Avoiding the "Second Comedy Bust" Pt. 3:Zanies bringer show

by Brian McKim & Traci Skene on March 2nd, 2009

The folks at Zanies added a Tuesday open mike show. Then they sent out an email to all their local talent and laid down some rules. (The email is ricocheting around the internet. It showed up in our inbox this morning, with a link to former comedian David Spark’s blog, in which he posts about the email and analyzes it. We’re not in love with his analysis, but the back-and-forth in the comments is worth checking out.)

What it comes down to is this: Zanies, Nashville’s A-room according to many of those familiar with the venue, has created an open mike night… and it’s a bringer show.

Readers of this magazine know that we despise bringer shows. For obvious reasons. So, right there, we’re not supportive of the folks at Zanies in this particular instance. Oh, sure, admission is free for the bringees, but that hardly matters. What does matter is that there is a quid pro quo with regard to the comics and stage time. It’s not exactly pay to play, but it’s still reprehensible.

Aside from that, there are a couple other hitches in the plan.

We had to laugh at #2 on the list of rules:

2. Out of respect to every performer; you and your quests are required to stay through the entire show and just not your set.

Required? Did they say “required?” Exactly how does the club expect to enforce this one?

Don’t get us wrong– We’ve always been annoyed at the jackasses who come to a show, usually en masse, to see their friend (the wannabe comedian) at the open mike night, and then exit as soon as their blowhard buddy is offstage. It’s annoying, it’s rude, it’s totally lacking in class and it reflects poorly on the guy that brung ’em. But there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Requiring anyone to stay anywhere against their will is what they call “unlawful detention.” It’s a felony. Whoever worded the rules is not thinking things through.

Of course, if the folks you brought to the show take off just moments after your set is over, you should be in for a world of shit– from your fellow open mikers and, maybe from the club’s manager. (But, if that happens to you, perhaps you should invite a better class of people to your next open mike performance, should there ever be one again.)

Number 5 seemed to touch off some controversy:

5. Excessive Vulgar Language is frowned upon. Please do not make us have to ban you from performing. TIP: If you are really serious about pursuing a comedy career then you will have to perform clean as an MC on a consistent basis.

No problem there. We only mention it because some of the folks in the comments on Spark’s blog had a major problem with it.

No, it’s not a First Amendment issue, so don’t even go there. The folks at Zanies are entirely within their rights to place such restrictions on their performers. What they’ll get in return is comics that are more suited to emceeing (and more suitable faster). And, let’s face it, one of the primary reasons for having an open mike is to cultivate local talent so that you might have competent weekend show hosts.

Ditto when it comes to the restriction on political humor. (And, as someone astutely pointed out in a comment, the rule is probably not enforced if someone uncorks a political jibe that is actually funny.)

Someone identifying herself as Beth Schumann, a comedy club manager, defends the various nickel-and-dime aspects of the club’s new policies, saying, “It costs a club $$ just to open its doors on any given night. To open its doors and then take a loss every open mic night is not good business.” To which we reply: With the cost of licenses, taxes, insurance, etc., a club loses money if it opts to keep its doors closed.

Where Zanies (and other clubs that cook up such lame schemes as this one) go horribly wrong is that they open the doors on an off night and then seek to place the blame for the loss (?) of money on the comics. Starting from that point, they then seek to compel the comics to do all the things that they themselves should be doing– promotion, advertising, marketing, etc.

This is laziness. It is ass backwards. There are plenty of ways that a creative management team can bulk up the (free) admission to its open mike night.

Rather than whine and moan about the economy, they might solicit advice from fellow comedy club owners (or fellow restaurateurs) and use some of the tricks they employ to get people through the door. If you’ve ever skimmed a copy of one of those industry magazines with names like “Food And Drink Monthly” or “Cocktail Quarterly” you’re probably as blown away as we are by the ingenious methods that restaurant people use to squeeze every last nickel out of every square foot of their establishment. People who make their living in food and beverage are relentless and brilliant in getting people through the door, keeping them there and siphoning money out of their wallets. This is what it takes, apparently, to be in the club business– relentless energy and intelligence. We don’t for a minute begrudge them a penny, for we are well aware of just how exhausting and frustrating it must be to constantly dream up ways to motivate your customer base to come through that door. But to totally abdicate your responsibility for that part of your business– and lay it on the talent— is to signal that you have given up, that you are out of ideas or energy or both.

One way might be to hold the open mike after your second show Friday or Saturday (or after the Thursday or Wednesday night show). Another might be to hand out free passes to the open mike night as the crowd is filing out from the regular, paid shows on the other nights of the week.

This was done with tremendous success at the Comedy Factory Outlet in the 1980s. Initially, the CFO had “Midnight Madness,” which was a new talent night after the Friday evening show. When the club went to two shows Friday, the new talent performed on Thursday night at what was then one of the best open mikes in the country– on some nights, folks were turned away– and the audience was there mainly because they had received a free pass when attending a prior weekend show.

It’s entirely logical– the weekend crowd has seen a tremendous show (it is hoped), and they have all sorts of warm and fuzzy feelings toward the club. Inviting them back to see “the stars of tomorrow” for free is inviting them to be an ongoing part of a live performance venue’s process– a participant in the development of a local scene. If just a small percentage of those free passes return, the meager investment in ticket printing is well worth it.

If an open mike is sold or promoted as something of value, free passes (or BOGO passes) will be looked upon as having value. And the response to the show will be good. If the open mike night is structured as a pathetic D.I.Y. affair (with comics practically begging strangers and friends to attend or papering windshields with flyers or hectoring co-workers), the show will not be viewed favorably. And the response from the co-opted attendees will be forced, the atmosphere uncomfortable. Can we really blame those who were roped into attending for bugging out as fast as they can? The very fact that Rule #2 includes mandatory attendance speaks volumes. Has anyone, in the history of entertainment, ever heard of a club that demands people stay through the end of the performance? No. That a comedy club should do so is an embarrassment to us all and should also embarrass the folks at Zanies.

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