TV Guide had a cow over the Jeff Foxworthy Roast on Comedy Central.

You know you’re a critic in trouble when there’ barely one joke from a comedy special that’s A.) Clean enough to repeat and B.) Funny. Example: Jeff Foxworthy’s TV show was so bad that “Christopher Reeve got up and changed the channel.” Quadriplegic humor is bad enough but this roast also boasts four Hispanic jokes.

Oh, the horror! How can we all go on! Four Hispanic jokes!?!? Oh, the humanity! Susan Stewart, the author of the above savaging of the Comedy Central Roast should be re-assigned. Perhaps she would be better suited to ghost writing the answers to the fake question in “Walter Scott’s Personality Parade.” She’s the tightass in the front row who never cracks a smile. She’s the moron who comes up to you after the show and says something inane like, “You know, hurting animals isn’t a very funny topic for humor.” (Or something equally idiotic, depending on what subjects you’ve managed to cover in your set.)

It was enjoyable. Not sure why they had to change the format of the roast and take it out of the Friars Club, and let everyone wear civilian clothes. Where’s the harm in making all these comics wear tuxedoes and deliver this stuff from a dais in a dusty old wood-paneled building dripping with tradition and history?

That George W. Bush impersonator (Steve Bridges, for those of you who were wondering) was a killer. And, just in case you’re wondering, here’s his contract rider (Smoking Gun, eat your heart out):

“Mr. President”…Steve Bridges 2004 Rider

This rider is hereby made a part of the contract for ___________________________
by and between Steve Bridges (hereinafter referred to as “Artist”) and
_______________________ (hereinafter referred to as “Producer”).

1. Producer shall provide and pay for:

A. One non-smoking Jr. Suite for makeup artist Kevin Haney and one non-smoking Single Room for artist for one or two nights, as needed. Rooms must be pre-paid and close together, on the same floor

B. Add to Haney suite prior to arrival: one 6-foot banquet table and two floor lamps

C. Van, limousine, or large SUV for ground transportation to and from hotel and airport

D. Ground transportation to and from performance venue if not at hotel
E. One high-quality lectern/podium with adjustable microphone, preferably on a stage positioned directly in front of audience

F. First class sound system with CD player and operator

G. Four or five “shills” (members of the audience willing to ask Artist a question during his performance)

H. One microphone (preferably wireless) for audience “shills” during Question and Answer period

I. Spotlight and operator or full stage wash appropriate for venue (spotlight highly recommended for Artist’s entrance)

J. Green Room (holding area) for Artist prior to performance with chairs, mirror, ice water, glasses, etc.

K. At least two “Secret Service Agents” in dark suits (no sunglasses, please!)

2. Artist will provide:

A. “Hail to the Chief” CD

B. Four or five questions for audience “shills”

3. Introduction: “Ladies and Gentlemen, a very special guest has taken time out of his hectic schedule to be with us, and we are truly honored. Please welcome our special guest.” NOTE: Don’t mention Washington, President Bush or politics; it will telegraph the hoax, lessening the
surprise impact of Artist’s entrance.

4. Sound operator to begin playing “Hail to the Chief” nice and loud, immediately after introduction. As Artist reaches the lectern/podium, sound operator slowly turns volume off. Replay “Hail to the Chief” immediately upon conclusion of performance and until Artist exits room.

Accepted by: _____________________________________

What was the deal with that rap act? It wasn’t… funny. So we gotta ask why?