That’s our fantasy headline. It hasn’t popped up on our MyYahoo yet.

What have been popping up on the internet with alarming frequency, however, are articles that quote Robin Williams as saying that he’s going to go back to live standup comedy and that he loves it and that he needs it. It’s as if he’s trolling for a giant groundswell of public opinion that will sweep him into the clubs, a grass roots effort that’ll result in wheel barrows full of phone-book sized petitions imploring him to bring his live show to each and every town, large and small, throughout North America.

Or he’s daring someone to beg him to reconsider.

We don’t like to say anything bad about any standup comic. One of our background mottoes is the old grandmotherly, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

In the case of Robin Williams, however, we are prepared to depart with that policy.

Have you seen any of his recent appearances on late night talk shows? Have you seen the material and the behavior trotted out during his panel chats? When we happen across such an appearance, we have bets here at SHECKYmagazine HQ as to how long it will take him to either do the Applause Meter impression or the Southern Preacher voice or the decidedly un-P.C. “Fag” Impression. What’s the over/under on how long it will take him to say, “You’re pants are so tight, I can see what religion you are!” (A criminally lame joke, considering that 85 per cent of American males are circumcised, regardless of religious affiliation.)

All of this would be a minor annoyance if not for one very big thing: He is held up regularly– by the media, by some of his peers and others– as one of the greatest living comedians. And when he is introduced on this show or that, his introduction contains some form of that description. Which probably means that his management (or Williams himself) insists that he be so introduced. And, while it is true that a certain segment of the population may actually view him as such, it is probably also true that a significant chunk of the population hear this and subsequently conclude that standup comedy must be in a very dire situation if Williams represents the pinnacle of standup excellence.

We go to great lengths to smack the MSM on the wrist when they make gross generalizations about standup comic, when they perpetuate negative and baseless stereotypes about comedians and when they are simply mean to comics for no apparent reason. In this rare case, however, we are forced to reluctantly admit that it is one of our own who, with the help of the media, is perpetuating some of the worst stereotypes about comics– hyperactive, always “on,” recycling dated material, oblivious to the audience reaction, possible thievery.

Robin Williams is a fine actor.

And, at one time, he may have represented the best that standup comedy had to offer. But that time is long gone. As we reported in this publication, Andy Kindler, in his 2002 State of the Industry address at the Just For Laughs festival, addressed this very topic.

Kindler spent less time on each victim, hit more targets and tightened up his remarks, saving his most vicious beating for Robin Williams. His nearly line-by-line deconstruction of Williams’ recent HBO “special” was tremendous and met with an equal amount of groaning and laughter (groaning at Williams, laughing at Kindler).

So we’re not breaking any ground here. What we’re alarmed at is the hype and the posturing and the possible harm it might do to the public’s perception of standup comedy.

If he wants to get back into standup, he should acknowledge that he’s lost it. He should hire writers and cultivate a standup act that lives up to the hyperbole. Or stop insisting that everyone regard him one of the great standup comics of all time.

Folks don’t think any less of a comedian who hires writers. It’s a time-honored tradition. We’re all right with it. What we want to see is the famous comedian, regardless of who wrote his material (providing, of course, it’s paid for), performing at his best, reminding us of why we liked him/her in the first place.

What we can’t take is the famous comedian embarassing himself and all of us along with him.