On Friday, we posted (“Dumbass Quote of the Year Award”) a link to an article in the Philly City Paper about the opening of the beautiful new comedy club just across the river. You may recall that posting started thusly:

It’s always disheartening to see a journalist, while spilling ink on standup comedy, simultaneously promote standup comedy while administering a backhanded compliment or two.

And we always marvel at the journalists who, while berating comics for being derivative or relying too heavily on cliches, will do the exact same thing he/she is so dead set against– being derivative and using plenty of cliches! And so it is with A.D. Amorosi, the author of a recent article on the opening of a new comedy club in Philadelphia, Helium Comedy Club.

So, today, while scooting around on the Philly Comics Newsgroup, we spotted the following post, a promotion for an ongoing comedy night in downtown Philadelphia:

From: “irvruss8”
Date: Sun Jul 17, 2005 10:02 pm
Subject: BAR NOIR OPEN MIC MONDAY JULY 18th

Yes it’s true, tomorrow is the Bar Noir/Fringe Fest open mic and
we’ve got 5 comics representing the (Philly Comics):
ALAN KAYE
MIKE PETRO
RONETTE JONES
BLAKE WEXLER
ALICIA HICKS

WHERE: BAR NOIR 18TH & SANSOM DOWNSTAIRS
TIME: A.D ALWAYS SAYS 9:30, BUT MOST LIKELY 10
***JACK DANIELS DRINK SPECIALS**
COVER: ZERO

Tunes and co-hosted by A.D. Amorosi, and drinks served by the miss/mr Needles Jones.

Come see what all the good stuff is about,and network with the fringers. To all those who have emailed me about spots for the august show, I will not be hosting that event as I will be on vacation. But when I do find out the deal, I will let the board know.

Thanks,

Russell Brand
IRB PRODUCTIONS

What’s this? Seems to be a show, hosted (and seemingly co-produced) by A.D. Amorosi and co-produced by Russell Brand’s IRB Productions. (This isn’t the first time the two have collaborated on a comedy show– they’ve promoted their “Notebooks” series, at the same 18th & Sansom venue, for some months now.)

Normally, we applaud anyone who tries to produce comedy shows (or attempts to breathe life into the particularly torpid Philly comedy scene), but we are struck by the conflicts of interest here.

Let’s set the scene: The editors of the City Paper dispatch a reporter (A.D. Amorosi) to write a review of the new comedy club at 20th and Sansom (Helium). The reporter writes the review and props it up with multiple quotes from his business partner (Russell Brand), all while the two of them are producing a regular Monday night comedy show 2-1/2 blocks away. Where’s the harm, you ask? What we have here, regardless of the content of the article (which was, we noted in our earlier posting, grudgingly positive), is, to put it politely, a conflict of interest.

As a bonus, the article kicks off with this quote from Brand:

“I despise spaghetti joints that have comics on weekends for their “comedy night,” says local comedian Russell Brand, air quotes firmly in place. “It pulls the perception and value of the performance down to a plate of bad linguini.”

Of course, as anyone in Philadelphia comedy knows, this is a thinly veiled swipe at the producers of the weekly comedy show at the Spaghetti Warehouse. So, you have Amorosi (the journalist), giving Brand (the producer) a nice opportunity to hammer a competing Philadelphia producer. Nice.

Would all this be legit if there were an attempt at full disclosure? Maybe. There is a muddled reference to Brand’s involvement in other “comedy events,” and a passing (and somewhat confusing) reference to IRB productions, but it’s not quite clear what his involvement is in any of the events. And it’s never made clear that Amorosi and Brand are essentially business partners in a competing comedy venue. (And that the “RB” most likely stands for “Russell Brand!”) Again, from the City Paper article:

Brand should know from bad and good, he being a veteran of cool, monthly comedy events at World Café Live (with his Chapin Kids improv shows through IRB Productions) and Bar Noir (open mic “Notebooks” showcase) as well as Manhattan circuit spaces like Carolines and Gotham.

Amorosi also takes a swipe at the only real comedy club left in the city of Philadelphia, the Laff House, when he writes the following:

“We’ve been to comedy clubs in other cities — why isn’t there one here?” (Helium owner Marc Grossman) says he remembers wondering.

Sure, they’re discounting South Street’s lesser-of-all-evil Laff House. Everybody does.

Again, we have Amorosi taking a gratuitous slap at the folks who produce shows at another venue in town, the Laff House. All in an article that showcases multiple quotes from another comedy producer (and his associate), Russell Brand. And it’s all piggybacked on an article which is supposed to be about the newest, slickest comedy club in town. He is essentially taking the opportunity of the Helium review to (secretly) promote his own business and aesthetic agenda.

The male half of the staff took Journalism Law & Ethics back in 1979 (got an A minus!), so we speak with some knowledge of how this whole thing might be viewed as… fishy. Sure, it was 25 years ago, but not a whole lot has changed since then. What has changed, however, is that publications like the City Paper have grown from plucky, small-circulation “alternative” newspapers into big, profitable, legitimate newspapers that slug it out with the big chains, go after the same politicians and compete for the same ad revenue. As a result, they’re actually held to the same standards as the big boys. At least they should be.

…get a splendid answer.

Bob Newhart is interviewed in the July 17 Parade Magazine. James Brady’s In Step With… feature is that fluffy chat on the inside of the back cover. When asked by Brady, “You mean you work for hire?” (A dumb question, but apparently Brady is surprised that Newhart still does standup.), Newhart responds:

“I’ve been doing standup for 45 years. It’s still my first love. It’s inconvenient being away from home, all that travel, taking off your shoes at airports. But it’s all worth it– just being out there on a stage. Why would you wanna stop making people laugh.”

Tivo/VCR Alert: On July 20, the American Masters series special called “Bob Newhart Unbuttoned” will run on PBS (check your local listings).

According to a USA Today article, all labor hell has broken loose in Montreal!

Seven Montreal area hotels have reached new labor pacts with their 1,850 workers, averting a strike set for Friday, but last-minute contract talks dragged on at 10 other hotels.
About 200 workers at the Omni hotel walked off the job Friday, joining 110 from the Crowne Plaza Metro-Centre, who were locked out last Saturday.

Some 3,000 employees, mainly receptionists, bellhops and other hotel service workers, at 17 hotels had promised to strike Friday if they did not reach new three-year agreements on wages and pensions.

Each hotel is negotiating separately with its workers, who are represented by Quebec’s Confederation of National Trade unions.

The union said strikes would not begin at the hotels still in negotiations.

Is your lodging for next week’s Just For Laughs visit in jeopardy? Check out the rest of the article and see if you can decipher the whole thing. Caution: If you call your hotel from the states, be sure and try to use an 800 number– rates from the U.S. to Canada, on most plans, run $15/hour! (We exaggerate, but not much!)

David Hiltbrand of the Philadelphia Inquirer has a huge piece in the Sunday edition’s entertainment section (and teased, with a pic on the front page!), profiling Dan Whitney, aka Larry the Cable Guy. Larry Dan is poised to sell out two shows in Atlantic City this Saturday. We had advance knowledge of it, since we were interviewed for the piece earlier in the week. We’re quoted in the home stretch of the article, concurring with Larry Dan and comparing him to the late, great Rodney Dangerfield:

Surprisingly, Larry thinks of himself as a traditionalist. “When I started doing stand-up, it was all one-liners,” he notes. “Nobody was doing that anymore. It was more political humor, comics trying to prove how much smarter they were. . . . I went a different route because I love the old guys – Buddy Hackett, Redd Foxx, Milton Berle, Shecky [Greene].”

“Larry is old-school,” agrees Brian McKim, the editor of SheckyMagazine.com, a Web site devoted to stand-up. “He’s really doing a character. . . . He’s like Rodney [Dangerfield], who set up a distinctive persona and did a lot of rapid-fire material.”

We were thrilled with the piece (not because we were quoted– we’re way over that!) because it was downright respectful and insightful! Fancy that! The MSM treating a standup phenomenon with respect! Let’s hope the Inky asks Hiltbrand to write more articles about standup comics.

Also fascinating was the boxed sidebar, enumerating the top-selling comedy CD’s in America:

Billboard Top Comedy Albums, July 16, 2005.

1. The Right to Bare Arms Larry the Cable Guy

2. Harmful if Swallowed, Dane Cook

3. Mitch All Together, Mitch Hedberg

4. Greatest Hits, Rodney Carrington

5. A Decade of Laughs, Bill Engvall

6. Family Guy: Live in Vegas, Family Guy With Walter Murphy And His Orchestra.

7. Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again, Soundtrack

8. Drunk In Public, Ron White

9. The Best of Jeff Foxworthy: Double Wide, Single Minded, Jeff Foxworthy

10. Strategic Grill Locations, Mitch Hedberg

A coupla months back, some folks with a publicity outfit in L.A., who were promoting the release of Whitney’s “Right to Bare Arms” CD, sent us a perky email, offering to hook us up with a few CD’s (which we took them up on; which we gave away via the mag) and also offering to arrange an interview with Larry.

Well, this is something we had been wanting to do ever since we saw Whitney perform upstairs at the Comedy Works during the 1999 Just For Laughs Festival up in Montreal. So, we wrote back:

It would be swell if you could sling us two or three copies and we could then give them away via the website.

Also, re: interviewing Dan. We wanted to do so five years ago (Editors: Actually, it was six years ago.) when we saw him at Montreal… never happened.

We do all our interviews via email. We don’t work through anyone, we like to send the questions directly to the interview subject. We email the questions, he emails back the questions and the answers… the responses go in virtually untouched and there’s no chance of anyone getting misquoted.

So, have Mr. Whitney send us an email and we’ll get cracking.

Does this sound good?

PS: We’re looking at 650,000 hits this month.

—
Brian McKim & Traci Skene
Editors & Publishers
SHECKYmagazine.com
http://www.SHECKYmagazine.com
Standup comedy…seriously!

And then, they wrote back this:

Unfortunately I would only be able to give you his mgr’s email and not his direct email. Let me know if this works for you. I don’t even have his personal email address to give.

I will gladly pop several CD’s into the mail to you first thing tomorrow, and would love an online giveaway. Attached is the cover artwork and a press release/bio.

Thanks!

To which we wrote:

Would that be Colleen McGarr’s email? Send it along (either way) and we’ll be happy to try and go through the management.

As for those CD’s–
send them to
PO Box 1096
Merchantville, NJ 08109

Thanks and we look forward to it.

(Editors note: Unfortunately, it was not Colleen McGarr.)

To which they wrote back:

You can email the questions directly to (Name withheld) at Parallel Entertainment at (email address withheld).

Thanks!

So…we dropped an email to (Name withheld) at Parallel Entertainment, with the subject line, “Email Interview of Dan Whitney,” which went thusly (And, please note the time!):

4:45 PM EST

(Name withheld):

We haven’t ever gone through management before. Usually, we just email the subject himself and he emails the answers back. Let us know if we can deal with Dan directly.

Thanks.

—
Brian McKim & Traci Skene
Editors & Publishers
SHECKYmagazine.com
http://www.SHECKYmagazine.com
Standup comedy…seriously!

Now, here’s where it gets ugly. “Name withheld” writes back the following:

5:11 PM (00:26 from initial contact)

I am really confused. I have no idea who you are, but I assume, you got my email from someone at the office. I am his publicist, so all interview requests come through me and I am not familiar with your publication or what you are looking to do.

To which we replied:

5:19 PM (00:34 from initial contact)

Thanks anyway.

—
Brian McKim & Traci Skene
Editors & Publishers
SHECKYmagazine.com
http://www.SHECKYmagazine.com
Standup comedy…seriously!

We were ornery and lacking in patience, this much we cop to. But, you must admit, we did say “Thanks.” (And, also, may the court please make note that the subject line was, quite clearly, a request for an interview with Dan Whitney.)

Not content to let it go, “Name withheld” writes back the following:

5:35 PM (00:50 since initial contact)

You didn’t explain anything? I don’t know what you are looking to do???

So, we replied:

5:41 PM (00:56 since initial contact)

How hard is it to click on the URL at the bottom of our email?

That might explain everything.

I got your email address in an email from the people who are promoting Dan’s CD. Don’t you people coordinate? Haven’t you ever heard of our magazine? Don’t you know what we do?

To which “Name withheld” responded:

5:50 PM (01:05 since initial contact)

Wow, you certainly are unprofessional. I think we will pass on this interview. Most publisicts (sic) like to know the type of feature you are looking to do, what your deadline dates are, etc.

Please do not contact me again in the future.

While we appreciated the lesson in Publicity 101, we weren’t too happy about that little crack about being unprofessional. Sure, by conventional standards, we’re unprofessional, but we prefer to think of it as “informal.” We’re the New Media, after all. Besides, nobody else we’ve ever dealt with has ever had any problems with our manner. Or with the publicity we lend to their clients.

And, of course, the easiest way to get a plucky internet magazine to contact you again is to say, “Please do not contact me again in the future.” (Which, we hasten to point out, is redundant.)

So, we replied (in a blatant violation of their request to never contact them again):

6:12 PM (01:27 since initial contact)

We were contacted by Dan’s CD promo company, who gave us your email. They contacted us. They asked us if we wanted to do an interview, and we explained how we like to do it. Then they dropped your email address in our inbox 18 hours later.

Connect the dots.

Coordinate better, people.

To paraphrase your last email: Wow, you certainly are incompetent.

Professional, maybe, but insulting and incompetent.

BTW: You might have left it at the part where we said, “Thanks anyway.”

BTW, Part II: We get 500,000 hits a month with 40,000+ unique visitors– nearly all of them rabid standup comedy fans. Normally, we don’t like to go through management to get an interview. This little incident might explain why. We’ve interviewed Shelley Berman, Richard Lewis, Mitch Hedberg, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog and Dick Cavett and about 100 others– all without having to go through anyone’s management. They found us to be plenty professional. USAToday knows about us (as do their readers) but you seem to have never found the time to find out who we are. Nice work.

Don’t bother responding.

PS: We’ve said many good things about your client in the past… and we’ll continue to do so.

—
Brian McKim & Traci Skene
Editors & Publishers
SHECKYmagazine.com
http://www.SHECKYmagazine.com
Standup comedy…seriously!

And then… the line went dead… All over in 1 hour and 27 minutes.

There you have it. Are we assholes? Only in the strictest interpretation of the term. Are the folks at Parallel thin-skinned? Well, let’s put it this way: If the two or three snarky emails they received from SHECKYmagazine.com is the worst treatment they’ve ever encountered, they’re the luckiest publicists on the face of the planet.

And, if we’re such assholes, why did we spend 15 minutes on the phone with David Hiltbrand of the Philadelphia Inquirer last Tuesday, saying just the sweetest things about their client?

The moral? Click on the URL.

PS: Add the folks at Parallel Entertainment to the list of folks we may have to avoid at JFL next week!

Just got the following from an avid reader of SHECKYmagazine.com:

Well, it’s official– you’ve lost your mind.

To hear you say that comedians should not earn a living wage DISGUSTS me. Those of us who consider ourselves “professional” comedians would gladly trade a 50 percent pay increase for 94 percent of our profession if it meant that the other 6 percent wouldn’t be able to continue making their non-livable wage. ARE YOU CRAZY? Who wouldn’t take that deal? Any group of people in any profession would jump at that. If you don’t believe me why don’t you put up a poll and ask REAL comedians?

Apparently you consider yourself an open-miker because that seems to be where your priorities lie. What do you have against experienced “professional” comedians reaping the benefits of their profession? Why is your priority on the nonprofessionals? And anyway, why should squeezing open-mikers make anyone ‘nervous’ if the best these amateurs can hope to achieve is to earn a non-livable wage?

If you don’t respect your own abilities as a professional that’s your business but those of us that do have confidence in our talents in our chosen field expect to compensated fairly.

Apparently you think comedians are just a bunch of children who should be thankful that people are willing to pay money to someone else to watch them perform.

Why don’t you print this and let the comics decide if you’re out of your fucking mind?

Tony Daro

We went back and forth with Mr. Daro in December about this very subject, privately, in email, at the height of the NYC Comics/Owners dispute. The email debate ended, with both parties agreeing to disagree.

Or so we thought.

We have our ideas about economics and market forces and how they should work or be allowed to work. Mr. Daro has his. We’ve linked to articles that spelled out Mr. Daro’s philosophy; we’ve always let it be known where we stood. Until now, we’ve always thought it was a difference of opinion, now, however, it appears that we’re “out of our fucking minds.”

Where Mr. Daro goes horribly wrong is when he implies that neither of us are professional comedians. He also seems to think that we pay too little attention to NYC comedians… and far too much attention on open mikers. What he fails to realize is this: Each of us (both the male half and the female half of the staff) are, to use Mr. Daro’s own words, “experienced ‘professional’ comedians reaping the benefits of (our) profession.” And we’ve been that, each of us, for more than 20 years. Yet, we still remember, with startling clarity, what it was like to break into this business, to learn the craft. And most of our favorite comedians started out (as did 99 per cent of standup comics) as “open-mikers.”

Somewhere out there right now is the next Mitch Hedberg– a fry cook or a temp worker or a dog walker– whom Mr. Daro would gladly throw under the bus so he doesn’t have to sully himself by crossing the George Washington Bridge and do a college gig or an Elks Club or (horrors!) a suburban comedy club. So entitled is Tony Daro to a “living wage,” that he enthusiastically slams the door shut on any who might come in his wake and try to scramble onto a NYC stage and endeavor to learn this craft for free or for gas money or for glory. Had some of those who came before him been equally enamored of negotiations and regulations and fees and dues and memberships he and many of his contemporaries probably wouldn’t be comedians. Had those who blazed the trail before him had the same selfish, myopic and bitter view of the world and the business and the art and the lifestyle of standup comedy I daresay that Mr. Daro and myself and my wife would not today be engaged in the most fascinating profession in existence.

It’s always disheartening to see a journalist, while spilling ink on standup comedy, simultaneously promote standup comedy while administering a backhanded compliment or two.

And we always marvel at the journalists who, while berating comics for being derivative or relying too heavily on cliches, will do the exact same thing he/she is so dead set against– being derivative and using plenty of cliches! And so it is with A.D. Amorosi, the author of a recent article on the opening of a new comedy club in Philadelphia, Helium Comedy Club.

Exhibit A– Amorosi’s lede from a recent article that appeared in the local alterna-rag, The City Paper:

Tell a Philadelphia comic– heck, any layman of live laughs– that a venue for comedy is open and they’ll probably think of the hackneyed inclusion of the letter “z” onto every word, brick stages, too many 8x10s of too-many men with frizzy, thinning hair and exaggerated coked-up smiles, and the difficulty of comfortable communal seating at what amounts to picnic tables.

Could he/she have squeezed any more hackneyed, discredited cliches into that graf?

It is a disease that is rampant throughout the MSM and ever more virulent among the alterna-rags: Editors and writers who have a woefully outdated idea of what goes on in the world of standup. They write their pieces to fit this template, thereby reinforcing their own prejudices and those of any readers who might also be as out of touch as they are.

Even more depressing, however, is when said authors manage to find the one comic in the market who will dutifully say what the reporter might want to hear.

Which brings us to Exhibit B, a quote from one “local comedian” Russell Brand. Get a load of this cloud of hot air (and keep in mind that it is the last paragraph of the entire story):

“If they give young locals the chance to play an A-room without bending them over,” says Brand, looking forward to what Helium will offer. “Get locals on stage. Instead of just three acts, have a sketch night. Do gay comedy. Just be different. People today have TiVo and the Internet. Watching one person for 40 minutes, no matter how funny, is a tough thing to sit through.“

What might the problem with this guy? Hemhorroids? OCD? Benign Prostate Hyperplasia? Narcolepsy? Let’s get this straight: With all the scurrilous accusations floating around out there about standup, now we must add to the list that the comics are going on too long?

We chose this one for the Dumbass Quote of the Year because it stood out, like a shining chunk of gargantuan stupidity. It also stood out because it wasn’t the press betraying its ignorance or prejudice this time– it was a comic!

And, even though the folks at Helium found it advantageous to link to the article off the front page of their website, we can’t imagine that they dig this kind of coverage. It kicks off with a drab, horrible portrayal of live standup and it ends with a dreary picture of the live standup experience as being static, boring, unwatchable. (Editors note: Don’t try clicking on the Helium site’s link, it currently goes to a different article. Use the one above instead– at least until the Helium Web Monkey updates the link.)

And we are certain this week’s headliner, Tom Cotter, will be doing at least a 40-minute set. He won’t exactly be ecstatic about Mr. Brand’s characterization of his work as being “tough to sit through.” Priceless. Note to Mr. Brand: How about you let Mr. Grossman run his room the way he sees fit?

Don’t misunderstand us. We are well aware that Mr. Grossman and Helium are doing things right, going above and beyond and offering the Delaware Valley a top-notch standup experience. What we take issue with is the writer’s (and the comic’s) inability to convey that without taking nearly every opportunity to demean standup comics and portray the experience as one that’s less than satisfying. Doubly and triply frustrating when you consider that 99 per cent of the people we encounter at live standup venues find the outing to be one of the more entertaining live experiences they’ve ever encountered.

Doug Herzog, president of Comedy Central, briefed The Hollywood Reporter on the status of Dave Chapelle after the channel’s presentation in Beverly Hills as part of the Television Critics Association July press tour.

Herzog said that he had spoken to Chappelle a few weeks ago in a hotel lobby. According to Herzog, Chappelle said he needed a bit more time; Herzog said he told him they looked forward to working with him again.

“If you see him, tell him to phone home,” Herzog joked.

Despite the blow that was losing the channel’s top-rated show, Herzog said Comedy Central is holding its own in the ratings and is actually up a bit.

“We didn’t go backward without him, which was a great fear,” Herzog said. “It’s no question that it (the ratings) would be much better with Dave Chappelle.”

There’s a long history of the press acting as intermediaries between aggrieved parties. (Usually it’s criminals and the police whose differences are ironed out by the Fourth Estate… btw: We’re not insinuating that Chapelle’s a criminal!) With this in mind, SHECKYmagazine.com is offering to bring the two parties to an agreement! Dave? If you’re reading this, feel free to drop us an email! Same goes to you, Doug!

Note to Chapelle: Rest assured, we’ll be tough on Comedy Central– we still haven’t gotten over having a taxicab door slammed in our faces by a couple of Comedy Central suits outside Club Soda one night. Oh, did we mention it was raining? A friend introduces us, we all determine that we’re heading back to the Delta, pleasantries are exchanged, a cab arrives– In they slide and BOOM! then Zoom! Off they go while we drip, drip, drip in the Montreal rain. What was that?!?! (After you get over the raw, savage rudeness of it, you gotta throw your head back and cackle!)

Herzog added: “The ball’s in Dave’s court,” Well… isn’t that just like a white guy to fall back on those same old stereotypes. Unless, he meant racquetball. Hmmm… Maybe it is we who are falling back on stereotypes… Or, maybe we just have basketball on the brain because we look forward to participating in next week’s Industry vs. Artist Basketball Game in Montreal next week! That’s right: Bring your basketball shoes (or, if you’re from Ohio, bring your “tennies”) and sign up as soon as you get to the Delta!

It’s called “The Amorous Busboy of Decatur Avenue: A Child of the Fifties Looks Back” and it’s published by Simon & Schuster. It should be interesting. We often cite Klein as the bridge between the old school comics and the modern era.

…We follow Klein’s early career with the famous Second City comedy troupe in Chicago (where we witness a show-biz battle of egos between established comic David Steinberg and a brash, cocky Klein); his first legitimate role on Broadway in Mike Nichols’s production of “The Apple Tree” (and, later, his fascination with Robert Morse’s antic, charismatic performance in “How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”); the shock and despair when, on the threshold of his first nationally televised standup gig (on the popular Dean Martin Show), the show’s producers, feeling that the young comic’s material was not funny, canceled his appearance. The narrative ends with Klein’s career-altering relationship with Rodney Dangerfield, who became a stand up mentor and (perhaps) surrogate father to the young comic in his search for approval and a role model.

Check out the lengthy review, published in the Forward.

How many of us recall that heady period in our standup tutelage when we could actually feel the progress as it was occurring? When we contemplated each career move with an intoxicating mixture of dread and elation? How many of us could write about with such eloquence as Bill Bunker? Damn few, we say.

In 2002 I recounted in this space my then-recent transformation from “civilian with comic aspirations” to “bona fide working comedian” at the most famed comedy club in Chicago. The shorthand label for my essay might have been something Disneyesque like, “A dream comes true.” However, as I noted at the time, there was also a good chance that I had been wishing upon a dark star, for I was nervously aware that this dream possessed the latent power to destroy me, given the unshriven sins of my past, which consisted primarily of having squandered time and talent raising a family and earning a living.

Do yourself a favor and take ten minutes from your busy schedule and catch up with Mr. Bunker of Chicago, as he stretches out on the comedy road, following his comedy heart to Cleveland, St. Louis and Sarasota– with his family in tow! Read the entire brand new Wells Street Journal now!

Hollywood Reporter is reporting that AMC has decided not to exhibit “The Aristocrats,” on any of its screens. The distributors of the film, ThinkFilm, fails to see how this is the best thing that could happen to the picture. They’ve instead chosen to squawk about censorship, when this is clearly nothing of the kind.

But ThinkFilm contends that AMC, rather than making a simple business calculation, is engaging in censorship, and that given AMC’s status as the country’s second-largest chain, that could impact the film’s fortunes.

It matters not how large the chain is. They don’t have to carry anything they don’t wanna. We suspect that, in the Distributor’s Handbook, the second best thing to happen to your film is if the public thinks that someone is trying to “suppress” it. (It makes no never mind if you, the distributor, is the one making the original claim, of course!)

Oh, sure, documentaries have become sexy lately. But it’s gotta be something from Michael Moore or Errol Morris. And everyone knows the real jack is to be made from DVD sales, not theater receipts. But this censorship thing doesn’t wash. Theaters are all about the bottom line, and AMC is going to take a pass on this one.

Sure enough, it will “impact the film’s fortunes.” But it’s not like AMC would’ve put the movie on 600 screens. According to the report, they originally agreed to maybe put it in two cities. Two cities! Then they backed out. Censorship?

Have these gentlemen ever heard of the term “straight to video?” Let’s see a list of the films that are refused distribution by all the movie theater chains in America each year.

We like to save the “C-word” for when it really counts.

We hear it’s going to be screened in Montreal next week. Hope our tirade doesn’t cheese our chances of getting in!

Self-described “Confused reader” Josh Hoover writes:

Hey Brian and Traci,

I enjoy reading Shecky and catching up on the latest happenings in the comedy world. Although, in recent months the entire publication had begun to feel more like just a giant blog. What I mean by that is it doesn’t seem your contributing writers are doing any contributing. Its been April since Adam Gropman wrote something, and what about “The Big Move” or Tom Ryan or Kid Dave or the bi-monthly interviews?

To which we responded:

Astute observations, all.

Our other contributors were released from their monthly obligations about two years ago… since then, they contribute only when they want to and we welcome their contributions like an old friend!

In the past year, we’ve emphasized the blog heavily…first to comment on the Last Comic Standing episodes in near-real time, then to comment on the world of standup in general and to keep people apprised of what’s going on in the business.

Our columnists are no longer a primary focus of the magazine, but their archives are still up for those who want to peruse them.

And while it may seem that we’ve eliminated columns, we’ve actually developed some new columnists– Doug Hecox, a new Big Mover (two, really!) and a Canadian columnist! As for interviews, we’ve talked to Woody Woodbury and Emery Emery, just since the beginning of the year. And we’ve got a comic or two on our wish list, so interviews will continue to be part of our offerings.

We devoted a lot of attention in the first four years of the mag to our columnists…our numbers grew and our fans were many. Then, we switched to a blog format, kept the columnists archived, developed some new writers… and our numbers quadrupled. We have found that folks like the short form about as much, if not more, than they liked the long form. And, since we offered our content for syndication via RSS and Feedburner and other syndication portals, our reach and popularity has never been wider or more vigorous. (If you think we emphasize number a lot, you’re right. Aside from the occasional Like We Care email, the only way if we know we’re doing something right is by examining the stats!)

We won many fans with our columnists, so we’re not going to totally neglect them. But we’re not going to try to be all things to all people. We feel we’ve reached a nice balance. Anyone who has read the magazine since April 1, 1999, has noticed that the one constant with our publication has been change! We have never stood still and we’re always seeking to refine it.

We hope you’ll continue to read our magazine and we hope you’ll continue to check in regularly to see the changes! And we’re open to suggestions!

Thanks again for being a loyal fan!

Fear not, gentle readers, we will continue to experiment… and we will continue to bring you some of the more popular features that have become heavily associated with SHECKYmagazine.com. Like our Montreal coverage, for example. We arrive in Montreal on July 20. An update– text and photos– should pop up within 24 hours of our arrival! Stay tuned!!

Late last month, The Public Policy Institute of California, published a 23-page report on living wage laws and their effects on the local citizenry. The rest of the media has apparently digested it and is regurgitating favorite parts. Among them:

…urban areas see a 2 percent decline in poverty rates a year after enacting living wage laws.

But the study also found that a 50 percent increase in the living wage reduced employment by 6 percent among the least-skilled workers. That’s because the mandated wage increase acts like a tax on the use of low-skilled workers, discouraging employers from hiring them, the report said.

“You’re going to help some people, but exacerbate the problem for others,” said David Neumark, a senior fellow at the PPIC who co-wrote the study with Scott Adams, a University of Wisconsin economics professor. “Urban poverty falls, but there are some people who lose, and those who lose are in some sense the least well-off.”

There hasn’t been much rumbling about a living wage for comics in New York City. Last we heard, they squeezed the owners and got a minor bump in pay from them. We were relieved to hear that they hadn’t gone through with any of their more severe plans. We argued against a living wage for comics in New York City… anywhere, really. And, if you substitute the words “least-skilled workers” with “open mikers,” you can see how living wage talk might make (or should make!) comics a little bit nervous. When we heard a report on the study, we felt a certain measure of vindication, as the report echoed precisely one of the more dire scenarios we outlined. Sure, a certain number of workers (experienced comics) benefit by making more money… but the jiggering of the wage sorta kinda makes a goodly number of the least-skilled workers… disappear.

We got a press release from the folks at Sierra Mist, the soft drink that would kill 7-Up if it had the chance. You may recall that, back in March, we ran something about their effort to find the “Next Great Comic” (Their phrase, not ours), by holding a contest. One thing caught our eye in the release:

…Once the contestant’s photo, bio and a two-minute MP3 of their standup routine were submitted, a panel of judges, including a representative from Comedy Central, reviewed all of the local comic winners and selected the top five finalists. The finalists were judge on creativity, delivery, humor, inclusiveness and originality. Then America had the opportunity to vote online for one of finalist’s to determine the Next Great Comic!

Huh? Inclusiveness?!? What the hell is that? Whenever we hear inclusiveness mentioned in the same breath as comedy, we get all Sierra Misty-eyed! (We hope this isn’t a trend. We hope we don’t start hearing emcees closing shows with, “Thank you for supporting inclusive comedy!”)

Anyway, Ryan Hamilton won and he’ll be pumped through the 23 Improvs along with Jim Gaffigan or Aries Spears. Mr. Hamilton, who only started doing comedy in spring of ’01, would do well to enjoy the middle spot and watch every one of Gaffigan’s shows. With a bit of work he should have an entirely new half-hour by the end of his Sierra Mist odyssey. And, for God’s sake, work on your inclusiveness!

Poker has never been hotter. Comedy has never been hotter. So, it occurred to us that a comedians-only Texas Hold ‘Em Tournament would be a natural. A similar thought occurred to the boys at Game Show Network. Every Tuesday night at 10 PM EDT, they run Poker Royale Comedians vs. Pros (details). You know the format already– six or seven poker players, two commentators keep confused viewers abreast of who’s got a good hand, who made a boneheaded bet, post-mortems (conducted by a spokesmodel) with winners and losers. Only this one has players like Robert Wuhl, Paul Rodriguez and Sue Murphy. As poker shows go, this one isn’t one of the better ones (through no fault of the comics)– the pros are second-tier pros, the play seems rushed, leaving insufficient time for the commentators to explain what happened/what’s happening. If you seek a poker show that allows you to learn, hit the Travel Channel or ESPN.

(Note to producers: You might have found someone more adept at conducting the post-mortems than the cute-as-a-button spokesmodel you’ve got there. Couldn’t you find a cute-as-a-button standup comic?!?)

We’re getting emails from folks who want to be kept abreast of any and all developments concerning the upcoming (November 17) SHECKYmagazine.com Comics-Only Texas Hold ’em Poker Tournament at Binion’s Horseshoe Casino and Hotel in downtown Las Vegas, Nevada!

We’ll assemble a list and we’ll also continue to post developments here as well!

Thanks!

PS: We can’t help ourselves when it comes to tweaking our configuration, with regard to our blogger settings… and sometimes our tweaking leads to destruction and mayhem! Like the last three days’ postings disappear! (Not permanently, we are happy to say!) We just gotta get things right before we beging coverage of Just For Laughs in Montreal!!

We all had ’em: College roommates. Adam Gropman has had some doozies. Check out his latest Observational Humor to see just how bad!

…But their inconsiderate, slovenly behavior never changed. I should also mention that they were huge pot-smokers and their main condition for moving in was that they be allowed to set up a hydroponic marijuana growing operation in our basement with platforms and irrigation and powerful sodium lights. So we all risked years in the Oregon State Pen in exchange for a small bag of buds at the end of the summer, and I didn’t even smoke pot. So all I got was the opportunity to pretend I was the supervisor at a halfway house for the unconscionably disgusting.

Click here to read the whole sordid array of roommate horror stories!

In Entertainment Weekly’s “The Rise and Fall of comedy’s Kurt Cobain,” on the stands July 8th, Daniel Fierman tells about the tragic circumstances of Hedberg’s passing.

People would go, “‘Mitch is going to die’ and I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t know,'” says Mike Birbiglia, a Hedberg protégé who performed at one of the final shows at Carolines. “He seemed to pull it off. He had this invincibility to him.”

Invincible? Hmm… And then there’s this paragraph:

No one is quite sure when Hedberg started seriously using heroin, but Shawcroft says he had tried the drug before they met. From the outside, it was hard to tell what was going on. Hedberg and Shawcroft’s relationship was startlingly opaque — Mary Hedberg estimates she and Arne spent a total of 24 hours with the couple over their six years of marriage — and the stand-up scene is filled with high-functioning drug users. Against that backdrop, he was the picture of professionalism. Despite rumors of heavy drug use, Hedberg would arrive, perform, and leave audiences happy.

“the standup scene is filled with high-functioning drug users?” Maybe (and that’s a big “maybe”) in the ’80s, but not any more. We don’t think we’re betraying any ignorance here, but we just don’t think this is anywhere near accurate.

LatinoStandup.com is confirming the death of Los Angeles comic Freddie Soto. No details on the cause of Soto’s passing. We’ll link to anything definite if/when we find it. (Thanks to a reader for the tip.)

We’ve accidentally stumbled over TBS a lot these past few days, so we’ve seen a lot of the promotion for their Who’s Minding the Store?, which debuts July 17. One thing missing from the brief snippets has been… standup comedy! The only time they come close is when they briefly show the “Hot Girls of the Comedy Store” scheme that ostensibly portrays Pauly and others auditioning hot babes for a Store scheme. When we first learned that the Shore and his brother were pitching the cable outlet on what was then supposed to be a reality series revolving around the revival of the faltering showcase, we thought it might be entertaining and it might be a more accurate peek into the lives of standup comics and into the lives of the folks who ran what was once an important club in the most important comedy town on the planet. So far, though, it looks like they’ve hired a bunch of actors (one of which is fat and constantly chomping on a sandwich!! Ow, my sides hurt!) and created a zany cast of characters to support the Weasel in a mediocre sitcom that is only loosely based on reality.

We know that reality shows are sometimes largely scripted, but the promos look like they aren’t even trying to fool anyone! (We’ll post again after we view an episode.)

Actual exchange between SHECKYmagazine editor and Clara, Manager on Duty at the Rawlins, Wyoming, Super 8 Motel Wednesday evening:

McKim: I just turned down my bed and discovered that I don’t have a top sheet.

Clara: Well… not all the beds are gonna have top sheets.

McKim: You’re kidding, right?

Clara: No. Sometimes they put top sheets on the bed… sometimes they don’t.

McKim (stunned): Wow. You’re serious! I’ve been staying in hotels for 20 years and I’ve never had a bed that didn’t have a top sheet.

Clara: I just came back from vacation and the bed I had didn’t have a top sheet.

McKim: That’s it. That’s your final position. No top sheet?

Clara: (Silence, accompanied by blank stare.)

We turned in our key the following morning, and waited for about five seconds, hoping to hear the magic words, which we did, from the woman behind the counter (not Clara):

Her: Was everything all right?

Us: Well, we didn’t have a top sheet on the bed.

Her: Well, if you’d told us you were in 218, we’da sent someone up there with a sheet and fixed the situation.

Sure! That’s what I thought was going to happen (This woman didn’t see the emptiness behind Clara’s eyeballs. There weren’t no inclination to assist, believe us! We phoned Super 8 Customer Service the next day. We’re waiting 7 business days while the folks in Rawlins formulate a strategy to make it right (after which, the folks at corporate figure out what to do). We don’t give it much hope on the franchisee level. Stay tuned!

From the Times Picayune, an article about how Harry Anderson has finally realized his dream– opening up a showcase for his talents in the only town he could ever really call home.

The main ground floor room is magnificently restored now — the original hammered zinc ceiling buffed to a shine — and the proprietor, in a decidedly better mood than nine months ago, does the things that come natural to him, that once made him rich, that made him a star: He gives people a razz, five nights a week, Wednesday through Sunday.

When we performed there in September, we heard from some local, reliable sources that Harry had settled in Nola, had such plans to open a club of his own, that he was the proprietor of a magic shop just Jackson Square. We made note of it, but forgot to post about it. The story of how he finally realized his dream is a corker. We weren’t aware that Anderson eventually went through a fortune to get where he is. Thirteen years of “Sick Money” gone! (We assume to Wife #1) Click on the above, read it all… and, if you’re in New Orleans any time soon, peel off a twenty and stop in. From what we’ve ever seen of Harry’s live act, it’s worth twice that.

We were familiar with Harry Anderson as a performer before most of the rest of the nation was. Clay Heery, the proprietor of the Comedy Factory Outlet, brought Anderson into his club in Philadelphia, at its original 32nd and Market location, in the winter of 1981. The male half of the staff recalls watching Anderson doing the needle-through-the-forearm trick from a seat in the front row of the 45-seat room when just a lowly open-miker, waiting for the “Midnight Madness” amateur comedy show to start.

Just caught Bob Saget guesting on HBO series Entourage, performing as Bob Saget. The scene he was in has him smoking pot out of a bong, saying things like, “I was wacked out on Vike’s (Vicodin) and Halcyon during the ’90s. I don’t remember shit!” Did we mention he delivered the above with enthusiasm and a smirk… while cuddling with a hooker poolside at a high-end Beverly Hills brothel? He followed that line up with, “But, I’m clean now, right?” (Follows it up with another hit off the bong.)

Convincing!

You people who’ve subscribed to our RSS feed may have noticed that it’s telling you that we haven’t posted since June 6th or so. This could not be further from the truth! What it is, is this: Our Internet Host switched to a new, more efficient, more secure platform. In the process, all our files got mussed up and now we must get under the hood and figure out how to re-configure out how to re-configure our RSS specs so that they tell the truth. So, hang in there and we’ll have the ol’ RSS humming again soon.

Crappy cable has a way of herding viewers into cable outlets they wouldn’t normally find themselves watching. And crappy cable is just what we’ve had more often than not over the past week or so. So, we have found ourselves occasionally watching TBS.

That’s right, the “Superstation TBS” is now favoring a bright blue color in all it’s promotions and it is tagging everything with the phrase “very funny.” (Although we can’t imagine the Braves dig that association… although with the way they’ve been playing this year, they really can’t complain all that much.)

We were watching an old Sex and the City (and enduring the endless promos for Seinfeld, Raymond, Family Guy and all the other sitcoms that form the core of their new strategy), when we saw a promotion for a TBS contest. The top prize was a trip to Las Vegas for two to take in The Comedy Festival. Finally, we see evidence that TBS and HBO and Caesar’s and the Flamingo are actually going through with this “consumer oriented” comedy festival. (If you only relied on their website, you’d think it may be a hoax of some kind, as the site hasn’t changed since the dy they announced the fest and launched their little Macromedia billboard.)

So, we now know that TBS and HBO is going through with the fest. Now: If you haven’t made plans to work that week, or if you plan to attend the festival itself, or if you are a stone poker freak– Make plans to be part of our SHECKYmagazine.com COMICS-Only Poker Tournament! It’ll be on November 17 at Binion’s Horseshoe Casino (in downtown Vegas!) and it will be a guaranteed good time! We’ll be announcing further details– like a room rate at Binion’s, other (maybe) related activities (A bowling tourney, maybe?) and prizes for those other than those who finish “in the money!” If you are dead, solid set on attending and playing, send us an email and we’ll put you on a POKER TOURNEY email list that will drop tourney developments into your email inbox. (Don’t worry, not an obtrusive amount of emails… just enough to keep you posted.)

Keep tuned to this page! And, in the meanwhile, keep watching poker tournaments on ESPN, and E! And, in the coming weeks, we’ll be featuring poker lingo tips, poker playing tips and all the information you’ll need to hop on that table and at least bluff your way into looking like you belong!

We’re on the way back east, where we’ll only have about ten days to prepare for our trip up north to the Just For Laughs Festival… or, as the comics up there call it, Festival Just For Laughs (Must be something to do with the odd French syntax)… We’ll be there for the seventh year in a row, posting daily updates with pix, summarizing the events and engaging in… analysis!

On the off chance that you, our humble reader, has not made plans for your summer vacation, or if you are in the comedy business and you are considering just coming up to the Fest to hang, please click on the banner at the top of this page and investigate the possiblity of purchasing one of the fine packages that include tickets to JFL events, drinks, etc.! It’s a swell way of hanging out with some of your favorite comedy stars or discovering new standup comics… or just hanging out with one of the finest cities in North America while it plays host to the largest festival of comedy on the planet!

We’re in Elko, NV, heading for home…with a stop for a private party in Pontiac, IL, on Saturday, so we’re taking our sweet old time. Which is fortunate, since we were stopped dead for almost TWO HOURS on Interstate 80 eastbound, just about 200 miles downrange from Reno. Seems that the hillsides were ablaze about twenty miles up the road. When we finally got to the area that was on fire, it was impressive– several hundred acres to our south was still fully involved, throwing smoke and not quite contained. Beautiful in a menacing kind of way. (We got off easy, though– we managed to not be delayed by any of the wildfires in Arizona last week!)

While waiting, we were somewhat entertained by the mini-swarms of Mormon Locusts– evil-looking creatures who immediately sought out any shadow cast by our stopped vehicles and, while they were waiting, climbed on the tires and formed small piles beneath each. Occasionally, we’d see one hopping across the highway bearing the dead carcass of one of his compadres. Charming. Welcome to the high desert! (See the blurry photo above and keep in mind that the tire pictured is that of a tour bus– very large– and that each bug is approximately 2-1/4 inches from stem to stern. Formidable!)

We cashed in early in Elko. Got a dialup connection, via long distance, since Mindspring doesn’t offer a local number in Elko. (And, we missed Basque days by just 24 hours. Hmmm…coulda had tongue family style!)

This Catch A Rising Star club is a frustrating one. When you’re up there on the stage, you’re never quite sure how it’s going. Yet, when the show ends, the audience members just can’t say enough nice things about you and how they enjoyed themselves… hmmm… We conclude that it’s a sign of Rookie-ism– folks not quite accustomed to live comedy… typical of a casino. It’s not a funeral up there, but it’s not riotous, either. “No momentum,” is how we describe it. (Be forewarned: If you sell product after the shows, Catch– or is it the Legacy?– extracts 26 per cent from your total receipts!)

The crowds were thinner than we might have expected this holiday weekend. We attributed this to the fact that the big show in the giant showroom downstairs was “Eat Bulaga!” It’s a live theatrical version of the long-running comedy television show, famous in the Philippines for 26 years! The casino was mobbed with… Filippinos, naturally. And, since neither myself nor Mr. Weiner does material in Tagalog, we weren’t drawing huge chunk of the guests. (Last time we performed in Reno, the hotel we were in was filled with deaf softball tournament participants… hmmm…)

Nice incident observed in the Legacy lobby by Traci Skene: 10 year-old Filippina girl was scolded, at length, in Tagalog, by Mom. Mom walks away, kid waits one or two beats, then says, wearily, with a sigh, to no one in particular, in English, “Here we go again.”

We were met at every turn with video footage or giant posters of George Carlin. The former Hippy Dippy Weatherman is scheduled to perform in the giant sub-terranean room July 9.

Finished with our obligations at the Catch A Rising Star at the Silver Legacy Friday night, we headed on over to the Golden Phoenix, just a block or three south. The former Reno Flamingo Hilton was shuttered last time we were here, but hit has since risen from the ashes as the Golden Phoenix and is aggressively courting locals and a somewhat younger demographic (Younger for Reno, that is). That’s why their Retro Lounge (a lounge/showroom hybrid, partially closed in, with a decent sized stage) is hosting free concerts by such Big ’80s acts as Flock of Seagulls, Tommy Tutone and, on this night, General Public.

General Public, you may recall is the band formed by remnants of The English Beat, Dexy’s Midnight Runners and The Specials. (Or, as fans of The English Beat might put it: It’s The English Beat without Saxa.) As it turns out, it was Wakeling with a pickup band (drums, percussion, bass and keyboard) but n no Ranking Roger. (And, special credit goes to Traci Skene for eventually identifying the keyboard player as the guy on HBO’s Taxicab Confessions a few months back! He was gigging in Vegas, he picked up a beautiful babe after one of his shows and BOOM– he ends up in the back of a camera-laden taxi, talking about marriage… and sex, of course.)

The joint was packed with at least 400 ska fans, of all ages, undulating and swaying while Wakeling cycled through a 1:15 set of Beat/Public’s greatest hits. (Wakeling’s a crafty one– he appears in this same lounge two weeks later fronting The English Beat, where he’ll probably play the same set!) He and his bandmates were featured in a Bands Reunited, the VH-1 reality show that sought to bring Big ’80s bands back for one-off shows. The male half of the staff had a special affinity for the Beat– he listened to “I Just Can’t Stop It” (The Beat’s debut album) non-stop for the entire first year of agonizing open mikes and auditions and such when first starting out in comedy.

While Wakeling and company rocked out, the monitors over the bar showed footage of performances from the U.S. side of the 1985 Live Aid concert. It reminded us that while Jagger and Madonna and Hall & Oates were sweating through their sets in that historic concert, your humble editors and publishers were bobbing up and down in the pool of the Promenade Hotel in Wildwood, NJ, totally oblivious to the goings-on just 75 miles up the Atlantic City Expressway. (McKim was gigging down the street at the Club Casbah, sharing a bill with Keven Sullivan and erstwhile comedy team Corson & Trueson!)

From left: Brian McKim, Host/Producer/Production Director Kevin Gassman, Traci Skene, in the offices of All Comedy Radio’s 1480 AM (“Arizona’s Laugh Button”) taken just after our visit last week to promote our weekend at the Comedy Spot in Scottsdale.

A reader hipped us to a NYT article(registration required) about the latest machinations behind the National Lampoon brand.

Mr. Matheson disagreed, though he acknowledged that by failing in his bid to restore the Lampoon to its glory days, he shares in some of the blame for what it has become. “There is no national humor magazine,” he said, “and it’s so important to look at our society with that filter that says: How stupid is this? Is this as stupid as we think it is?”

The article is fascinating and packed with quotes from Lampoon alums like Tony Hendra, P.J. O’Rourke and Tom Kenney. One thing that’s always disturbed us about the Lampoon reminiscing is the tendency to look back on the early days as far more funny than they were. The male half of the staff recalls purcashing his first Lampoon (the first Lampoon!) when he was in eighth grade or therabouts.

It was wickedly funny, of course. Mad Magazine was the gateway mag, then we graduated to Lampoon. But we seem to recall that subsequent issues never lived up to those first couple. Even the quality of the first five or six was uneven. (Believe it or not, I recall being especially disappointed with the issue that had the giant bunny on the cover… at least we think it was a giant bunny.) There won’t be another magazine which might, as Mr. Matheson says, ask How stupid is this? Mainly because, for the past 20 years or so, there has been some rather wicked and insightful comedians just down the street at your local comedy club asking that very same question… and answering it with much more wit and verve than the Lampoon writers have since Issue #6 or so.

That’s right, the SHECKYmagazine.com Comics-Only Texas Holdem Poker Tournament will be held in Las Vegas, NV, on Thursday, November 17! We’ll be providing updates as the day approaches– information on room rates, entry fee, prizes, etc. But for now, let’s just say that it’ll be downtown, at Binion’s Horseshoe Casino and that we’re hoping to field at least 100 comics and offer a top prize of $1000!

We’re throwing a poker tournament in November, so we figured we had better experience it firsthand if we’re going to exhort comedians from all over America and Canada (and the world!) to come to Las Vegas and play real, live actual poker with us! SHECKYmagazine Editor Brian McKim got it in his head to take the plunge and investigate this live poker phenomenon by entering a tournament here in Reno! Here is his account:

I was at the Apache Gold Casino in Globe, AZ, when I spotted the stack of slick poker magazines. I grabbed one (Poker Today? Poker Tomorrow? Poker Times?) and turned to the Tournament Listings section containing information on tourneys large and small in Nevada, Arizona and surrounding states. We’d be in Reno in a matter of days, so I searched for and found the ideal tourney for me: The Circus Circus Reno Biggest Little Poker Tournament– A $15 buy-in (Cheap compared to the others listed!) I wanted a tournament where there wouldn’t be a whole lot riding on it and there might be other amateurs like me onboard. This one seemed perfect for a rookie. I made up my mind then and there that I would participate in my first live poker tournament when I got to Reno.

I went over to Circus Circus on Wednesday afternoon and chatted up the Poker Room attendant gal, peppering her with borderline stupid-poker questions. She fielded them all with patience. I learned, among other things, that the number of players is limited to 36 and that they were usually full up. I also learned that the dealers would be as patient as she was and that the other players wouldn’t be intimidating in the least (which was one of my fears). I told her I’d return to sign up at 10:30 AM on Friday.

They spread the players across three tables. As the tournament progresses, and as players are eliminated, they consolidate the players into two tables, then one. The entire tournament takes a little over an hour– if you make it to the final table. By the time I arrived there were only six names on the clipboard, but it was early yet. I added my name to the list and forked over my $17 ($15 plus $2 “entry fee”). I was given my “one free drink” coupon and told to come back at ten of eleven. When I returned, there were 30 players milling about waiting for play to begin. An announcement was made and we each drew a card which contained our seat and table assignment. I got seat three on table 10 (we would be using tables 8, 9 & 10 in the modest Circus Circus Poker Room/Race & Sports Book). Our $17 entitled us to $1000 in chips. Just before play commenced, we were all given the option of purchasing $300 more for an additional $3– A deal that all but two players took advantage of.

Trish was our dealer. She was young, personable, efficient and she explained the rules “for those who are beginners or for those who may have forgotten them.” (“One more thing, gentlemen, please toss the chips and the cards a little closer to me, as I am six months pregnant and can’t reach as far as I’d like.”) She dealt us each two cards and we were off!

Within three hands, three of our twelve players were gone! Seat # 9 was an athletic-looking dude who looked familiar (I gotta figure he was tuning up for the July 6 No Limit Hold’em Celebrity Poker Tournament at the Reno Hilton, and probably was a Sixer or an Eagle at one time. According to the local entertainment rag, Jo Jo White, George Gervin and Charley Taylor are among the legendary sports figures in town for the Hilton tourney.) He was solidly built and he wasted no time, betting aggressively on the second hand. knocking out the two players to my right.

I wasn’t getting any cards. At all. Within 23 minutes, I was history. I will spare you the details. I will say that I got in on two medium-sized pots. On one of them, I folded when Seat #12 raised by $500. Too rich for me. I stayed in one pot until the end, went all in… and lost to an old geezer who had a pair of queens. Done! Finished in my first-ever live poker tourney!

I am glad I did it. I will do it again! Far from being a frustrating or negative experience, it was fascinating. I realize that my problem was simply bad luck. A coupla decent hole cards and things could have gone the other way.

We’ll be in Vegas in October, so I’ll keep an eye out for a similar tournament– daytime, low buy-in price, etc. I might also seek out a 2-4 table– the opposite of No Limit, sort of– it’s a slower, more controlled brand of poker that doesn’t get out of hand so quickly like No Limit does. And when I find myself in a gambling town, I’ll seek out those freebie magazines devoted to poker– they often contain info, tips, lingo, etc. And I’ll watch it on the telly when it’s on and my schedule allows. I’ve also downloaded a decent computer version of Texas Holdem called Just Hold’em Poker that allows one to go head-to-head with a ten-player table of poker celebs like Chris Moneymaker and Gus Hansen.

As I returned to the Silver Legacy, I passed by the Circus Circus midway stage and saw the 11:00 show– a dog act! There was a white pooch– a Nipper-type dog– seated high on a pedestal while crazy, caliope music played in the background. He looked bored, like he was phoning it in. He seemed tired… they probably had him up doing radio. Poor bastard probably hated doing the early show– not very good crowds!.

Nice gig. Romano and James found a way to play golf on the nicest course in the world and turn it into an entertaining hour of HBO television, at least that’s what The Road To Pebble Beach, is according to Rick Arnett’s review on SI.com.

The rotund James exhibits a decent swing for his physique. He appears to be the saner of the pair, or at least the one you could envision spending four hours with on the course. He vulgarities are funnier too. You have to love HBO’s ability to allow the sport’s true blue language to air.

We can’t tell if it aired last Saturday or it will air this Saturday… and we’re getting pretty slow dialup speeds here… and we don’t dare go on hbo.com, lest we be here for several hours while their front page loads. Either way, you can bet they’ll air it again and again, and at all hours. The promos certainly look funny.

Who is in town this holiday weekend? We’re glad you asked. Well, over at the Catch A Rising Star at the Silver Legacy is Charlie Weiner and Brian McKim, of course. And across the street and down a block or two is D.C. Malone and Adam Stone at the Just For Laughs in the Sands Regency. Harrah’s Reno has Ron Pearson, Andy Campbell and Amy Anderson at the Improv. Comedy Comedy, at the Reno Hilton, lists Donald Lacy, Claude Stuart and Mike Van Kirk.

Down the road, around Lake Tahoe, the Improv at Harvey’s Lake Tahoe lists Allan Havey and Aaron Kader.

We’ve had decent sized crowds the last two nights. There’s a huge volley ball “festival” lodged here and this weekend, there’ll be a heavyweight title fight between… well, between two huge people we’ve never heard of. We’ve lost track of heavyweight contenders. And we’ve also lost track of sanctioning bodies. (Things started to get a little ridiculous a little while back with regard to boxing titles… We half expect to wake up and find ourselves to be in contention for a heavyweight title or two!)

The Legacy is sold out, so we expect the crowds to get even larger. We’re gigging through Sunday, staying over Monday (July 4th!), then heading back east for our date in Pontiac, IL, on the 9th! Stay tuned.

If you needed any further proof that standup comedy (live standup, that is) is on the way back to pre-bust levels, ponder this article by Portland Tribune writer Marty Smith.

I began with the best of intentions. In order to better understand the Portland standup scene, I had the brilliant idea of following the example of Hunter S. Thompson, progenitor of participatory journalism. I decided I needed to get inside the story — you know, actually do some standup, to see what it’s really like.

Of course, Smith dies a horrible comedy death. He admits at the very top of the story that he went onstage without any prepared material (!) and he concedes that that best standup comics make it look easy. The fact that either Smith or his editor thought it would be a good idea to actually do standup is notable– crotchety (and out of touch editors) haven’t inflicted assignments on their charges since about… 1981 or so. Everything is cyclical! (We recall a female reporter friend who, at the height of the Bo Derek/”10″ craze, was assigned to walk around a local mall wearing fake cornrows, note the reaction of passers-by and file a storie on it for the features section. When a reporter or editors gets it in his head to participate, we’ve got a cultural phenomenon on our hands!)

…there’s something very interesting, entertaining and, dare I say it, funny going on here. Small-room standup comedy is a thing unto itself, and you’re not going to get hip to it by watching the latest Chris Rock extravaganza on HBO, any more than you are likely to develop a deep and abiding understanding of the underground punk-rock scene by listening to KGON on your way to the sheet metal plant.

Read the entire article for a snapshot of the Portland comedy scene. A SHECKYmagazine Yummy to Mr. Smith for actually analyzing the scene, naming some names and going beyond the cliches of MSM reporting on standup!

An article in the DCist, (“They Call Him The Comedian”) is interesting– a comedy fan posting his impressions about a recent Seinfeld gig in D.C.

Most of Seinfled’s material was not new from last year’s show, just honed, which is fine. The Post correctly remarked that “the jokes merit and even thrive on repetition.” In one instance, while delivering a very old joke about senior citizen communities in Florida, Seinfeld added some unusually intimate details about his mother and her life growing up. This did not come off as him being distracted, just spoke to the casual nature of the performance.

Hey, whaddya know– a reasonable critique of a comedian in a major MSM outlet (the Post) and a reasonable and knowledgeable critique in an alternatie pub (the DCist)… maybe the media is turning around its attitude toward standup.

From left, Eddie Oliver, Chad Miller, Bruce Heppler, Sean Dillon, Kevin Moyers, outside the Comedy Spot in Scottsdale, AZ. We had a spectacular four-show (all sold out) weekend. It’s a former jazz club, with a low ceiling, great sound and lighting. And the crowds in Phoenix are right there with you the whole time!

We did 45-minute interview on Friday afternoon on 1480 AM, All Comedy Radio, with host Kevin Gassman. Some of the folks who showed up a the club actually came because they heard the interview. Hey, maybe radio will kill comedy! We better keep an eye on that kind of thing.

We’re in Vegas right now, where the female half of the staff worked the Divas of Comedy show at the Sahara. We’re headed to Reno tomorrow. The male half of the staff will be at the Catch a Rising Star at the Silver Legacy tomorrow night through July 3.

This tour has been intense, schedule-wise. Once we get settled at the Legacy, we’ll be posting with a little more regularity!

According to an AP article, Shecky Greene will be among the folks to be honored with a star on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.

The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce on Friday released a list that also included Lou Adler, Annette Bening, Matthew Broderick, Holly Hunter, William Hurt, Judge Judy (Judith Sheindlin), Shecky Greene, Isaac Hayes, Nathan Lane, Steve Martin, Wink Martindale, Ray Romano, Charlize Theron and Motley Crue.

COngratulations and it’s about time. Maybe we’ll try to find out when it’s unveiled and obtain press credentials. What chamber of commerce in its right mind would refuse SHECKYmagazine.com the opportunity to be present when Shecky Greene is given a star on the HWoF?!

We’re headed to Yuma, AZ, tonight, performing in an Indian casino Thursday. Then it’s back to PHX, Scottsdale, to be exact, for two nights at the Comedy Spot. We do another casino in Globe on Sunday, then it’s back to Vegas and another Divas spot at the Sahara for Traci.

It was 114 degrees here yesterday. There’ll be a bit of relief from the heat today, as the temperature plummets to about 108.

We spotted another of those Larry the Cable Guy kiosks somehwere in the desert, at a gas station in Kingman or thereabouts. It was as if locusts had ravaged it. It was sold nearly out, with but a t-shirt or two and maybe a bumper sticker left. Apparently, it’s a success.

Looking forward to “resting” in Reno starting next Tuesday at the Catch at the Silver Legacy. Sure one of us (the male half of the staff) will be gigging, but without travel or radio or television appearances, it will seem like rest.

In comedy news, David Spade has signed to a series on Comedy Central. Seems he’ll be doing a sortofa Kathy Griffin thing, chomping on the hand that feeds him, show business, to, it is hoped, hilarious effect. We saw Spade on the telly yesterday…or the day before, frolicking on the set of a Rob Schneider film about baseball. It seems that Schneider can actually play the game. Spade is another story altogether.

Speaking of Griffin, we apologize to the folks at Bravo for not getting back to them. They dropped a nice VM on our machine a few weeks ago, offering an interview with the c-list comedienne. All sorts of things got in the way of our replying, so, if you’re reading this, Bravo person, we’d love to interview Ms. Griffin…but we prefer to deal directly with the subject her/hisself. (These publicist-arranged deals always are terribly awkward and we’ve never done it that way…and we have no intention of starting to. The publicist or manager arranged interviews always degenerate into phone tag, or, once in a while, email shouting matches where someone accuses someone else of being unprofessional… or worse!)

We are pleased to announce the first SHECKYmagazine.com Comics-Only Texas Holdem Poker Tournament Thursday, November 17, 2005, in Las Vegas, NV! Stay tuned to this website for details on how to enter! Comics from all over North America will converge on that sacred venue, Binion’s Horseshoe Casino in downtown Las Vegas, to compete for prize money and the honor and the privilege of playing Texas Holdem with dozens of your standup compatriots!

(We said we’d have an important announcement on Monday… well here it is, nine hours late!)

Pictured above is Seymour. He’s the official mascot of one of the dozens of retail chains hooked up with the petroleum companies. (Seymour Benefits is his name…get it? See…more…benefits? Something like that.) Anyway, he speaks to you via a speaker mounted to the gas pump, exhorting you to sign up– if you already haven’t! The message starts abruptly with a scratchy, but LOUD, recording of Sly and the Family Stone’s “Hot Fun In The Summertime” and goes on to tell us how this chain is “helping the community” by “not selling any pornography or rolling papers!” (That’ll wake you up!)

We wonder how much Seymour the Fish is helping the community by forcing the members of the community to drive around seeking stores that will eventually sell them pornography and rolling papers. Sounds like a vast right rightfin conspiracy to us!

We did a private show in Shreveport. Right off the downtown. At a club (a private club, not a comedy club) called, appropriately enough, The Shreveport Club. Shreveport was built on cotton, but switched to a diet rich in oil and gas. Its streets, in 2005, on Saturday nights at least, are now jammed with casino patrons. A handful of casinos (built in just the last few years since gambling was legalized in Louisiana) lines the Red River.

We finished our show early and we found our way over to the Funny Bone, opened within the last year or so, adjacent to the Hollywood Casino and nestled, with an entire “entertainment district,” amid the behemoth concrete pillars that support the elevated highway that snakes through downtown Shreveport along the Red River.

The bushy-tailed personnel at the ticket booth had enough sense to buy our story about how we were comics and we run a magazine about standup and blah, blah, blah (we forgot to bring business cards), and, within seconds we were in the holding tank of the Bone. Seconds after that, Gary Bell, the weekend’s feature, burst through the double doors of the showroom and, using his Comedy Radar, immediately knew that we were the comedians. We were joined eventually by Cedric (alias “Cedman”), in town to do a guest spot or two.

Bell (on Traci’s left) is out of Beaumont TX. Cedric, the one dwarfing Traci on her right (She was wearing 5-in. heels!), is out of Dallas, TX, and goes by the name of “Cedman.” We shot the comic breeze, while waiting for headliner Kelly Moran to return (he never did).

The room is gorgeous. Holds 250 or so. By the time we departed there was a healthy crowd of about 180 in there. Not bad for a second show Saturday.

We hadda make it an early night, as we had plans to rise early, hit the road and make it to Albuquerque by nightfall on Sunday. (Our ultimate goal being Vegas– Traci’s doing the Sahara on Monday night.)

We actually held to our plan pretty well, setting out toward the Big D at about half past eight. We made it as far as Canton, TX, a small speed bump 50 miles east of The Big D, before we came face-to-face with the state of the art in standup comedy merchandising: The Larry The Cable Guy Freestanding Officially Licensed Product Kiosk at the Kicks66 store, just off I-20. Kicks66 is another of the aforementioned petroleum-linked retail outlets.

There, just to the left of the cash register, to the right of the trucker maps and used-car pennysaver mags, was the most glorious display of geegaws and knickknacks devoted to the glorification of Larry the Cable Guy– shot glasses, bumper stickers, T-shirts, even (gasp!) belly button jewelry!

It was enough to bring a tear to the eye.

And, later on, when we finally reached Albuquerque, we saw yet another of the kiosks, hundreds of miles west, in a convenience store down the road from our Days Inn. Do the math, people: Larry The Cable Guy is spinning off millions in many directions! He is a cultural phenomenon!

Helpful suggestioin to Larry The Cable Guy: Help the community by offering Official Larry The Cable Guy Rolling Papers and Pornography! Sure there’d be a bit of negotiation and palm-greasing, but it could be done!

We’re up and running on broadband at the Days Inn here in Albuquerque! We’re west of town– Be forewarned: The Alb’s highways are chewed up with construction! The city fathers (and probably the Feds) decided to tear up all of this town’s roads at once! We figured if we were going to get out of here in time tomorrow, we’d do well to settle down on the west side of town.

No trouble on the cyber highway, though. This Days Inn promises wireless broadband and they deliver. It’s been hit or miss on this trip. Night numbe one, in Staunton, VA, we didn’t even bother to hook up. Night two, in Cookeville, TN, we connected, via our Cat5E cable to a lightning port in the wall of our EconoLodge. Night three, we had a slick, trouble free connection via the wireless in our Hampton Inn room (always trouble free!) and a frustrating experience at the Microtel in Bossier City yesterday– Our Belkin 80211b card was blinking and connecting and cathing packets, but, for some odd reason, we were unable to surf or get our email! (The front desk did direct us across the parking lot to their “sister hotel” where we were able to take care of some business, however.)

Stay tuned. We plan on pulling into the Sahara tomorrow at four or so.
Always a pleasure to be in VEGAS, BABY!

Thanks fo the folks who have emailed us– and re-emailed us– at the bmckim(at symbol)mindspring.com! We’re still having technical difficulties, so we’re missing some emails here and there! The old (Anything)(at symbol)sheckymagazine.com addresses are inoperable for the foreseeable future!

And special thanks to one of our readers for the warning on Oxycontin! Otherwise known as “Hillbilly Heroin,” Oxy is apparently terribly addictive and is freuqently (perhaps too frequently) prescribed for back pains like we described in an earlier post. Says the male half of the staff:

We are well aware of the addictive nature of such drugs– we had a bottle of Vicodin in the medicine cabinet for a few years– a holdover from the hernia operation of 1995! We gobbled a couple down a couple years back as a sleep aid (when Vicodin was enjoying a reputation as a “cool!” drug, the choice of a new generation of Hollywood stars like Matthew Perry!) and quickly realized just how it might be an appealing drug! Especially if one was chauffered about and had no call to operate heavy machinery!

We were reminded of a ridiculous scenario from last week– Early on in the back spasm episode, I pressed an old handmade cane that was lying around the apartment into service. And, it just so happened that “House” was on the telly that night. And I hadn’t shaved in a day or two. Traci called me the most pathetic “House” fan in the world. Watching my favorite TV show and clutching my cane, I was like a five year-old watching “Davy Crockett” while wearing a coonskin cap. Pathetic indeed.

On to Shreveport! And stay tuned for a special announcement when we hit Vegas!