They’ll give him the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. It’s for his work raising money to find a cure for muscular dystrophy. (But it’s also for dominating movies for a decade or two– first with Dean Martin, then without him.)

Any bets on whether the classy Hollywood crowd will boo him lustily? How could they, you ask? Well, for one thing, Lewis, who is 82 years old, has committed the cardinal sin of making two gay jokes (vicious homophobic slurs, in the parlance of the perpetually victimized and their representatives). One on his telethon and one on Australian TV. (We’ve heard worse on Will & Grace.)

Plus, he objectifies the very folks he seeks to assist with his fundraising, emphasizing their misery and portraying them as something to be pitied rather than worthwhile human beings. (Or something like that. When they concoct these fake controversies, it’s difficult to grasp just what it is that’s ticking them off.)

So, you see, he’s evil. And he’s a talentless hack– a producer once described the Martin & Lewis act as “the organ grinder and his monkey.” Hey– isn’t that a slur on Italians? (Or is pointing out that the majority of organ grinders are Italian a slur in and of itself? We’re not sure. When the slur/blame game is being played, it’s like a hideous game of rhetorical paintball with no armor!)

Add into the mix the fact that the herd will be wearing white ribbons to symbolize their support for gay marriage (or is to symbolize their boiling rage at Christians, Mormons and African-Americans for passing Prop 8?) and you have a simmering cauldron of resentment, hatred, bile totally at odds with the folks who make the decisions at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.

You think Jerry Lewis is bitter now? Just wait until the booing starts! He’s 82 years old, he’s not in the best of health, and he’s receiving an honor that could be called “The Jean Hersholt Go F*** Yourself Award”– we’re firing up the VCR! He just might display (only slightly) less class than the audience and give ’em hell like nobody’s ever heard!

From Richard Corliss, writing in Time:

The last time Jerry Lewis appeared on the Oscars was 50 years ago, as one of the hosts of the 1959 show. In the three years since he and Dean Martin had ended their partnership as the country’s all-time hottest comedy team, each had established successful a solo career: Martin as a dramatic actor in The Young Lions, Some Came Running and Rio Bravo, Lewis in the popular farces Rock-a-Bye Baby and The Geisha Boy. Each man had recorded hit singles, headlined in Vegas, guested on many TV shows. Lewis had also emceed the Oscar event twice before, with wit and dignity and without incident.

With that last line, Corliss is setting up a description of Lewis’ 1959 hosting gig (which ended in disaster, according to some– great live TV, according to others.) But it can be inferred that Corliss (and others) expect any Oscarcast hosted by a comedian to lack wit and/or dignity and be riddled with incident.

Because, as we all know, comedians are utterly lacking in wit and dignity.

Incident? Of course! That’s why you hire the comedian. And that’s why, as Corliss points out in his appreciation of Lewis, that the ’59 broadcast was the second highest-rated in Oscar history.

And that’s why you don’t hire Hugh Jackman to host! (Oh, there’ll be plenty of wit and dignity, but it’ll be the smirky, NPR/Charley Rose kind of dignity that puts viewers into a coma. And there’ll be no incidents.)

They are so conflicted.