We see the strangest things in our stats. Most often, it’s the keywords that folks use to search for something– which somehow has them ending up at SHECKYmagazine– that give us pause… or a good laugh. Keywords like:

Filthy+fishy+pussy+jokes

Doug+Benson+groupies

Joe+Rogan+versus+Milton+Berle

Russel+Howard+Shirtless

Howard+Stern+cleft+lip

Gary+Gulman+shirtless

But the ones that keeps popping up, the ones that make us crazy are

Mitch+Hedberg+death+hoax

Bill+Hicks+death+hoax

Rich+Jeni+hoax

We’re assuming we have Andy Kaufman to thank for this nonsense. We have a message to all who might be tempted to entertain this ridiculousness: Stop it, now! It’s stupid. And to the people who are obviously perpetuating this idiocy: Stop it, now! It’s pointless and it’s hurtful to the people (the real people) who are left behind, who loved these people and who are still dealing, to this day, with the grief. But it seems like nothing will stop them. The urge to cobble together an alternate reality from the facts at hand is a strong one. The desire to construct fantastic scenario that’s a whole lot more interesting than the dull (actual) one is too attractive for these nimrods.

The conspir@cy mania that seems to ensnare too many of the feeble-minded among us is reaching absurd proportions. We watched a two-hour special on the History Channel last night, 9/ll Conspir@cies: Fact or Fiction, which “Examines the various conspir@cy theories espoused on the Internet, in articles and in public forums that attempt to explain the 9/ll attacks.” (It re-airs Saturday at 08:00 PM and Sunday at Midnight.)

One of the men at the center of the so-called “truth3r” movement, A1ex Jones, is a syndicated radio host out of Austin. He was featured prominently in the special. As he spoke, we noticed that he bore an eerie resemblance (and, with his Dallas-born, Texas twang sounded like) the late Bill Hicks. Hmmm… this gave us an idea.

You folks want a conspir@cy theory? We’ll give you one: Jones is actually Hicks. It all adds up (if you have a funky, “The Truth Is Out There” abacus for a brain). The evidence: Hicks had a lengthy bit on the JFK assassin@tion, he was raised in Texas, Jones was born in Parkland Hospital, which is the very same hospital that JFK was taken shortly after unknown person or persons shot him! They look alike. (See this page for several image of Jones! From certain angles, it’s positively eerie!) Hicks faked his own demise (since, after his HBO specials and his multiple Letterman appearances made him a marked man by the totalitarian government!) and re-emerged as a talk show host on Sunday afternoons in Austin. The timeline might be a little hinky, but some of our best minds can work out those details!

There! Are you happy? Now that we’ve done much of the investigative groundwork, it’s up to the rest of you to devote your free time to furrowing out The Truth! (Whoa, dude! We can’t go into this in any more detail because we’re convinced that someone is tapping our modem.)