played here, I had the same turnout!” Will Acme proprietor Louis Lee see that as a classic self-deprecating Zany gag? Or will he issue a hit on the comedian for dissing his room? We’ll keep you posted.

Making it through to Los Angeles from Minneapolis:

Tracey Ashley
Tommy Johnagin (Audience Favorite)
Doug Benson

Benson, who failed to make it through when auditioning in Los Angeles, travelled to MPLS to give it another shot. From what we could piece together (At 9:35 PM, our cable went OUT! For about 90 seconds!), he was passed on in L.A., mainly because he failed to impress Ant. Benson, delightfully major smart-ass that he is, goes right at the Ant in his daytime audition. And he deadpans, afterward in the bar, while clutching the red ticket that “All that matters to me is Ant’s approval.” For those of you watching at home, possibly unfamiliar with Benson, we will tell you that the sarcasm light is flashing when Benson makes statements such as these.

Getting major facetime in Minneapolis:

Lil Rel
Auggie Smith
Dan Cumming

We hear that there’ll be 32 semi-finalists in Los Angeles. In two weeks, they’ll show the Tempe audition, but they can’t stretch that into an hour. So, they’ll probably show the Tempe audition, then set the stage for the following week with lots of fisheye shots of palm trees and gals in bikinis and that rollerskating guy in Venice Beach. (‘Cause it’s right here in the Hack Manual under “stock shots to set the scene for things that take place in Los Angeles!”) So far, we’ve seen 28 auditioners get the red ticket. That means that either they will award four more crimson tix in Arizona… OR…

Or what?

Who knows. We heard that at least two people who got the red tickets gave them up after the producers made demands that the ticket-holders wouldn’t/couldn’t meet. We wonder if those same producer did the right thing and subsequently awarded those surrendered spots to other “alternates?” Imagine if you’re the person who was “next in line” when a red ticket didn’t get used!

Last week’s episode finished second to the second half of So You Think You Can Dance, according to one website. It finished in fourth place according to another. How hard is it to report the Nielsens?

Hey, Bellamy Bill
Where did you kill?
Bellamy Bill!

Hey, Bellamy Bill
Where did you kill?
Bellamy Bill!

Sing it with us!

Blogrolling: If you’d like to bathe in LCS coverage/analysis, click on the blog of FOS Raven Snook, who is blogging for the folks at TVGuide.com. And if that’s not enough, you can also check out the tag team blogging of comedians Paul Goebel and Jay Black as they labor under the TVSquad/AOL banner here.

NOTE: We received word that the two names we couldn’t see because of the weather crawl were Benny Boot and Tiffany Stevenson. Thanks to U.K. reader, Matt Kirshen, for sending us the info!