Jacques Steinberg’s New York Times profile of Jim Gaffigan is worth the read. Steinberg hangs with the comic during a recent gig in North Carolina.

For an hour and a half after he left the stage… Mr. Gaffigan stationed himself in the lobby of the Blumenthal Performing Arts Center and promised to remain until he had met everyone who wanted to meet him.

Gaffigan fans will be pleased and his show tonight at the Westbury should have no trouble selling out.

Read our interview with the pale one here.

If the movie is anywhere near as great as the trailer…

Of course, it will be. It’s directed by Jake Kasdan, who directed one of The Male Half’s faves, Zero Effect. And it stars David Duchovny, whose dry sense of humor comes through in his late-night talk appearances.

“…originality scares me.” might just become one of the all-time greatest cult catchphrases of all time. We bring the movie to your attention because it vividly illustrates (or at least we hope it does) the extremely absurd mindset of the TV suit who is trapped between/among art, commerce and six- to seven-figure salaries.

Damon Wayans, prepping for an upcoming special, got himself booked into the Bone in Bloomington.

“I’m doing an HBO special (‘WayoutTV’) so I need to make sure that it’s special,” Wayans said, adding that trying out material in Los Angeles, where “everyone is phony,” doesn’t satisfy that need.

“You can’t get a good reading there, so I take it to the middle of the country,” he said. “That’s where there’s a lot more clarity, and a different perspective on life.”

We assume that’s Illinois and not Indiana. (Scrolling halfway down the page is the outline of Illinois… then down to the bottom of the page, in the tiny type, is “Decatur, IL” But ya gotta hunt!)

It is an annoying habit of radio stations these days to never actually mention their location, or the name of the town they serve. (Not even during the weather! “It’ll be raining all throughout the region tonight.” WHAT REGION?!?!) Is it shame that drives them? We don’t know why they’d want to keep that stuff a secret. Radio stations, whose signals might not range that far, might not feel it necessary to be so specific. But a website, which can be read worldwide, should give an exact and prominent identification of its area of interest.

According to the British website Chortle, British comedians Junior Simpson, Ava Vidal, Matt Kirshen and Spencer Brown are to take part in the hit American show Last Comic Standing.

As you all know by now, the producers of the NBC reality show have determined, after scouring the U.S. and Canada for three or four years, that there are not enough good, competent, telegenic comedians in North America to stock a fifth season of the LCS. Naturally, they’re forced to scour the rest of the English-speaking world for comedians. The numbers in the U.K. and Australia will be about equivalent to that of an HGTV informercial pitching mushroom scrubbers at 3 AM Pacific Daylight Time, so their motivation must be something else. Perhaps they seek the next Ricky Gervais.

(Thanks to reader Randy Masters for the heads up!)

According to The Hill, Democratic Party’s Caucus Chairman Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.) has been telling the newest members of congress to pass on invites to appear on Stephen Colbert’s The Colbert Report.

Apparently, Emanuel’s warning has been ignored more than once…

…such as the time Rep. John Yarmuth (D-Ky.) got into a debate about the merits of throwing kittens into a wood-chipper, or when Rep. Zack Space (D-Ohio) explained that he is not his predecessor, convicted felon Bob Ney (R).

We’re not regular viewers of the show, but it seems as though very few folks who are suited for public office are capable of appearing across from Colbert and maintaining their sense of humor or their dignity.

Note to voters: If an assistant producer at Comedy Central is able to talk your congressman into appearing on The Colbert Report, what else could someone talk your your congressman into? It’s a handy litmus test come election day.

The rumors of Sinbad‘s death have been greatly exaggerated. The one-named comedian/actor is alive and well, we are able to confirm, via sources close to him.

According to the person we spoke to, who is one removed from Sinbad himself, a rumor started last week that the comic/actor had died of a heart attack. That rumor is enjoying at least its second revival, via the internet and other informal channels.

It is untrue.

See him in the flesh at the Lakeland Center Youkey Theater in Lakeland, FL, on April 14.

(Photo of Jim Gaffigan and Sinbad, taken at JFL 2004. By Brian McKim)

Helena Andrews’ article in the Politico (the new online political pub hiring away all the writers from the MSM) explores direction of political humor should Hillary gain the White House.

The piece is sprinkled liberally (in the strictest sense of the word) with quotes from The Female Half of the Staff, Traci Skene, and also features two cents from John Edwards impersonator Frank King, SHECKYmagazine columnist Doug Hecox and Vegas-based impersonator Kathy Walker-Koch.

Wiig, who also does a spot-on Lynne Cheney, is a front-runner to take on the commander-in-Chanel role should Clinton win in November 2008, but the world might not be ready. Some comedians have an idea why.

There will be a service for Rich Jeni on Saturday, March 24, 2 PM at the Laugh Factory.

We were asked to take down the previous posting about the Brooklyn services… it seems that the info was not meant for public consumption and the service was not for the public. (The info continues to course through the WWW, mainly via email and MySpace.)

We have been assured, however that there will be services open to the public (most likely on both coasts) and that, when that information becomes available, we’ll have it and we’ll bring it to you. And we’ll make sure that the information is verified and that the services are indeed for the public.

E!Online reports that the man with the hardest job in show business is finally recognized for his work with a nomination:

Meanwhile, while Vieira lost out on a View nod, she was once again nominated for her solo efforts as Outstanding Game Show Host for the syndicated hit Who Wants to be a Millionaire? She goes up against Jeopardy!‘s Alex Trebek, The Price Is Right’s Barker, Wheel of Fortune‘s Pat Sajak and a surprise entry, Ben Bailey from Discovery’s Cash Cab, a trivia show that takes place in the back of a roving Manhattan taxi.

Not only does Bailey host a game show, not only does he do so while driving a two-ton Checker Marathon, he does so and manages to get his contestants to their destination through Manhattan traffic.

Of course, he hasn’t a prayer to win the Emmy. Fellow nominee Barker recently announced his retirement, so the folks who decide such things will no doubt give him one last statue. Barker couldn’t do Bailey’s job without plowing into a school bus full of special ed students or knocking over a fire hydrant. Life is just so unfair.

An email from Rob Ross:

Hi. My name is Rob Ross and I used to be a standup comic. (I know that sounds like a Twelve Step intro.)

I worked out of NYC (The Comic Strip was my “home” club) from 1980 through 1990 and then moved out to L.A.

During that 10-year period I did a good amount of road work but worked mostly in the tri-state area around NYC.

My first Atlantic City gig was at the Comedy Stop at the Trop where I middled for Rich Jeni. I had worked with Rich a lot in the city but this was my first road gig with him.

I was incredibly saddened to hear about Rich’s death. But more then that, it affected me on a professional level as well.

I’ve been a practicing psychotherapist in Los Angeles for the last eight years. Although I hadn’t been in touch with Rich for many years, I still have a few friends out here from that time in my life.

I’d like to reach out to the comedy community in this area (Los Angeles) as a mental health professional who has the obvious life experience that might be helpful to working comics. Although I realize that one’s work is not our only life issue, the life of a comic does lend itself to particular stresses.

I’d greatly appreciate it if you would print my contact info in SHECKYmagazine.com. I loved the time in my life when I was a standup. And I’d really like to give something back to the comedy community.

My office number in L.A. is (310)712-2515.
Thanks,
Rob Ross

There’s a lengthy statement on RichardJeni.com that seeks to quell rumors, restore perspective and exhort fans and others to sign a guestbook.

An excerpt:

The family of Richard Jeni would like to put to rest any assumptions as to the cause of Richard’s death. Despite the fact that the coroner’s office has publicly stated that a suicide ruling will take two weeks, pending the results of an autopsy, Richard Jeni did take his own life.

Photo above depicts the sad skeleton of one of the buildings that made up the once-glamorous Stardust Hotel-Casino complex on the Vegas strip. We snapped it when we were in Vegas working at the Riv. Note the sun shining through the building. The dazzling landmark that was the Stardust neon sign was also being carefully dismantled, piece-by-piece, during our stay. The structures were stripped down to the bare frame in preparation for demolition, which ocurred last night.

Echelon, a 5,000-room resort will go up in its place.

SHECKYmag columnist Paul Ogata returns to his home state of Hawaii for one show (The Asian Kings of Comedy!) at the Hawai’i Theatre on March 23.

Appearing along with Ogata will be Edwin San Juan, Kevin Shea and Shecky Wong. Go to the Hawai’i Theatre website to purchase tix!

2007’s New York Underground Comedy Festvial will take place September 28 through October 7, according to the Festival’s website.

Fest Big Cheese Sarris has decorated the Fest website with a gaggle of cyber-features. We’re partial to the Trivia Game feature, which features a question about The Male Half’s early standup career. We also giggle uncontrollably when we see the image of the Vos-McFarlanes drive by in a convertible sports car. (It’s animated… we can’t do it justice.) Vos is question number one, The Male Half is question number three.

TBS is frantically trying to corner the comedy market, greenlighting series either starring or exec-produced by comedians. They’ve announced new shows that will involve, in one way or another, Bob Newhart, Jamie Foxx, Bill Engvall or Larry Miller.

Miller is executive-producing and starring in Uncommon Sense, a half-hour scripted comedy about a newspaper columnist in suburbia with a wife and two kids. The show, from Sony Pictures Television and currently in development, is co-written and executive-produced by Miller and Eileen Conn (Just Shoot Me).

Engvall’s sitcom will debut this summer and Jim Gaffigan‘s My Boys has been renewed.

TBS/TNT suit Michael Wright says:

Our original programming strategy is to entertain the fans of Friends, Sex and the City and Everybody Loves Raymond, viewers who are looking for humor based on smartly drawn, relatable characters and good storytelling full of clever, contemporary humor.

Apparently, Mr. Wright isn’t buying all that nonsense about the sitcom being dead. (As the Female Half says, “The sitcom is dead for just about as long as the Evil Twin is dead on your favorite soap opera.”)

Word on the street in Los Angeles is that the most buzz during Pilot Season is being generated by the signing of Talent From Broadway! Good idea! That Christian Chenowith series is in its sixth or seventh season by now, isn’t it? Has raiding Broadway ever EVER resulted in anything other than ratings pewter?

Meanwhile, TBS is hiring 40-year-old plus comedians and building sitcoms around them. Let’s see who, quite literally, has the last laugh.

There are more than you think.

Eddie Izzard (who says he’s “pushed hard to be able to just do dramas”) stars in The Riches Mondays at 10 PM on FX.

He portrays a grifter (misspelled “grafter” in this Pantagraph.com review of the series, so don’t be confused) who, along with his family, assumes the lives of a wealthy attorney, house included.

It appears from the FX schedule page that they’re showing each episode twice, back to back. (Couldn’t tell if they aired the premiere episode again, but missing the first one probably won’t diminish one’s understanding or enjoyment of the series. Yeah, we’re a little late to this one, but we got distracted.)

When we posted about Brother Theodore on this site a couple of years ago, we recall thinking that his life would make a tremendous movie.

Apparently some folks in Los Angeles think his life would make a great live theater piece. Robert Trebor, who was a recurring character on the Xena and Hercules TV shows, will be appearing at the Skylight Theater on Vermont, every Saturday at 10 PM through April 14, as the rambling monologist in “The Return of Brother Theodore.” Admission in a mere $15

Click here for details.

Who could have predicted it?

We could have. And we did. We won’t even bother citing the post. In the nearly eight years we’ve been cranking out this magazine, we’ve seen network executives and programmers and TV critics wring their hands and bemoan the demise of the sitcom… and say that the format’s dead (of course, they all have an alibi!) and each time, we point out how silly they are.

The Wall Street Journal’s Sam Schechner is saying that the sitcom is back.

Comedy consumers rejoice: The television sitcom is showing signs of life.

The format has been battered on broadcast TV in recent years, with the number of sitcoms dropping by half since the fall of 2003. But with sharply lowered expectations, broadcasters are indulging in riskier shows — and a growing number of them are becoming hits among critics, if not in the ratings.

On Thursday, NBC will debut “Andy Barker, P.I.,” a private-detective spoof created by Conan O’Brien and Jonathan Groff, a former head writer for Mr. O’Brien’s late-night talk show. It joins a small coterie of relatively new, critically…

(if you’re not a subscriber, that’s all she wrote. We saw it in our copy of the WSJ that we got in the lobby of the Courtyard in Tyson’s Corner. We forgot to keep the article!)

It’s like a force of nature. Folks love to laugh. The sitcom will always be with us, will always be huge moneymakers for networks and will always be the favorite of TV viewers for as long as there will be TV.

Of course, the suits will come along and, acting as executioner and coroner, they’ll kill the sitcom, declare the genre to be played out. And they’ll talk about “the zietgeist” or the mood of the nation or how reality is where it’s at… and then, months later, they’ll roll out an eye-popping number of new sitcoms and we’ll all be happy again.

(Note:Scroll down this page for the original posting concerning the death of Rich Jeni)

The Male Half carried a Polaroid instant camera with him at all times from roughly 1981 through 1985 or so. This picture was taken at D.C.’s Comedy Cafe, on K St., circa 1983.

After the Polaroid was snapped TMHOTS would take it home, insert it into an ancient Smith-Corona, and type a caption on it.

(The Male Half had started taking road gigs, opening in D.C. and Baltimore and other cities. One of his first official road gigs, at the Cafe, entailed sharing a hotel room with Jeni and feature act Joe DeLion. Being the opener, the Male Half was given a cot. That’s right… a cot.)

The Male Half says:

I also recall gigging at the Cafe with John Mulrooney about a year after the above pic was taken. During one of the shows on Friday, legendary porn star Candy Samples stopped into the club to catch a show. Mulrooney chatted her up after our show and she invited John to one of her afternoon performances at a nearby X-rated movie house/burlesque theater.

As I was the only one on the bill with a car (and as Mulrooney was obsessing about hanging out with dear friend Jeni– headlining across town at Garvin’s that weekend with Dave Kelley)– I was recruited as chauffeur for the trip to the Samples show.

We picked up a reluctant Jeni (and an even more reluctant Kelley) and headed to the show.

Predictably, it was a faded, ancient Vaudeville theater with sticky floors (from, it is hoped, spilled soda pop) and the joint was packed with a couple hundred middle-aged men. We found seats at about the middle of the house– Mulrooney wanted to sit up front, but that idea was vetoed by Kelley, who feared that the dancer might “dust our heads with her breasts” should we sit too close to the stage.

The house lights dimmed and out came Samples– by then a forty-something woman with grotesuely large breasts and scary makeup– wearing the classic many-sizes-too-small nurse’s outfit. She scuffed around on the stage for a few stripper-type numbers (to… music, I think). And, after dimming the lights, she also did rather curious (and overtly sexual) things with one of those Glo-sticks. Afterward, much to Dave Kelley’s dismay and deep-purple embarassment, she waded out into the crowd, stopping briefly to… dust Dave’s head with her breasts!

After the “dancing” portion of her presentation, she threw the floor open to questions. Mulrooney, naturally, couldn’t help himself. He called out, “What’s the square root of 27?!?” To which Samples replied, instantly, and much to her credit, “54, double D!”

After the Q & A, the announcement was made that Ms. Samples would be available in the lobby for photographs. Of course, Jeni and Mulrooney couldn’t resist. As a timid and worshipful clump of fans surrounded Samples, giving her a very wide berth, the two comics boldly breached the mote that surrounded her and immediately started yucking it up.

I took a photo of the two of them (with my own Polaroid) that is still floating around out there to this day– either in Mulrooney’s possession or among Jeni’s effects– that depicted the two comedians flanking the porn star, each one supporting one of her mammoth breasts with a strategically placed hand, each one sporting a ridiculous grin.

I never should have let that pic out of my sight.

A fascinating side story that involves Rich Jeni’s death, journalism and blogging. Click on comments to read it.

And click here for Elayne Boosler‘s comments on HuffingtonPost.com

The word on the street, confirmed by us, via more than one party close to the deceased, is that Richard Jeni has chosen to end his life. His website contains only the words “richardjeni.com” in grey letters on a black background, and it’s not a hyperlink.

It is said that he chose to do so because of seemingly intractable medical problems, the nature of which we are not privy to.

We will offer further information as it becomes available.

If anyone else has any information, they are advised to hit the comments button and contribute.

Our condolences go out to Richard’s friends and family.

The Male Half and the Female Half will be appearing live for two shows at the Higher Ground in So. Burlington, VT, next Saturday, March 17… yes, we know– it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

Come on out, all you Burlingtonians! We had a swell time there last January and we intend to have a swell time and packed houses this time around as well!

Proprietor Lee Selig knows his comedy and he has cultivated a knowlegeable standup fan base in northern VT and surrounding area! We’re trying our damnedest to get the word out via all possible channels!

Standup fans of Norther New England/Extreme Upstate NY (and lower Quebec!) take heed: Brian McKim and Traci Skene will be at Higher Ground next Saturday night! (Tix are $12 in advance, $14 at the door. Shows are at 7:30 and 9:30 and the doors open at 7 and 9 respectively! Purchase them via the website! (Note: We earlier mistakenly posted that the second show was 10:30…we regret the error!)

Thanks!

Like2Laugh is an entity that is dedicated to “presenting talented comedians from Westchester County and New York City in local venues.quot; Toward that end, they’re producing a clever way to package a lot of comedy into a string of dates at Caroline’s. They are proposing to counter March madness by attempting to crown the March Comedy Madness Champion on four consecutive Tuesdays at Caroline’s.

March 13th – 64 comics 1 minute
March 20th – 32 comics 2 minutes
March 27th – 16 comics 3 minutes, 8 comics 4 minutes
April 3rd – 4 comics 7 minutes, 2 comics 10 minutes

We don’t post on all the contests we hear about, but this one sounds interesting if for no other reason than it keeps it all so… brief! (Brevity is a prime virtue when it comes to contests.) The producers also demonstrate a little bit of imagination by mimicking the bracket scheme of the event they’re counterprogramming!

The entire conflagration will be hosted by Bryan Kennedy and Josh Filipowski and will feature the comedy of Abbi Crutchfield, Amy Schumer, Brad Aldous, Brooklyn Mike, Cerra Cardwell, Chris Jones, Clara Bijl, Colin Kane, Dan Siegel, Daniel Frigolette, Dante Nero, Dave Siegel, David Moore, Duncan Jay, Eric Andre, Eric Reynolds, Erica Watson, Erik Rivera, Evie Aronson, Geno Bisconte, Geoff Kole, Helen Hong, Jay Nog, Jay Servidio, Jeff Cerulli, Jeff Kreisler, Jennifer Hyjack, J-L Cauvin, Joe Dixon, Joe Pontillo, John F. O’Donnell, Julian McCullough, Ken Donnelly, Lance Weiss, Lee Camp, Liz Miele, Liz Simons, Luke Thayer, Matt Gallagher, Matt Goldich, Matt Little, Mike Amato, Mike Bochetti, Mike Bower, Mike Burns, Mike Dobbins, Mike O’Gorman, Mike Trainor, Mike Weingartner, Moody McCarthy, Nate Bargatze, Neil Charles, Nick Cobb, Omar Beer, Pat O’Rourke, Peter Keepnews, Phil Mazo, Ray Gootz, Rome, Ryan Connor, Ryan Reiss, Sasha Guillaume, Vincent Averill and Vincent James!

Tickets are $10 plus a two-drink minimum. (All Access Pass to ALL 4 SHOWS $20!) For reservations call (212)757-4100.

The only thing missing is a brass marching band and a mascot or two. Maybe next year.

Our long SHECKYmagazine nightmare is over! We dumped Earthlink today… only took about two hours on the phone to Bangalore to break the bad news to them.

We called Verizon last week and they sent us a sleek new combo modem/wireless router via UPS the other day. We hadda wait until 6 PM EST to actually jiggle the line and get this party started.

For those of you keeping score at home, we’ve been without DSL at SHECKYmag HQ for 51 days. We suspected all along that it was the modem that was hinky, but “Keith” and “Kevin” and “Elizabeth” on the other end of the horn dismissed our theory early on and set into motion a tragic series of events that included several dozen frustrating phone calls, a handful of mysterious “disconnections,” and a coupla outright hangups after things got just mildly heated. All along, we were treated to scratchy, digitally distorted versions of Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major that seemed to drone on forever and the occasional “We are sorry… ” message from Ma Bell.

Now… we’re back… and, from all indications, at lightning speed! (If the nimrods at Earthlink had only sent us a new modem, we’d be posting via their network right now!)

Please note: We’ll always be accessible via editors(“at sign”)sheckymagazine.com and we always will be! use that address to send us inquiries and other stuff. And we can always be reached at likewecare(“at sign”)sheckymagazine.com for matters pertaining directly to what we have posted! And if something we’ve posted is particularly deserving of your immediate feedback, just click on that comment thingie at the bottom of the comment in question and leave a comment for all the readers to see!

Thanks! And we thank you also for your patience during this technological ordeal!

Just got an email from a reader in Edmonton. He sends along the following and says that it comes from the folks who run Yuk Yuks in that city. We have no reason to believe it’s not real.

“From this point out Yuk Yuk’s amateur nights will now be called “Crash and Burn Night”. This means that if you are not doing well we will be playing sounds of disasters over top of your set. This rule stands for Amateurs and Professionals alike. Some of you may not feel comfortable with this. If so for lack of a better term…Too bad so sad.”

To put it another way, the imbeciles who run Yuk Yuks in Edmonton have elected to turn their pro-am night into a Gong Show.

Is there a better time in your young comedy life to experiment or tinker with your onstage persona and your material than when you’re doing the open mikes? And is there a more pressure-packed time than your first year or two? It’s an anxious, thrilling time and the last thing a young sprout of a comic needs is some moron in the sound booth playing you off with the sound of howitzers and grenades.

And does a pro need some bitter douchebag in the back of the house deciding when the crowd has had enough?

Who’s running that show up there in Edmonton? Is anyone running it? If there is anyone actually running the show, it’s clearly someone who has zero respect for comedians and for the art/craft of standup. And a policy like this one could (should?) eliminate any self-respecting pro who might considering mounting that stage while this policy is in effect.

Coordinating talent is a tricky business, especially for an open mike. If the talent coordinator (or the club manager… or the bartender… or whoever it is who is that determines who goes on) truly wants to improve the pro-am night, he/she could hire a better emcee, cut the weaker acts down time-wise, give the stronger acts more time (thereby encouraging the pros to show up, rather than chasing them away), gently (and privately) tell some of the weaker acts to give it a rest for a few weeks, hold the occasional seminar to improve skills (we’ll gladly come in conduct a mini-seminar for the local talent, if we’re booked at your club!) or actually pay an act to close out the show. Videotaping the amatuers and letting them walk with a tape is another great way of upping the level of proficiency. It’s also a great idea to let the acts perform wherever and whenever they want– more stage time equals better comedians– we’ve always been puzzled by the clubs who have a policy that forces a comic to choose between clubs. Publicly humiliating the acts is something that should be avoided at all costs.

(Editors note: When the occasional LCS nugget comes in over the cyber-transom, we’ll just put it at the top of this posting and make it float to the top.)

We hear that Sean Rouse advanced from the Hollywood “auditions.”

Someone named Dante posted the following on a comedy-related chatroom (we take no responsibility for the punctuation):

Last comic standing…..was awesome!

I won last night out of 34 killer comics…me, John Reep, Rick Overton, John Caponera, Dwayne Perkins and 2 female comics all moved on to the finals!!!! I won the $1000 Capital one audience choice award. However I was told that I would have won either way!!!!!!!!!

I am going to win the whole thing this year!!!!

Not sure if it’s authentic. Dante, by the way, is an ancient Italian name and it means “One who can’t quite grasp the subtleties of a non-disclosure agreement.”

This gives us pause: “…I was told I would have won either way.” What we have is a delightful stew of a contest and a reality show. A cockfight in Juarez probably has more integrity.

We like the fact that he named all the guy comics by first name and last name, but the others were “2 female comics.” EDITORS UPDATE: Thea Vidale and Becky Pedigo are rumored to be the “2 female comics” alluded to in the post.

The above allegedly took place at the Hollywood Improv……Stay tuned!!!!!!!!

According to a Reuters report, the New York City council has “symbolically” banned the use of the word nigger. Meaning, of course, that they haven’t banned use of the word at all, they just wanted to appear to be doing something that is unconstitutional, jaw-droppingly dumb and potentially dangerous while really only being jaw-droppingly dumb.

Use of the word by blacks exploded with the rise of rap music in recent years, and some black comedians like Chris Rock continue to use it in their routines.

“What, is there a fine? Am I going to get a ticket?” Rock mocked in a Reuters interview when asked about the City Council move. “Do judges say, ’10 years, nigger!”‘

Rock said politicians were trying to divert attention from real problems: “Enough real bad things happen in this city to worry about how I am going to use the word.”

To answer Rock’s question, no, there will not be a fine or a ticket, just a lot of bluster and drivel from politicians and “black leaders.”

Many rap artists and young New Yorkers toss the word around as a term of endearment or as a substitute for black, angering some black leaders who consider those who use it as ignorant of the word’s hate-filled history in slavery and segregation.

“This could be the beginning of a movement,” councilman Albert Vann said.

Certainly! Can book burnings be far behind?

Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

That’s the question being asked… and the title of the show upon which it is being posed. Hosted by Jeff Foxworthy, Fox TV’s new game show allegedly garnered the highest numbers for a premiere in nearly nine years, according to Reuters.

So far, we’re smarter than the fifth graders. (We’re kicking mighty ass on the 1st and 2nd grade questions!)

The Arizona Republic TV writer gave it a good review. He cited some reasons to watch it, then he listed five more. One of the reasons listed was that it was hosted by Jeff Foxworthy, then said, “but, depending on your tastes, that might be a reason not to watch it.” So great is the pressure on journos to heap scorn on standup comics that this poor bastard thought he couldn’t get away with actually saying something nice about one of the most successful, popular and likeable comedians of this or any other era. (Somoene has less spine than a fifth grader!)

The show is fascinating to watch if for no other reason than it is a primetime network television show that portrays children (nay, it shows real children) as intelligent, socially adjusted and attractive. Fox may single-handedly save America.

From the MicroCinema site: “Hitmen, Clowns, Leprechauns, Living Suits, Killer Doughnuts and Angry Street Cleaners can all be seen in Filmmaker Chris Mancini’s MYOPIC VISIONS. With a unique vision of Science Fiction and Comedy, this compilation presents all of Chris’ award winning short films in one place for the first time.

The films have played such prestigious festivals as Slamdance, HBO’s U.S. Comedy Arts, London Sci Fi Film Festival, and many others.”

We mention it here because Mancini started out life as a comic. And we mention it here also because Mancini started his comic life in Philly. His films (all of them, according to Mancini) contain at least one comedian. He’s directed Jay Johnston, Paul F. Tompkins and Andy Kindler among others. Available by clicking on the cover art above left, or at finer retail outlets everywhere.

What’s going on out there?

In an email from FOS Peter Berman:

At the audition you are instructed to enter, go on stage and say your name and where you live. You are then supposed to direct you material at the “talent scouts” Alonzo (Bodden), Kathleen (Madigan), and Ant. I went in and said, “Hi, I am Peter Berman and I live in Los Angeles.” I then said to the “scouts” what I thought might be cute/funny, “”Randy, Paula, Simon…” and then Ant immediately says “Next! I have heard enough.”

I was stunned. He was serious.

I then asked if he was serious and he said yes he was. I then mumbled something to the effect of “Well, you really are playing the part.” A few moments passed and Alonzo said to Ant, “Come on, man.” They were then willing to listen to my two minutes.

I should not have even bothered as it was most definitely over at this point, but I guess the needy comedian in me took over and I tried to proceed. I did my first little joke (that always works in the clubs) and got zip. I should have stopped here, but I didn’t. I do another little bit and then finish. Kathleen says to Ant, “You look exhausted.” He replies “Well, I haven’t changed my mind.” Alonzo then says, “Thanks, Pete.” And that was that.

And this from the MySpace blog of FOS Dan Rosenberg:

I was lucky to have established myself enough to not have wait in line for 24 hours like some people did Monday at the Improv. I know a few people and I had a 12:45 audition spot. I didn’t get to go in until 2pm and I almost had the balls to complain…but when the guy sitting next to me tells me he got there at 5 o’clock YESTERDAY, how can I complain about walking right in and only having to wait an hour and fifteen minutes?

Anyway, as each comic was exiting the room, one common thing came out of their mouth…”That ANT can kiss my ass” or “F*CK ANT!” So I knew ahead of time that Ant was trying his hardest to be the Simon Cowell (or in his case Bowel) of this show. I have been doing this crap long enough to know that A) Reality shows aren’t real, and 2) They are looking for drama…and there aren’t too many queens more dramatic than “Tony” aka ANT.

I was ready…I go in, do my first joke and NOTHING! All three of them (oh, I forgot to mention, the other judges were Alonzo Bodden and Kathleen Madigan, who were also previous contestants on the show) they just stared at me like the sound was off and they had no idea what I was saying…here is the joke and the way the rest of the audition went:

DAN: My idol, Rodney Dangerfield died the day after I
finished reading his book. It made me go on a search…not a soul
search, per se, I want to Barnes and Noble to see if Carrott Top had a
book.

ALONZO, KATHLEEN, ANT stare into space as if I just said something very quietly in an alien language.

DAN: Nothin? Really? You see, if I read HIS book, maybe Carrott Top would die the next day…or lose his props…still nothin?

ANT: Ok, I’ve seen enough, THANK YOU!

DAN: Great. Thanks! (Exit stage left)

We’re beginning to detect a pattern here. Hmmm… We know the producers feel like they need some tension, some conflict, etc., but this makes everybody look bad.

We’re at a loss to explain the hostility. Was not Ant one of the luckiest little insects on the face of the earth when he emerged from Season 2004 with the remnants of a career… as a standup comic… sorta. So where is all this hostility coming from? Why isn’t he one of the jolliest, back-slappingest, most benevolent member of the Family Formicidae to ever touch a microphone? (And, if memory serves us correctly, Ant said the “n-word” on network television! Or he said it just off camera and caught hell from fellow LCS inmate Corey Holcomb. And he lives to tell about it! What a difference 21 months makes! That right there makes him the luckiest comic on the planet right now. Just ask Michael Richards. You know, Kramer.)

We were skeptical of the show’s concept when we first heard about it before the launch of Season 1. Then we relented and covered Season 2 pretty comprehensively. We were appalled at the hose job they dealt Bodden on Season 3. Season 4 was reality television from Hell. We’re fearful of Season 5. Now that Ant has his antennae all twisted, we’re certain the whole season will be a hellish nightmare.

Of course, we’ll be blogging about it. Stay tuned.

When we last heard about Bob Nelson, he was negotiating the purchase of a church. To be more precise, a building to house his congregation. (Nelson, in addition to being a clown– his preferred description– is also a born-again Christian.)

His latest career move takes him to Branson, MO, as a regular performer (Tuesdays through Saturdays, 6 PM, for the foreseeable future, with a brief break to perform on a cruise to Alaska hosted by Gospel recording artist Michael W. Smith) at Justin Flom’s Imaginary Theatre. (We didn’t know what that was, either. So we hopped onto Justin Flom’s website, where we learned that young Flom is a magician and an evangelical one at that.)

Branson is unlike any other place on the planet. (We found ourselves there for a night or two, back in the early 90s, between road gigs. It could be described as a clean-cut Vegas carved out of the Missouri wilderness. The main drag is dotted with steakhouses and theaters and hotels. We saw Willie Nelson at the Jose Cuervo Theater… he was disastrously awful! We assume that Willie and the band were the only ones consuming any Cuervo inside Branson city limits!)

The folks who bring us madras shorts and all kinds of faux Bohemian wear (Shall we call it “Faux-Bo?”) for college dudes and dudettes who wanna spend a fortune but not look like they spent a fortune, are sponsoring a comedy tour. And they’re encouraging a boatload of college-aged faux comics (Shall we call them “Faux-Coms?”) to enter an online contest, the winner of which gets to “perform live at Spring Break with American Eagle!” Gulp! It’s not so much a prize as it is a punishment! There are seasoned comedians who want to slash their wrists (or, at the very least, throttle their agent and drop out of the business) after performing for a Spring Break audience!

Visit the AEComedy website to send your favorite comic to his/her doom!

At a brief stop in Searchlight, CA, on the way from Phoenix to Vegas this morning, The Male Half slipped on a banana peel! (Longtime readers may recall that The Female Half slipped on a banana peel not once but twice, putting her in a very small class of people who can make a similar claim.)

What are the odds, you may ask? (We already did. Way back when TFMHOTS slipped on her second peel, we consulted, via a friend, with a statistician, who opened his speculation thusly:

Given that your friend slipped twice on banana
peels, my first question is, “Does she own monkeys?”

I suspect that banana peel slippage statistics are
pretty hard to come by. You might just check out
emergency room records.

The Male Half has six months to slip on another if he wants to join The Female Half in that statistically miraculous group.

Adam Buckman, writing for the NYPost:

Ellen’s no stiff, however. And last night, she was as charming as ever.

It was her role as host that seemed irrelevant.

The critics today will note she offended nobody. For that alone, she will likely be asked back.

We were in Hollywood in the intense hypestorm that preceded Sunday night’s Oscarcast… and Degeneres was conspicuously absent from the coverage. Amazing considering that it was her first time hosting the event. (Compare this to the runup to Jon Stewart‘s turn last year. Or Chris Rock‘s. Or Whoopie’s.)

Is that Billy Crystal‘s phone we hear ringing? Was Jerry Seinfeld‘s presenting spot an audition? It would make a whole of sense. (If it was an tryout, it was pretty clear that the crowd wasn’t digging him. And he was obviously nervous. How very odd!)

Thousands of diabetics of all ages know them as Captain Glucose and Meterboy, we know them as Bill Kirchenbauer and Brad Slaight, respectively.

The pair are determined to do for diabetes awareness “what Smokey the Bear did for fire awareness.”

Kirchenbauer has Type II, Slaight Type I.

Along with “Commissioner of Diabetes” Alan Thicke, they seek sponsorship from diabetes-related companies for a DVD, live appearances, education materials, etc. If you want to support the cause in the interim, go befriend them on their MySpace site.

The Adolph Handler series, by Emery Emery. Click on ’em all. It gets funnier and funnier. The jaw begins to lock up.

The Female Half of the Staff summed it up nicely. She said, at the midpoint of our evening hanging out at the Comedy & Magic Club in Hermosa Beach last night, that if there is a heaven, and if there is a comedy club in heaven, it would be the C.& M.C.

The Male Half must concur. (Scheduled to do seven minutes, he had a splendid time on- and offstage, sharing the evening’s bill with Owen Smith, Jon McDonnell, Joe Starr, Derek Hughes and Ralph Harris.)

Also in the house were Emery Emery, Tommy James (The Big Move), Jimmy Burns, Maryellen Hooper, Helen Keaney and Joanie Fagan (The 3 Blonde Moms, who were performing at the Lounge in the adjacent space).

The deluxe treatment of comics begins when one calls to confirm one’s spot– “Okay, it’s an 8 o’clock show, and we have a spot for you on the roof.” And, dontcha know, they’re not kidding… we arrive in the alley behind the club, there’s a man on the roof, with a clipboard with your name on it… and a parking space… on the roof. We’re of the opinion that they should hire one more person– one whose sole duty is to pinch people lest they think they are dreaming.

…picked up by William Morris 24 hours later.

Or so goes the word on the street.

The story goes that Rogan (as the entire comedy world knows by now) confronted Carlos Mencia onstage at the Store, the video of which ended up on YouTube. His representatives at Gersh (who also rep Mr. Mencia) dropped Mr. Rogan.

Mr. Rogan was immediately signed by William Morris.

If it ain’t true, it’s a great story.

There’s L.C.S. auditions here on Monday, so the L.C.S. rumors are flying. A reader wrote to us and (requesting anonymity) said that the word on the street is that there ain’t gonna be a house this year. That’s right, no house. No “Let’s throw them all into a fake/reality situation and watch the sparks fly!” We’re hearing that it will be less Big Brother and more American Idol.

This will make it less of a Reality Show and, ironically, more realistic!

Should be interesting. (And, of course, we’ll be providing rumors/items of interest and, eventually, real time pissing and moaning!)

We had late lunch/early dinner with FOS Steve Ochs (AKA Steve O, who, you’ll recall, is a former SHECKYmagazine columnist– “Ask Steeves”) and his lovely wife FOS Julie. They took time out from their busy enterprise, Hero Product Placement, to have a leisurely meal with us at a vegetarian/Mexican joint in Burbank.

Earlier, we cruised by our old apartment in Burbank and marvelled at all the new construction in the formerly moribund (but still charming) old Burbank neighborhood.

We determined that we would visit the Synergy Cafe “Pro-pen Mike,” hosted by FOS Dan Rosenberg later on, in the early part of the evening. From our perch in Pasadena, we plunged south on the 110 and, nine minutes later, we were exiting into Culver City. Who says it’s hard to get around Los Angeles? (Traffic pussies from New York City, no doubt!)

Synergy/Rosenberg’s pro-am show is typical of many in the L.A. area– two dozen or so comics go up, in front of two dozen or so comics, in a room in the back of a coffee shop or a laundromat or a Mexican restaurant. (We poked our head in the room once or twice. It’s a tough situation; not an easy way to start! We recalled just how fortunate we were to have started standup in a time and a place that afforded us the luxury of fat crowds and generally favorable conditions for an aspiring comic. Such is the bitch of starting out in a fiercely competitive market like L.A. or N.Y.C. Don’t we have this all upside down? Aren’t veterans supposed to moan about how tough they had it way back when?) Rosenberg, being the author of “How Not To Suck As An Emcee,” runs a tight ship and offers a structured show and support to the participants.

After a quick stop at ASAP California Pizza Kitchen (the Thai Chicken Pizza is, as always, wicked good), we headed to Hollywood to hang at the Improv. We were misled– we had the mistaken notion that Montreal was holding auditions this night, but it was instead Pretty Funny Women and a show produced by CollegeHumor.com stacked with heavyweights like Louis CK, Dave Attell, Mike Birbiglia and Joe Rogan.

We immediately spotted (or were we spotted by?) our Montreal Festival Buddy Jenny McKenna (whom we still refer to as Jenevieve Santoriello), who was hanging with comics Ritchie Angeles and Pat Mellon.

We took a table in the corner and were alternately graced by the presence of Todd Glass, Ric/Rick Overton and Louis Katz among others. (Mr. Katz expressed his gratitude for SHECKYmagazine.com– It was our humble publication that enabled him to gut through his temp jobs in the early years and eventually become a real, pro comedian. Perhaps the nicest compliment we could receive!)

The forecast for today is rain. That means that we should probably leave ourselves four or five hours to get from Pasadena to Hermosa Beach tonight. If there is one group of motorists who are more tentative, more dangerous and more moronic than Atlantans after an ice storm, it is Los Angelenos after/during a rain storm. (We witnessed the abovementioned Atlanta metro area after an ice storm and it closely resembled those old demolition derbies from Islip that ABC’s Wide World Of Sports usta broadcast. Los Angelenos are a deadly combo of Traffic Pussies and Weather Pussies!)