Now that Last Comic Standing has degenerated into a confusing, muddled mess, it is with some sadness that we say that it’s no longer fun to watch. The viewers aren’t getting to know the comics, the performances seem rushed. (Host/Emcee Mohr reminds us of John Astin’s Evil Roy Slade– firing a six-shooter at the feet of the hapless comedians while maniacally exhorting them to “Dance! Bang! Bang! Yee haw! Dance! Dance!”)

How did it all go so wrong? The producers and the network got greedy. Nothing new there. Instead of taking their sweet old time (like the producers of American Idol who patiently waited and which, we predict, will have a franchise that lasts for at least 3 more seasons.) Instead, they’ve killed the goose (you know the one with sparkly eggs?) and they’ve given ammunition to those who like to mindlessly repeat that TV killed comedy.

We read in USA Today that the Nielsen’s for L.C.S. Season III went from 30th overall two weeks ago to 50th place this past week. Devastating. It also reminds us of the time they tinkered with (and subsequently killed) Star Search back in 1992 or thereabouts. They had a classic weekly syndicated show that garnered solid ratings. Then they switched it to a five-night a week show, with a special Saturday installment. They also changed the judging rules to a wacky, hard-to-follow format that caused headaches, nausea and all manner of maladies. The result: The show sank like a turd and the credit was worthless (As Brian found out firsthand!) and another fowl that kicked out spheres made of precious metal was senselessly murdered.

Who, besides the comedy business in general, are the losers in all of this? Who’s been victimized? Unless (and that’s a big “unless”) John Heffron wins Season III, he’ll be hurt by not being allowed to bask in the glory of being crowned Season II Winner for an entire year. Alonzo Bodden comes in a close second in the “Screwed” Department. The Comics From Season I are not helping themselves at all by openly admitting that they’re inferior to the comics from Season II (every chance they get)! Jessica Kirson, who probably thought she had died and gone to Comedy Heaven, landed in a very special Comedy Hell when she was unceremoniously bounced from the show with ligthning speed.

Who wins in all of this? Jay Mohr, comes away from the smoldering pile with a producing credit, some spending money and tons of face time. Bonnie “Nostradamus” McFarlane wins big-time for being the first and only one to speedily row away from this shipwreck. The Comedy Clubs will win for a bit– The press will continue to spill ink on any L.C.S. Comic (Winner or loser) who swaggers into town. And, of course, the comics on the team that continues to win week in and week out– should the show continue through its proposed eight weeks– will win money at the very least.

On July 3, 2003, on our Like We Care page (remember that?), we wrote the following about Last Comic Standing, Season I:

LAST COMIC STANDINGS– In Las Vegas, you can find someone willing to handicap anything anything. Take, for example, this– Johnny’s Exotic Odds is offering odds, for entertainment purposes only, on who will be the Last Comic Standing.

RALPHIE MAY 4/1

TESS DRAKE 4/1

DAVE MORDAL 5/1

RICH VOS 7/1

TERE JOYCE 8/1

CORY KAHANEY 10/1

DAT PHAN 12/1

GEOFF BROWN 15/1

SEAN KENT 20/1

ROB CANTRELL 25/1

No explanation as to how Mr. Johnny arrived at the above. Of course, the chances that the viewers (or the business of standup comedy) might win are a million to one.

Of course, we were wrong about that last bit. The business benefited greatly. The clubs felt a “Rockwell Bounce,” an uptick in attendance and excitement, named (by us!) after Rick Rockwell. We define a Rockwell Bounce as any upswing in business which is attributable to a high-profile, but not necessarily objectively good, thing. Rockwell was a cause celebre after he was featured on Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire and his subsequent swing through the circuit drew many a new fan (and probably a few old, estranged ones) into the clubs.

In the run-up to L.C.S. Season II, we ran some grousing about the audition process (supplied by a reader), and we were skeptical about the whole affair:

To which we respond: Thanks for the report from the field. We here at SHECKYmagazine.com, after watching only the second installment of L.C.S.’s first season predicted that the sequel (and we knew there’d be a sequel) would be corrupted– an agent-driven affair, not pretending to be like the first season in any way, shape or form. The fact that a seasoned veteran like Regan is on board is proof of that. The ruse that NBC is perpetrating is somewhat disturbing but not unexpected. We seem to recall that legions of “bobbysoxers” were recruited to swoon over Frank Sinatra at a crucial New York City appearance marking the launch of his solo career in 1942.

As long as seasoned pros are being recruited, we appeal to the producers of LCS: “Hey, how about a plucky, married couple to wreak havoc in the comics’ house on this season’s LCS?!?! Sortofa combination of LCS and The Newlyweds, except that we’ve been married for 15 years… and Traci’s a lot smarter than Jessica Simpson. I smell ratings gold!

We were dead-on about the corruption. And, whaddya know– they did go for a plucky married couple (Tom Cotter and Kerri Louise)!

Clarification: The Regan referred to above was Brian Regan, whom, it was rumored, was trying out for Season II. Not sure what came of that. Also: We weren’t speaking from personal experience when we cited the 1942 incident, although it may have sounded so!

We’ll continue to watch. We’ll continue to comment. Who knows, maybe the whole affair will perk up a bit and things won’t be a gloomy as we fear. In the meantime, let’s hope that UPN or WB or Fox has a clone in the works– “Fox is pleased to announce Rick Rockwell will host Trading Punchlines! in Spring 2005, bringing the best in up and coming comedy talent competing in a Survivor-style reality series that promises to bring you the drama of blah, blah, blah…”