From the Hollywood Reporter:

Also shaky was the performance of another midseason series, the ABC comedy Sons & Daughters (3.2 million, 1.2/3), which pushed ABC to a historic low in the Tuesday 9-10 p.m. period.

We commented a couple weeks back on the infuriating way in which executives and the MSM fawns over “improvised sitcoms.”

Why all these wistful daydreams about a world in which we don’t need writers, the actors are all triple threats and the genre that brought us The Honeymooners, Mary Tyler Moore and Seinfeld is a flawed model tossed unceremoniously on the scrapheap of television history?

Sons & Daughters (See dismal ratings stats above) was one such atrocity– the Lorne Michaels-created sitcom was frequently cited as a largely improvised, edgy, experimental, ground-breaking, wickedly funny, watershed, blah, blah, blah.

From an interviw with the show’s creator, Fred Goss, on blogcritics.org:

What’s innovative, though not entirely unique, about the show is its use of improvisation to create naturalistic dialogue. “I wanted to do a show where we used improvisation more like an Altman approach, where we use improvisation as our creative process, but we don’t necessarily need you to know that it’s improvised,” Goss said.

ABC made sure viewers did know, however, by beginning the show with a verbal and written message that the dialogue was partially improvised– a “warning” Goss wasn’t fond of. “It either looks like an apology or bragging,” he laughed.

It’s bragging, all right.

An LAT article (free reg. req.) says that only a small fraction of Stern fans followed him when he made the switch from terrestrial radio to Sirius.

The self-proclaimed King of All Media once commanded a national audience of 12 million daily listeners before jumping to satellite in January. But since then, his kingdom has shrunk to a small fraction of that size. Meanwhile, the shock jock’s main replacements thus far have failed to hold very much of the former flock.

Were the numbers puffed out by the various local and national radio station sales forces? Were there a lot of self-identifying Stern fans who weren’t sufficiently dedicated (or not actually listening in the first place)? Just how reliable was this 12 million figure to begin with?

When we first heard that Howard was headed for the bird, for a giant bundle of cash, we crunched the numbers (which we thought were legit) and figured it was worth Sirius’ hard-earned cash. Now, of course, we admit we were wrong. The over paying of Stern might bring Sirius down, or, at the least, it may force them to merge with XM. XM’s bid to lure O & A listeners failed, but the price tag was a fraction of that for Stern.

As for the other local and/or syndie Stern subs not holding any of Stern’s old audience, we called that one. We still maintain that once the current crop of subs washes out, there will be local, unknown, but original, personalities or teams that will step up. They’ve been waiting for Stern to get out of their way for a decade or more, all the while honing their radio skills. Of course, radio execs with hazy memories think that all one has to do is “introduce” or “announce”the next big radio star and off he takes!

Bob & Tom will benefit. As will John Boy & Billy. And, along with them, standup will benefit, as each emphasizes comedy (the former moreso than the latter). Humor in general, and standup in particular, has been a big part of morning radio success. The collapse of Stern’s base might indicate that genuine humor is winning out over shock, cruelty and irony.

XM’s comedy channels, we hear, are among the most popular of their channels. O & A’s show, initially a premium offering, is now available for free. Further evidence that comedy is winning out over shock? When folks overcome their reluctance to pay for radio– and when they discover the richness of the offerings thereon, the numbers will puff out bigtime. No amount of marquee names or stunts will push them into satellite radio. And when those puffy numbers get even puffier, there will be even more comedy channels, exposing standup and standup comics to ever more listeners. Full disclosure: Four clips from the Male Half of the Staff’s act have been added to the XM 150 rotation and The Female Half of the Staff recently did battle with a crowd full of rambunctious O & A fans during a recent set.

When we pulled into Mesquite last week, we heard a local broadcast, perhaps out of Vegas, that was running “Five O’Clock Funnies,” or some such feature– a short snippet of recorded standup, sponsored this day by the Comedy Club at the Riv. We were somewhat annoyed that they didn’t back-announce the comic. One of the beauties of XM is that they often identify the comics beforehand and, right there on the radio unit, the name (and the name of the bit) appears on the LCD readout during the bit. If you don’t think that’s significant, consider that, on a recent evening, XM jock Joel Haas siad that he’s been getting a lot of requests for Tom Hester‘s “Fistful of Pills” routine. Comedy fans who display that amount of savvy are nothing but good for business.

Bankrate.com interviews Jeff Foxworthy about money. After he tosses out the obligatory gag or two, Foxworthy gets serious (if somewhat vague) about money:

Bankrate: Presuming you have crossed this threshold, when did you decide to “get serious” about your money? What is your personal risk level?

Foxworthy: I got serious pretty early because I didn’t know how long I would last in this business. I have had a financial adviser for over a decade. We discuss allocations and he understands my rather conservative financial nature.

These Bankrate.com people like to talk to comedians. We cited one of their mini-interviews with George Carlin some time ago. If you scroll down on the page, there are links to that one and to chats with Jeff Garlin and David Spade:

Bankrate: From a business standpoint, between movies and TV, is one more lucrative than the other?

David Spade: I think I always just try to take what’s right for me. I turned down tons of money in the sitcom world this year to do shows because nothing seemed right, and then I took way less to do the Comedy Central show because it seemed like the right kind of thing. So at this point, once I can pay my rent and have a car and help my mom out, then it’s like, “OK. I can’t make decisions based on that.” I wouldn’t do commercials unless they were funny, and Capital One, I like. If more came up that I didn’t like, I wouldn’t do it. It’s case-by-case.

Bankrate: So you’re in a comfortable enough situation where you can have some discretion?

David Spade: Yes. Sometimes, I order two Diet Cokes, and I don’t even drink one. That’s the way I roll.

Well, it came at us via ComingSoon.net. We figure it came from the NBC.com media dump (and, recently, we’ve developed the reflex of ditching the giant emails from nbc.com… we should probably open them every fourth one or so…), buried at the bottom of a posting about the debut of two other NBC series:

the return of the standup comedy competition series Last Comic Standing (Tuesday, May 30). The announcement was made today by Craig Plestis, Senior Vice President, Alternative Programming.

Anthony Clark (Yes, Dear) hosts the lively laughfest, which begins with a nationwide talent search for professional and aspiring comedians. Then once the selection is narrowed down to 12, the series will follow the comedians– both male and female– as they live together and compete for the ultimate prize – an exclusive talent contract with NBC and a comedy special on Bravo. Last Comic Standing is produced by Peter Engel Productions, Magical Elves and NBC Universal Television Studio. The executive producers are Peter Engel (Saved By the Bell, City Guys), Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz (Bravo’s Project Runway and NBC’s Treasure Hunters) and Barry Katz (Action, Dane Cook’s Tourgasm).

Premiering Memorial Day Weekend? This should be interesting.

We’re back… already… the Sunday show at Wiley’s was cancelled due to intractable plumbing problems. It was a weekend full of quirks and oddities.

This isn’t one of the quirks or one of the oddities, it’s emcee Ken Ferguson and The Male Half of the Staff (in one of those self-portraits that the Female Half of the Staff despises).

We had a tremendous show on Thursday, capped by a drop-in set by local comic Dave Chappelle. Then we had a power outage just before the first show Friday. Emcee Ken Ferguson gamely tackled the task of performing in a blackout. The power came on during his set.

Saturday went splendidly and Mr. Chappelle came in again and, much to the delight of the second show crowd, did an hour of material/Q & A immediately following the Male Half’s set. It’s a kick to see the reaction of the audience when the emcee tells them the erstwhile Comedy Central franchise player is in the house and will grace them with his considerable presence.

Minutes after the start of the second show Saturday, The Female Half of the Staff’s zipper broke (on her pants)– a recurring nightmare of hers come to life! A safety pin was procured and a crisis averted. Oddity or quirk? Who is to say?

Our bird friend disappeared some time Saturday.

And, while preparing for Sunday evening’s show, we got a call from proprietor Rob Haney that the show would be called due to the aforementioned plumbing woes.

Curious. But a memorable weekend– for us, for the crowds.

The cover of Issue #582 of US Weekly is dominated by a large photo of Jessica Simpson (no surprise there), but inserted into the upper right corner is a boxed photo of “sexy comedian Dane Cook.” Inside the mag, there’s a piece that has quotes from each camp’s publicist/spokespeople (or, as US would have us believe, “onlookers”). Surprisingly, it’s Simpson’s people who feel the love and Cook’s people who are cautiously downplaying any relationship. The two are shooting a movie together (“Employee of the Month”), so, in true Hollywood fashion, there are attempts to link the leads romantically, so as to goose box office.

Hers: “I would not be shocked if they become a couple.”

His: “Dane is pretty much all business. I don’t think there’s a romance.”

Let’s all think back and try to recall the last time a male comedian was described as “sexy.” This could open the floodgates to all manner of horrific trends. Could sexy be the new funny? Or is funny the new sexy?

We were entering the building where we’re staying this weekend, a high-rise apartment tower just off the downtown, when we spotted him. He was pristine, he was in good shape, he was far too good-looking to be just a street bird. “That there is a professional,” said the Male Half of the Staff to the Female Half. (The Male Half can spot a fellow professional entertainer, an artist, when he sees one. “He belongs to someone… a magician or something.”)

We inquired at the tower’s front office, just inside the front doors, off the lobby. “Do you have any magicians living in this building?” we asked. Connie, the building GM, said, “You mean the pigeon? They released a bunch of doves at the Dragons game last night. (The local minor league baseball team, a Cincinatti affiliate has a stadium just off the center of the city.) We called the Dragons office and they told us he’d fly home as soon as he got hungry.”

Well, it’s day three, and he’s still hanging around. We have dubbed him “Dave” (after Dave Chappelle), because he has chosen to walk away from what must have been a lucrative show business deal… and he lives in Dayton. Stay tuned.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Your Season IV Last Comic Standing comedians:

Bil Dwyer
Gabriel Iglesias
Chris Porter
Ty Barnett
Joey Gay
Josh Blue
Stella Stolper
Roz
Michele Balan
Rebecca Corey
April Macie
Kristin Keys

Near as we can tell, this information is real. Those that are funny colors are linked to their websites.

It’s Shecky Greene’s birthday. Sheldon Greenfield was born on this day in 1926 in Chicago. We wish him a happy birthday.

We had about 18 hours off “turnaround time” between landing in PHL (from LAS), so we decided to push off for Dayton after Wednesday’s evening rush. After an overnight in “driveover country,” we arrived in our destination, Dayton, OH, in plenty of time for our show.

Wiley’s is one of Ohio’s longest running comedy venues. They share a substantial brick building, in Dayton’s Oregon Historic District, with a handful of Clear Channel radio stations.

It’s a classic comedy club and, so far as we can tell, it’s a tremendous room, even when it’s only partly filled with a Thursday-night, local, slightly-above, college-aged crowd.

So it was a pleasant surprise when we learned that a local and somewhat renowned comic expressed an interest in coming in squeezing in a set after the Male Half of the Staff’s set. The comic in question lives in nearby Yellow Springs. His name: Dave Chappelle/Chapelle.

Halfway through the Male Half’s set, “The Crazy One” shows up and gets near-horizontal on a rear banquette. After the Male Half finishes, Chappelle/Chapelle proceeds to do a controlled and rollicking and “they’ll be talking about that one” set for nearly 40 minutes.

Chappelle/Chapelle talked about kissing Jessica Simpson, private eye to the stars Anthony Pellicano, and appearing on Oprah. He also addressed his sojourn to Africa, his departure from Comedy Central and the pressures of picking out clothes when you’re “representing the entire black race.” He did some material that we’ve seen quoted in various AP accounts of some “drop-in” sets, but he also did some Dayton-specific material as well.

Chappelle/Chapelle really loves doing standup. That much is obvious. He is very proficient at doing standup. To our mind, he’s very much like Franklyn Ajaye. It’s the perfect synthesis of jazz and humor. He’s relaxed, he’s personable, he’s in command, and the crowd is with him on every note.

So nice to be part of a legendary node on the timeline of comedy history.

We neglected to mention that, on our way out of the Comedy Stop at the Trop on Monday night, we spoke briefly to a robust Kevin Knox. The Boston comic assures one and all that he is healthy. We concur. (We have received inquiries here at the magazine about his health, as he was recently diagnosed with cancer– and, from what we hear, a rather virile form of the disease.)

He appeared to us to be spunkier and more full of pep than 99 per cent of the people we encountered in Las Vegas over the previous 36 hours. He casually mentioned that he ran four miles that day. (This four-mile thing only scratches the surface. He gives mini motivational speeches on the importance of diet, exercise and positive mental attitude with just the slightest provocation. There can be no doubting his veracity. He is obviously motivated and he is obviously beating cancer.) Coming to a comedy club near you, Kevin Knox.

We stopped by last night at the Stop, hanging with comics Scott Bruce, Bob Seibel and Ron Shock. The previous night, we hanged (hung?) at the Trop’s Harbor Bar (We all know it as the “Fish Bar”) with Kathleen Dunbar.

We’re at McCarran now, taking advantage of their free wireless access, checking emails, getting business done. One of the emails was from FOS Dr. Will Miller, who was down the Strip, doing a corporate gig, but unable to hookup due to his schedule! He attached this pic, though! (Identified only as “Dr. Will and his posse.”) Dr. Will was Nick at Nite’s resident television therapist and the host of their “Why We Watch” segments for five years. We know him from the old days at the Comedy Factory Outlet in Philly

Instead, the organizers have called it “Eye Care for Erica Show.” (Which, we’ll concede, might actually bring in more people than our clever but obscure reference.)

Regardless, it’s a benefit show April 6th, 8 PM at the Steve Allen Theater, and the admission is $25. Call (323) 666-9797; the theater is just west of Vermont. For that you see Louis CK, Dana Gould, Patton Oswalt, Bob Odenkirk, Naked Trucker and Andy Kindler. All of this is hosted by Jimmy Pardo.

It benefits “L.A. comedy darling” Erica Doering who is having an emergency vitrectomy, to prevent her eye from going blind. And you’d be hard-pressed to see such a spectacular comedy show for such a paltry price for such a good cause.

In case you’re wondering, a vitrectomy is “the removal of the vitreous gel through very small (~1.4mm) incisions in the eye wall… The vitreous is removed with a miniature handheld cutting device and replaced with a special saline solution similar to the liquid being removed from the eye.” Procedures like this are moderately tricky, and therefore, not inexpensive. So all donations will be accepted at the door, and online here.

PS: For those of you following along at home, vitreous humor is “The clear, gel-like mass that fills the space between the lens and the retina.”

This would be The Female Half of the Staff on the Navajo Bridge, a footbridge spanning the Colorado River near Marble Canyon, AZ, off of Alt 89.

We found ourselves with an entire day to get from Flagstaff, AZ, (where we performed at Northern Arizona University on Friday night) to Mesquite, NV, (where we were to perform on Saturday night). We could have just as easily boomeranged back into Vegas, then shot back out through the desert to Mesuite. That would have been efficient, but somewhat dull.

We opted instead to forge northward out of Flagstaff on Rte. 89, through the Navajo Indian Reservation. The map indicated that the entire second half of our 320-mile trek had dots next to the road– the AAA code for “Scenic.” As we rounded the bend out of Flagstaff and headed north at 75 mph through the Reservation, listening to Navajo-language radio and taking in the spectacular scenery, we wondered just what a location’s gotta do to get that dotty designation.

Our questions were answered later on in the day when we were dazzled by the Vermillion Cliffs National Monument and the Kaibab National Forest, eventually making our way through the switchbacks and tunnels and canyons of Zion National Park. Kaibab, Vermillion and Zion deliver.

The whole trip delivered– “scenery overload” relieved only occasionally by the lightly settled towns and trading posts, decorated with the rusting cars, propane tanks, truck stops and “assembled homes” that are the trademark of small towns all over northern Arizona, Southern Utah and the Southwest in general.

This would be The Male Half of the Staff perched on a rock, with the vast expanse of the Vermillion Cliffs National Monument behind him, again, off of Alt 89.

We are back in Vegas now. We fly out Tuesday night. Vegas, as always, is the same. And changing constantly.

(Sometimes God or fate is the best comedy writer: Upon arrival at the Trop, the Male Half of the Staff ducked into the Men’s room to see two Japanese men changing their clothes near the sinks while “Puttin’ On The Ritz” blared over the PA system. Can you say “incongruous?” Hilariously so?)

Carrot Top is “indefinite” at the Luxor. His opening acts, on a revolving basis, will be John Padon, Charles Viracola and Carole Montgomery. Louie Anderson is also in an open-ended engagement at the Excalibur. While waiting for the light to change at the corner of Tropicana and The Strip, we noticed that Ron White and Dane Cook are both scheduled to appear at Mandalay Bay, though on separate occasions. If you think that such booking would make Mandalay Bay the most comedy-friendly casino in town, you might get an argument from someone who points out that the Mirage has bought the back page of the Las Vegas Magazine and is trumpeting the upcoming bookings of Jay Leno, Brad Garrett and Wayne Brady. (And, you’ll recall that David Spade, in a recent interview cited in this very publication, seems to be contractually married to the Mirage as well.)

George Wallace, who is four-walling a room at the Flamingo, is advertising David Brenner as his special guest for the month of April.

The Palms is touting Playboy’s Hollywood Comedy Tour in their Lounge venue, welcoming Jeff Richards and Dan Naturman (last night) and a new pair of comedians a week later.

At the Comedy Club at the Riv are Dennis Blair, Joey Elias and Robin Cee (through tonight) and, starting tomorrow night, Stanley Ullman, Scott Faulconbridgeand Brad Steward.

Here at the Trop, at the Comedy Stop, through tonight are Kevin Knox, Mick Lazinski and Christine Stedman. Starting tomorrow are Ron Shock, Bob Seibel and Scott Bruce.

At the Improv at Harrah’s are Jeremy Hotz, Tom Simmons and Frazier Smith ending tonight and Shelley Berman, Sulie McCullough and David Gee, Tuesday through Sunday. Dom Irrera will hold court on Monday, as part of a “Month of Mondays” all this month, celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Improv in Las Vegas.

FOS Shaun Eli reports:

The news reported today that he reached a settlement with the department. Essentially they’ll let him retire, with back pay (including pay for unused sick days, so it’s a decent amount of money) and his pension, but he’ll plead guilty to unapproved use of a department computer, or something like that.

Thanks, Shaun.

Uh… That’s exactly what we predicted would happen to Mr. Kenny. Now, he’s free to be a full time comedian if he so chooses. Good luck, Mr. Feder, and welcome.

Catch Eli as a panelist on the WCBS Small Business Breakfast, April 6th in Rye, NY. Click here for details.

Our very short film, “A Man And A Woman” is a victim of its own success! Within the the first 36 hours of its launch, it got hit at least 15,000 times! We’ve decided to “distribute it” via Youtube.com, so as not to burden our ISP.

Those wishing to view “A Man And A Woman” need only click here and wait for it to load. (It’ll load fast– the film’s only 3 minutes, 23 seconds, after all! Actually, it’s 3:23:08, but let’s not quibble over eight hundredths of a second!)

Enjoy!

One year ago today, Mitch Hedberg died. The folks at the Acme Comedy Co. in Minneapolis (“Mitch’s hometown”) have assembled Nick Swardson, Patton Oswalt, Mike Birbiglia, Zach Galifianakis, Dave Mordal, Lynn Shawcroft and Bonnie McFarlane for a benefit show at the Orpheum Theatre on April 30th, 2006 at 7 pm. For further details, download the giant .pdf here. (Be advised, they used some funky typefaces so, if your computer is trailing edge, it might just be resolved as three pages of dots. If that happens, call Jon Richards at (612) 338-6393 for information.)

Anyone like to read more about the recently concluded goings on in Aspen? Our own Adam Gropman has filed his final wrap up of the USCAF festivities and it’s now available on his blog, titled Grop-land.

While you’re there, check out Gropman’s battle with a pinched nerve! Laugh as Gropman wonders whether anyone would actually tell him if he was slowly turning into an asshole and guffaw as he enumerates “10 Kind Of Funny Things About the Mo**mmed Cartoon Controversy”

With the exception of the Male and Female Halves of the Staff, Gropman has been a contributor to SHECKYmagazine.com longer than anyone.

From AP:

LOS ANGELES Comedian George Lopez is the latest recipient of a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The star and co-creator of A-B-C’s George Lopez was joined by his wife, Ann, and Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa at the ceremony today.

Ann, who donated a kidney to Lopez last April, cited her husband’s rough upbringing in Los Angeles, saying he is _quote_ “that little blade of grass that got through the cracks and got out.”

Okay. Now no one here thinks Lopez isn’t deserving of a star on the Walk. However, we are disturbed that there are some glaring omissions on that strip on terazzo and brass. We posted as much just over a year ago.Check them out:

Milton Berle
Red Buttons
George Carlin
Johnny Carson
Bill Cosby
Rodney Dangerfield
Redd Foxx
Shecky Greene
Buddy Hackett
Bob Hope
Alan King
Rich Little
Rowan & Martin
Bob Newhart
Don Rickles
Joan Rivers
Penn & Teller

Excuse me, did you say Johnny Carson?! That’s right. According to the Detroit Free Press, as of January 25 of last year, he was on the “eligible” list, meaning that he/she is only $15,000 away from that star.

Would it kill the next honoree to peel off $15,000 and start a domino effect? Like, say if Ray Romano were to be honored (if he doesn’t have one already), maybe he might reach into his cookie jar (recently fattened, we hear, by $50 million for each of the last two seasons of his sitcom!) and quietly pay for Johnny’s star. (Sure, he’s dead and all, but might it not mean something to his wife or his fans?)

Spare us the nasty emails castigating us for telling Romano how to spend his cash. He’s the one (or his publicist is) who’s making sure that the “2 X $50 million” figure makes it into each one of the “Ice Age II” interviews. And, from what we understand, the overriding theme of each of those interviews has been that Romano has a void in his life since the series ended. Perhaps coughing up the necessary funds to commemorate his comedy colleague(s) might make him feel as though his post-E.L.R. life is meaningful. Heck, with the kind of reserves he has, he could knock off all the above stars for a paltry $255,000. (We’re sure Romano is accustomed to folks telling him how and where to blow his bread. And we’re doubly sure that, when he had none, there was no shortage of folks telling how he might acquire some, making for a nice symmetry.)

We’re particularly horrified that Shecky Greene isn’t memorialized there. He’s coming up on his 80th birthday, next Saturday (the 8th), so, it’s probably too late to fill out all the paperwork, but wouldn’t that have been swell? Ah, well. We hear the Mega-Millions is up $100 million.

Todd Barry. Tomorrow night. At 9 PM EST. The premiere of his Comedy Central Presents.

Todd Barry, doing our Question 21 from February of 2002. Here.

You’ll recall we posted on Feb. 20 (“Bloody riots provoked by… Danish comedian?”) about a Danish comic who gleefully peed on a Bible but stopped short of doing the same to the Koran.

Now UPI is reporting that a Norwegian comic, Otto Jespersen, has burned a Bible for comic effect.

Jespersen lit a bonfire in front of the city hall and, with the help of Mayor Arve Tonning, started throwing books on the blaze, Aftenposten reported Wednesday.

But then Jespersen ripped out several pages from a Bible and threw them on the fire. Tonning said he tried to stop Jespersen, but was ignored.

When we read the phrase, “started throwing books on the blaze,” we were taken aback. Wasn’t it those zany Nazis who perfected that comedy bit a few years ago, maybe during the late 30s? (Even XTC wrote a song about it… called “Books Are Burning”– Andy Partridge isn’t exactly known for his subtlety.) And now book burning is considered wacky and nutty in Norway. My how things change!

“Imagine the fireworks,” says the Female Half of the Staff, “when the Danish comic and the Norwegian comic end up on the same bill together!” Indeed!

Norwegian Comic: “Dude: You’re doing my Bible bit! You can’t do that!”

Danish Comic: “No way! I do a slight twist on it… I pee on it. I made it my own!”

Norwegian Comic (seeking compromise): “Dude: How about we do the bit together at the end… I’ll light it on fire, then you pee on it. Cool?”

Danish Comic: “Cool!”

There’s a profile of Seth Davis in today’s USA Today. Readers, hungry for any news morsel in the giant gap between the Elite Eight and the Final Four, will even read an article about a member of CBS’s broadcast team:

After growing up in an affluent Washington, D.C., suburb, Davis was on the student newspaper and student-run TV station at Duke. He did standup comedy for a year in New York. “It was 98 per cent a hobby,” he says. “But I held up hope there’d be a network exec in the audience who’d insist on giving me a sitcom.”

How do you like that? Lanny Davis’ kid tried standup after a stint at Duke. Looks like things turned out all right after all. Like we say– It’s once again cool to admit you did standup.

We’ll be in Vegas for the finals. We’re thinking of watching the final game at a race and sports book, but we haven’t decided which one. Do we watch from the book at the Wynn? Or do we head downtown? Perhaps a compromise– the Stardust… one last hurrah while it’s still standing. We’re thinking of putting a tenspot down on George Mason.

In her latest column The Female Half of the Staff talks about getting lustily booed by an O & A crowd.

As I watched the patrons occupy the room, all my anxiety began to resurface. This crowd was a good decade younger than the folks who sat in these seats 24 hours prior and while the previous show was dominated by couples, this show reminded me of what China must look like now that they’ve gotten rid of all the girl babies.

But I’m a pro right? I’ve handled practically every situation there is to handle right?

I should have rescheduled.

Well, there’s the gathering clouds, now go read about the storm.

ComingSoon.net interviewed David Spade:

CS: How important is standup for you?

Spade: I think I’m getting worse. I’ve been doing The Mirage a lot in Vegas. I go out there and they pay more, so it’s harder because I have to do better. And I have to do it longer. I’m not that bad at it anymore but it’s really hard when you’ve got too much going on. Like right now it’s really hard because I have this and the show starts Thursday. We tape Wednesday the first show. So this is like a little crazy time but usually I’ve got a lot of time off and I sneak out there and do it and I get to work on it. It’s good to do standup. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you’re doing something and get the crowd right there. That’s all fun. But it’s a lot of work. Like I asked Adam (Sandler) why he doesn’t do it anymore. He would never consider it. He goes, ‘I would never do it again.’ It’s hard and he gets overwhelmed with probably too high of expectations so it’s not that fun for him.

Read the whole thing.

The word on the street is that two comics are known to be among those chosen to appear on the fourth season of NBC’s Last Comic Standing. Before we reveal the names of those two comics, however, we’d like to run our favorite part of CONTESTANT APPLICATION, RELEASE AND TRANSFER OF RIGHTS:

Are you an acquaintance of, or do you have a personal or professional relationship with, any of the following people:

(a) Barry Katz? Yes No (circle one)
(b) Bob Reade? Yes No (circle one)
(c) Ross Mark? Yes No (circle one)
(d) Peter Engel? Yes No (circle one)
(e) Dan Cutforth? Yes No (circle one)
(f) Jane Lipsitz? Yes No (circle one)

If the answer was “Yes” to any of questions (a) through (f) above, please describe: (1) the nature of your relationship; (2) how long you have known them; and (3) how often you see and/or speak to them.

Our second favorite part is the stern warning at the top which says that failure to fill out the form “honestly, accurately and completely” will result in “forfeiture of any prizes or other things you may or would have been awarded.” Pretty harsh! You’ll be forced to forfeit prizes you were never even awarded!

Oh, yeah: Kira Soltanovich and Joey Gay.

From: Traci Skene
To: editors@sheckymagazine.com
Subject: Charity Event from Traci
Date: Mar 25, 2006 7:16 PM

An LA comedian, Erica Doering, needs emergency surgery and there’s a myspace
page for raising money for the operation:

http://www.myspace.com/ericaseye

A special fund raising show is being put together as well.

Date: Thursday April 6th
Time: 8pm
The Steve Allen Theater in Hollywood 4773 Hollywood Blvd.

So far the bill includes:
Louis CK
Bob Odenkirk
Patton Oswalt
Dana Gould
with advanced episodes of Wonder Showzen!

Hosted by Jimmy Pardo

Traci Skene
Editor, SHECKYmagazine.com
http://www.sheckymagazine.com

It’s our lame attempt at mimicking a Variety headline. It’s also our clumsy way of summarizing a story on a New Zealand website about American ventriloquist David Strassman… and his buddy, Chuck Wood.

In his new show, Get Chuck’d!, his first in Wellington in four years, Strassman continues to celebrate and send up the whole idea of sticking his hand up a puppet’s backside. It will include the familiar retinue of characters, including Chuck Wood and Ted E Bear, plus a few new ones. “The show has gotten more involved, more twisted, darker.”

Sad news out of Atlanta. Lyn Bartlett, a server at the Punchline for more than a decade, was among three people brutally murdered in a farmhouse north of the city in a rampage Sunday night. Bartlett hadn’t worked at the comedy club for at least three years. She resided in Cumming, GA, with her 17-year-old son, who is recovering from stab wounds. The police are investigating, three suspects have been arrested. An account of the mayhem can be read here (we caution that it is rather upsetting). Subsequent details have emerged that three of the ten occupants of the house managed to escape unharmed, due largely to the efforts of Bartlett.

“She was feisty, she had a great laugh and she wasn’t the least bit intimidated by any comedian who walked through that door,” says the Female Half of the Staff of Bartlett. We strongly advise all to hoist one in her memory across the parking lot at Cafe 290.

…again!

We’re fielding so many media inquiries that we weren’t even aware of the hit we got in today’s USAToday.

…others are finding stardom through the Web. “In the past, comics had to depend on managers, agents and media conglomerates to get the attention of those who had the power to rocket them to stardom” says Brian McKim of sheckymagazine.com. “The Internet is really turning things upside down.”

We vaguely remember speaking on the phone with Gary Strauss a coupla weeks back. A lot has happened in the interim (personally and professionally!), so we can be forgiven if our memory of this particular MSM encounter got fuzzed out.

The above quote was all that survived from a 15-minute teleconference. Still, a hit in USAToday is a hit in USAToday! (We suspect it might be only featured in the online version of the paper. We’ll hunt one down tomorrow. We were hipped to it by a sharp-eyed reader!) Welcome McPaper readers! And, check out our new short film, “A Man And A Woman!” by clicking here.

The article is a good one, though. Check out this nugget from David Steinberg:

“With a TV sitcom, you get where the audience is. With the Internet, you might be playing to an audience of one,” says comedian/director David Steinberg, the host of TV Land’s Sit Down Comedy with David Steinberg (Wednesdays, 10 p.m. ET/PT). “There’s more excitement over how many times Sit Down is downloaded to iPods than ratings. It’s strange. You sort of make up a theory as you go. It’s like trying to hold mercury in your hand. It’s changing all the time”

Check out the brief Chicago Sun-Times article about Jeff Garlin‘s new series.

Former Chicago funnyman Jeff Garlin’s new TV pilot is coming together nicely — with a fellow area resident joining the cast. Oak Park native Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer Simpson, has signed on for The Jeff Garlin Project on TBS.

Anyone wanna read our interview with Garlin?

Barry Garron, writing for the Hollywood Reporter, stretches credulity when he claims that the new NBC series The Heist utilizes…

…a tantalizingly fresh take on the genre, writer-producers Mark and Robb Cullen create a world in which the good guys, or at least the most interesting characters, are the ones who rob banks and jewelry stores. And they do it with dash, style and finesse. The outwitted detectives assigned to the case are either indifferent or just plain overmatched.

C’mon… hasn’t Hollywood been mining the anti-hero thing for about 35 years now? (So much so that it might be refreshing if the cops were the good guys!) But the trailers look interesting. And it’s notable here merely because, buried way down in the list of cast members is “Detective Billy O’Brien: Billy Gardell, a comic.

Gardell had a big role in the obscure (FX will do that) series Lucky, but this time, it’s on one of The Big Four. And, the producers (or was it the network?) gave Gardell the “punchline” on the trailer. Every trailer has a punchline. Every good trailer. Never underestimate the power of a strong performance in a trailer. It affords tons of exposure, it’s aired often, at all times, and, if it’s edited craftily, it can lend the excerpted scenes even more impact than they might have in the context of the actual episode from which they’re extracted.

John Rogers, according to his own bio, on his blog, Kung Fu Monkey “started doing stand-up in 1988, got his Physics degree in 1990, began writing television in 1995, and writing movies in 1999. He plainly needs to focus.”

We first ran into him in the Charles Playhouse in Boston, when that building housed the legendary Comedy Connection.

His post last May, “Learn to say ‘ain’t’ …” tackled the perceived troubles of so many Democrat candidates and their inability to connect with audiences both large and small. As we swing into the ’06 elections, his observations acquire a new relevance. “My bigger point… is that the art of politics is convincing people to connect with you. When you have an idea, and the other guy has an idea– if you don’t connect in some primal way with the listeners your idea is never even going to get considered, no matter how much better it is on a rational level.”

He gets to the heart of it:

Now who the hell am I to even think I have something to contribute here? Well, let’s say the candidate’s job is to walk into a room of complete strangers and get them to like him. Connect with him. Wow, the few rare politicians who can do that, they’re worth their weight in gold.

It did that for twelve years. So did hundreds of other people you’ve never heard of. We’re stand-ups, and that’s the ENTRY-LEVEL for the job.

It might add to the entertainment factor to watch the upcoming campaigns and campaigners through the lens of a standup comic or standup fan. Perhaps the campaigns will hire standup comics as high-paid advisers. We can only hope.

We’ve been at Charlie Goodnights in Raleigh for the past few days. We’re back in the office now. This is a lovely portrait (taken with the auto-timer) of house emcee Lumpy, flanked by the Female Half of the Staff and the Male Half. Goodnights lived up to the USAToday hype.

…get the check beforehand.

Anyone catch The Apprentice last week? The teams were tasked with entertaining a bunch of car dealers in a daytime event. One of them got the bright idea of hiring a comedian. Okay. Cool. They got Corey Kahaney. Okay. Cool. The gig didn’t go great (or at least that’s what the editors wanted us to think… we’re not sure exactly how it went, but that’s not the issue here).

What was disturbing was the post-mortem, where these chuckleheads dissected the event and tried to figure out what went wrong. The idiots on the team that lost tried to blame their failure on the comedian (of course!) complaining that she was coarse, vulgar. Odlly, when they were pushed, they had to admit that she was funny.

Trump was a douchebag. He asked if she was paid before the gig or after– Implying that, had they waited until after the gig to pay her, they would have had the option to not pay her! Nice!

Trump also appeared shocked at the price tag for Kahaney– $1,700. He said that maybe they could’ve saved that much just by putting one of the team members up there to entertain. (Yeah, right– Jerry the Russian guy is a real scream. We would’ve loved to be present for that meltdown.)

Trump displayed a total disregard for the artist, a total lack of respect for what it is we do. And a total failure to grasp just how hard standup is and how much experience and expertise Kahaney and other professional comics bring to the table. Shame on Trump for being such a lunkhead and for being so… unbusinesslike.

Paul Ogata has turned in a Big Move about his Aspen experience:

“Early Saturday afternoon, I opted to pass on the USCAF in favor of seeing “the other” festival, the Aspen Laundromat Comedy Festival. Unfortunately, I learned after getting there that Adam Gropman was not in the house as he returned to L.A. the previous day. Well, two out of three objectives met isn’t a bad percentage, right? All was not lost however, as I was treated to a rocking show by the craziest bunch of mother-effers there ever was. Big props to Christy Murphy for having the ovarios de cobre amarillo to set it all up. And kudos to Sunshine Laundromat owner Richard Winn for buying into such a bizarre concept. When all was said and done, Winn commented on how impressed he was and he even began plotting for the Second Annual ALCF. Performing to a standing room only laundromat crowd (there were only six chairs) were Reutter, Ferrell, Murphy, Brett Gilbert, Vance Sanders, Nosmo King, Damon Epps and Marty Laquidaro. In keeping with the laundry-theme, the comics even kept it clean.”

…as you can plainly see.

We’re working hard to resolve these problems.

As the television stations usta say: Please Stand By!

Thanks.

UPDATE: We just did the Heimlich on our Blogger. We forced it to hock up the old file and re-publish the index. All is well! Thanks for your patience!

We’re giving you 12 days notice about Kathleen Madigan‘s Comedy Central special debuts next Saturday at 8:30 PM ET. It’s called “Kathleen Madigan: In Other Words.” Check out our interview with Madigan, from February of 2002.

While we’ve never interviewed Ron “Tater Salad” White in the pages of this publication, we have had the pleasure of working with him. And our columnist Kid Dave Miller has flown to a one-nighter with him. And, if you’ve never seen him work, you have 13 days to make plans to watch the world premiere of his Comedy Central special, “You Can’t Fix Stupid ” to air March 26 at 9 PM ET.

…and, as the saying goes, comedy is hard.

Just got the following email from comedian Chrissy Burns:

Thought you might enjoy a funny road story:

I was doing this corporate show for a Feed & Seed company. Every year they invite all their customers– farmers and their wives– to come out to the VFW hall, have dinner and see a little comedy show. They also take the opportunity to promote new products, grain hauling services, etc. It was way out in northwestern Iowa in the middle of nowhere– the nearest hotel they could get me was 25 miles away. They told me to come early so I could eat, meet people, etc.

So I go and there’s about 200 people there– two-thirds of them in their 60’s & 70’s. They have me get food and show me to a seat they’ve saved for me at a table of old people. One guy beside me says, “So you’re the pretty lady comedian they’ve been saving this seat for. I’m one lucky guy.” I said, “Well, that just proves you’re more of a comedian than I am!” He laughed and said, “Oh, no, Sweetie, I love buxom redheads!” I laughed, he laughed, the table laughed. Then I started talking to the people across from me.

While involved in this conversation, the man next to me, the one who likes buxom redheads, falls face down into his plate of food. And me, startled, stupidly asks him, “Sir, are you okay?” Well, of course he’s not okay! He’s face down in his au gratin potatoes!

He was dead. He simply dropped dead. So they called an ambulance. The ambulance refused to take him saying “There’s nothing we can do for him.” So they had to call the coroner– who instructed them not to move him. So the dead guy sat there while we waited for the coroner to come out from the big city. The coroner arrived and well, you know when you die you lose control of your functions so they took him out with potatoes and corn on his face and his pants soiled on both sides. Death is not pretty.

While they were getting him on the gurney, they were also cleaning up the mess he had made at the table– bowels, urine, etc. They get it all cleaned up just as the body covered with a sheet is headed out the door. They load it into the black station wagon, the door closes and over the speaker, I hear… “Well, we have a comedian tonight. This lady has appeared… blah blah blah… Please welcome, Miss Chrissy Burns!”

They hated me.

Chrissy
http://www.chrissyburns.com

It’s getting to be an epidemic.

We’re getting a letter every other week or so from a grade schooler who has been assigned the task of writing to a favorite celebrity in the hopes of getting back a response. Not sure what the purpose of the assignment is– what it’s supposed to teach the kid– but the result on our end has been hilarious (and, in many cases, touching) letters from kids, addressed to the likes of Larry The Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy, Chris Rock and, in our latest example, Tom Kenney:

Dear Tom Kenny,

Hi i’m a big fan of yours. I love the characters you play on TV. My favorite character is Spongebob! That is my favorite show ever. It is also the best comedy show. I wanted to know why you became an actor? What’s your favorite food? Do you have a pet and does it have a name? I really wanted to know if you can get a picture for me of you and the people who play the other people who play the other characters. Spongebob rules!

Sincerly,

Dylan (Last name withheld)

We aren’t sure what to do with them. We suppose these kids think that all us comedians live in one big house, like they do on Last Comic Standing.

Our personal favorite so far is a letter from a young lad in Tennessee who wrote a letter to Foxworthy which contained the immortal endorsement, “You put laughter in my head…” (This line has become a catchphrase around SHECKYmagazine HQ.)

Craig Jarvis of the Raleigh News-Observer did a phone interview with male half of the staff in anticipation of our upcoming appearance at Charlie Goodnights. Early on in the chat, Jarvis asked how the we happened to meet. The male half of the staff gave an answer which might lead one to believe that the circumstances were… less than wholesome. Fortunately, he was afforded the opportunity to correct the record:

Q: Anything else?

A: (Asking his wife.) Anything else? Traci wanted me to point out that her brother-in-law owned the comedy club [where we met] and she was there with her sister. It was essentially a family thing.

Q: So she wasn’t like a comedy groupie?

A: No, not a comedy groupie! I saw the look on her face when I said that, but I didn’t know how to get out of it.

See y’all in North Carolina.