Last Comic Standing, Season 5, Episode 1

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on June 14th, 2007

Let’s all breathe deeply… Innnnn… Ouuutttt…

Once more… Innnnn… Ouuutttt…

Let’s go to our happy place.

Ant is a judge. Ant is telling people that they must come up with something original.

Let’s just leave that hang in the air for a second or two.

Innnnn… Ouuuutttt…

So far, no Buck Star, no strippers.

Auditions in New York, Montreal, San Antonio.

First the raw data:

From New York (taped at Gotham):

Lori Chase
Amy Schumer
Joe DeVito
Arj Barker
Dwayne Kennedy
Jane Condon (Capital One Audience Favorite)

From Montreal (taped at Kola Note):

Mel Silverback
Deb DiGiovanni
Gerry Dee

From San Antonio (taped at the Rivercenter Comedy Club):

Andi Smith
Sabrina Matthews
Ralph Harris (Capital One Audience Favorite)

Of course, NBC couldn’t help but ratchet up the geek/freak quotient, but, hey, that’s reality television for you. You gotta give the people what you’ve conditioned them to expect, after all!

Ant didn’t come off nearly as bitchy as we were told he was in reality. He was positively serene. (We loved Madigan’s slam when Ant got itchy and tried to ditch an auditioner just a little too quickly– “Your hair’s on! You’re sitting down, c’mon!”)

But we still have trouble with Ant being a judge, a talent scout, whatever they call them. San Antonio auditioner J.R. Brow got in a nice dig when Ant told him, “We’d love to have you come back tonight and bomb.” Brow replied, “Okay. I’ll do your stuff.” Bang! Zoom! Right back at you, segmented one!

(One thing we can conclude is that comics are basically nice people. How do we conclude this? Well, flash back to the first few episodes of each of the last six seasons of American Idol. Lots of bitchiness, arguments, feuding. Lots of diva-like behavior and more than a few, “Oh, yeah? Well, you can just go fuck yourself Simon, because I’m going to come back some day and piss on all y’all!” So far, the only blood drawn was by Brow’s smackdown– and that was delivered with the idiot grin/bemused look that comics effect when they know they’re delivering one below the belt! When comics are ascribed all those nasty attributes, perhaps it’s singers they have in mind, not us comedians.)

But we come back to it: Ant telling comics to come up with something original? As the Female Half astutely points out, Ant wouldn’t make it past Ant!

And any regular reader of this magazine probably cringed when the Talent Scouts were depicted throwing fruit at the target on the front of the t-shirt of one NYC auditioner. Throwing fruit at the comic! A timeworn cliche if there ever was one, probably dating back to before vaudeville! It matters not that he was wearing a target on his chest. Someone– everyone!– should have known better.

Big Issue: What is the producers’ obsession with inexperienced comics? When Bodden said to Montreal aud DeeAnne Smith, “You’re funny, but you’re not ready.” he summed up our thoughts well. We wonder why the producers don’t heed this sage advice. What good is a Bravo special going to do someone who is in this for three years? Or four, even? They’ll be forced to buy material, lots of it, but they’ll still hafta deal with the annoying gestures and the quirks and the overdone facial expressions that eventually disappear when folks get experienced and confident. Some folks might find all that endearing, but audiences would probably not be charmed over a 30- or 40-minute set.

Compare some of the greener comics to Phil Palisoul, Roy Wood, Jr. or Costaki Economopoulos— they’re polished, they’re calm, they’ve crafted jewel after jewel which they’ve woven into lengthy sets that have been road-tested in front of countless crowds or at innumerable showcases. How does youth and or good looks trump that when you’re searching for “The Funniest Comic In The World?”

Hey, why didn’t Capital One give out $1,000 to the Audience Favorite in Montreal? They could actually have saved a few bucks and given out $1,000 Canadian!

And why didn’t they mention that Montreal is host to the largest comedy festival in the world every year? And considering that many of the fest’s events are held in the very venue that L.C.S. taped in for the Montreal portion of the show, the omission is even more screwy.

We didn’t recognize any of the Montreal comics, except for Scott Faulconbridge. There are a lot of great Montreal comedians. Sad not to see them at least scurrying around in the background on those greenroom/backstage shots!

Mel Silverback (aka Dan Licoppe) is giving everyone conniptions, apparently. They let a guy through wearing a gorilla suit, goes the main theme of the whining. We gotta say, though, that the guy, er, the ape actually made us laugh. We honestly don’t think that a gorilla would take the whole enchilada, of course, but letting him through to the next round is no more ridiculous than promoting someone who does, say, a character. Like Larry the Cable Guy… or Jose Jimenez. Would anyone be inclined to watch a gorilla in a club for 45 minutes? Stranger things have happened.

We gotta say that Mel’s act, strange as it may have been, was better-constructed and more carefully written than a lot of folks who weren’t wearing a gorilla suit and a tuxedo.

(We predict that our stats will be filled with google searches for “Mel Silverback” He’ll make one of the larger cyber-splashes. Of course, a good number of them will be for “Mel Silverberg,” from people who don’t get half the joke. Other Google monsters will be Devito and Harris.)

The Joke of the Day. What was that? It should be called, “Are you funnier than a fifth grader?”

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Lame-ass jokes for $2.99 per month Standard Text Messaging Rates Apply open to legal U.S. residents age 18 and older.

Lame-ass jokes for $2.99 per month Standard Text Messaging Rates Apply open to legal U.S. residents age 18 and older who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say banana? Hysterical!!!

The first punchline is “A bucaneer.” For the third joke, “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?” the punchline is, “Kathleen Madigan!” Jussst Kidding!

Other comics who got major face time:

In NYC:

Pete Dominick
Victor Vornado
Big Jay Oakerson
Wali Collins
Michelle Buteau
Chris White
Costaki
Calise Hawkins
Matt Kazam

In Montreal:

Richard Ryder
Ryan Belleville
Graham Clarke
Alan Park
Trevor Boris
DeAnne Smith
James Cunningham

In San Antonio:

Bob Biggerstaff
Robert Hawkins
Roy Wood, Jr.
Phil Palisoul
Billy D. Washington
Dean Lewis
Johnny Elbow

Host Bill Bellamy is inoffensive and not much of a factor so far. (And has apparently struck such a sweet deal that he didn’t even have to travel to San Antonio or Montreal. Even Seacrest has to hump his ass to Birmingham every year!)

And a shout out to Philly boy Ralph Harris! (The Female Half and Harris were in the same open mike class over the river, back in the mid-80s!)

Once again, for those of you who have scrambled aboard only recently, the ten finalists for this season will be:

Gerry Dee
Deb DiGiovanni
Amy Schumer
Dante
Jon Reep
Ralph Harris
Matt Kirshen
Doug Benson
Lavelle Crawford
Gina Yashere

Stay tuned.

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