Condemned Texas man seeks gags
We can’t make this shit up.
39-year-old Patrick Knight will die June 26, barring any meddling from well-meaning but misguided nitwits. He killed his neighbors. Shot them to death. They were Walter and Mary Werner. It was nearly 16 years ago.
Now, as he is snuffed out, he wants his last words to be… funny.
This hump wants to go out with a chuckle.
So far, he’s received over 250 “wisecracks,” as AP likes to call them.
Knight said he got the idea for a joke as his last statement after a friend, Vincent Gutierrez, was executed earlier this year and laughed from the death chamber gurney: “Where’s a stunt double when you need one?”
We hope this isn’t a trend. We fear it may already be.
We wonder how much he’ll pay per gag. Don’t take a check.
Oh, and one more thing: Don’t send him any joke that has to be explained.
One Response
Reply to: Condemned Texas man seeks gags
Good evening. How you folks doin’ tonight? Good.This is the first gig I’ve gotten without an audition. Allit took was some headshots.All my life I’ve had to hide my narcotics from the law. And tonight they’re gonna give ’em to me for free.What’s with that sourpuss hiding behind the curtain? I said to him, “what, are you stuck up?” And he says, “no, but I’m gonna see that you are.”For my last meal I asked for a meal from Chez Phillipe. Of course, they didn’t know that place is booked for weeks.I don’t get it. This show sucks but my last appearance killed.By applause, how many here are from the victim’s family? And how many are here to support me? Let me ask that again in case any of you’s got that backward.Before we get started, I’d like to remind everyone that we have a two drink minimum. Except for me, I get 2 ounces.I’m getting the light, so I guess my time is up. I just wish they would bring on the headliner to finish this set.Thank you, you’ve been a great aud…..