From the New York Post:

A New Jersey cop who moonlights as a comic has been suspended without pay for his gross-out stand-up routine.

Officials say West Orange Police Sgt. John Feder is guilty of conduct unbecoming an officer after he cracked jokes about raping a bride at knifepoint, molesting his own 5-year-old son and bestiality.

Sgt. Feder: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?

West Orange Motorist: Hey! Aren’t you that guy who does the bit about diddling your little boy?

Sgt. Feder: That’s not the issue here–

West Orange Motorist: You sick bastard! You make jokes about sick shit like that and think you can give me a ticket?!?

You get the idea. We get a little itchy when someone gets canned for doing standup. Perhaps Sgt. Feder should have used a stage name. People with occupations that are far less high-profile often hide their dalliances with standup, fearful of what their bosses or co-workers might think. We don’t anticipate seeing a lawsuit from Sgt. Feder any time soon. Perhaps he should literally give up his day job.

It’s called “95 Miles to Go” and it’s at the South By Southwest fest in Austin. Sketchy details (from the SXSW site) are available:

95 Miles to Go
Dir: Tom Caltabiano; Cast: Ray Romano, Tom Caltabiano, Roger Lay, Jr.
Sitcom star Ray Romano documents his unpredictable stand-up comedy tour through Middle America. (WORLD PREMIERE)

Caltibiano was a comic at one time who abandoned the boards for a writing gig on Romano’s long-running series. The fest runs March 10-19.

Nile Seguin is a Toronto-based standup comic who has written for TV and has been around the JFL block more than once. He has written our first “Guest Set,” in which a reader is given the opportunity to hold forth on a subject which has not heretofore been addressed in the pages of this magazine. In Seguin’s case, he talks about anxiety attacks:

The problem is that I’m thinking. I’m thinking about whether or not this is going to be one of the times I have an anxiety attack. Of course, with something like that, all you have to do is ask the question and it’s on. It’s like the Beetlejuice of mental luggage. Speak the name and it comes.

Read the rest

Doug Hecox, Writer of Wrongs, tries speed dating as a last resort. In his latest column, “Four Minutes To Fame,” he ticks off the various ways for a comedian to get un-single:

…dating for comedians is a challenge. As I continue to discover, many of my single friends are no longer single– and most of their friends are no longer single either. This tried-and-true “friend-of-a-friend” approach to dating, even for a demi-celebrity like me, is rapidly facing extinction.

I’ve tried it all. I tried “It’s Just Lunch”– and they lie. It’s just $1,500.

Reasoning that online dating makes sense for someone on the road, I tried Match.com. It didn’t take long for me to conclude that the National Sex Offender Registry is both cheaper AND more effective.

Check out the rest!

From the JFL website, the remaining showcases throughout most of the English-speaking world:

Montreal showcase

* Friday, February 10 at 8:30pm – Ernie Butler’s Comedy Nest
* Monday, February 13 at 9:00pm – The Comedy Works

Ottawa showcase

* Tuesday, February 21 – Absolute Comedy

Los Angeles showcase

* Wednesday, February 8 – Improv
* Thursday, February 9 – Improv
* Wednesday, March 22 – Improv
* Wednesday, March 29 – Improv

Dublin showcase

* Thursday, March 2 – Vicar Street

London showcase

* Monday, March 6 – Comedy Store

FOS John Kensil sent us the URL for a New York Post interview (free reg. required) of FOS Ron White. The interview, conducted by FOS Larry Getlen. Says White, of fellow Texans Hicks and Kinison:

I was just in awe of Hicks, who I thought was infinitely better than Kinison. If you look at the body of work Bill Hicks produced in such a short period of time, it’s amazing, and unlike anything anyone else had ever done. Kinison taught comedians that the crowd can genuinely not like you and you can still make them laugh, but Kinison’s body of work is not that big, and the subsequent shots didn’t hold up as well. Hicks was getting better and better every year. He was by far, in my opinion, the only comedian that mattered when he died.

No mention of a connection to standup comedy is made in the obit of Al Lewis, who co-starred in the ghastly Addams Family ripoff The Munsters. But Lewis for a brief period in the mid-90s lent his name to a comedy club in Queens. Actually, it was named not after Lewis, but after his durable television character “Grandpa.”

Lewis, with his wife at his bedside, passed away Friday night, said Bernard White, program director at WBAI-FM, where the actor hosted a weekly radio program. White made the announcement on the air during the Saturday slot where Lewis usually appeared.

FOS Joe Starr writes:Al Lewis was 92. And I know his club was in Staten Island. I played there many times. To which the Male Half of the Staff replies: The wire services initially reported that Lewis was 95 years old. Hours later, they adjusted it (as did we) to 82. We may never know! As for the location of the club, I worked there, too, but only once. And we trust Starr’s geography over our own. Staten Island it is/was! Thanks!

Jim Slotek, writing in Jam! Showbiz, interviews Yuk Yuks Grande Fromage Mark Breslin on his Laugh Off comedy contest and the implementation of new technology in the promotion of Mark Bres… er, the promotion of standup comedy.

The conversation turns to the vagaries of contests.

“In this case, since everybody’s competing randomly with 10 minutes of stage time, it’s conceivable a relative newcomer could defeat a really well-known and well-versed comic. The new guy could have just as strong a 10 minutes as a headliner. It’s when you make people do 40 or 50 minutes that you see how it stratifies. But on the level of a 10-minute set, it’s kind of democratic.”

Breslin is the programmer of XM’s latest new channel, Laugh Attack, which features the comedy of Canadian comics. Some folks are saying that the rotation is too tight. (We can attest to that!) But Breslin attributes this to the relatively small number of Canadian comics. “Here, there are only 400 comics in the country. You’re going to hear things over and over.” On this, we must disagree. We attribute the tightness to the paucity of digitally recorded live standup featuring Canadian comics. Hell, up until just a couple of years ago, many Canadian comics we would encounter were still checking their email from coffee houses. It seemed as though our compadres up north were the victims of high computer prices, exorbitant internet access charges and oppressive taxation on each. We suspect that similar impediments prevented digital recording as well. (Although, what do we know? We’re just doltish, bloodthirsty, imperialistic Americans. At least that’s what we learned from listening to just a couple hours of Laugh Attack.)

On the overarching issue of live standup, however, we can all agree with Breslin when he says:

“People will always want to go out. Watching or listening at home is not the same. Nothing beats the spiritual connection of laughing with strangers.”

Amen, Brother Breslin, amen.

Jason Budjinski, writing a tease of an upcoming theater event in a Florida alterna-rag, has this lovely lede:

When we see photos of comics posing with U.S. troops in Iraq, its tempting to think of it as crass opportunism– another attempt by American entertainers to cash in on 9/11.

Tempting? Maybe for a shallow, cynical douchebag like Jason Budjinski it’s tempting. The rest of us see an entertainer risking his life to bring a couple yucks to people who either bored out of their minds or risking their lives on a near-daily basis. We suspect that Mr. Budjinski felt himself between a rock and a hard place: How do I say something positive about comedian Tom Irwin‘s one-man show “25 Days In Iraq” and not sound as though I endorse the policies of the imperialistic regime headed by Bushy McChimpHitler? We think he handled it well. (Sarcasm alert.)

Watch it… or just read this.

One of the “Ten great places to sit down and watch standup,” according to the April 1, 2005, USA Today article (that was built solely from information and pithy quotes supplied by this publication), has been sold. The Raleigh News & Observer story says that:

Brad Reeder, a standup comic who broke into the business by performing tableside magic tricks at Goodnight’s while in college, bought the club last month. Terms of the deal were not disclosed. Reeder also owns Laff Trax in Nags Head, and he operates an entertainment booking business.

Goodnight’s was founded in 1983 by Tom Williams, who ran the club for two decades before selling it to Reeder. In that time, Goodnight’s became an established stop on the standup circuit. The list of comedians who have performed at Goodnight’s includes Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Robin Williams, Dave Chappelle, Ray Romano and Ellen DeGeneres.

(Full disclosure: The editorial staff of this publication– both of us– will be headlining there March 16-19.)

From NBC.com:

FEBRUARY 21
Los Angeles, CA
Hollywood Improv
8162 Melrose
Los Angeles, CA 90046

FEBRUARY 27
Tempe, AZ
Tempe Improv
930 University Dr
Tempe AZ, 85281

MARCH 2
Austin, TX
Capital City Comedy Club
8120 Research Boulevard
Austin, TX 78758

MARCH 5
Chicago, IL
Zanies
1548 N. Wells St.
Chicago, IL 60610

MARCH 7
NYC
Caroline’s
1626 Broadway
New York, NY 10009

MARCH 12
Miami
Coconut Grove Improv
3390 Mary St., 182
Coconut Grove, FL 33133

From Ralph Vincent comes word of his internet radio show “focusing on the L.A. underground comedy scene.”

Tonight, my online radio show kicks off! I’ll be playing a mixed bag of comedy clips and music from 4-6 PM PST.

I will be drinking and shooting the breeze in the studio with guest Jay
Batten from the L.A. comedy group Sketch Armstrong.

You can find my show at leafpileradio.com

I’ll post an 800 number during the show for anybody who wants to call in and say hello!

Thanks to everybody for the well wishes and support. Hope you enjoy the show!

From a NY Post item on an upcoming roast of Michael Jackson’s molestation trial attorney Tom Mesereau:

Roasters have been told to steer clear of mocking Jackson because he’s still Mesereau’s client, although his pals are probably going to violate that gag order.

It will be two hours of “His hair is so white…”

Andrew Wallenstein writing in the Hollywood Reporter (“Laugh tracks standing up on iTunes”) says that– whaddya know?– standup comics are wildly popular downloads for folks using video iPods.

That’s actually not a joke: MTV Networks has been surprised to discover that low-profile stand-up specials from its Comedy Central channel are outperforming such better-known franchises as MTV’s Laguna Beach and Nickelodeon’s SpongeBob SquarePants since striking a deal last week to bring 14 different MTVN series to iTunes’ growing roster of TV downloads for video iPods.

Not sure what Laguna Beach is, but it is huge news when something– anything– outperforms SpongeBob. It’s a sign that the technology has been pried from the tiny fingers of the tots and is maturing ever so slowly.

As of Wednesday, three of Comedy Central’s stand-up specials have broken into the top 20 TV attractions ranked by Apple. Only the most recent episode of ABC’s Lost is ahead of up-and-coming comic Dane Cook; cult favorite Mitch Hedberg is at No. 5, while The Daily Show grouch Lewis Black is at No. 15. Two more comics are ranked 36th and 76th.

We tried– honest we did– to find out who the “two more comics” were, but Apple’s website is so achingly dull and muddled that we eventually gave up finding their video download rankings. If we had to guess, we’d say, it was Ron White and Dan Whitney.

From Hollywood Reporter (“Fox orders comedy, drama pilots”) comes word that Fox is cooking up a variety show.

Bash, shooting Thursday night in Hollywood, is described as a modern take on the old-time variety show that mixes the format of a celebrity roast with sketch comedy. Johnny Knoxville, Jenny McCarthy, Bob Saget and Jeff Garland are listed as featured guests

We have long held that the variety show is a good thing for standup comics. It gave many comics regular, national exposure in the first three decades of television. Then it ceased. (The suits will tell you that the format is dead. Just like they always proclaim that the sitcom is dead. They like to cite Dolly as the reason no one attempts a variety show any more. Of course, that was 1976, but suits are kinda like aboriginal Australians for their ability to pass on knowledge verbally, from generation to generation.) The real perp when it comes to the death of the variety format was Market Segmentation. (Oddly enough, the same thing is happening to network news.) But all is not lost. The format is merely in a vegetative state.

And then along comes Fox, and Jeffery/Jeffrey Ross. Although you would never be able to devine it, Ross has something to do with Bash, and he may in fact be the host. Witness this bulletin that is currently flying around myspace:

Comedian Jeffrey Ross is shooting a new Television show for the FOX network at the:

Avalon Nightclub/Theater
Thursday, February 2nd.

The show is a unique blend of Jeffreys no-holds-barred comedy mixed with his specialty celebrity-style roasts.

Many BIG Celebrities will be attending!

BASH will be a BLAST! BIG COMEDY EVENT! TON’s of LAUGHTER!

We would love to have you join us in the special VIP section of the Avalon Theater in Hollywood (1735 Vine Street) for the taping of BASH.

Arrival is at 6:30pm.

Parking is available in the lot adjacent to the theater.

Please mention that you are there for the VIP parking.

Please ask for Erin Brett at the theater entrance.

Call Erin at (818)487-5060 with any questions.

The Ed Sullivan Show was “fun for the entire family,” which would explain its popularity. In this day and age, however, no such thing as fun for the entire family exists. Perhaps in the new age of Market Segmentation, Bash will be a close approximation.

Yahoo!/Reuters/Hollywood Reporter is reporting that:

Sirius will produce and program the new channel in partnership with Parallel Entertainment, which represents the Blue Collar Comedy troupe of Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy and Bill Engvall. They’ll be featured on the channel along with others. Financial terms of the detail were not announced.

We like that part about “along with others.” Where’s Ron White? (Speaking of White, did anyone see his panel appearance on Tonight last night? A home run.) We wonder what the criteria will be for inclusion on the new channel. A southern accent? A certain unnamed sensibility? Representation by Parallel? So many questions.

Of course, just by mentioning the video for the single from Fiona Apple’s latest CD, we participate in their little game. The clip is actually amusing and it features (Friend of Apple) Zach Galifianakis lip-synching to one of Apple’s patented angst-fests.

To nutshell it, the story goes like this:

Fiona Apple’s clip for the song “Not About Love” took one day to shoot, cost her only a few digital tapes and was never intended to be a proper music video.

And the director (Yes, there is a director!) and she just walked over to Zach’s house and shot the video for 27 bucks and change and blah, blah, blah.

The supposedly on-the-cheap video (and it’s Blair Witchian, hoaxial back story) is most likely part of a guerilla marketing campaign intended to distract angst-ridden teens from the fact that Apple toils for Sony/BMG. That label had annual revenue last year of $21 billion! (That’s “billion” with a “B!”) And Apple is the opening act on the upcoming North American tour of Cold Play. (Whose front man, you’ll recall, made international headlines last year by saying the most inane things about the “evil profits” of international music conglomerates. “Shareholders are the great evil of this modern world,” he said, with a straight face.) They’re also spreading the idea that some of Apple’s tunes have been “leaked” to radio stations and they’ve started an online campaign to determine “Whatever happened to Fiona Apple.”

It’s a slicker, updated, new media version of “Paul is dead.”

And it’s not unlike what Rolling Rock and Rheingold and other barely drinkable beers are doing to promote their swill to college students.

Targeting hard-to-reach consumers who often relish the fact that they’re light years away from the mainstream is the goal of non-traditional advertising, sometimes called guerrilla, viral or grassroots marketing. The non-traditional methods also fly under the radar of many consumers and, in many cases, aren’t immediately recognized as advertising or marketing tactics.

But it is amusing, so go check it out.

Three lucky SHECKYmagazine readers have won Ron White‘s new CD, “You Can’t Fix Stupid!”

We would like to congratulate Tran Thien Nhan of Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, Randy Masters of Richmond, VA, and Darcy Michael of Delta, British Columbia, Canada! Thanks for reading and thanks for entering!

FOS John Kensil alerted us to an article in the British newspaper, The Independent, ” Why men don’t fancy funny women,” involving reasearch results.

Dr. Rod Martin led the project. The findings are published in the scientific journal Evolution and Human Behaviour this week.

“When forced to choose between humour production and humour appreciation in potential partners, women valued humour production, whereas men valued receptivity to their own humour,” said Dr Martin.

That’s going on the next business card– “Humor Production.”

…or did your neck throw up?

As comedians, and as comedians who run a website, we constantly seek to determine the importance to society of standup comedy and of humor.

And that’s how we ended up reading a description (complete with sample chapters) of a book called “Wired For Speech”:

Interfaces that talk and listen are populating computers, cars, call centers, and even home appliances and toys, but voice interfaces invariably frustrate rather than help. In “Wired for Speech,” Clifford Nass and Scott Brave reveal how interactive voice technologies can readily and effectively tap into the automatic responses all speech — whether from human or machine — evokes.

And exactly how does this relate to humor?

Well, since humor is so important to society, the book pays some attention to the appropriateness or usefulness of humor (very and very!) in voice interfaces and pays some attention to exactly what kind of humor should be utilized.

We can’t take complete credit for discovering this. The gang at MIT Press thought the book’s humor/voice interface connection to be interesting enough to excerpt it on their weblog, MITPressblog. It was there that we found the following excerpt from “Wired For Speech,” which quotes from Victor Raskin, Professor of English and Linguistics at Purdue University:

Humor has been underutilized in voice interface design. However, designers should not blithely include witticisms: jokes are powerful and must be used judiciously. Many types of humor have huge downsides. […]

No joke will be universally loved. What happens when, despite rewriting and testing, jokes fall short? Research by John Morkes directly tested this by creating additional interfaces with known unsuccessful innocent jokes. Although people wrote more negative comments (called “flames”) to the computer that provided bad jokes than to the computer that provided no jokes, no negative effects were observed on user’s performance, effort, or perceptions of the interface. Hence, the risk of failure is not as large as the benefits of success.

How can ineffective jokes be avoided? If there was an easy answer to this question, everyone could be a successful comedian. Nevertheless, here are some useful guidelines from Victor Raskin:

* Give exactly as much information as is necessary for the joke.
* Say only what is compatible with the world of the joke.
* Say only what is relevant to the joke.
* Tell the joke efficiently.
* Avoid jokes that are highly dependent on timing, as many users may have divided attention.

Books of jokes can be effective. Many of them are organized by topic, enabling the designer to select a joke to fit gracefully into the interaction. It is also useful to remember that jokes that were considered overused in a given generation may seem startlingly original for a new generation.

Fascinating. We can’t decide which nugget of wisdom we like more. “Many types of humor have huge downsides,” might be the winner.

We can’t help but see a bit of Kip Addotta’s influence in the above bulleted list. (Reminds us of his “How to tell a joke” bit.)

Over the cybertransom comes a press release from Comedy Central about how…

…COMEDY CENTRAL is launching on iTunes today, with 56 half-hour episodes featuring the network’s leading franchises – the Emmy Award-winning South Park, Drawn Together and COMEDY CENTRAL Stand-Up.

And lest any of you think that this is yet another example of Big TV exploiting the little guy for a few extra (billion) pennies, we’ve been assured by the folks at Comedy Central that “it follows the standard home video arrangement where talent participates.” Gotta love that Suitspeak.

From an interview with Jim Gaffigan in the Iowa State Daily:

To be completely honest, when I did my album with Comedy Central, the guy said, “I just want you to know that cursing sells.” I curse in everyday life, but when I’m on stage – sometimes if you say an F-bomb, it’ll save a mediocre joke, so I’m constantly trying to get rid of it. But there has been no pressure to do that. I have checked out reviews of my last CD on Web sites and people literally say “not enough cursing.” I think that’s kind of hysterical. If we were all 13 sitting in a garage, we’d want to hear curse words. It’s like, get the Dave Attell CD – who I think is a genius, by the way. There was no pressure, but I can’t get in Dave’s kind of shape so I’m not worried about that. There’s, like, a comedy nerd audience that has always kind of got me and those are the people I want to still think I’m funny. I’m not looking to be on the cover of People magazine – but I’ll probably be the most handsome guy in the world next year.

Make of this what you will.

Reuters is reporting that the majority of people in a study that had sex were “the least stressed and had blood pressure levels that returned to normal more quickly… when under acute stress, such as when giving a speech.”

Forget pretending you are talking to one person or concentrating on a single point in the audience — having sex is good way to calm nerves before giving a speech or presentation.

But Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of Paisley in Scotland, said it has to be full sexual intercourse to get the best results.

No blowjobs in the greenroom, in other words.

A Salt Lake City Trib article about Bob Goldthwait‘s movie. The Bobcat directed a film and it debuted at Sundance.

At a screening Tuesday at the Racquet Club, the film earned a mostly positive response and a fair amount of laughter, although a few audience members were heard giving the movie a verbal thumbs down as they left.

Sounds like business as usual for a decent movie that tackles an uncomfortable subject with humor. A lot like the response to any Farelly Bros. movie. The journos are calling it this year’s “The Aristocrats.”

The last two paragraphs of an E! Online story written on the occasion of the release of a syndicated version of season one of American Idol, starring erstwhile AI host Brian Dunkleman:

Dunkelman was dropped after the first season. According to IMDb.com, he most recently appeared in Comedy Hell, a $130,000 independent film.

An attempt to reach Dunkelman for comment on American Idol Rewind ended Friday when his last known talent agency of record said he was no longer a client.

Do we detect a bit of snarkiness here? An attempt to bury Mr. Dunkleman? Perhaps. It was a popular pasttime to make snide comments about Dunkleman back a few years ago. We were mystified by it at the time. We thought he acquitted himself quite well on season one of AI. But there’s that little matter of his being a comedian. The H-wood media has a problem with the funny people.

It is all the more possible that E! is taking potshots at Seacrest’s old partner when you consider that Mr. Seacrest recently signed a multi-million dollar deal with E! and, upon signing that contract made his first order of business the dismissal by that cable outlet of one Kathy Griffin. Griffin, you’ll recall, has made great hay publicly mocking Seacrest at every opportunity. The message is clear: Don’t piss Ryan Seacrest off.

We hasten to point out that the “$130,000 independent film” they speak so dismissively about was produced/written/directed by Scott Larose. Since when is appearing in an independent film an indication of one’s decline (or an indication of one’s lack of seriousness)? We’ll tell you: When you’re a comic and when the film is produced by a comedian. Like we say, it’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.

Hop onto the Comedy Central website to vote for the “World’s Best Comic.” That’s right, we said the WORLD’S BEST COMIC!

They have a list of 25 comics to choose from. (WHERE’S the CHICKS? they asked, simultaneously displaying a sensitivity to females, while using a somewhat derogatory term for the weaker sex. Oops… we did it again.)

It is impossible to predict who’ll win this slapfight! You got your Dane Cook, with his army of Myspacers. You got your Ron White, with his notoriety via movies, BCTV and live shows. And then, there’s Mitch. Some folks might counter that the equation is thrown off by kids. They text message, they run in packs, etc. Discount the kids. This contest, you might note, is sponsored by H & R Block’s Tax Cut, the favorite software of tax paying citizens, the vast majority of whom are way past puberty and waaay over text messaging. It oughta be interesting.

We had a blast performing at our “non-traditional comedy venue” last Saturday night, the Higher Ground in Burlington, VT. Great crowds for both the early and late show. The staff was personable and professional. The management was top-flight. And the comedians (us) were treated like rock stars… or at least like folks stars– veggie plate, nachos, soda pop and spring water! The only thing missing was a bowl of M & M’s with the brown ones picked out. (Which is in our next contract rider, we assure you!)

Why go on about such seemingly insignificant things? Because it points up just how blasé the mainstream comedy clubs are about the talent they have in on a regular basis. The Higher Ground people do comedy once a month. They’ve invited such acts as Kevin Meaney and Todd Barry to amuse the citizens of Northern Vermont and the surrounding area, so they’re serious about comedy. When they’re not booking comics, their bread and butter is nationally touring folk, rock, reggae and other musical acts. Perhaps that’s why they treat comics a notch or two better than the vast majority of comedy clubs do. To their minds, there’s no difference between a nationally touring comedian and a nationally touring musical act with major label support.

How many times have you heard a comic say, “Dude, I wanna get out of the clubs.” What’s that all about? (The default explanation is, “the crowds.” But it’s not the crowds at all. The crowds are pretty much uniformly good if the product offered is “Professional Standup Comedy.”) The real reason is most likely the treatment received by the acts, from the moment they walk through the door until the moment they head for the aiport. It’s the attitude of the owners and managers of the venue with regard to “the talent.” We should be sick and tired of “nice treatment.” Instead, sadly, it stands out.

The Higher Ground package was exemplary– A three- or four-page Word doc listing media contacts within a 50-mile radius, electronic ticketing, four-star website with details (and links to online ticketing), in-house promotion, top-flight sound and light. And, of course, broccoli, Diet Coke and spring water in a room with comfortable seating, high above the showroom. In the new era, we don’t think it’s a stretch to say that every comedy club in America could be/should be doing exactly this.

ON THE WAY TO HIGHER GROUND…

Just inside the Vermont border, we encountered the above establishment and laughed for another half-mile or so down the road. Not because it’s so intrinsically funny, but because it reminded us of our fantasy restaurant that we plan on opening when we hit the lottery: H. J. Wooleysocks (“The Tasty, Toasty Brew and Burgery!”). Isn’t that exqisitely horrible? We thought so. We would open it not to vend fine food and drink to an appreciative population, but as a parody of all those wretched restos with the cutesy names and the fake ambience that hearkens back to… to what, exactly? We’re not sure. But they have lengthy, made-up names and the use capitals far too much and somebody has a handlebar mustache. And they concoct precious words like “Foodrinkery” and “HotDoggery!”

It would essentially be a giant piece of performance art… with disability insurance premiums. And to make it all the more incongrouous, we’d open it on a beach… and have a roaring fireplace. See if anyone else recognizes the absurdity of it all. (And there’d be comedy. And lots of broccoli, and maybe some of those snap peas. And grapes.)

“I have come to the conclusion that the making of laws is like the making of sausages–the less you know about the process the more you respect the result.”–Quote from Otto von Bismarck

Add to Herr Bismarck’s observation the making of television.

A story in Saturday’s Wall Street Journal contains a lengthy description of the tribulations of Louis C.K. as he goes about the creation of a new sitcom under the auspices of HBO.

That same week, HBO executives watched an afternoon run-through of episode nine. In the episode, Mr. C.K. happens into a confessional in a Roman Catholic church where he describes to a priest a long, profanity-laced dream involving sexual relations with a demon in hell.

The HBO executives expressed skepticism. They huddled with the writers in a bungalow on the studio lot and questioned whether the scene rang true. “You want to keep him very real,” Tracy Katsky, a consulting producer on the show, said after the meeting. “But there were a couple of moments in the confessional that, while they’re funny, you don’t believe he would say them.”

When it came time to make revisions, Mr. C.K. declined to omit the scene. HBO didn’t press the issue and as it happens, it was the most popular scene with studio audiences. “This is his show and to some extent it’s HBO’s, but it’s really Louie and he’s going to do what he’s going to do,” Ms. Katsky said later.”

Do you detect perhaps a bit of disgust in Ms. Katsky’s statement? I’m guessing she’s a peach to work with.

The overall theme of WSJ staffer Joe Hagan’s story is that HBO is intent on “reviving the sitcom” (Here we go again!) and that Louis C.K. is just the man for the job. Then we read that chairman and CEO of HBO Chris Albrecht, “liked Mr. C.K.’s sense of mission and also his willingness to compromise.” Red flag city, or what?!

Fascinating story. (And, it might not be up there long… we got it via an emailed link from a reader who subscribes, so hustle!)

The Philadelphia Inquirer’s Marc Narducci wrote in a story in yesterday’s Inky that Jon Stewart received the National Soccer Coaches Association of America’s honorary all-American award yesterday at the Convention Center. Turns out Stewart played soccer in high school and college, compiling 10 goals and 12 assists while playing for William & Mary.

A record crowd of 1,600 showed up for the annual luncheon. During his speech, Stewart alternated between leaving the audience doubling over from laughter and professing passion for the sport.

“Back in my day, I played so long ago we were allowed to use our hands,” Stewart said.

We were alerted to the piece by sharp-eyed reader Jim Skene, male sibling of the Female Half of the Staff and college soccer standout in his own right.

FOS and journo Guy MacPherson, writing for canada.com, says Norm MacDonald is back on the live stage:

“I’ve kind of rededicated myself to standup. That’s what I’m best at and that’s what I like the most.”

His live act can include some salty language and dark topics, which can be troubling to an unprepared audience member.

The occasion for the article was MacDonald’s appearance at the River Rock Casino in British Columbia Saturday night.

If you can get around the photograph (which is the size of a throw rug), there’s an interesting article in Pulp, the student paper at Syracuse (Get it? Pulp!? Syracuse? Big Orange?) about an open mike on campus.

The comedy hour was organized by Josh Simpson, a senior television, radio and film major. He put together six shows last semester and six more are scheduled for this semester.

Simpson, who was also the show’s master of ceremonies, came up with the idea when he was doing stand-up in Los Angelos during the summer and received suggestions from comedians Zach Galifianakis and Demetri Martin.

Mr. Simpson didn’t wait around for someone else to start an open mike. Very Shecky of him to do so.

A correction from our Syracuse maven, Tommy James: As a proud alumnus of the school, I feel it is my obligation to tell you that the newspaper at Syracuse University is not called “Pulp” but rather the “Daily Orange.” “Pulp” is simply a section that holds a collection of articles that don’t fit into one category or another. (International, Local, Sports, Opinion)

…as the Big Four shrivel to nothing on the world market, this item appears in The Detroit News:

Fake newscasts have become something of a moonlighting job for Chrysler’s PR chief and ex-standup comic Jason Vines. After killing with Saturday Night Live style news at the Society of Automotive Engineers meeting at the Greenbrier in West Virginia and at the Stakeout fundraiser in Detroit last year, Vines was asked to close the Automotive News World Congress Wednesday on a similarly light note. With fresh material from the Detroit auto show, Vines skewered everybody from GM product honcho Bob Lutz to Gov. Jennifer Granholm.

A crowd favorite was this “news” about China-based Geely, which showed a car at the Detroit show for the first time this year: “The Chinese automaker Geely created a stir at the Detroit Motor Show, but everyone agrees that the name must change since it is eerily close to the horrible J. Lo/Ben Affleck disaster ‘Gigli’ (also pronounced GEE-LEE). Geely Chairman Li Shufu said the company is already looking at other names for the car and has narrowed the list to four. They are: Ishtar, Rocky V, Waterworld and Ernest Goes to Camp.”

Pretty funny stuff. Grim humor if you’re in the car-making biz! Perhaps Mr. Vines can bracheate into the live standup biz just as the car manufacturing biz here goes under!

Cincinnatti Enquirer story sent to us by reader Michael Lively says that Blair Shannon was shot and killed in a burlglary in his hotel room in St. Thomas.

Blair Shannon’s brother, Lester of Cincinnati, said the family’s main concern now is Blair’s daughter, Chelsey, 14.

“She has a large family to surround her, and we will make sure she’s taken care of,quot; he said. “But she’s been through so much in her life.”

Shannon’s wife, Amy, died of leukemia in 1998.

The Male Half of the Staff worked with Shannon a few years ago at the Comedy Stop at the Trop in Atlantic City and found him to be a likeable fellow and an appealing comedian. He will be missed.

John Birmingham, writing in the Sydney Morning Herald (“It’ll be all right on the night”) confirms a pet theory of ours– It was not television, but political correctness that killed comedy in the 1990’s, or at least seriously wounded it.

Read the whole thing for a provocative analysis of the current state of humor and for mentions of P.J. O’Rourke, Mark Steyn, Matt Parker and Trey Stone. And, of course, Sarah Silverman:

By establishing an exclusion zone around a whole category of topics that are ripe for exploitation by comics because of the very tensions they create, the left abandons the field to the enemy and often confuses itself over just who are its friends and who are its foes. Silverman, for instance, is often cited as an example of toxic conservatism, and yet her skewering of identity politics is as dangerous to reactionaries as to anyone. […]

The stand-out feature of Parker and Stone’s work, indeed of all successful comics, whatever their medium or subject matter, is confidence. Confidence that their joke is inherently funny, even if millions of people refuse to agree. And confidence of course is a defining characteristic of the right in its resurgent form. […]

The left, on the other hand, has indulged for so long now in the guilty pleasures of relativism, protected by a value system that says discussion of certain topics is off limits, that any sense of confidence they might have had at one time has now entirely disappeared. And with it their sense of humour.

Except for that crack about “so many stand-ups are bipolar,” an interesting dissection of humor.

When it comes to humor, Katherine MacKinnon is just as dangerous as Ralph Reed.

From NBC:

Casting for Last Comic Standing 4 has already begun, with talent scouts traveling to major cities nationwide to see performances from thousands of aspiring and professional comedians. In addition, other interested comedians will be able to submit sample tapes to NBC.com, where online voters will later vote and select one comedian that will be able to join the other comedians selected via the nationwide search.

Did they say casting? Hmmm… This is troubling. The use of the word “casting” is troubling.

Anyway, we haven’t found any solid information out there as to where this “nationwide” search will touch down. This NBC.com/internet vote thingie is just window dressing. Somebody at the network has convinced someone higher up that interactivity and synergy are “where it’s at!” So they throw him a bone– one contestant. Or… it could be a back door for Dane Cook! He’s got half a million “friends” on myspace which he can mobilize at the drop of a Send button.

(We hear you asking: Why would Dane Cook, who has hosted SNL, who can fill arenas, why would Dane Cook wanna subject himself to Last Comic Standing? To which we reply: Who is so huge that he wouldn’t want regualar, weekly exposure on NBC? It’s television, people. The most powerful mass-medium ever devised. And it’s season IV. Don’t be surprised if you see comics even larger than Cook vying for a position in that house. This is the Ed Sullivan Show of its day.) Only better. If you stay on long enough, it’s like having your own show. Ask anyone who was on Season II or Season III. The influence of the show grows with each edition.

Meanwhile, Barry Katz does a bit of eenie, meenie, miney, mo and Voila! Season IV is hatched! (We prefer using the Roman numerals. It’s more dramatic.)

A mass email from the organizer of the Hawaii Comedy Festival, originally scheduled for May 18-21 of this year, says that they’re “postponing” the whole affair until October.

All comics still interested and available for the new October dates should contact (Fest Organizer Ozell Daniel) via email. In the event slots become available for the Late Show audition, priority consideration will be given to comics originally invited to participate in the Carnival Comedy Challenge.

Ouch! Now the boys at the new and improved Las Vegas Festival have somewhat of a dilemma, since they were planning on having the finals of their “Hawaii Funny Fest Competition” in May, in Honolulu. The prelims for the HFFC are Wednesday, Jan. 25 in Sin City. Stay tuned.

We have a myspace. We just uploaded it, so we only have one friend– Tommy James. (And, so far, he hasn’t the decency to reciprocate and make us his friend… if that is indeed what one does with a myspace.) We’re not quite sure why we have a myspace. It’s what all the kids are doing these days.

The publishers of SHECKYmagazine.com will be performing this Saturday night (Jan. 21) at Higher Ground in So. Burlington, VT. There will be an early show at 7:30 PM and a late show at 9:30 PM. Sharing the bill with us will be Mike Robideau, winner of a recent Higher Ground Comedy Battle!

It’s our first time in Burlington since just before the Comedy Zone folded up its tent at the Radisson. From what we recall, Burlington breeds good comedy fans!

Extra! Extra! Read all about it:

BURBANK – January 18, 2006 – The Emmy-nominated series “Last Comic Standing” will return to NBC this summer in search of the funniest comedian in America, it was announced today by Craig Plestis, Senior Vice President, Alternative Programming and Development. In its first two seasons, the show garnered critical and popular acclaim as it traveled the country looking for the best stand-up comedians, and rewarded them with an exclusive talent deal with the network.

From an NBC press release.