Last Comic Standing, Episode # 403

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on June 7th, 2006

They’re in the “historic Alex Theater” in front of a packed house of screaming standup fans. Anthony Clark is hosting. And shaking. What’s up with that? And what’s up with his pants? Did he borrow a pair from Gary Gulman? And is anyone else wondering what makes the “historic Alex Theater” so damned historic?

As the voiceover said at the top of the show, this is the episode where the comics chosen last week “…are taken from their homes and shipped to Hollywood,” a rather unfortunate choice of words, conjuring up nasty pictures, especially for our Jewish viewers.

This just in: A promo for an upcoming NBC show just depicted what looked like a contestant attacking Joe Rogan. What kind of mental moron would pick up a fight with Joe Rogan? Have you seen him up close? He knows martial arts, he’s built like a tank and he eats THC-laced lollypops! VCR alert! VCR alert! Fast forward past the bug-eating and get to the good stuff!

Twenty comics went up:

Vargus Mason
Kira Soltanovich
Theo Von
Jackie Kashian
Chris Porter
Roz
David Huntsberger
Saleem
Doug Mellard
Josh Blue
Matt Fulchiron
Josh Wolf
Nikki Glaser
Chip Chinery
April Macie
John Roy
Wild Willie Parsons
Tig Notaro
Modi Rosenfeld
Joey Gay

Of those twenty, Chris Porter, April Macie, Joey Gay, Roz and Josh Blue move into the house, which is really not a house at all, but an oceanliner that hasn’t plied the high seas in some time. (Of course, you all knew that, since you read this magazine and we published those names back in early April.)

Of the twenty, Mason, Soltanovich, Rosenfeld, Wolf, Saleem and Jackie Kashian got so little face time in last week’s premiere, that it was a shock to see them tonight.

Josh Blue, in the taped piece before he’s introduced: “I don’t know of any other comics with a disability who has gotten on national television and really said what they had to say.” (Or something like that… we weren’t listening closely… we couldn’t keep our eyes off that headband!)

Uh… Josh… Does the name Gerry Jewell ring a bell? Brett Leake, maybe? Kathy Buckley? Hell, even Totie Fields was doing it with one leg shortly before she died. Roger Ritenhouse, perhaps? It’s bad enough when comics don’t know their comedy history; but when the disabled comics don’t know their disabled comedy! (We’re criticizing Josh Blue. We suppose he would say that we, too, are going to hell for it.)

Twenty more go up next Tuesday night and they’ll extract five more out of them and you’ll have your ten, America.

Oh, the irony: Celebrity judge Kathy Griffin just told Wild Willie Parsons that he’s “very polished.” (Pretty funny, since he’s trying to cultivate the look of a hardened criminal biker.) Of the twenty, Parsons was one of only a handful out of the twenty who looked like they’d been doing it for some time, looked experienced. Jackie Kashian, Saleem, Chip Chinery were in that category as well. There may have been others, but they were victims of editing, perhaps.

We’re detecting the continuation of a disturbing trend: The Acting Thing. Also known as the Hollywood Disease. Mere jokes are passé. In order to be desired by casting agents, managers, network suits and others, one must present the premise, then act it out… three or four times, if necessary. Energy is required. Energy is worshipped above all. Jokes? What are they but the crutch of the… the… what do you call them? Ah, yes– the comedian. (That last word is spat out with disgust, as if the speaker has accidentally inhaled a large horsefly.)

Speaking of jokes… it is absolutely fascinating to see what people pick out for their big-time Three-Minute Network Set. Of course, the LCS producers are slicing and dicing, but still, after editing, we’re seeing 30 per cent of what the comics chose to go with. Oh, sure, we can envision a lot of it this material being done within the context of a 45-minute set, but for a set at the “Historic Alex Theater,” when you’ve only got three minutes, a lot of it makes no sense.

Thumbs down: Nikki Glaser, for making that crack about how some of these comics have been doing comedy since she was a toddler. MeOW!

Thumbs up: Jackie Kashian, for saying that exposure via LCS would mean that, when she hits the road and performs live, “more people will give a shit.” She gets it.

And a giant “Thank You!” to Theo Von for introducing us to the delights of what will undoubtedly become a catch phrase around SHECKYmagazine HQ! He said, and we are dead certain this was how it went: “…and here’s my thing is…” that is one hell of an transitional clause, we tell ya!

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