…in five years!

NEW YORK — NBC announced Monday that Conan O’Brien will take over from Jay Leno as host of The Tonight Show. But he’ll have time to write his jokes- the planned succession won’t happen until 2009.

Read the whole thing here.

Bob Newhart continues to gig. He’s appearing in Lima, OH, next month. The Lima News thought it an event worth noting.

LIMA– Bob Newhart said he’s worried people are losing their ability to laugh at themselves. The long-time comedian plans a crash course on laughter when he appears in Lima on Oct. 11.

Newhart is the featured speaker at the Allen County Visionaries annual fund-raising dinner at Veterans Memorial Civic Center.

“If there’s any message, it is we should never lose our ability to laugh at ourselves,” Newhart said from his Los Angeles office.

Newhart said it is tough for young comedians today because there are so many groups that are offended.

“I think there is a real danger of losing our ability to laugh at ourselves,” he said. “Because we’re funny. Straights are funny. Gays are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny.”

Newhart said there are some comedians who feel the pressure to ‘be on’ all the time.

“Some comedians are on all the time, others you wouldn’t guess were comedians. Once they’re off stage, they don’t feel this compulsion to be funny,” Newhart said. “Then there’s a third that are just funny. They think funny. It isn’t an attempt to be on all the time.”

Our favorite part of the story is the next to next to last paragraph:

Newhart said he has driven through Lima on his way to shows, but has never been here. American Trim will be transporting Newhart from Minnesota to Lima with its corporate jet.

Beats Greyhound. Read the rest here.

Angela Bowers, over at the Talent Department of the US Comedy Arts Festival at HBO, thought our post concerning the USCAF memo seeking unrepresented comics for their annual Aspen soiree was rather humorous. She posted the following:

I actually wrote that letter. I am the talent associate for Kirsten Ames. Its for real. If you want to submit a tape, email me and I’ll give you the address. There’s no CBS conspiracy or “stuck up attitude” to worry about here. BTW, we were both hysterical for at least 10 minutes upon hearing about this post.

We spoke to her on the phone and verified that this is indeed the address to mail your materials and, yes, the deadline is November 1!

USCAF Talent Department
1100 Avenue of the Americas, H 13-07
New York, NY 10036

Those watching the Emmy ceremony earlier this week may have noticed Mitchell Hurwitz, one of the executive producers of Arrested Development, when accepting the award for Outstanding Comedy Series, singled out one Jim Vallely for praise. Vallely started out in the early ’80s as one half of the comedy team Schmock & Vallely. He is a writer and supervising producer for the critically acclaimed Fox series. Jonathan Schmock, the other half, has written or directed episodes of My Wife And Kids, Dharma & Greg and Blossom.

In other television news, no one seems to have noticed the demise of one of the better sitcoms on television, The Drew Carey Show. We’ve never understood this nonsense, spewed by the producers of such shows as The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Seinfeld, that it’s time to fold the series and “go out on top.” Well, after witnessing the quiet demise of Drew Carey‘s fine series a couple weeks back, and noticing the decided lack of excitement in the press at its passing, we think they may have a point. Carey’s show was the victim of Timeslot Bingo and a disastrous promotional tie-in scheme that tried to tap Monday Night Football fans to boost Carey’s ratings. It ended with a ratings whimper and the final episode was treated to none of the hoo-ha that usually accompanies such an accomplished series. Carey, from all indications, has handled the whole thing with grace (as far as we can tell from his statements to the press) and already has another series on the air at “another network.” Still, we couldn’t help thinking, as the last episode ended with behind the scenes stills and clips, that the folks who created it and starred in it deserved better.

Franklyn Ajaye is one of the nominees for the Platinum Mike Award, an award given out by Black Entertainment Television. Hop onto BET.com now to vote for your choice! Ajaye is nominated for his recent Club Comic View Presents special on the network. Other nominated include Phyllis Yvonne Stickney, Rickey Smiley, Joe Torry, Alex Thomas, Lil JJ, Teddy Carpenter, G-Thang and Michael Colyar.

On page 15 of their Fall Preview edition Charo is quoted as saying

“Buddy Hackett taught me how to speak English. Well, really he just taught me dirty words.”

And on page 17, under the heading “Psychics Pick The Hits Of Fall,” comes this gem from “celebrity medium” Kenny Kingston on the new NBC series Joey:

Milton Berle [who died in 2002] tells me this will be short-lived depending on the guest stars they can get.

And on page 11, under “TV News,” Ray Romano explains (sort of) how he tinkered with the script of his recent guest-starring role on The Simpsons:

“I was originally a figment of (Homer’s) imagination, explains the funnyman, “but I said, no, no. Let’s make [my character] be real, because I want to come back and do it again.”

We’re puzzled on two things: First of all, it’s rather odd that someone would insist that his cartoon character be real. Secondly, we’re certain that any character, regardless of whether or not he’s “real” is perfectly capable of being a recurring character. Think Kazoo– that obnoxious little Fred Flintstone Mini-Me with the atrocious British accent. Scholars still debate whether Kazoo was an alien or merely a figment of Mr. Flintstone’s rather fertile imagination.

And, this bit of dangerous talk from Wanda Sykes, holding forth on how she got the idea for her new “partly scripted” reality series Wanda Does It after watching the tech guys on the set of her old series Wanda At Large:

“We’d be waiting hours for them just to light something. I was like, ‘What the hell is taking them so long? It’s just lights! I can do that!'”

Wanda, why, oh why, would you ever think of pissing off the tech guys like that?! They’ll be calling the show Wanda Does It… Silently… In The Dark… Wearing No Makeup!

And, if you can’t find anything to watch on the telly, try this offering from Pax Network, as described by the folks at TV Guide:

World Cup Comedy… From executive producer Kelsey Grammer comes this comedy competition that pits two teams of improvisational comics against each other as a behind-the-scenes crew tries to sabotage their bits with weird sound effects, shaky camera work and strange props.

To which we reply:

World Cup Extreme Makeover… From executive producers Brian McKim & Traci Skene comes this makeover competition that pits two teams of plastic surgeons against each other as a behind-the-scenes crew tries to sabotage their operations with weird sound effects, inadequate anethesia and dull scalpels.

We received a nice note from a SHECKYmagazine reader the other day. It was full of compliments for the magazine. (“Your magazine displays enterprise and aplomb,” was one of our favorites.) Anyway, the writer, an author by the name of Jim Kelly (“Irishman At Large”), included a request:

…I’m wondering if you just possibly might be able to help me locate the author of this radio line I heard years back: “On the forefront of fashion, where chic never sleeps.” I am putting the finishing brushstrokes on a book of compliments and I’d like to include it, along with any other bon mots people might care to send in. It’s an endeavor to promulgate positives on the planet and, of course, wll participants get full credit and a free copy.

If you could post his on your site, along with my e-mail address, it would be bueno, bella and bellisima! Thanks for any help.

Jim Kelly
jk@larsonfamily.com

We’d be happy to, Mr. Kelly. I’m sure our readers will be able to track down that quote. Thanks for the compliments and write us if you’re successful!

Standup comic/author Franklyn Ajaye appeared on CBS’ Late Late Show last night. The show is currently being hosted by D.L. Hughley. Host Hughley was complimentary of Ajaye, citing him as an influence. Ajaye was very relaxed as he did a chunk of his set on panel and pushed his book, his CD and DVD. Suggestion to CBS: Consider Ajaye as the host of Late Late Show! Or, take our original suggestion and install Jimmy Pardo as host, with Ajaye as sidekick. Or… Ajaye as host with Pardo as sidekick… Better yet– have the two come out each night and flip a coin. Just for a week. (From all accounts, Hughley isn’t the man for the job.)

Read the SHECKYmagazine interview with Ajaye here. Check out/purchase Ajaye’s book and other stuff at franklynajaye.com!

There’s a fascinating article in Wired about Rob Glaser, the founder and CEO of RealNetworks. Seems that Glaser and a couple of other deep-pocketed dudes bought the Professional Bowlers Association!

Such a bowling geek was Glaser that he rallied a small posse of deep-pocketed execs four years ago and bought the Professional Bowlers Association for $5 million. It was chump change to the three moguls – Glaser, Chris Peters (Microsoft employee number 105), and Mike Slade, a marketing guy who became CEO of Paul Allen’s venture, Starwave. But many observers considered the trio to be the real chumps. Professional bowling had lost longtime broadcast partner ABC when its contract expired in 1997 and the league was hovering near bankruptcy. Even when bowling was still on the Wide World of Sports, two-thirds of its viewing audience was over 50 years old. Getting the public excited about pro bowling would be like trying to bring back the Commodore 64 as a mission-critical corporate computer.

Glaser saw it differently. “Take any of the rules of how modern sports are run – professional bowling did none of those things,” he says. “Most matches weren’t televised. The league didn’t have personalities who generated excitement. So there was a great opportunity. If we were going to make bowling relevant to an MTV, videogame-trained generation, we had to make it exciting.”

Exactly what, if anything, does professional bowling have to do with standup comedy? We’re glad you asked. They bought an entity that was constantly demeaned in the press and derided in the popular culture and had faith that they could , with minor changes, make it appealing, profitable and sexy. And they realized the power– and necessity– of television in their plan.

A bowler rolling a strike no longer quietly returns to his seat – he shakes his fists in the air and talks trash to his opponent. Down-the-lane seating puts the audience on top of the action, and rock bands keep the crowds pumped between matches. Most important, the owners landed a stable TV contract. A deal with ESPN, first signed in 2001 and extended through 2007, means live championship matches every Sunday afternoon during the five-month season…

The numbers, which Glaser likes working with so much, have never looked better. TV ratings are climbing; 775,000 households watched pro bowling on ESPN last year, up 25 percent from two seasons ago. Viewership among 18- to 34-year-old males– the demo that makes or breaks most pro sports– is up 80 percent-plus. More people now watch the PBA than the National Hockey League.

As viewership has grown, advertising has followed. Starting from nothing, the PBA has racked up more than a dozen major brands, including Bayer, Geico, and Miller Brewing. The retooled Web site, PBA.com, gets 300,000 visitors a year to see streaming video via Glaser’s Real media player. And more people than ever are interested in becoming pro bowlers. PBA membership – which requires an average score of at least 190 – is at an all-time high, up more than 75 percent from five years ago. Purses have skyrocketed. Five players topped $1 million in career earnings last season.

We read it over again, but this time, we substituted “standup” every time we saw “bowling.” We’re now praying that someone with Glaser’s vision and attitude (and cash) comes along and purchases all of standup comedy. Of course, this would be impossible. But perhaps they might only purchase, say, The Las Vegas Comedy Festival for starters?! Read the entire article.

Now, if you’re still unclear as to how bowling (and the NBA) relates to the current state of the standup comedy business, check out Brian McKim’s latest column.

And while we’re using sports analogies, the NBA had an interesting dilemma a few years back when Michael Jordan retired. They wept profusely because they were losing their one big star. Jordan, it was said, was mainly responsible for making the NBA as big as it was and now he was gone. Well, whose fault was that? They quickly picked themselves up, wiped
their tears and set about creating new stars. Within a season or two, Vince Carter, Allen Iverson, Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant and Tracy McGrady were huge and, I might argue, the NBA was bigger than when it focused all of its attention disproportionately on His Baldness. Comedy will be forced eventually to do the same. Standup will soon create new stars! How will they do it? Repeat after me: TELEVISION!

Thoroughly confused? You needn’t be. Just read the whole thing and it will all make sense.

She’s been officially designated as a “new friend of the show.” That’s what Howard called her as he wrapped up the show this morning. We also found out that she’s dating Rich Vos… at least that’s what she said on the air. Approximate total time of the appearance was 90 minutes. She’s appearing this weekend at the Hasbrouck Heights, NJ, Bananas, with Vos.

We are pleased to point out that both Howard and Artie seemed to indicate by a couple of statements or questions that they had been on SHECKYmagazine.com to check out some of Bonnie’s columns, even using some of her columnar musings to formulate a question or two. Stern was complimentary when it came to Bonnie’s writing, declaring it “very funny.”

Welcome Stern fans! You may have arrived here because you heard Bonnie McFarlane on The Howard Stern Show. Or you were driven here via a link on Mark’s Friggin website, who nicely linked to us when he found out that Bonnie was one of our columnists. If, in addition to being Howard Stern fans, you are also standup comedy fans, you might enjoy our site.

If our names sound vaguely familiar to any “old school” Stern fans, it may because, some years ago, our lives glanced up against that of The King of All Media. If you want, you can read the sordid details of our two degrees of separation from Stern.

At left, a photograph of SHECKYmagazine Editor Brian McKim with former Sternite Jackie Martling at the 2000 Just For Laughs Festival.

Stern fans note: We bear no ill will toward Stern! We are merely victims of history, Zelig-like characters who just happened to be associated, in one way or another, with other characters whose lives eventually bumped up against that of Stern. Save your famous vitriol for someone who truly deserves it! Thank you!

Advance buzz on Rodney Carrington‘s new ABC series Rodney was good. We videotaped it and we’re watching it now.

In the opening credits, he’s depicted onstage at a bar and somebody throws something at him! Not a good start.

Turns out Rodney has quit his job at the fiberglass plant to “pursue his dream.” Also turns out that Rodney used to be a comedian— something that his wife dismisses because, she says, “it was just an excuse to party.” It soons becomes clear why Rodney is a comic: He’s willing to walk into WalMart naked on a bet. What comic hasn’t done that?

In the second half, Carrington’s character, who just got offstage after performing comedy at a bar, is

Shorted $20 on his pay by the bar owner because there weren’t enough people in the audience

and

Punched in the nose by an irate audience member because “she paid $5 and she didn’t laugh once.”

What good is it to have a comedian at the head of a show if he perpetuates such nonsense? About the only true thing said in the half-hour was by the irate wife when she yells: “Let it go, Rodney! It is a pipe dream! You live in Tulsa, Oklahoma, you can’t be a comedian!” (Well, he could… but he’d hafta work for C.W. Kendall!)

The show ends with a short snippet of a song, most likely one of the songs that Carrington is famous for– by virtue of his multiple CD sales and his many appearances on radio.

Marc Berman (Programming Insider, MediaWeek.com) summed it up nicely when he said, “Although Rodney is no cure for the current sitcom drought, out of the compatible According To Jim this could be a good fit.”

Lots of posting going on… If you’re here for Last Comic Standing commentary, scroll down! Thanks!

Don’t forget: SHECKYmagazine.com is part of the 2004 NYUCF— We’ll be hosting a show, Wednesday evening, October 6, at the Village Lantern, 167 Bleecker St. (Corner of Sullivan St.), (212)260-7993. Scheduled to appear at the 8PM show are:

Kid Dave Miller
Adam Gropman
Joe Starr
Alex House
Joby Saad
Carole Montgomery
Traci Skene
Brian McKim

That lineup is subject to change! We might add a couple between now and then! We’re looking forward to being part of what looks to be an exciting festival!

Ant and Sean Kent are the “eliminated comics” on this week’s show. We’re not surprised… although we wouldn’t have been surprised if any of them got tossed.

Kathleen Madigan‘s impression of Ralphie May was a highlight in an episode that contained few such highlights.

At this point, we’d rather see Dat Phan‘s mother perform.

Another fucking roast? That’s right, next week’s format will be a roast. Half of each team hadda decide whether they’d perform tonight or roast someone next week. Good for Gary Gulman for volunteering to be a roaster. We thought that he did the roast perfectly last season and we were peeved that Norm Crosby so cravenly criticized Gulman’s performance in that roast (even to the point of contradicting his own statements that he’d made in the past about Friars’ roasts).

Is Jay Mohr even aware that his mike is on? He can’t be… otherwise he wouldn’t be screeching like that. He makes Joe Rogan look like Perry Como. Why did he keep mentioning jaymohr.com? Why is he so frantic?! Does he owe money to the mob or something? Yeesh!

Jay London summed up tonight’s episode succinctly when he said, “This is death.”

At the top of the hour, we were informed that Season 2’s perfect string is unbroken. They were awarded the chunk of cash for gathering the most votes. But, we were puzzled by the addition of two experienced, name comics onto each of the teams. We were witness to Louie Anderson going to bat for Season 1 and Carrot Top for Season 2. (We wouldn’t doubt that the evil geniuses who produce the show meant for Anderson to be an overwhelming plus for Season 1 and for The Top to essentially be a drag on Season 2– the better to even things out a bit and maybe make this a fair fight. Not so fast, evil geniuses: The Top crushed with his energy, his props and his gags. And here’s a newsflash: Season 2 will win again! Back to the drawing board!)

Performing next week will be… we forget already. It’s all so confusing. Let’s just say that three from each team will be roasting someone next week. And we’re dead certain that Gulman’s one of them.

And, we’re happy to report, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog will be a “guest roaster.”

Remember when, on week two or so, we said, “Bring back the dog from Season 2!” Well, they’ve brought back the dog. And he will POOP ON THIS SHOW!

Bonnie McFarlane will be on the Howard Stern show tomorrow (Wednesday) morning, sitting in on the news. Be sure and check your local listings to find out the show time. As you may recall, McFarlane (who regularly contributes to SHECKYmagazine.com), was the first (and only) comedian to voluntarily depart from the NBC (former) hit show Last Comic Standing, quite possibly making her the smartest person in all of standup comedy.

…signed by Kirsten Ames, who calls herself “Producer Of Festival Talent” of the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival (and we have no reason to doubt her). It’s a letter being sent out to all of the folks in the comedy business who might be in a position (club managers, bookers, etc.) to observe (and subsequently recommend) any talented people slaving away in the comedy trenches of Standup America.

We at the US Comedy Arts Festival have always strived to discover and foster new, unrepresented (emphasis ours!) talent within the entertainment industry. We are currently accepting VHS and DVD videos from up and coming talent throughout North America for consideration and involvement in the 2005 Aspen Comedy Festival. If you could please post this flyer within your comedy venue, and encourage local talent you are aware of to send in their tapes, it would be much appreciated.

The current deadline for submissions is October 15th, 2004, and the festival will be taking place February 9-13th in Aspen, Colorado. We look forward to receiving your submissions.

The document seems to have been created using Microsoft Word. (In the original, the “th” in “February 9-13th” is one of those superscript th’s.) And, from our expert analysis, it seems to be authentic.

What struck us as unusual about the document, however, is that word– unrepresented— in the first sentence of the first paragraph. If you’ve paid close attention to our grousing here at SHECKYmagazine.com, you know we’ve taken a somewhat dim view of the goings on in the mountains of Colorado with regard to USCAF. The main thrust of our discontent was that it was, for lack of a better word, elitist. It always struck us as odd that a festival that purported to be about comedy would choose one of the most expensive, most remote (and expensive) venues in all of the continental U.S. And, we were fairly certain that anyone who performed there was already blessed by Hollywood and was only there because they’d already secured fairly high-powered management and representation. So, regardless of what they had said in the past about “discovering” new talent, that was all largely window-dressing.

Then we stumble across this letter.

And along with the letter comes the aforementioned flyer. The flyer is a handsome production, in red and black and white that is headlined, “OPEN ROAD TO ASPEN” in large, bold letters. Beneath that it says, ” No Rep Required” in only slightly smaller, but equally bold letters. And, in the body of the flyer, which seeks “Stand-Up, One Person Shows, Theatrical Productions, Sketch Groups, Alternative Acts,” it says, “NO AGENT OR MANAGER NEEDED.”

Just what is going on here? Seems pretty clear. USCAF wants “new, unrepresented” talent. We may be mistaken, but we don’t recall USCAF making such a big deal about championing those of us without management or representation in the past. Might this be in response to a widespread perception among those of us in the comedy biz that USCAF is a “locked game” that merely serves as a ski holiday for Hollywood fatcats (and their clients)?

Regardless of what is going on, it’s a positive development. You can bet we’re going to send in a tape and a kit. If anyone else out there sends something along to the folks at USCAF, let us know how it turns out.

To which Ang replied (5:52 PM);

I actually wrote that letter. I am the talent associate for Kirsten Ames. Its for real. If you want to submit a tape, email me and I’ll give you the address. There’s no CBS conspiracy or “stuck up attitude” to worry about here. BTW, we were both hysterical for at least 10 minutes upon hearing about this post.

According to the latest news on the wires, Rodney Dangerfield is in a coma and has been for a coupla weeks. According to wife Joan,

Our family remains optimistic that Rodney will make a complete recovery and we are humbled by the love and support we have received during his hospitalization.

We’re still seeking responses to our poll (“Question: Who would you like to see do standup again?”). It’s over there ——> Take a moment, please, to click on the retired comic you’d like to see do standup again. (Nightly monologues don’t count, we’re talking real standup, in a club or a casino, with a real crowd.)

P.S. For the past week, ever since we initially posted the poll, it’s had two errors in it– “Who would you like to see do a staundup?” is what it said… with the superfluous “a” and the misspelled “staundup.” Why don’t our readers write to us with word of typos and other goofs? Sure, we bust balls when we get caught making silly errors, but, hey, it’s all in good fun! We’d rather have you folks call us on these gaffes. It’s preferable to having our copy sound like it’s been written by Charo!

P.S.S. We just checked on our correction and we find that we’ve misspelled it yet again, this time we spelled it “stundup.” What the hell is wrong with us? Are we okay? Must be allergies. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it!

We asked JOE STARR a few questions about his experience performing at a comedy festival in Holland.

1. How did a comic from the states wind up at a festival in Holland?

While performing at this years Just For Laughs festival, I was approached by Marcel Haug who is the talent scout for the Amsterdam Comedy Festival. He asked me if I had a passport and would I like to perform in Holland? A quick “yes” to both questions and I was on my way in late August.

2. Do many U.S. and Canadian standup comics perform at the festival?

Oh sure. This year was a heavy line up: Ben Bailey, Jimmy Dore, Drue Franklin, Romont Harris, Courtney Gee, Maria Bamford, Paul Provenza, Kyle Grooms, Robert Kelly, Debra Terry, and Tony Woods, all from the U.S. Mike Wilmott and Ron Vaudry came from Canada. And three more from the UK: Stan Stanley, Nina Conti and William Sutton.

3. Are most of the shows in English? Were you concerned about having to overcome any language barriers?

All of the shows were in English. Being that English is their second language, there was a translation lag between the punchline and the laugh. Much longer than usual. But once you got the rhythm down it wasn’t a problem. After the shows people would taught me curse words and stuff. Now I am bilingually crude.

4. What kind of schedule did you have to maintain? How many shows? How much press?

I did four shows in three days. One of which was a television spot done in the evening. We didn’t have any press to do. No radio, no interviews, nothing. The days were pretty much open.

5. Did you have much of an opportunity to do any sightseeing and enjoy the country?

Oh yeah! Loved the country. We were actually in Rotterdam which is an hour from Amsterdam. I toured through Rotterdam, Liden, The Hague and Amsterdam. Everyone was
beautiful, in shape and healthy… it was annoying. After the third day I couldn’t wait to get back to the states and see a fat, ugly person just to reset my reality meter. It was my first time in Europe but it won’t be my last.

For Laughing Out Loud My Life and Good Times
Ed Mcmahon with David Fisher
Copyright 1998
Warner Books
Page 283-284

Listen, an appearance on Star Search changed a lot of lives. Rosie O’Donnell was performing in a Long Island comedy club when Claudia discovered her. Her routine was based on her experiences in Catholic school, which wasn’t right for our show, but Claudia felt she had something special. So she offered her a second audition. But before that audition she worked with her, helping her select the right outfit, the most flattering hairstyle, and her best material. For Rosie, this really was a last chance. It was just a few months before her twenty-fourth birthday and she had decided to quit show business if she wasn’t successful by that day. Her second audtition was much better and she was picked for the show. Ironically, the first person she competed against was the owner of the Long Island comedy club where Claudia had found her. Rosie won five weeks.

And this, from Page 285:

We missed a few good ones too. Tim Allen audtioned for Claudia five different times and never got on the show. She felt he was much better as a comedic actor than as a stand-up comedian. Finally he asked her, “What’s the problem, why aren’t I getting on?”

“You’re material is too male-oriented,” she told him. “Car jokes and home tool jokes just don’t make me laugh.” Years later, after his great success on Home Improvement, she saw him in a restaurant and sent him a note reading, “Well, at least I was right about your ability as a comic actor.”

Standup comic Greg Behrendt is white-hot these days. He and Liz Tuccillo have collaborated on a book (see below) and word is that he and his co-author are going to be sucking up the entire hour on Oprah this Wednesday (check your newspaper for local showtime). He’s getting hits in media all over the planet, as is evidenced by the article in the Edmonton Sun (see excerpt below).

According to a brash new book, men are not complicated and they’re not sending mixed messages.

The truth may be quite simple, and it’s summed up in the book’s title, He’s Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, $28.95).

Based on an episode of the TV show Sex and the City, it tells women how to judge when a man just isn’t into them enough so they that can stop wasting their time and making excuses for a dead-end relationship.

Behrendt and Tuccillo both worked for Sex and the City. Read the entire clip here.

Now that Last Comic Standing has degenerated into a confusing, muddled mess, it is with some sadness that we say that it’s no longer fun to watch. The viewers aren’t getting to know the comics, the performances seem rushed. (Host/Emcee Mohr reminds us of John Astin’s Evil Roy Slade– firing a six-shooter at the feet of the hapless comedians while maniacally exhorting them to “Dance! Bang! Bang! Yee haw! Dance! Dance!”)

How did it all go so wrong? The producers and the network got greedy. Nothing new there. Instead of taking their sweet old time (like the producers of American Idol who patiently waited and which, we predict, will have a franchise that lasts for at least 3 more seasons.) Instead, they’ve killed the goose (you know the one with sparkly eggs?) and they’ve given ammunition to those who like to mindlessly repeat that TV killed comedy.

We read in USA Today that the Nielsen’s for L.C.S. Season III went from 30th overall two weeks ago to 50th place this past week. Devastating. It also reminds us of the time they tinkered with (and subsequently killed) Star Search back in 1992 or thereabouts. They had a classic weekly syndicated show that garnered solid ratings. Then they switched it to a five-night a week show, with a special Saturday installment. They also changed the judging rules to a wacky, hard-to-follow format that caused headaches, nausea and all manner of maladies. The result: The show sank like a turd and the credit was worthless (As Brian found out firsthand!) and another fowl that kicked out spheres made of precious metal was senselessly murdered.

Who, besides the comedy business in general, are the losers in all of this? Who’s been victimized? Unless (and that’s a big “unless”) John Heffron wins Season III, he’ll be hurt by not being allowed to bask in the glory of being crowned Season II Winner for an entire year. Alonzo Bodden comes in a close second in the “Screwed” Department. The Comics From Season I are not helping themselves at all by openly admitting that they’re inferior to the comics from Season II (every chance they get)! Jessica Kirson, who probably thought she had died and gone to Comedy Heaven, landed in a very special Comedy Hell when she was unceremoniously bounced from the show with ligthning speed.

Who wins in all of this? Jay Mohr, comes away from the smoldering pile with a producing credit, some spending money and tons of face time. Bonnie “Nostradamus” McFarlane wins big-time for being the first and only one to speedily row away from this shipwreck. The Comedy Clubs will win for a bit– The press will continue to spill ink on any L.C.S. Comic (Winner or loser) who swaggers into town. And, of course, the comics on the team that continues to win week in and week out– should the show continue through its proposed eight weeks– will win money at the very least.

On July 3, 2003, on our Like We Care page (remember that?), we wrote the following about Last Comic Standing, Season I:

LAST COMIC STANDINGS– In Las Vegas, you can find someone willing to handicap anything anything. Take, for example, this– Johnny’s Exotic Odds is offering odds, for entertainment purposes only, on who will be the Last Comic Standing.

RALPHIE MAY 4/1

TESS DRAKE 4/1

DAVE MORDAL 5/1

RICH VOS 7/1

TERE JOYCE 8/1

CORY KAHANEY 10/1

DAT PHAN 12/1

GEOFF BROWN 15/1

SEAN KENT 20/1

ROB CANTRELL 25/1

No explanation as to how Mr. Johnny arrived at the above. Of course, the chances that the viewers (or the business of standup comedy) might win are a million to one.

Of course, we were wrong about that last bit. The business benefited greatly. The clubs felt a “Rockwell Bounce,” an uptick in attendance and excitement, named (by us!) after Rick Rockwell. We define a Rockwell Bounce as any upswing in business which is attributable to a high-profile, but not necessarily objectively good, thing. Rockwell was a cause celebre after he was featured on Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire and his subsequent swing through the circuit drew many a new fan (and probably a few old, estranged ones) into the clubs.

In the run-up to L.C.S. Season II, we ran some grousing about the audition process (supplied by a reader), and we were skeptical about the whole affair:

To which we respond: Thanks for the report from the field. We here at SHECKYmagazine.com, after watching only the second installment of L.C.S.’s first season predicted that the sequel (and we knew there’d be a sequel) would be corrupted– an agent-driven affair, not pretending to be like the first season in any way, shape or form. The fact that a seasoned veteran like Regan is on board is proof of that. The ruse that NBC is perpetrating is somewhat disturbing but not unexpected. We seem to recall that legions of “bobbysoxers” were recruited to swoon over Frank Sinatra at a crucial New York City appearance marking the launch of his solo career in 1942.

As long as seasoned pros are being recruited, we appeal to the producers of LCS: “Hey, how about a plucky, married couple to wreak havoc in the comics’ house on this season’s LCS?!?! Sortofa combination of LCS and The Newlyweds, except that we’ve been married for 15 years… and Traci’s a lot smarter than Jessica Simpson. I smell ratings gold!

We were dead-on about the corruption. And, whaddya know– they did go for a plucky married couple (Tom Cotter and Kerri Louise)!

Clarification: The Regan referred to above was Brian Regan, whom, it was rumored, was trying out for Season II. Not sure what came of that. Also: We weren’t speaking from personal experience when we cited the 1942 incident, although it may have sounded so!

We’ll continue to watch. We’ll continue to comment. Who knows, maybe the whole affair will perk up a bit and things won’t be a gloomy as we fear. In the meantime, let’s hope that UPN or WB or Fox has a clone in the works– “Fox is pleased to announce Rick Rockwell will host Trading Punchlines! in Spring 2005, bringing the best in up and coming comedy talent competing in a Survivor-style reality series that promises to bring you the drama of blah, blah, blah…”

Marc Berman, writing in his Wednesday Media Week column, said the following:

…Father of the Pride built from lead-in Last Comic Standing 3 (#4: 4.7/ 7; Viewers: #4, 5.98 million; A18-49: #4, 2.4/ 7) by 64 percent in the overnights, 3.60 million viewers and 67 percent among adults 18-49. After three editions, it might be time for Last Comic Standing to call it quits.

Ouch. We are inclined to agree with Mr. Berman. More to follow.

A SHECKYmagazine reader writes:

Dear SHECKY person:

I have been searching the net for information about Theodore, a monologist who I saw on a number of occasions in the early ’60s in Manhattan. I’ve had no luck. Do you know of a web site, book or other written material that I might look out for?

Bob Greenstein

We advise Mr. Greenstein (or anyone seeking information about the late Brother Theodore) to click here. For those of you who want a preview…

It seemed that Theodore was born lucky, November 11, 1906. His family was extraordinarily wealthy and he had the best of everything, though his autocratic and disciplinarian father sometimes made life difficult. The Gottlieb family owned magazines and had great influence. Theodore recalled that in 1926 Einstein spent three months as a guest. At one memorable party Theodore witnessed someone approach The Great Man and ask, “Is there life after death?” Einstein replied: “How the hell should I know!”

Years later, Theodore would become virtually the only comedian to rage a losing battle against existentialism. While his contemporaries such as Mort Sahl and Lenny Bruce took on politics and sociology, only Theodore made a career out of speaking what was REALLY on peoples’ minds: what is the meaning of life, how does one cope with death, and what’s behind the beyond.

Theodore recalled “being gloomy” in his youth, and (to his father’s chagrin) studying “useless” things like art and philosophy in college. The philosophy in Germany changed during the 30’s: “suddenly…we were Jewish pestiferous rats that had to be exterminated.” The Nazis took the family’s money, mansion, and finally, their lives. Theodore was the only family member to survive Dachau where he saw the tortures first hand and Nazi guards “roaring with laughter” watching men eaten alive by vicious dogs.

Escaping to America, Theodore worked as a janitor at Stanford University and toiled for three years in a shipyard in San Francisco. He put his savings into a serious one-man concert which flopped miserably. No one came to hear his soliloquies, or his version of “The Tell-Tale Heart.” After seven years of struggling in poverty, his wife left him for his best friend. Theodore’s only son went with her.

The story brightens a bit at the end. And it serves as a lesson for any of us who might find ourselves in the enviable position of running a talk show:

He made 36 appearances on The Merv Griffin Show, and it was Griffin who dubbed the dour performance artist/comedian “Brother” Theodore, based on the priest-like black turtleneck he wore.

He appeared on Johnny Carson‘s Tonight Show (demanding to know why Johnny was asking such “wishy washy questions”) and an admiring Dick Cavett had him on for a half-hour, even allowing Theodore to sit at a desk and perform a segment from his show.

Of course, we all probably know Theodore from his appearances on Late Night and Late Show, both hosted by David Letterman. Theodore died April 5, 2001. We ran his obit in this very magazine.

From an unidentified source:

WB is moving along with a comedy special that will also act as a pilot for a potential series, with comedian Ron White.

As everyone probably knows by now, they’re gone. Sorry, we were at an open mike. We’re watching the whole sorry affair on a grainy VHS recording. What is with Dave Mordal‘s hair? I know he made jokes about it, but how could he have gone on television with either of those do’s? And Jay London: You’d be such a pretty thing if you’d just get the hair out of your eyes!

On another note: We went to the open mike, but there wasn’t a crowd… oh, there was a crowd of comics there, but we’ve somehow lost the stomach required for going up in front of a crowd consisting mainly or totally of comics. Nice comics they were, and they might have actually appreciated our humor and all… but we just couldn’t bring ourselves to go up. Maybe next time.

Might not have any real-time commentary for folks on the Eastern or Central Zones– might go to an open mike tonight. However, we here in the “Pajama Media” (See multiple references in the WWW media, in conjunction with multiple CBS News/Forged Document stories!) feel an obligation to our readers. So, we might videotape it and do analysis later. (Sorry, we don’t got no stinking TiVo.) It’s tonight at 8PM EDT, if you’re setting your VCR.

Meanwhile, it’s good to see that NBC is taking a mature approach to all this. Take a a peek at the image below, taken from the NBC website, and check out how they manage to degrade the people who have been bounced from the show. (Why is the Groucho glasses thing such an enduring object? And why do so many comedy clubs still use Marx? Sure he was funny, but who, under the age of 40 even knows who he was? And, if they do, they certainly don’t associate him with standup. The same goes for Charlie Chaplin.)

Tommy sends along word that Nellie Andreeva, writing in the Hollywood Reporter, says that:

Louis C.K. will headline a comedy special for HBO as part of a deal that calls for the premium cable channel to develop a half-hour show for the Emmy-winning writer-producer.

We might be mistaken, but does Louis put periods in his last name? Isn’t it always just “CK?” Oh, well.

We’ve set up a new poll! Who among the choices we’ve listed would you like to see do standup comedy again? We’ve listed six comics who don’t do standup any more: Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Dick Cavett, Woody Allen, Richard Pryor and Phyllis Diller. Each has pretty much “retired” from live performance. (Doing TV monologues doesn’t count. We’re talking standup comedy, with a live audience, in a club or a casino showroom.)

You need not have already seen him/her do standup to respond, just check the one that you’d like to see do it now. The poll’s over there—–> So, take a moment or two and check one off. We’ll publish the results soon. Thanks!

We have results from our “How Long Have You Been Doing Standup?” poll. And we don’t quite know exactly what to make of them. Of course, the poll was wildly unscientific. But we can derive something of value from the numbers.

This much we can say about the respondents:

Half have never done it or, if they have, they’ve only been at it less than a year.

One quarter have done it between 1 and 5 years.

One quarter have done it 5 years or more.

Is there anything further that we can speculate? Perhaps ask a few questions? What do the figures say about our readership? What do the numbers say about the magazine and what it offers/doesn’t offer?

What is with the 3- to 5-year people?

Why don’t we attract them? (Maybe we do– they just don’t like answering polls!)

Should we care?

We’re not statisticians. We’re comedians. And we’ve tried all along to produce a magazine with somewhat broad appeal (within the universe of standup comics/standup fans/standup business). We’re of the opinion that we’ve done just that. If the numbers seem a tad lopsided (More fans than vets, more >1-year people than 3- to 5-year people, etc.) that’s only because it might just reflect reality: There will always be more people watching it than doing it! And, let’s be honest, there aren’t going to be a whole lot of people continuing on with this crazy standup thing for longer than 10 years. Who do you think there’ll be more of: People who do it for a few years and then quit– A writing gig? A family? Hit the lottery? Or people who continue doing it for 20 years? We think the numbers are just about right.

We have a sub-theory about the 3- to 5-year people: While it may appear that we’re not appealing to them, or that we’re not doing enough to attract them, we have a different opinion. People who’ve been doing it for 3 to 5 are a curious lot–having been among their number at one time,, we know firsthand! They’re making the transition between Newbie and Pro. As such, they’ve finally gotten “good” at this comedy thing, but they’re nowhere near as good as they probably will be in the future. They’re an ornery lot. They’re at the point wheere they must make a serious commitment. This requires a certain amount of cockiness, bitterness, negativity. It’s nothing personal, it’s survival. As a result, nobody can tell them anything! Least of all some dopey internet magazine about standup. How do we know this? We were there once. Had we produced an internet magazine about standup when we were at the five-year mark (and had there actually been an internet back then!), it would have been the most vile, the most vicious, the most depressing mag ever. We got over it. They’ll get over it, too.

In an item entitled “One Funny Workout” comes this, from the October 2004 Shape magazine:

Laughing hard for just 20 seconds doubles your heart rate for about a minute afterward, research at Stanford University in California shows. That’s the same result you’d get from 15 minutes on a stationary bicycle or 10 minutes of strenuous rowing (though you won’t burn as many calories.) Laughter can be an effective “mini-workout,” says psychiatrist William F. Fry, M.D., a leading researcher on laughter’s health benefits. Laughing exercises not just your heart and lungs, Fry says, but the muscles in your chest, abdomen, shoulders, neck, face and scalp as well.

We find it disturbing that we have muscles in our scalp.

Hey, SHECKYmagazine.com readers, associates, all others:

If you’ve sent us an email sometime in the last two weeks and you received no response, (And you deserved a response), the email probably never reached us! ALSO: If the email you sent us “bounced” back to you, let us know. There seems to be something fishy going on with the mail server… or something… Let’s put it this way: We usually make every effort to reply to any/all email. If you didn’t get a response, something happened to it… something beyond our control. So send it again. (I know, I know, some of you have emailed us and our response might have been less than prompt. Sometimes we get behind in our correspondence. But this recent bit of email confusion is different. We’re experiencing the ol’ “I sent it! Didn’t you get it?” and we’re experiencing some of the ol’ “We replied… and now you’re telling me it never got there?”)

To recap: If you think that some or all of the email you’ve sent to SHECKYmagazine hasn’t gotten through, send again!

NO! We did a little surfing and found that, in spite of album titles like “Rejoice, Dear Hearts” and “Kick Thy Own Self,” Brother Dave Gardner was not a Christian comic in any way, shape or form. And we even listened to the album itself! (Yeah, yeah, why didn’t you do that in the first place? Well, often the albums we buy aren’t in the best condition. This one was near excellent, however.) Turns out Dave was a hipster and he addressed his audience in quirky ways like “Dear Hearts” and “Beloved” but he does political material, observational stuff, he plays with the language, it’s surprisingly modern for a comic from 1961.

We speak of Brother Dave because he died in 1983 at the age of 57. And he had quite a story. There’s a fellow in Burlington, NC, who’s doing a one-man show based on Brother Dave, read about it here.

Brother Dave Gardner
Ain’t That Weird?
(RCA Victor LSP-2335)

It’s the return of The Vinyl Word! One of our favorite features of the old Like We Care Page was The Vinyl Word, where we would run a vivid color image of a smashing LP cover and, through the liner notes and other info, we’d offer a glimpse into the life of a comedy performer from days gone by or maybe get a slice of standup history!

RCA LSP-2335 is “Ain’t That Weird?” by Brother Dave Gardner, recorded live at Will Rogers Memorial Auditorium in Ft. Worth, TX. The album is Copyright 1961 and I dig Brother Dave’s threads! He kinda reminds me of Lord Carrett just a bit. Apparently, this is Brother Dave’s third LP and we just love the liner notes by Joe R. Mills, identified as “Television Editor, The Columbus Post Dispatch.”

In my humble opinion Brother Dave is unique among contemporary entertainers. In an era of comedy when practitioners of the art stand up, stand still and complain, Brother Dave’s spirit is glad.

Brother Dave is a contradiction to the eye as well as to the spirit. He comes on with a High Society front of dazzling and special flair. He is a diamond stickpin in the drab cravat of modern entertainment. Standing before his followers he is a picture of an elegant yesterday. Yet when he talks he talks out beyond tomorrow.

Hmmm… Perhaps Mr. Mills coulda used a couple more commas here or there, but you get the idea!

In spite of the fact that Brother Dave is smoking a cigarette in the pics on the front cover, we gather that he’s a Christian comic. (Tobacco was only demonized by the hardest of hard core Christians back then, well-funded mainstream HealthNazis and the Surgeon General were just waking up to the dangers!) A little further down in the liner notes, Brother Dave himself gushes about college crowds:

When I’m doing a concert to the young, fresh, alert minds of our future leaders, I find it difficult to end a show. I don’t have to stop, slow down or explain. Wherever I go in the regions of the mind, I find that they are right with me, and this confirms my opinion that the mind is beautiful, and when we meet on that plane we all swing.

Hmmm… maybe that’s not just a cigarette! (We hope that Joe Mills won’t mind if we borrow that “diamond stickpin in the drab cravat of modern entertainment” for our own press release!)

In her latest column (uploaded minutes ago), Traci Skene manages to drop such names as Daryl Dragon, Mother Teresa and Pee Wee Herman while relating her experience in a Topock, AZ, truck stop rest room.

As I was exiting the ladies’ room stall, I slipped on the way to the sink. After regaining my balance, I looked down to see what had caused this near-fatal accident. There it was… in all it’s shining, iconic, archetypal glory… a banana peel. I had slipped on a banana peel. After 39 years of stumbling around this planet, I had finally been part of a cliche come to life.

Read the rest of her birthday recollection here.

Becasue the guarantee of trial by jury extends to a broader range of cases than in any other nation, the extensive use of trial by jury is unique to the United States.

So states the Educational Guide for Trial Jurors (Second Edition), published by the New Jersey State Bar Foundation. Some of our more astute (and regular… or obsessed) readers may have noticed a paucity of postings over the last 48 hours or so. It was because Brian had jury duty. Because New Jersey has a One Day/One Trial system, and because Brian lucked out by getting on a jury of a civil trial that lasted only one day, his service was limited to… one day. It wasn’t anything worthy of a column. “The definitive column on jury duty was written by Traci,” says he. Read that one here.

Looks like Dave Attell has signed a deal with Fox, according to Hollywood Reporter. Here’s our favorite part:

Given his writing background on Insomniac and NBC’s Saturday Night Live, it is possible that Attell would be involved in the development/writing of his starring vehicle.

It is possible?! Possible? In the paragraph before this one, they said they were hiring Attell because he’s “…really funny, very edgy, has a huge following that cuts across all age groups…” and that he has a “specific point of view.” Why, after having acknowledged all of that (and we must say that we concur), wouldn’t you hand him the keys to a sitcom and tell anyone with ears that he is going to have nearly total creative control of anything he dreams up? (Of course, they might actually not really give him that control but wouldn’t you at least create that illusion? What sense does it make to say that it’s merely possible?

THANK YOU ALL!
We have our winners! Five lucky SHECKYmagazine.com winners will receive a copy of Mitch Fatel‘s Miniskirts & Muffins. Thank you all for participating! Stay tuned for more CD giveaways in the not-too-distant future!! (And the name on the refrigerator is “Douglas!”) Congratulations to our winners!

And don’t forget to visit Mitch Fatel‘s website!

We each called one. We each are batting .500, to put it another way.

The only good thing that Jay Mohr does is say, “Go see (Exiled Comic) when he’s out on the road!” One minor quibble: He uses the word “support” way too much. This is a pet peeve of ours. We cringe when we hear club owners or emcees thanking the crowd “for supporting live comedy” like we’re some sort of obscure diversion like chamber music or modern dance that might only survive lest the folks in the know come on out and (with the help of government grants or charitable trusts) support us. Ugh!

We’re not going to mention any names, but, it sounded like a coupla comics wrote the material on the way to the theater. Hey, if you’re going to be appearing on national television, doing two minutes (of television-clean material), why not buy some material? After Week #1 or #2, and your team has won $50,000, why not take some of the cash and commission some writer(s) to craft a couple of decent, coherent, Middle-America-pleasing two-minute sets.

New comics and fans are saying, “Why not just slice out a hunk of your club set?” Reasonable question, but it just ain’t the same. Just because somebody’s got 60 minutes of material doesn’t mean he’s got 30 two-minute sets at the ready, ripe for peeling off for use on a reality-TV showcase. There are… considerations. All that aside, there’s gobs of money at stake here. Why not buy some material and give yourself an edge. The whole affair is all so unreal. Why not come prepared with a tight, coherent, two-minute set or two… or three… and worry about all the other stuff later.