Of all the nights to have DSL problems!

Last Comic Standing… where do we begin…

Let’s get this straight: Larry Reeb and Jimmy Pardo didn’t make it out of Chicago? And a college student who said “fuck” did. Hmmm…

It is worth noting that the Douchebag of the Week, Terry Morrow, who, writing for the Scripps Howard News Service on the premiere of LCS, said the following, after noting the insertion of Bil Dwyer (and other professional comedians) into LCS:

Don’t these people have agents who can get them work?

Including them in the process is more than unfair as they stand beside undiscovered comedians.

Yes, Terry, they do have agents who can get them work. And this is the work they have procured for them. And fine work it is. (Let’s see… as of 10 PM Eastern Daylight Time tonight, Bil Dwyer can say that he’s been on NBC, in primetime. I’d say that the agents have done their job.)

Our friend Mr. Morrow is of the opinion that this is an amateur contest. Far from it. The folks who made the most hay after their appearances in Seasons II and III were experienced, professional and polished for the most part.

It is a pity that Messrs. Read and Mark haven’t gotten the message. Why this desire to promote this thing as a yahoo amateur contest? We’re not clear as to why this can’t be a clash of seasoned professionals who are all good at what they do. Instead of a dicey sideshow where a part-time student might take all the marbles. Have they not learned their lesson from Season I’s Mr. Phan?!

We get ahead of ourselves.

Did you catch that opening? Anthony Clark telling us that Alonzo Bodden and John Heffron have gone on to wild success. Anyone notice who was missing? That’s right– your season one winner Dat Phan!! Talk about your Dat diss!

What is up with Anthony Clark? Makes us appreciate Jay Mohr. (Never thought we’d see that come out of our fingertips.) Is Robert Smigel doing the lips and Anthony doing the voice? (Memo to NBC execs: Just let Triumph do the honors next season… if there is one.)

So far, we’re looking like geniuses… or at least our sources are. Our readers may recall that we reported that the following folks would make it to the house:

Bil Dwyer
Gabriel Iglesias
Chris Porter
Ty Barnett
Joey Gay
Josh Blue
Stella Stolper
Roz
Michele Balan
Rebecca Corey
April Macie
Kristin Key

And what is with the Capital One Audience Favorite thing? Instead of rewarding a comic with $1,000 credit card, just forgive the comic $1,000 in debt that he/she undoubtedly has racked up on his/her Capitol One card!)

And, to refresh the memory: The following were eventually kicked out of the house:

Stella Stolper
Joey Jay
Bil Dwyer
April Macie
Gabriel Iglesia

And what is with Jim Wiggins and John Roy?

Roy: Star Search winner… the modern era… not the Ed McMahon era… (the one where Naomi Judd embarassed herself by saying that she just didn’t get Ben Bailey)… He comes back and whores out for another crapshoot TV show? (Apparently Star Search did even less for Mr. Roy than LCS Season I did for Mr. Phan.) Note to Mr. Roy: Spare us the sermon about how “a comedian has to say something.”

Wiggins: The “alternate” from the second LCS season who flew in from Bullfrog’s in Topeka when Jim Norton was aced because of “conflicts”? Why ever did he come back to the same show?

We’re not sure why Messrs. Read and Mark insisted on making standup comics in general look like psychotics (or, at the very best, misfits and losers). We’re not sure why Buck Star was trotted out again and again. Star lacks even the appeal of William Hung.

There were a lot of folks who were obviously spared the ignominy of standing in line… the ones who were undoubtedly bumped up in front of the line and given some sweet primetime exposure, along with the old “up close and personal” video background package. You could tell which one they were by the relative inanity of the question that Mark or Read asks. To wit: “How did the name ‘Flip’ come about?” (Asked of Flip Schultz) And, asked of Marc Price, “What show were you on?” (Where were ReadMark when Family Ties dominated the ratings and the popular culture?) We doubt that, to this day, even Michael Gross has to actually pay for his dry cleaning.) These guys hafta ask which show Skippy was on? Not only that, but Price has been actually doing standup for more than a decade!

And, to bring on Gabriel Iglesias, just after the voiceover from ReadMark said, “It’s an open call…anyone can just stand in line,” is preposterous. We’re not sure which the biggest insult is: To Iglesias (for obvious reasons), or to our intelligence (because we know that Iglesias has been “tracked” for some time now and has high-powered management and representation.)

And they ask Bil Dwyer how long he’s been doing comedy. Where the hell have they been? Are we to believe that Ross Mark doesn’t have OmniPop on his Rolodex? Dwyer’s has been hosting one cable show or another for the past seven or eight years!

Here’s why we’re automatically sour on the entirety of the proceedings: ReadMark watches Chris Porter and says (while putting Porter through to the next round), “You could totally play a character in a sitcom.” Hello? The name of the show is not Next Actor Standing. It is (ostensibly) about standup. (Recall all those promos where the voiceover says, “The search continues for the funniest person in America!”) The show has jumped the shark in the opening minutes! (Of course, the winner is eventually given an NBC development deal, of course, but they could at least put up a good front.)

NOTE: Nothing against Mr. Porter. He may well be funny and have acting chops and all, but, in the context of a show called “Last Comic Standing,” ReadMark makes no mention of his relative funniness and instead zeroes in on the sitcom thing.

Doug Benson doesn’t make it into the house? (At least, not according to our sources.) We’ve seen The Marijuanalogues. That would have made for some pretty wiggy reality television if Mr. Benson was mixing it up with the folks on the Queen Mary. Talk about your missed opportunities! It would have been escape from reality television!

And why, oh why, did Nikki Payne say that she was so nervous/thrilled to be in the presence of so many great comedians? Nikki: We just saw you in Montreal last year (or was it the year before?)! Some people will say anything with a camera pointed at them.

What is with Ross Mark’s “Get the hell out of here!” catchphrase? It kinda rings hollow when Buck Star keeps returning over and over, through two seasons and several venues.

We have a question: Is Buck Star and Kent Emmons the same person? We’ll stay on that. And has Mr. Mark copyrighted the “Get the hell out of here” phrase, to cash in on the lucrative T-shirt concession when it eventually sweeps the nation?

Can you take 120 minutes of Last Comic Standing? It’ll be alot easier to digest if you read our near-real time updates.

Our Earthlink DSL is DOWN today, but we still have a few hours per month of dialup access, so we won’t let you down! We plan on watching it, taping it, grousing about it, and BLOGGING IT. (With any luck our Earthlink Tech Support dude, Sean, will call back and let us know when the network crisis in our area is over. Sean? You know, we really don’t care if they’re all operating out of Bangalore. Adopting these American suburban WASPy names is just insulting to our intelligence.)

Bookmark this page. Pop the popcorn. Come back later. We won’t disappoint.

Terry Morrow, a blowhard who scribbles for The Knoxville News Sentinel (and whose nonsense is then ejaculated through the entire Scripps Howard News chain via the Scripps Howard News Service) releases his pathetic grip on his hopelessly flaccid penis long enough to tap out the following horse manure:

As a talent search, Last Comic Standing has never been a fresh forum. Instead, it has given airtime to hacks who rely more on their dry delivery than good material to get them by.

A show that should prove that standup is still vital has only impended (sic) the genre.

We all know that most standup is not very funny because the vast majority of comedians lack innovation and imagination. (Emphasis ours.)

(Pardon us if we assume that Morrow is a male. Hey, if it is a female, it probably still has some sort of hideous, vestigial penile organ of some sort. The horrible deformity would neatly explain the jealousy, the bitterness, the inability to reason. Also, we’re pretty sure that he/she/it meant to say “impeded” in the above quote.)

There are bad singers on American Idol, but the pathetic MSM opinion-makers never extrapolate those few singers over every singer on the planet. An inept dancer may pop up on So You Think You Can Dance, but the folks who comment on that show never take the occasion to make blanket statements about the entire entertainment category known as dance.

There have been major news stories about plagiarism at major dailies for the past decade or so, but we would never think of saying something like “as you know, journalists at major American dailies are a larcenous bunch who are utterly incapable of producing even a single original sentence.”

Why, then, do nitwits like Terry Morrow of the Scripps Howard News Service insist on cranking out such ridiculous, unnecessary and flat out mean statements like the one above?

The rest of Morrow’s commentary is so riddled with misinformation, innaccuracies and nonsense, we’re not even linking to it. He/she/it should have done some homework… or at the very least, the editors at the News Sentinel should have seen this screed for what it is– an unncessarily negative and haughty piece of drivel. Morrow demonstrates a jaw-dropping ignorance of the comedy business… and an equally staggering ignorance of reality television. Obviously, this wretch doesn’t read SHECKYmagazine. It is hoped he/she/it starts with this post.

Say it with us, people: “It’s not paranoia…”

We’ll be shocked if Morrow is not a male. We’re working on a theory as to why journalists, more specifically male journalists, say such ghastly things about standup comics. We have foresaken the typical Freudian explanation… too easy, too cliched (flaccid penis reference above, notwithstanding). We have instead opted for a socioanthropological explanation. To wit: What is the number one attribute cited by females in all those surveys titled “What do you look for in a man?” Answer: A sense of humor. The male who lacks a sense of humor is at a reproductive disadvantage. He sees the jocular male as a serious threat to his future seed-casting, so he therefore attacks. Of course, being civilized, he attacks in the only way available to him– via the print media. That’s our theory and we’re sticking to it.

Editors note: We did a little digging and found a picture of Terry Morrow. At left is Morrow’s pic from the Knoxville paper’s website where Morrow’s blog appears. Honest. We’re not making this up. It’s his real photo.

Jeffrey Ross‘s fine film “Patriot Act” will be shown on Showtime this weekend. Tivo it, if you must. We saw it at last summer’s Just For Laughs Festival (where it won a Comedia Award) and found it to be hilarious, insightful and inspiring.

Showtime, Sunday, May 28 @ 8:00 PM
Showtime, Monday, May 29 @ 5:35 PM
Showtime Too, Tuesday, May 30 @ 7:30 PM
Showtime Too, Wednesday, June 1 @ 8:00 PM
Showtime, Tuesday, June 6 @ 7:45 PM

For further details (or, if we screwed up the information, click on Showtime’s schedule page.

Ross appeared on NBC’s Today this morning and will be on ABC’s The View tomorrow morning. Watch the trailer on Ross’s Myspace.

Catch our most meaningful and info-packed posts on the upcoming season of L.C.S. here and here and there’s another one here.

Sorry to send you chasing around the website…maybe we’ll corral it all into one post when the premiere episode airs. Stay tuned for our almost-real time commentary on the fourth season begins next week.

Examine this:

The Gotham Comedy Club
Thursday May 25th, 7:30 PM

Each Show Features
Four 20-Year Veteran Headliners
Plus A Host
100 Years of Stand-Up Experience
On Each Show

Starring

JANETTE BARBER
5 TIME EMMY AWARD WINNER
(Head Writer, The Rosie O’Donnell Show)

MELVIN GEORGE
(CARNEGIE HALL, HBO, HOUSE PARTY)

JIM MENDRINOS
(HBO, COMEDY CENTRAL)

BARRY WEINTRAUB
(POLITICALLY INCORRECT, AIR AMERICA)

MC – VIC HENLEY
(THE MONTREAL COMEDY FESTIVAL)

208 West 23rd Street (Btwn. 7th & 8th Aves.)
For Reservations Call 212 367 9000

We don’t think you’ll find a more satisfying comedy experience in NYC that evening. (We hasten to add that, although it may not be readily apparent, Mr. Henley also has two decades of experience.) Might the same show pop up in Los Angeles?

We applaud Messrs. Mendrinos and (George) Sarris for dreaming up this crackpot idea and Gotham’s Mr. Mazzilli for going along with the gag. No one among the folks who have two (or more decades) of standup experience thinks that those without it are somehow less valuable as performers or commodities. We wish we could say the sentiments went the same in the other direction. (How many times have we heard someone express one or more variations of “if they were any good, they would have been huge by now.?” The timeless plaint of the up-and-comer with heat!)

Here, depicted with SHECKYmagazine.com braintrust, is Darren Carter, at the bar at the Punchline in Atlanta. Hard to say which of the three looks the most “PhotoShopped in.” (Photo credit: Joe)

Peter who? Fear not, American readers, you’ve not fallen asleep for 20 years and awakened to a new world in which comedians unfamiliar to us have become the “funniest people alive.” The results are from a poll of the readers of Zoo, an Australian “lad mag.;quot; (Don’t you love that term?) And, though Mr. Kay might have a following down under and in England, via his British television work, he is a virtual stranger to the vast majority of us North Americans.

Northern funnyman Peter Kay has come top of a list of the funniest people alive.

The Phoenix Nights star came first in a poll of 17,000 comedy fans.

In second place was Bafta winning Office and Extras star Ricky Gervais.

In third place came wacky standup comic Lee Evans and in fourth place was cross-dressing star Eddie Izzard.

There seems to be a fame and fortune worm hole which allows Aussies to gain fame in the U.K. and vice versa, though the countries are half a world apart.

The saga limps along.

We’re beginning to think we’re witnessing the end of the experiment in terror known variously as the Comedy Police, the Supreme Court of Comedy or the Comedy National Guard.

Those were the names of the three Myspace tumors that briefly flared up, then collapsed this past week. All three proposed to “police” the standup comedy community, all three seemingly were produced by the same person and all three operated anonymously.

The Supreme Court of Comedy is, according to Myspace, officially suspended. The National Guard is stuck at around 13 friends. And the Comedy Police profile is hemorrhaging friends at a prodigious rate (down to 48 from a high near 120). The Comedy Police site claims to have been suspended. This is odd, since the proprietor of that space continues to use the space to squawk about “free speech” and censorship and, as of this writing, is directing visitors to a blog at another location, where the bile continues to ooze (although it has remained unchanged for nearly four days… an eternity in blogdom).

In a related story, there are rumors floating around as to the true identity of the weasel that dreamed up the idea. We’re reluctant to divulge the name or names being batted around. There’s no sense in harming someone unless we know with some degree of certainty who is doing what. But at least one object of those rumors has already been damaged and is furiously denying any direct involvement in the whole sordid mess.

Well, what did we expect?

The caterwauling about free speech and censorship rings hollow. Anyone who hides behind a cloak of secrecy in order to savage the work and reputation of others has no legitimate claim to free speech. And anyone who supports such dispicable methods shouldn’t be surprised when he or she finds it difficult to escape the stench.

We urge the self-appointed comedy vigilante to either cease operations altogether or identify him/herself. The benefits to owning up to the opinions expressed would be manifold, but two would be immediate:

The owner of the opinions could then take the lumps that can and should be a necessary part of such opining.

and

The heat would be off of those who are perhaps falsely accused of being the perpetrator.

It’s a short blurb, on Philadelphia’s Helium Comedy Club Specials page, but it represents an innovative way to get comedy fans in the house during the long, hot summer:

VIP PASS! ALL SUMMER LONG!!
14 WEEKS of SHOWS for ONLY $49!!
& 10% OFF FOOD & BEVERAGES!!

Philadelphia, perhaps moreso than any other town (with the possible exception of D.C.) becomes a ghost town during the summer months. Is it the hot, sticky weather? No. (Really, which town doesn’t have that?) It might be the proximity of “the shore,” acting as a magnet from Memorial Day through Labor Day. Regardless of the cause, it will be interesting to see if Helium’s gambit works.

Have you submitted your sound files to XMRadio? Are you wondering if they’re being played? Wonder no more. Hop onto XMFan.com and type in your full name and up comes a detailed listing of your bits, and when they were last played. Also included are links that enable fans to rate your bits or request them. (See example below. And take care not to put the quotes around the keywords!)

In Westword, the alterna-rag out of Denver, the following is penned by Amber Taufen:

Standup comedy hasn’t evolved much since the glory days of ventriloquist and puppet. Every so often, there’s a Gallagher smashing watermelons or a musical funnyman like Jack Black, but for the most part, comedy is a dude on a stage with a microphone, plodding through a joke-punchline-new-joke routine. Boring!

Well, all that is about to change.[…]

It gets better.

Taufen goes on to hype a show being produced by a local (Denver) guy who just so happens to also be a columnist for Westword.

Okay, class, let’s review: A columnist for a local lifestyle, culture, entertainment weekly produces a show, then gets his colleague at that same publication to–

1. Hype the production

and

2. Simultaneously trash other similar forms of comedy which might be said to be competing with said shows

This would be a conflict of interest. Write it down in your notebooks.

Could this be a trend? Readers may recall that last July 18, we wrote about a Philadelphia Weekly entertainment writer (“Fool disclosure…”) who was allowed to write an article on the opening of a new comedy club in Philly. In the course of the article, he trashes the comedy scene in Philly and props up the article with quotes from another comic with which he produces a comedy night just around the corner from the new club!

Where are the editors?

We here at SHECKYmagazine are big fans of E!’s The Soup and a new episode airs tonight at 10 PM EDT. The show is hosted by Joel McHale.

As a reading companion, check out The Soup Head Writer/Exec Prod (and standup comic) K.P. Anderson‘s self-proclaimed “Stupidest Blog on Earth” for “This week’s jokes you won’t see on the show.”

The WWW’s most beloved magazine about standup comedy fully intends to head to Montreal for the EIGHTH YEAR IN A ROW to bring you, our readers, the most fascinating, detailed, exciting and cantankerous coverage of the world’s largest comedy festival– Just For Laughs!

Is it that time already? Of course! If our plan comes to fruition, we will arrive in Montreal sometime around mid-day on Wednesday, July 19th. We’ll begin updating shortly after we rise on the 20th and we’ll provide you with four days of photos, text, observations, name-dropping and beer-soaked commentary– all that you’ve come to know, love and expect from SHECKYmagazine’s annual trek up north!

We have a question: Why haven’t you, our readers, attended? If you have always wanted to attend this sprawling comedy blowout, this may be the year! Hop onto the JFL website and check out the roster that is scheduled for 2006! (There’s a startling number of comedians slated for this summer’s fest– and the full sked isn’t even up yet!) Imagine yourself holding a Labatt’s at the Bar at the Delta, recapping the recently concluded evening of standup when, who walks not two feet away but– Drew Carey! Or Craig Ferguson! Or… three transvestites from New Zealand! You get the picture! (Or, Brian McKim and Traci Skene, editors and publishers of SHECKYmagazine, looking over their shoulder as they try to avoid someone they’ve pissed off via their snarky festival coverage!)

Well, just click on that banner above (the green one at the top of this column!) and you’ll be whisked to the page that spells out just how easy and affordable it is to book a package that will have you guffawing in Canada in July, seeing your comedy idols perform and staying at one of the many fine hotels. PLEASE tell them that SHECKYmagazine sent you and you’ll have a choice of a fine premium or a DISCOUNT!

SPOILER ALERT: If you don’t want to know how Last Comic Standing ends, you might not want to read the second half of this post!

From the breathless NBC press release, pumping the upcoming May 30th premiere of their standup-based surreality program:

A surprise twist during the final round shakes up the competition, ultimately affecting which comics are chosen to move into the “house.”

We refer you all to our April 30 posting in which we said that Stella Stolper, Joey Jay, Bil Dwyer, April Macie and Gabriel Iglesias were already kicked off the show.

The producers of the show can’t keep a lid on the “surprises” because of the immediacy of the internet and because of their inability to figure out how information eventually makes its way to the blogs.

We suspect that the “surprise twist” is the exit of Iglesias (The offense: Using a communication device of some sort to inform the outside world of the LCS goings on, which is strictly forbidden in the rules and regs of L.C.S.!!) We suspect also that, through skillful editing, the producers made it appear early on that the ejected Iglesias was the odds-on favorite to be the last comic standing.

Just got the following from an anonymous source, in an email signed only with “CP”:

I feel the need to report that Jay Davis used his clout (uh I mean Dane Cook‘s clout) to get my account cancelled at myspace. As much as you probably love this, so much for free speech. There were no legal violations on the page, just my opinions.

(Curious, though– We hopped on over to the Myspace page in question and, as near as we could tell, there was still a page there. Some of the negative blog comments about comedians were taken down and, in their place, was a lengthy screed about censorship. So, if the site is truly suspended, we’re puzzled. Perhaps Myspace has the decency to allow suspended accounts a few hours to drive their “friends” to a new location.)

We’re not sure what happened, and we’re not convinced that it was Jay Davis or Dane Cook who was responsible. And, while these self-appointed arbiters of comedy taste may not have exactly violated the Myspace Terms of Service, Myspace is most likely entirely within their rights to tell them to take a hike.

It is more than just a little annoying that this weasel, in his/her parting shot on Myspace, exhorts all to “TAKE A STAND AGAINST CENSORSHIP” and that he/she “SHOULD NOT BE DELETED BY PEOPLE WITH POWER FOR NOT VIOLATING ANY LAW BUT TELLING THE TRUTH AND BRUISING AN EGO”

Annoying because:

1. This reprehensible creep has missed nary a beat by continuing to peddle the same slime, only this time via a blog (The address of which will not be divulged here)

2. This reprensible creep has continued delivering his/her bile anonymously.

In this country, if you have a beef or an opinion, an accusation or a criticism, you attach your name to it. You own your opinion, you let the target of your wrath know exactly who you are. That way, the object of the criticism, or the people and/or institutions assailed in the opinion, know exactly where to go with a response or a rebuttal. (And observers of the whole imbroglio can decide for themselves whether or not the accuser has an ax to grind, an agenda or a motive that may not be readily apparent.) It is the only way that decent people know how to conduct this kind of public discussion.

Also: For this former Myspacer to say, as he/she does in the above quoted email, that we “probably love” the idea of this awful Myspace profile being suspended, is wildly inaccurate. If we wanted the profile suspended, we would have called for it. What we did instead was voice our opposition to the concepts involved, called for any decent people to shun it and hope that, after the ensuing debate, the whole enterprise would quickly shrivel away to nothing– a victim of the laws of supply and demand and mute testimony to our persuasive powers and the basic goodness and sensibility of the majority of our readers.

And, you’ll recall, we posted that with our smiling faces just to the left of that post, with our names in bold underneath those faces.

Perhaps the first ones to be taken out back and shot will be the ventriloquists. Or maybe the hypnotists… or the prop acts… or the song parodists… or the impressionists. My, my, there’s a lot of work to be done.

We discovered a disturbing Myspace profile the other day. It’s an anonymous person (one can never be sure about a Myspacer’s gender) who is devoted to “calling out bullshit acts.” This self-appointed guardian of the art of standup has so far only garnered a relative handful of Myspace “friends.” We can only hope that number levels off or even shrinks to zero.

Near as we can tell, he woke up one fine morning and decided that, for the good of standup comedy, he will be the arbiter of “what is good and what is right and what is funny.”

We can’t think of a worse idea. That it might be perpetrated by someone who is a comedian is all the more repellent.

We found this to be particularly chilling:

Have a comic that needs to be reported? Send me a link to their video and what the offense is. **UPDATE** Been getting a lot of emails/suggestions. They will be reported on ANONYMOUSLY. Your name won’t get dragged into the mess.

The language should send a chill up and down the spine of anyone who calls himself a comic. “Reported?” “Offense?” “Anonymously?”

How’s this for ironic: One of their first victims is none other than Steve Hofstetter. Hofstetter’s most recent project is a comedy jihad against Dan Whitney, aka Larry the Cable Guy. He’s released a CD, complete with art depicting the Blue Collar comic hung in effigy. We winced when we learned of Hofstetter’s campaign to discredit Whitney, to condemn his fans. We were of the opinion that no good could come of such a crusade. Much valid discussion has occurred in attempts to define what constitutes “good comedy.” Little good can come from determining that which constitutes “bad comedy” or the “wrong kind” of comedy. In private discussions here at SHECKYmagazine HQ, we expressed our apprehension. (We wish we could say that we expressed is as “He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword,” or even, “What goes around comes around,” but I think our exact phrasing was, “Ooooh… That‘s going to bite him in the ass.” Can I get a CHOMP?!?

What is the wrong kind of comedy? We won’t attempt to answer that– attempting to answer that merely legitimizes the question. Giving anyone permission to ask that question gives someone permission to determine what is and what is not “wrong.” We would never seek to classify Mr. Whitney’s approach to comedy as wrong because we know that it’s only a matter of time before someone seeks to classify our approach as wrong. Eventually, it’s your turn in the docket. That is something we’re sure we’d all like to avoid.

As we’ve pointed out many times over the past seven years, we have enough opposition from the MSM, from the Popular Culture, from Political Correctness. Why turn on ourselves?

In December, in a posting about NJ Monthly’s Comedy Issue, we posted this:

The grand prize for the most annoying quote was from one Gary DeLena in an article called “Tough Crowd,” a brief (modern) history of the standup comedy as it relates to the Garden State.

Gary DeLena, a Point Pleasant comedian who has performed stand-up for 22 years, says that many clubs didn’t last because they were mismanaged or they cut corners by booking weak acts. “Once it caught on, everybody and their brother wanted to try comedy,” DeLena says. “Did you ever hear the expression, ‘Dying is easy but comedy is hard?’ A lot of the comics sucked.”

While there is a nugget of truth in DeLena’s statement, it utterly fails to convey any of the subtlety of the collapse. We shouldn’t be surprised, though, that the reporter seized upon this particularly negative, vicious and ultimately unenlightening quote. The MSM gets a woody any time they get anyone to say that comedy (or comedians) are somehow inept or boorish. All the better if they get one of our own to utter the remark.

In the following post, we mistakenly identified Mr. Godwin as a “song parodist.” As the bulk of his output most recently has been original material, we should have identified him as a “musical satirist.” We apoligize for the error.

On May 5, we posted about a comedy fan, a fellow by the name of Romeo Rose, who created a vicious website attacking song parodist and frequent Bob & Tom guest Pat Godwin (“Should we call it CyberHeckling?”). During a recent performance, Godwin mocked Rose from stage, getting much comedy mileage out Rose’s nonconformist attire.

Well, all is fine now between the two after Godwin publicly apologized on B & T. On May 10, Rose, a blues guitarist, poet and songwriter who fancies opulent threads, dropped a comment on our posting stating that the feud is history and that he has since taken down the attack site.

On Tuesday, AP reported (“Cingular Pulls Offensive Ringtone”) that Cingular Wireless had pulled a ringtone from its website after complaints. We read the description… it sounded familiar somehow:

…the ringtone started with a siren, followed by a male voice saying in a Southern drawl, “This is la Migra,” a slang term for the Border Patrol.

“Por favor, put the oranges down and step away from the cell phone. I repeat-o, put the oranges down and step away from the telephone-o. I’m deporting you back home-o,” the voice continued.

It sounded to us like something straight out of the mind of Mencia.

Of course, there was outrage:

Hispanic activists called the product racist.

“It’s horribly offensive and a disgusting thing,” Brent Wilkes, national executive director of the League of United Latin American Citizens, told the newspaper.

Horribly offensive? A disgusting thing? What the hell is going on here? (And why is a guy with a name like Brent Wilkes the national executive director or the League of United Latin American Citizens? Or is posing that question horribly racist as well? Hell, even Gerry Rivers had enough savvy to change his name to Geraldo Rivera… although he disputes that.)

Well, the other news cycle shoe dropped today. The company that commissioned the creation of the ringtone (and then sold it to Cingular), Barrio Mobile, apologized. But, they said the ringtone, “was satire and shouldn’t be taken seriously.”

Mexican-American comic Paul Saucido wrote the ringtone that features a male voice, acting as a Border Patrol agent with a Southern drawl, saying, “I repeat-o, put the oranges down and step away from the telephone-o. I’m deporting you back home-o.”

“His position is that people of Hispanic background need to maintain a sense of humor about the immigration situation,” said Jonathan Dworkin, a vice president of Cellfish Media, which distributed the ringtone.

Saucido has a strong case here. The self-appointed guardians of Mexican-American dignity at the League of United Latin American Citizens are a gang of world-class busy bodies who are determined to stamp out fun whenever and whereever they see it.

We’re reading a fascinating book, No Applause– Just Throw Money by Trav S.D. It’s a tremendous history of Vaudeville.

While acts like McIntyre and Heath continued to be in demand through the end of the vaudefille era, the principle of ethnic masquerade based on a minstrelsy model found new modes of expression, following the major immigrant groups that continued to arive on American shores.

The Irish, for example, turned their sights on a new target: themselves. The late-nineteenth-century stage saw no end of red-wigged, freckled, clay-pipe-smoking, lazy, alcoholic, jigging, swearing Irishmen. Acts like the Four Shamrocks and the Four Emeralds threw bricks at each other, talked about “the dhrink,” said “bejaysus” and otherwise distinguished the sons of Erin. Harpo Marx was one of the last non-Irish to play such a role, known familiarly as the “Patsy Brannigan.” In time, he stopped talking and left the ehtnic outrage to his brother Chico. But he kept the curly red wig.

Were the Irish better able to take a joke? Or, without the 1890’s equivalent of Brent Wilkes around to protect them, were they permanently damaged by such hijinks?

Trav S.D.’s book recalls comics, comedy teams, comedy duos, one after another, mocking, in turn, the Jews, the Germans, the Swedes– each and every ethnic group was the object of the most ridiculous and broadly sterotypical humor imaginable. It was a rite of passage, a method by which each group’s quirks and foibles were pointed out, exaggerated, examined, beaten to death for yucks. After a sufficient amount of ribbing, the pop culture turned its attention to the next gang of newcomers. And on and on… until now.

Were we all just unecessarily cruel back then (and are we all wonderfully enlighented now?), or is this drive to protect certain groups from even the slightest discomfort from mockery counterintuitive, and ultimately counter to the process of assimilation and acceptance?

The folks at Atlanta’s Showcase Comedy, in the Buckhead section of town, are fixing to throw a festival. This one’s going to take place November 3-5 and will be called AtlanHa! (Be sure and cap that “H,” people, elsewise, you just make people sound like they have a speech impediment!) We think they jumped the gun a little on the announcement, as there is no information on the upcoming fest on their website. (And, though this is just a personal quirk, we were taken aback when we read this on their front page: “We’re also one of the only Atlanta night clubs offering stand-up comedy and comedy karaoke, where audience members can get up and tell a joke.” The dreaded comedy karaoke rears its ugly head! We just hope there’s no such thing in their festival.)

Atlanta is in flux right now. We’re headed there for a week at the Punchline starting Wednesday. For the longest while, the Punchline ruled and, in the years after the comedy bust, one club after another would enter the market, then eventually slink away, defeated by bad location, poor marketing or who knows what. Now, however, there seems to be two clubs that are giving the Punchie a run for its money. The market is huge, the folks down there love their standup and they have eye-popping reserves of disposable income– and a cheeful propensity to throw it around on food, drink and yucks. It follows that one of the clubs would get the bright idea to throw a festival sooner or later. Stay tuned.

We read this in a PRWeb press release entitled “Chicago Company Launches First Ever Corporate Comedy Tour” from “a leading Chicago based talent agency”:

“We’re taking comedy into a whole new arena by using it for team building, boosting employee morale, and helping workers become more productive,” beams Reynald Adolphe, executive producer.

Robert Smith, an Illinois businessman, adds, “Everyday you read about some guy flipping out at work due to stress and it’s all preventable so a corporate comedy tour is a great idea.”

The Corporate Comedy Tour will be held in various cities throughout the U.S. and will include many of America’s favorite comedians. Prestige Comedians is currently looking to book comedians like Brian Regan, Richard Jeni, and Bill Cosby for the tour.

Tentative location is at the legendary Chicago Theater in September 2006. Companies must register to reserve seats for their employees.

Does the hair on the back of your neck stand up when you hear the phrase “team building?” I suppose if you’re pitching your product to corporate America, ya gotta use the lingo and the catch phrases.

Our favorite part of the release is the “currently looking to book comedians —like— Brian Regan, et al. Can you imagine the mind-boggling price tag for a Bill Cosby corporate gig? (Note to Prestige: Next time you fabricate an Illinois businessman, try not to make it so obvious– Robert Smith? At least give the faux quote source a Polish name!! Try “Decatur businessman Stan Gadzinski.” it’ll give the release a bit more truthiness.

Yet another Hollywooder claims to have been/admits to having been a standup comic. This time, in an interview with AP to plug the DVD release of “Munich,” it’s Eric Bana.

AP: On another stage, you used to be a standup comic?

Bana: I did it for 12 years before I started doing movies!

AP: Will you ever do it again?

Bana: Maybe. I do miss it a bit.

The cool factor is at about 8.5 or so. That’s up a whole two points from just 18 months ago and double that of 1999 figures.

Unbeknownst to us, Yakov Smirnoff has been toiling away at the University of Penn, just across the river from us, getting an advanced degree in psychology:

Smirnoff told The Philadelphia Inquirer he plans to use his newfound knowledge in his act and his books to create what he calls the Age of Enlaughterment – a period when love and laughter heal psychic scars.

Smirnoff plays 230 shows for 250,000 fans a year. Thirteen years ago, he built his own theatre in Branson.

Check out the article in Backstage.com on how standup comics are perfectly suited for doing commercial voiceovers and for voicing animated characters. Among the comics quoted is Vanessa Marshall:

For advertising work, Marshall feels that standup comedy helps develop a strong viewpoint and attitude, a quality that comes through in the voice. “Standup comedy’s influence on advertising is pretty massive,” she maintains. “The standup comic is the court jester. In a weird way, the comic has the courage to tell the truth about what he or she sees. In that way, they lead the culture. I have found many of my friends who do standup comedy have a succinct point of view. Whenever they bring that point of view to voiceover copy, it stands out and the product information is communicated. But it’s wrapped in a package that commands respect from the listener.”

FOS Tommy James sends along a link to a fascinating article in the Wall Street Journal about Comedy Central and their bid to rule the standup comedy world.

The cable outlets are threatened, it seems by our new friend, The Internet:

Comedy Central’s entry into these new arenas is one part innovation and one part survival. Just a few years ago, cable channels were seen as the scrappy newcomers taking away viewers from the traditional broadcast-television networks. But the Internet is posing new competition for both cable and broadcast television– and in some ways the Web is more of a threat to cable than broadcast[…]

Being a one-stop shop for comedians gives Comedy Central more control over its content and key performers. “We try to own everything,” says Caleb Weinstein, Comedy Central’s senior vice president of strategic development. The different businesses feed each other.

Cue the scary music!

You can bet if we were tapped to perform in front of a group of people that included Caleb Weinstein, senior VP of strategic development, we’d take the opportunity to abandon our set and speak truth to power! How can we let these media conglomerates enslave us?! Someone should let these corporate vultures know that we’re artists! We will not sell our souls for a few measly dollars! Hey… waitaminute… I’ll bet this Weinstein fellow was present at the recent MTVN upfront advertisers meeting in New York last week. Someone should have spoken up then! Surely there were artists present…

Awww… I guess we’re just a tad cranky because no one ever gives us any credit for speaking “truth to power.” Hell, in the past 14 months, we’ve called the folks who run Just For Laughs “cheap fucks” and mercilessly harangued the people at Parallel Entertainment in a scorching email exchange. I suppose when you only get a half-million hits a month, it’s more like “squeaking truth to power.”

Well, gotta go. Headed to Atlantic City to make some seniors laugh. (Note to selves: Change “shit” to “poopie.”)

We check into the Desert Sun’s (Palm Spring, CA) website once in a while to check out Darrell Smith’s Star Gazing column and are never disappointed– more often than not, we’re rewarded with the most bizarre and eclectic collection of “celebrity spots” to be found anywhere:

The stars were rockin’ at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival, but they weren’t the only celebrities in town. Over at Fantasy Springs Resort Casino’s Fantasy Lounge, the place was packed for comic impressionist Scott Record. In the audience for Record’s set was a star-studded roster including golf legend Jack Nicklaus; actor William Devane (24, Knots Landing); former Dallas Cowboys great, Monday Night Football commentator and pitchman Don Meredith; TV personality and game show host Peter Marshall; funnyman Shecky Greene; and stage and screen actor Hal Linden.

Looks like we missed comic and actor Andy Dick at Coachella, too. The comic made an incident-free return to the festival after his 2004 festival run-in with local authorities in which the television comedian was arrested on a misdemeanor marijuana possession charge. His case was later dismissed by the court.

Of course, our desire to hang out in “the Springs” (as Alf usta refer to it) is fueled by the chance that we might spot the Greene one.

FOS Dan Rosenberg writes:

After 11 years in Culver City, San Gennaro is closing on May 15th. Thus, The Comedy District will be having our final show on Saturday May 13th at 10:15pm and we have put together quite a line-up! We would love to have you come by and say hi!

Our final open mike will be on Friday at 6:30 PM. There is a private (San Gennaro) party at 9 PM, so we will not have a pro show that night.

If you were booked for any shows after the 13th… we are sorry. We will rebook you in the fall.

Speaking of the fall…

We are 90% sure we have locked in a new location that will open in late Aug or early Sept 2006. It will be bigger and better! A whole night just for open mike and several nights of pro shows.

Also, the Orange county location is progressing nicely. 299 seats in a brand new complex opening Feb 2007. Should be one of the premiere clubs in the country… with more on the way!

The website will still be up and will have updates as well as special shows that we will be producing over the summer at various venues.

We want to thank everyone that has performed and supported our shows over the past 2 years and we look forward to a bright and exciting future!

Comedian Matt Long died late last month. A short item in the Ventura County Star says that Long, “…walked in front of a car on Highway 33” and was killed.

A brief email from Chris Lindgren only says:

I’m sure everyone remembers Matt. He MC’d at The Ho. He was one of the WWHO (Westward Ho) Comedy Boot Camp boys.

Sad deal.

Sad, indeed. We only performed once at the legendary Westward Ho in Grand Forks, ND (where Lindgren was the comedy club’s GM), but not when Long was in the Camp.

A brief Wall St. Journal piece on how Penn & Teller…

…honed their comedic timing while listening to comedy cassettes over and over on long drives to gigs in the 1970s.

No doubt when they were plying the I-95 corridor between Boston and D.C. as The Asparagus Cultural Society.

It worked. UPI, in a short item entitled “Colbert controversy delivers ratings” reports:

The New York Post said the routine– and the online controversy about whether it was appropriate to insult President George W. Bush to his face– resulted in the best ratings week ever for Colbert’s talk show.

The Colbert Report averaged just under 1.5 million total viewers for its four episodes last week — an increase of 37 percent over the show’s year-to-date average through April 30, the newspaper reported.

Sumner Redstone is smiling!

And, in yesterday’s Studio Briefing on the groovy site MovieWeb, is this item, entitled “VIDEO SITE YOUTUBE UPSET OVER C-SPAN DEAL WITH GOOGLE VIDEO”:

The video site YouTube.com has expressed consternation over C-Span’s demand that it remove its video of Stephen Colbert’s remarks at the White House Correspondents Dinner last month and the cable channel’s subsequent decision to make the same video available to YouTube’s rival, Google Videos. In an interview with today’s (Monday) New York Times, YouTube marketing director Julie Supan, noting that the Colbert performance had been viewed 2.7 million times in less than 48 hours, commented, “This was an exciting moment for them in a viral, random way. … To take it down from one site and uploading on another, it is perplexing.” The Times observed that C-Span’s Google deal requires that not only the Colbert speech be included in the download, but also other speeches, including a routine by President Bush and a Bush impersonator.

Ms. Supan is, of course, being disingenuous. But at least she’s characterizing it as “perplexing,” and not sinister– like the hair-on-fire conspiracy geeks alluded to in the original NYT item:

…there were rumblings on left-wing sites that someone was trying to silence a man who dared to speak truth to power.

But as became clear later in the week, this was a business decision, not a political one. Not only is the entire event available to be streamed at C-Span’s Web site, c-span.org, but the network is selling DVD’s of the event for $24.95, including speeches and a comedy routine by President Bush with a President Bush imitator.

Whose name would be Steve Bridges. (More on him here.)

And, if you just can’t get enough of this story, check out the back and forth that took place in our comments on an earlier posting.

Congratulations to El Arntson of Moorhead, MN!

Using our Random Number Generator, we have determined that El wins Lewis Black‘s NEW BOOK and his new CD, “Lewis Black The Carnegie Hall Performance!”

We have a winner! Please– no more entries! Thanks to all those who entered!

This is a first. A comedy club patron, so incensed by his treatment at the hands of a comedian, motors home and constructs an entire website (!), PatGodwinSucks.com, devoted to trashing the comedian in question! It seems that a self-proclaimed artist and guitarist going by the name Romeorose was assailed from stage during a recent performance at an unspecified Funny Bone. The victim’s dress (“My jackets are not cheap, I have them all CUSTOM MADE, they cost me $800.00 EACH!”) caught the attention of headliner Pat Godwin, who so relentlessly hammered him that he (Rose) was moved to crank out a 1,500-word cyberscreed which led off with:

PAT GODWIN HAS NO TALENT AND HE IS NOT FUNNY, HE IS A BULLY & A JERK! (All-caps, his, not ours!)

And he’s just getting warmed up! The attack continues, devoting special attention to Godwin’s material, his guitar playing, even theorizing that Godwin “probably has the smallest penis on Earth and is a terrible lover, because he has very low self esteem if BULLYing others to try and make them feel small is the only way HE can feel BIG.” Can we get an OUCH?!

The vitriolic website was brought to our attention by a Myspace message from the aggrieved party.

Any performer who has ever tangled with an audience member has always wondered if there might be any post-show repercussions (Yelling in the bar? A weepy demand for an apology? A punch in the snout?), but matters never (or rarely) escalate much beyond a couple heated words here or there or a complaint to the club’s manager.

Let the intellectuals have Christopher Hitchens vs. Juan Cole! We have Romeorose vs. Pat Godwin!

We’re still not convinced that the character might have been concocted by Godwin– an Andy Kaufmanesque attempt to create drama by dreaming up an antagonist not unlike Kaufman’s Tony Clifton!

It’s unsettling that someone would create an entire website to slag a performer. Although, the idea in reverse has some appeal: How often have we been tempted (had we the money and the technological wherewithal) to go home and create

www.guyinthefrontrowwhowontcrackasmile- eventhough200peoplearelaughingsucks.com

or

www.oldladywhogetsoffendedatacasinosucks.com

or

www.louddrunkbachelorettewho-
doesntlikebeingcalledawhoresucks.com

Stay tuned.

“TV Set,” Jake Kasdan’s “precisely observed portrait of the television pilot process” debuted at the Tribeca Film Fest last weekend. Mentioned here because standup comic Judd Apatow is listed as a co-exec producer (along with Jake’s old man Lawrence).

And because who among us doesn’t find the pilot process fascinating? Gut-wrenching, but fascinating nonetheless. (The car wreck analogy is overused, dontcha think? And the manufacture of pilots is not an accident or a violent collision between two fast-moving vehicles. It is a slow-motion disaster, repeated over and over, with eye-popping piles of cash burned up. We can’t keep our eyes off it!)

Frank Scheck of the Hollywood Reporter didn’t much like the movie. He sniffs:

Writer-director Kasdan, a TV industry veteran, knows his territory well and has translated his experiences with an obvious verisimilitude… But ultimately the proceedings have little more than minor emotional impact, and the comedy lacks the satirical brilliance necessary to provide much of interest to those not already involved in the television industry.

We’re willing to bet that he’s wrong. We think folks will watch it and have an epiphany– “So that‘s why television sucks so bad!” (Plus, we’re automatically annoyed at anyone who isn’t a college writing professor who works the word “verisimilitude” into his prose. Don’t bother looking it up. Just substitute “truthiness.” Our nod to Stephen Colbert.)

We liked the junior Kasdan’s “Zero Effect,” and were disappointed when it didn’t strike gold– and birth a succession of sequels.

From the Acme Comedy Company Myspace profile (Hit “View my: Pics”). They say more pics are to come.

This year, it was Stephen Colbert who bobbled things at the White House Correspondents Dinner. We suppose they can’t resist. They’re invited to perform in front of the POTUS (a high-pressure gig, no matter who the Prez is, no matter what your political leanings) and they take the “bad boy” route– saying naughty things that anger one side and please the other– all in an attempt to… to what, exactly? Why this need to provoke? You’re already famous, so there’s really no need to get more famous? Is there?

We point out that USA Today recap devoted the first quarter of the article to Bush impersonator Steve Bridges, whose stock has risen since the repeated airings of his appearance on the Comedy Central Jeff Foxworthy roast. He busted the president’s executive balls mercilessly, but the humor was broad, the gags were ridiculous. USAT is polite when it comes to Colbert:

At the Bloomberg News post-show party, with guests including Desperate Housewives star James Denton, ER’s Maura Tierney, Terence Howard, Ron Silver and others, Colbert was almost the last person to arrive. He seemed pleased with his performance.

“I had a great time. The president killed. He’s a tough act to follow– at all times. It’ll be a tough for whoever comes in 2008, too.”

Colbert said the president seemed to get a kick out of the comedy.

“He was very nice. He was like, ‘Good job, good job.’ ”

American Idol contestant Ace Young thought the night was “outstanding.” The young crooner grinned non-stop as he worked the press line and the party. “To see people in Congress, to see the president doing his skit, actors, everybody just getting along with mutual respect. It’s awesome.”

It’s come to this? Ace Young has a better grasp on the evening’s dynamic than anyone else?

The internet, the blogosphere, was crackling with news of the performance. Colbert’s material was described variously as “satirical” or “edgy” and the reaction he got was described variously as “uproarious” or “stone silence.” There’s a video, so you can make up your own mind. (That site also provides links to a wide array of reactions to “Colby’s” performance.)

Why isn’t anyone taking the Bob Hope route when it comes to these affairs? He went right down the middle. Hope knew it wasn’t about him. He played to the entire room. When you have an audience that contains George W. Bush, Valerie Plame, Helen Thomas, Ludacris and Ron Silver, what sense does it make to not go right down the middle?

Interesting take from Bloggledygook:

In the comments, one will find praise for Colbert for speaking truth to power, or whatever cliche one wished to use. However, Colbert (who I find very, very funny) said a few funny things, but seems to have forgotten that it’s a failing prospect to attempt to direct satire at those who are beyond it.

Similarly, it has become tiresome to hear talk of courage in this case, as if Colbert is in some fear for his life, but chose to stand against the fascist state and mock the president and media. Rubbish. The easiest place in the world to be snarky is Washington D.C. The Capitol virtually runs on snark. I pointed out that courage would be exemplified by an Iraqi mocking Saddam (when still in office) where speaking against the government carried very real danger.

The other point that begs to be made is that the shrieking about police states, etc. demonstrates just how humorless much of Colbert’s audience is. There is less comedy being made than the fiction that Colbert and Jon Stewart “speak” for some voiceless mass. In the age of the ubiquitous opinion, screaming at the top of one’s lungs that one’s speech is being stolen is absurd and in itself, the best form of satire practiced today.

It’s official: According to the Baltimore Business Journal, Rascals will occupy the Inner Harbor spot left empty by the fleeing Improv.

Rascals would be downtown Baltimore’s second comedy club. The Comedy Factory is located above Burke’s Restaurant and Cafe. Mickey Cucchiella, an owner at the Comedy Factory, said another club that could attract big-name acts would boost the local comedy scene.

Historical note: The Comedy Factory, formerly the Comedy Factory Outlet, was an offshoot of the Philadelphia club by the same name. The Philly club lasted from roughly 1982 to 1992.

Our technical difficulties are a thing of the past. Scroll down on this post to find out what’s happening with Last Comic Standing, what happened on our trip to Orlando and how our recent trip to Brooklyn turned out!

(We were unable to post here for the past 15 days or so. In that time, we were at least able to keep in touch with some of our readers and friends and associates via our myspace page and myspace bulletins and blog. BTW: If it ever looks like we’re down for any length of time, our myspace is a good place to find out what the problem might be and a good place to find any interim or emergency posts.)

1. Last Comic Standing RUMOR

SPOILER ALERT: If you don’t want to know what happens in this season’s Last Comic Standing, look away from your screen now!

Kicked out of house so far:

Stella Stolper
Joey Gay
Bil Dwyer
April Macie
Gabriel Iglesias

Sorry to ruin the suspense. Hey, we were just cited in the Rocky Mountain News as a source for a story on “local comic Josh Blue,” in a column by RMN columnist Penny Parker, so we’re digging the traffic. This is the inevitable collision of reality television and the internet: The producers of the show can’t keep a lid on the “surprises” because of the immediacy of the internet and because of their inability to figure out how information eventually makes its way to the blogs. Hmmm… too bad.

2. Vacation Mode!

We devised a convenient way of reminding those in our vacation contingent that we were in “Vacation Mode.” The V. and the M., crudely formed and flashed, gansta-style, instantly conveys the message that, “We are 1,000 miles away from the hustle and the bustle of home– Enjoy yourself!” It works. Try it yourself next time you’re on vacation. We even got the little kiddies to do it… or at least try to do it. (See illustration below)

Flashing signals from the happiest place on earth! (We’re protecting their identities so they don’t get “capped” by rival princess gang members.)

3. Holy Mattress-Mony in Brooklyn!

With hardly 24 hours to recover from our return from Orlando, we were expected in Brooklyn Monday night, to appear on the bill at Pete’s Candy Store, as part of the Holy Mattress-Mony Show. FOS Lord Carrett joined comedian/producer Jen Dziura in marriage (in what we hear was a lovely ceremony at the legendary CBGB’s!) the day before.

Unfortunately, the Female Half was unable to represent the magazine– the untimely victim of a bug of some sort (no doubt distributed by a member of our Princess Posse. See illustration above). The Male Half had a swell time at a well-attended show, sharing the bill with the newly-minted couple (see other illustration above) and not-so-newly-minted couple Leighann Lord and Jim Mendrinos, and special guests Margo Leitman and Mark Day. The quirky performance space that is Pete’s Candy Store resembles that of a vintage rail car in its dimensions. (We wouldn’t be at all surprised if it actually was a rail car in a previous life!)

That’s right, The Male Half of the Staff and the Female Half of the Staff will be appearing APRIL 24 at 7:30 PM with the newly-minted couple, Mr. & Mrs. Jen Dziura, at Pete’s Candy Store, 709 Lorimer Street, Williamsburg (Brooklyn), NY. Also appearing will be comedy couple Jim Mendrinos and Leighann Lord. Special guests Margo Leitman and Mark Day will also appear (although, we’re sure they’re not married to each other)!

It will be a special evening! We exhort all Tri-State Area SHECKYmagazine fans to consider attending! (And, it will be the first time that the Male Half has worked with The Lord Of Laughs since a zany week at the Columbus Punchline (with Ward Smith!) way back in 1985 or so! We’ve been cackling to Lord’s snippets on XM lately, so we look forward to the evening!

It hits the stands Saturday. Esquire will run a 10-page interview with Dave Chappelle on why he walked.

“The bottom line was, white people own everything, and where can a black person go and be himself or say something that’s familiar to him and not have to explain or apologize?”

We suppose there’s some truth to this, now that even BET is owned by Sumner Redstone (and folks don’t get much whiter than Sumner Redstone). Television executives only see one color: green. But even the casual observer must conclude that, when you’re Dave Chappelle, you spend a lot of time explaining yourself to a lot of people, not just white folks. (“I was invited to lunch the other day with Bill Cosby and Morgan Freeman… so you know I did something wrong.” –Chappelle on stage at Wiley’s Thursday night.)

Winnie the Pooh just got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The animated pantsless bear is enshrined on the Walk. It’s all about the Benjamins, we suppose. $6 billion in revenue in ’05. But he’s not real. (We suppose the same could be said for many in Hollywood.)